The Dark Parade

[Music]

Bo: Hello everyone. It is I, your pal Bo. And uh it's time yet again uh to add to our list to rank another ten films.

Bo: Um...

Bo: It has been uh a little while in the the time since we last did this. Uh school has ended. Give me a little more time to focus.

Bo: And that's alright. That feels good. Um but uh yeah, so doing more stuff, more more more stuff coming out on uh

Bo: the old feed here for uh for the dark parade. Uh big shout out.

Bo: to uh our our heroic leader.

Bo: um for taking care of some business with the website and making sure that the feeds were still up and everything. So uh we are uh in great hands and that's that's

Bo: Um, okay, so let's get to uh our business. I'm gonna try to make this uh a little shorter than it was last time.

Bo: Um'cause that did seem uh you know a little

Bo: Right. Uh that took a couple hours. Hopefully this will not take as long. I, you know, as always, uh I go into this.

Bo: with no preconceptions. I really have not thought about it, uh what the list is gonna look like up until now.

Bo: Um so yeah, so it i in that way, uh it's very fun.

Bo: uh to to approach these movies as if like, hey, this is we're just we're just going after it, man. Uh whatever happens, happens. Uh so here we are. Let's do it. Um

Bo: Okay, okay. Um let's start with uh our first film available on Shudder. Uh There we go.

Bo: Um the stone tape.

Bo: Uh the first thing on the list. Oh, you know what I didn't do? Is let's before we get into that, uh here's the list. Uh just to catch us all up, right? Uh number one, the haunting from uh nineteen sixty three.

Bo: Uh Stone Cold Classic, terrific movie.

Bo: Um The omen behind that, the innkeepers, near dark, late night with the devil uh rounding out the top five, uh b the bottom three, uh Lost Voyage.

Bo: Uh not a very good movie, Gods of the Deep, uh even worse, and Unknown Visitor somehow worse than that.

Bo: Uh the question is, do we get a new number one? Do we get a new number thirty? Uh we will have number thirty by the end of this, so uh anyway, back to uh our business at hand.

Bo: Uh the stone tape. Uh like I said it's available on Shutter, uh a BBC product.

Bo: Uh very much a um i man, it is BBC to its core, and I mean that in the best possible way. Uh it is a very cozy kind of ghost.

Bo: Uh even though it's got a little bit of bite.

Bo: Uh it's a little bit nasty, but the the long and short of it, if you have never seen the Stone Tale.

Bo: Uh, is that uh it's a a a company that's trying to find a new method of recording data.

Bo: Because they're like, uh, this analog tape it's just it's limited, it's never gonna work. Uh the Japanese are gonna eat her lunch, lot of lot of thinly veiled racism going on.

Bo: uh about how like Hirohito is coming for our storage and and whatnot. It's it's that part of it not great, uh admittedly, in uh in in the year of our Lord twenty twenty four. A little bit unfortunate.

Bo: Um but that said.

Bo: Um there is a lot of good. Uh it it a as they're pursuing this research, they're they're doing it in this kind of remote estate.

Bo: And there is a room in the estate that seems to be kind of haunted. And in fact, one of the researchers very early on is like, hey, I totally clocked a ghost.

Bo: In this room.

Bo: And it we are th this is no good.

Bo: Um, we are in in real bad shape. We I I need to get out of here. And they're like, No, no, no, no, no.

Bo: Uh it you it's probably your imagination. But it doesn't take long, to the movie's credit, it doesn't take long for them to get around to the idea that, oh, this really is haunted, and not only is it haunted, there's like a real potential here.

Bo: for research and to kind of learn uh w like what what is going on with uh said haunting.

Bo: And uh yeah, so that part of it's really interesting. Like they they they take the idea of the haunting and they're like, well, how can we use this to our advantage?

Bo: uh in some ways and also how can we kind of learn about it and and they decide ultimately well these are just events that are recorded to the stone itself And and you know, they however, and that's what we've got to figure out, because if we can harness this, then we can, you know

Bo: Uh we can use this uh for all kinds of applications and we'll lead the industry in in storage of data and and so forth. Uh we'll change the world.

Bo: But in the process, you know, uh the the they mis uh misapprehend, they underestimate what is going on, and one of the uh one of the the the full uh the young woman involved is like you know, the thing that would be horrible here is if

Bo: the ghost were conscious. And they're like, nah, no, no, no, this is just recorded death.

Bo: Uh, but ultimately there is an answer to that question, which is a pretty nasty one, as you would imagine. And uh I won't spoil it more for you, but it's a it it's a really good, efficient ghost story, you know? Um

Bo: It it it it's a fun watch. It

Bo: you know, definitely very seventies, which is both charming and also you should know what to expect. Like the effects are non existent when they are around

Bo: It's not great, you know. Um but it's fine, it's fine in in the service of the story.

Bo: Um but yeah, I really I I really like

Bo: Um I think the stone tape is is very good. The performances overall are pretty good. It feels like you're watching a stage play uh oftentimes, but it's good.

Bo: Um and and it has got like I said, kind of a nasty ending. It it's got it's got some teeth to

Bo: Uh not as good as say like a ghost watch, which is not on our list. Uh that is not where we will start.

Bo: But it is uh uh you know, in that in that vein. You know, Ghostwatch has a little bit more uh English on the ball. Uh but this uh stone tape is i is pretty good. If you haven't seen it, like I said, it's on

Bo: It's on shutter. Uh but now uh w we come to the the hard part. We gotta we gotta put this in some kind of order. And um so let's

Bo: Let's get to it. I'm gonna take one second here. Just make sure that I'm Oh hey, there's Joseph. Um catching up to the chat here. Um

Bo: Also reiterating that he enjoys the old school BBC stuff. Of course. How do you not? How do you not? The old school BBC stuff is really good.

Bo: Uh there's a lot I haven't seen um from that ilk, and there there's a couple uh what is the whistling one with John Hurt? That I need to I need to watch that one. Um at any rate.

Bo: Um so where does it fall on the list? Let's let's look at this. Is it

Bo: It's I uh so I think it's better than than a house. Certainly better than an Amityville 2. Um Is it it's hmm wow, we may have landed on this fast.

Bo: It it I think it's better than house. It's a little more coherent and it's a little more interesting and a little more fully formed in its themed themes and a and

Bo: ideas not to get highfalutin about it, but we're doing science here, people, and so this is the science. Um so it's a little bit better than House in that regard. Is it is it better than Xcross?

Bo: X Cross is a little bit messier, that's sh that's for sure. It's it's pretty outrageous. Um it never ceases to entertain. It's probably

Bo: Hmm. All right. Is is it better than X Cross?

Bo: I think it packs a little bit more of a punch. Yeah, okay, so yes, yes. I think the third act is good enough. Uh, that it's a little bit better than X Cross. I

Bo: I no, I don't think it's as good as late night with the devil. And and I mean not just think, I'm saying scientifically speaking.

Bo: it i it is not as good as late night with the the devil. So um okay, okay. So let's do uh the stone tape right here.

Bo: And let's just take a peek at it, make sure that all this looks on the up and up. Um

Bo: Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

Bo: Uh right, right, also uh w well spoken. It's uh uh is it Nigel Neal? Is that right? Um at any rate.

Bo: And thanks for the happy end of the school year. I appreciate it. Um all right, keeping with uh or actually sort of uh introducing um our next big theme uh for this episode.

Bo: Uh we're we're gonna be talking about some some creepy crawlies. Uh and so we're gonna start with Bug.

Bo: Uh the William Friedkin film, which uh just dropped if if you listen to the episode. Uh Heart of Horror just dropped with Kate Bollock and I talking about the movie Bug along with uh various other things. Um

Bo: And and Bug is a really interesting movie. It is, you know, certainly psychological horror, you can make the argument. Uh that's not horror, but if not that, then what, I would argue.

Bo: Um, it's kind of psychosexual horror if you ask me. Um, very Cronenbergian, one might say. But all right, so if you if you didn't listen to the Heart of Horror episode, um

Bo: Uh th so it the the whole deal is that the like Ashley Judd is way down our like she's a mother, they've lost a child, her ex husband is Harry Connick Jr. who shows up to

Bo: man, really try to go toe to toe with some good actors and maybe doesn't always uh make it. But um uh while Ashley Judd is living kind of in this

Bo: motel uh doing waitressing work and calling FBI agents about have you seen my child? Where do you think my child is? And they're like, look man, we just don't

Bo: There are no leads. We're working on it. We're doing what we can, but there's just there's nothing.

Bo: Uh, which is really heartbreaking. It's a heartbreaking idea, and Ashley Judd is just defeated as a person, and into her life, unfortunately, walks Michael Shannon, who is just

Bo: Yeah like a psychotic. He's he's uh schizophrenic.

Bo: Um or he's bipolar or something. I don't know that we ever get the exact diagnosis, but he's on medication. He's just off it in this movie. And um it's it's just a descent in a madness.

Bo: You know, it's it's Michael Shannon. Uh we talk about it on the show, the the idea of like Faliadu, this idea that there's this shared delusion between Michael Shannon and and Ashley Judd in the film.

Bo: of these bugs that live under the skin, but maybe uh in fact it's, you know, we are the bugs and the bugs are our children and you know, people are getting murdered and the whole place is just papered with aluminum foil by the end of things and

Bo: Uh you know, I talked about it on the show, but one of my favorite things in the world uh is the the bit in this movie where the helicopters are going overhead and they're just thunderous and the camera's shaking inside the motel room and like

Bo: The things are just rattling on the walls and you cut outside the motel and just this distance like before.

Bo: You know, this very mild, innocuous sound of a helicopter in the distance. And I r I really adore that uh that that

Bo: You know, Freakin's great at at uh uh directing, I was gonna say. That's a real stupid thing to say. No, he's great at capturing Fre go a hot take Ransel over here. Um you know, William Freakin, pretty good director. Billy Freekin, we call him.

Bo: Uh, fantastic uh director, except when he wasn't. Um uh but anyway. Um But yeah, he's great at kind of showing uh their their perception just being so skewed by their their shared insanity and so forth and it's uh

Bo: Oh, it's just the best. And apologies for the uh for the dog barking, but they're you know, what you gonna do?

Bo: Uh, I'm sure that somebody's mowing their yard three houses down. Um, and we've gotta defend our property. Um

Bo: So uh so that is kind of the premise of Bug. Um it another movie that just ends terribly, as you would imagine.

Bo: Like this does not go well for anyone. Um but yeah, it it it's a terrific movie. It's a terrific movie. Um all right, so again, let's let's not screw around here.

Bo: Let's get to the list. Um and let's talk about where does Bug live on this list? Uh

Bo: We're geez dogs. Um Okay, certainly all right, look, we're we're talking upper definitely better than X Cross.

Bo: Um definitely better than the Stone Tape. Definitely better than Late Night with the Devil. The Deville.

Bo: Is it better than near dark? I mean, uh, you know, we've talked about this before. The big problem uh barking dogs don't bite indeed. Um Uh okay.

Bo: Near Dark, the the problem we've talked about before with Near Dark is that the leads are not great.

Bo: The side characters are way more interesting. It's stylish as hell. Uh, but so is Bug. Bug's got a a ton of style. It's it's different, and it's grimmer, and it's more industrial and all that, but it's got style.

Bo: Um, okay.

Bo: Um

Bo: Pause this one second. Alright. I'm gonna try to bring bring them in here and see how that goes. So again, apologies for the interruptions. Uh alright, where were we? Near dark. Is it better or worse than near dark?

Bo: Um

Bo: Uh it's gotta be the neighbor dog. Again, apologies. Uh let me just shut this door. Give me two seconds.

Bo: Okay. I just shut the door. Sorry again about all that, folks. Uh all right. Near dark. Back uh back again with the near dark stuff.

Bo: Um Josephari chiming in saying that he thinks it is I agree.

Bo: Is it better than the innkeepers?

Bo: Is it better than the Endkeepers? The Innkeepers is a real good goddamn ghost story. Um I think it is b better than the innkeepers.

Bo: But that's where this train's gonna stop. We are not we are not better than the omen.

Bo: Um

Bo: Alright. Alright. Bug landing that's way higher than I expected bug to go, but I I feel like that's right. I feel like that's right.

Bo: Um okay.

Bo: Uh next on the list. Uh ruthless. Ruthless efficiency today. Next on the list. Abigail.

Bo: Okay. Abigail, if you haven't seen it yet, recent release. A couple of these are are fairly recent releases you'll find. Um

Bo: Abigail is uh the story. If you've seen a trailer at all, I'm gonna slightly spoil a thing, but it's kind of the hook of the movie.

Bo: Um and it and it's all over the press. It's all over the you know, fucking poster for that matter. Um

[Silence]

Bo: Okay. Um It is uh a bunch of people kidnapping a young girl.

Bo: To uh, you know, extort money out of some unknown party. Like they don't know who these parties are. They are hired to do a job. They kidnap this young girl, take her back to a house.

Bo: And then realize that what they have done is they have kidnapped a vampire.

Bo: That's the setup. That is the whole movie, in fact. Acts one, two, three, right there.

Bo: Um a loose remake of Dracula's daughter, says Lee Russell. Um and also says that it was hella fun. And I will concur.

Bo: Uh, this movie is crazy fun. Um and all right, so here are the things that are great about.

Bo: Huh. First of all, it gets right to it. Like you start with, hey, we are in the middle of this kid.

Bo: uh very lethal weapon to kind of opening. If you recall the lethal weapon to opening, it is

Bo: just, you know, hammering on the ceiling in Medias Res of a police chase. And it's that kind of Uh not not quite that caliber of of kinetic energy at the opening of this.

Bo: But it really is like, hey, we are moving. We will we'll get to introductions in a minute, but all you need to know is they are here to kidnap this girl, they kidnap the girl, and then we'll introduce people later.

Bo: And they do it in a really clever way because essentially this is a one-setting kind of movie. It's just once they are in this house, they're in this.

Bo: And uh

Bo: To keep that fresh and to keep that interesting, you have to like the characters and as well as be inventive with how you're using that space. And you do. Like th this does an aliens caliber good job.

Bo: of very quickly letting you know who everyone is and and letting you know why you should care about them or why you should think they're a piece of shit and that whatever comes to them is not good enough and

Bo: uh uh all of that. Um one of the characters, kind of the the big ringleader of this team, is played by Dan Stevens, who is just

Bo: doing a heroic job. Like, man, that guy is a terrific character actor. Um and and Lee points out like throwing a little bit of usual suspects. And that's kind of what I was getting at with these characters. They're they're all a little

Bo: A little bit CD, but some are kinda likable and CD and some are just kind of shit heels and

Bo: Uh and that's great. It makes for uh uh good interactions.

Bo: Um and and they're, you know, for being a very brief movie, it's not a su uh a super long film. Um and and it's got a a a stat cast uh that really propels everything forward. It's a quick watch.

Bo: Uh it gets bloody, it's it's it does fun stuff with the idea of vampirism and

Bo: Um, you know, it's not just lazy trope after lazy trope. It it it kind of

Bo: not necessarily blazes new territory, but but certainly tweaks things and uses things the way that it wants. Um and it's got a a real uh

Bo: you know, satisfying conclusion. Um, you the the real complaints are that it it it's not aiming super high, like it's not a heady film, you know? Like there is some stuff about family and and

Bo: sacrifice and all of those things and and being able to uh uh mend fences with parents and children and there's some thematic stuff going on but it's

Bo: superficial stuff. It like this is not

Bo: uh you know, the the kind of movie you're gonna write a thesis about unless you're just talking about like really rad vampire movies. If that were your thesis then yeah. Um

Bo: Yeah, the the uh you know great uh great vampire deaths as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's super good. Uh b Abigail is a lot of fun. It's a great popcorn movie, it's a good uh like

Bo: Weirdly, kind of a four-quadrant sort of film. The villains are obvious, but that's fine. And uh anyway, it's it's it's really good. So where where does it fall on?

Bo: Um okay. Let's get it. Uh Abigail. Um I think we you know we can certainly say it's better than house.

Bo: Uh it is y it is more consistently satisfying than X cross.

Bo: Uh it the production value alone would put it ahead of the stone tape.

Bo: uh more satisfying conclusion than late night with the devil, although, you know, similar kinds of fun to be had, certain kind kinds of uh uh uh

Bo: Ironic tone at times. Um

Bo: All right, once again, here we are. Is is Abigail better than near dark? Vampire V vampire.

Bo: Uh and and once more, this kind of comes down to character.

Bo: Uh I I think that

Bo: Uh the characters in Abigail are better overall than the characters in Near Dark. It doesn't have nearly the style and it doesn't have the soundtrack.

Bo: But if you ask me which movie uh I would recommend to someone, especially someone who maybe was not steeped in horror and was willing to forgive you know, the sins of a movie like Near Dark, uh, which almost feels like an art piece as opposed to a really

Bo: Great narrative. Um it's very good. I mean, again, it's top five uh at present, but I, you know, I I think that Abigail, when we look at the science.

Bo: Just speaking purely scientifically, uh Abigail is a better movie than uh Near Dark. Um it is not, however, better than the end.

Bo: Let's not be foolish. Let's not be crazy.

Bo: Um the innkeepers is playing in some of those headier territories.

Bo: And is playing with mood is similar in a lot of ways, you know, that single location kind of film. But the Innkeepers, where uh Abigail is fun and sloppy and silly, the Innkeepers is elegant.

Bo: and cold and somehow more horrifying for all of that. Uh so let's do uh is that the nope nope nope that is not That Uh all right.

Bo: Abigail

Bo: Now a top five horror film. And honestly, I don't I don't feel bad about that. I don't feel bad about that at all. Um I think that is uh is not a bad way to live.

Bo: Uh especially on this list that is only uh twenty-three films long at present. That that is a perfectly fine uh top five film.

Bo: Uh all right. Let's do it. Let's talk about it. Immaculate uh near a creepy nor a crawly to be had in this one. We'll get to that uh here in just a minute.

Bo: Instead, what you've got is a Sydney Sweeney. Uh and what is Kind of Rosemary's baby in a convent, kind of.

Bo: Sort of. Uh so Sidney Sweeney is uh an American who travels to this uh nunnery, uh, which is fun to say. You know, uh I like Hamlet.

Bo: And so uh Sydney Sweeney gets thee to a nunnery.

Bo: And there uh she uh is is is met with some strange characters folks.

Bo: uh some sisters who seem a little uh a little off putting, a little brusque, a little rude, uh a little a little skeptical of her dedication in being uh at this storied nunnery.

Bo: Uh but she does uh meet a friend as well who's a little more like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, these bitches be crazy. I'm your pal. I'm the one you can you can turn to. And so Sydney Sweeney, uh it turns out comes up pregnant.

Bo: And she's never had sex before, like she's taken her vow, she's an honest to goodness nun. Um And uh and and that is the mystery at the heart of this film, uh, in which she tries to determine uh the source.

Bo: of this uh pregnancy because she knows better than anyone that she did not have any of the sex.

Bo: Uh but they're you know, she is being treated uh because they have kind of proven like, oh yeah, she's still a virgin.

Bo: Um and so therefore uh this must be an immaculate conception. We mu we might very well in fact be dealing uh with the the new son of God.

Bo: Um but of course things are not all that they seem because it's a horror movie called Immaculate and if you look at the lettering.

Bo: Like that there. It's uh it's all in red, and that can't be good. Uh so yeah, bad things happen. Uh so uh Joseph pointed out. He says uh he've heard he've he's heard that this is kind of nuts.

Bo: I am not terribly familiar with Sydney Sweeney. The first time I think I've ever seen her in.

Bo: was when uh she hosted Saturday night.

Bo: And I thought Um she seems like she's having fun and she's of course very pretty.

Bo: Uh but I know her like she wasn't great on SNL. Um so I went into this uh again, fairly neutral on the Sydney Sweeney thing. Um I don't think she's

Bo: I don't I don't know that she's right for this part. It's not that I think she's a bad actress, and in fact She she swings for it, and there are some scenes in this movie where she fucking gets there.

Bo: And and so I like I'm of two minds about her performance in this movie because in the like day-to-day the calmer stuff almost where she's just talking, maybe, maybe Sydney Sweetie is the Nicolas Cage of young actresses.

Bo: Where when she's being nuts, I'm totally into what she's doing and I believe her as a performer. But when she's just talking to regular people, th I don't buy it as much.

Bo: And so maybe maybe she's too good for this kind of, you know, uh dialogue.

Bo: Um yeah, and Lee says that m Madam Webb uh didn't end her career, so that's something. Um Yeah, and so this is all

Bo: to say that I think that there's a real mixed bag with the performance and also the tone just is all over the place. Like this is a real mess of a movie at times.

Bo: Um it it's a little bit Suspiria. It's a little bit Rosemary's baby.

Bo: It I mean, there's just a lot of moving parts and a lot of things that it's drawing from and and

Bo: uh certainly d you know, tipping its hat to to be charitable, ripping off if I'm want to be uncharitable about it, but you know, that's just art, right? Like you're stealing the stuff that

Bo: And uh and and so I don't really fault the film for that. And it does go to some crazy places, but there are also times where I think it it it takes too long to get to those places. Um and it It's not great.

Bo: But it's a movie that like if you were just asking me, should I see Immaculate, that'd be like

Bo: You there are things that you need to see in Immaculate. There are things to be seen. Um and and the last sixty seconds of the movie is just like man I wish all of the movie were this like stretched out more uh but it's but there there's

Bo: It's problematic. It's not a great movie, but it there there are things about it. It is not totally without many.

Bo: Um and and I think Sydney Sweeney as a performer is also not totally without merit. Uh I I just I need to see her in the right thing. I don't think this is the right role. I need her to be even crazier.

Bo: You know, like her going for it is the right speed for her. Um so at any rate, let's let's get to some good old fashioned ranking here. Um where does Immaculate land?

Bo: uh on the list. Where where does this thing show up? Um

Bo: Okay, uh I think we can start a little further down here. Better or worse than the exorcist believer.

Bo: It is It is better than the Exorcist Believer.

Bo: Is it better or worse than Terrornet? Oh, it is definitely better than TerrorNet.

Bo: Uh better or worse than the cleansing hour. The cleansing hour I think might be more It might be more uniformly okay.

Bo: You know, like like the the cleansing hour doesn't have a lot of dizzying highs, but it doesn't have a lot of lows. It's a real mid-tier kind of horror movie.

Bo: Immaculate definitely has some lows, but it has some highs. And I think the highs inch it over the cleansing hour. Um what about we're still here?

Bo: We are still here has great ghosts.

Bo: Also very derivative. Also a little dull.

Bo: What would I rather watch? I would I would probably I think that the places Immaculate goes

Bo: Make it better than we are still here. And

Bo: Uh I I uh yes. Okay, okay, I'm okay with that. Sweet Home though. I w we've talked about how Sweet Home is kind of a niche film. This whole business about it inspiring.

Bo: uh uh uh Resident Evil, uh the game uh for Sweet Home, inspiring Resident Evil and all that. But the the fact of the matter is Sweet Home is more consistently in

Bo: Uh and certainly Immaculate is no Amityville 2 to possession. It like there are things that you should see in Immaculate. There are things you can't unsee in Amityville 2.

Bo: Uh so I think what we're talking about here is

Bo: Is uh new number thirteen being immaculate. Um all right. All right.

Bo: Um now let's get to the business of

Bo: uh the creepies and the crawlies. We're gonna we're gonna do a stretch of these intermittently. There's gonna be some stuff in the middle, but uh intermittently. Okay. Um

Bo: Infested. Uh a a a movie on the shutter. It is a French film.

Bo: Um the the whole idea is that uh there's this uh spider that ends up uh being trafficked

Bo: into um uh you know uh where's this uh Paris, I guess. And um

Bo: Yeah, they get loose in an apartment building. Uh it's just one at first, but then of course it kind of mutates and then more spiders uh are are set loose. Um

Bo: It's uh it like and that that's kind of it. You got a bunch of characters in an apartment building. We're gonna talk about another movie in a little bit that's very similar to this.

Bo: And despite the fact that one is in French and one is in English, uh I am trying to keep the the two films distinct in my head. Um The um uh Joseph saying reminded you of of Rex.

Bo: Um I can see that. All right. Yeah, I'm with ya. Uh Yes, it it it's a little bit wrecked.

Bo: Um a little bit of arachnophobia, obviously.

Bo: Um and the the thing that I like about the movie is that it it does a great job of establishing characters and You know, the main character, it he's kind of the reason that all of this goes down in a way that's not

Bo: like very heroic. So he does have a nice redemption arc through this story. Um and there's some pretty

Bo: Uh some pretty gnarly stuff with the spiders like coming out of people and whatnot. Uh that stuff is pretty good.

Bo: Um at the end of the day, I would argue it is it is it is just fine.

Bo: Uh, I would not say it is super memorable. It is a movie that I will remember that I have seen. But um

Bo: Yeah, all right, so Lee's pointing out spiders aren't overly big. I do like that. The hallway scene's very, very good. Um but overall I feel like it doesn't It doesn't really uh uh uh

Bo: separate itself from uh these kinds of movies. And like I said, we're gonna I I think that in talking about this it falls short of one that we're gonna talk about in a little bit. Um So I'm a little cooler on it because of that.

Bo: But I do think it's uh like again.

Bo: If you ask me as a human being, as a person

Bo: Roaming the planet Earth. Should I watch the movie Infested? Absolutely. Especially if you uh don't care for spiders. It's got some good creepy moments that totally work. You should absolutely watch Infested.

Bo: Now, when it comes to ranking it on a list of the greatest horror films of all time, which is the business we are up to here.

Bo: Um where does it fall on such a list? Okay, let's look. Uh all right, let's start with our pal Exorcist Believer.

Bo: Definitely better than that. Better than Terranet.

Bo: Better than the cleansing hour. Ooh, have we stalled that quickly? Is it better than we are still here?

Bo: I f I don't think it is. I think th the ghosts alone are more striking.

Bo: in we are still here then yeah I I think that is where I think that's where we we stall.

Bo: I think infested I i is totally good.

Bo: not gonna not gonna creep up too much higher on the list. But um, you know, if the cleansing hour is kind of our our baseline in a lot of ways of this is perfectly acceptable horror entertainment.

Bo: Which i is sort of how it's turning out. Um it is definitely better than that. Definitely better than that.

Bo: Uh alright, alright, good. Let's keep it moving. And and honestly, uh let's let's do it with

Bo: A really bad arachnophobia poster. But let's talk about it. Let's do arachnophobia. Uh after watching Infested.

Bo: Um then I I like you gotta go back to the source, right? Like where is the water? Uh sorry, I've been rewatching Twin Peaks season three and and suddenly went to a You know, here is the water, uh here is the well, drink deep and descend.

Bo: Uh but Arachnophobia is the well from which a lot of other films like

Bo: And and I mean, this wasn't the first Spiny Stretch. Like I think my love of Kingdom of the Spiders, which almost got watched as well, but didn't. Um

Bo: I I like the I love that movie. I and I and for many of the same reasons, I like Arachnophobia. Um it is not a perfect film by any stretch.

Bo: Uh, there are things about it. And and I this also goes into the

Bo: Uh the Abigail kind of thing of like, this isn't a deep movie. This is popcorn horror. This is PG thirteen. Let's g everybody uh can come to the theater and get creeped out by these spiders. That is the point of arachnophobia.

Bo: Um, it does have really good Jeff Daniels.

Bo: Uh who's always great.

Bo: And um a pretty fun opening scene where, you know, the researcher or the the photographer is following Julian Sands, the researcher, you know, R.I.P., Riston Power, Julian Sands.

Bo: Um following him all the way to uh

Bo: you know, h his work basically crop dusting a tree and bottling all the things that come out. And in the process he ends up capturing this

Bo: awful spider that kills you right away and it it it's super smart everyone. This spider is a genius. A genius.

Bo: Uh up there with another spider we'll talk about later, but that one makes a little more sense.

Bo: This is just a super smart spider for no good reason, other than, you know, that's how they grow'em, you know, in South America, I guess. Um okay.

Bo: So Anyway.

Bo: This thing hitches a ride with a corpse back to this little town where Jeff Daniels has moved to become the local town doctor. Trouble is the old man that was gonna retire didn't in a very Joe Biden-esque move.

Bo: uh decides like, nah, nah, nah, I I'm gonna keep all my patience and you moved here for nothing.

Bo: Uh, so Jeff Daniels is like trying to get in with the community, and uh, you know, some people start throwing him some work.

Bo: But one old woman that he checks out, and there's a running gag about like, oh, she's healthy and it really sucks for me, but

Bo: You know, for her age she's in great condition. And then she comes up dead because she gets, you know, bitten by one of the spiders.

Bo: And the old doctor uh starts uh going all jaws about like, well, this guy, you know, the last person to see her alive was this doctor and then she dies within twenty four hours.

Bo: Uh and then sure enough he dies and some other people, you know, it's a killer spider movie. People are getting bitten

Bo: Dead all over the place. And the good thing about a movie like this is it doesn't have to be super bloody and that's why you can get away with the BG thirteen'cause you're just showing'em all like corpsified. Um

Bo: Lee just called it a real cozy horror film, um, which I think is a great way to look at it. It it is a very cozy horror film. You can kinda watch it at just about any age and

Bo: Uh I never like the whole like when they're trying to the two little girls trying to scare each other and they're singing the itsy bitsy spider. I just think that's real stupid. It really takes me out of the movie every time I see it. Um but and and let

Bo: Let's not uh uh bury the lead any longer. One of the all-time great awful closing songs of a movie.

Bo: This Jimmy Buffett don't bug me business is wretched. It is a fucking war crime.

Bo: Um what a terrible, terrible, terrible song. And I'm not bad uh with Jimmy Buffett. I like some Jimmy Buffett.

Bo: Um, but man, that is awful. Uh but yeah, you know, people pointed out John Goodman shows up in this. He's very funny. Um it's a nice mix of like practical spiders, and if you've ever Uh if you've ever seen

Bo: um any of the behind the scenes stuff. They use like hairdryers to guide these spiders that are these like Australian webweavers or something. Like really harmless.

Bo: Uh as well as these tarantulas and whatnot that are of course, you know, mostly harmless to be.

Bo: Um anyway.

Bo: Uh all that stuff is real fun. It's got a good ending. Uh the conclusion in the wine cellar is fun. The final gag of them moving back to the city is also quite fun.

Bo: Um and yeah, so it's all of that stuff is good. It it like it's a very efficient movie. I w I was listening to a podcast about the movie uh Back to the Future 3 recently, and they describe the uh that movie as an entertainment

Bo: And that's what this is too. This is just an entertainment machine.

Bo: Um and it it works on that level. And and as Lee pointed out, um also some creepy stuff happening in uh in that movie. Like um Yeah, the like I still to this day will check my shoes.

Bo: Uh the the ones that I leave in the basement if I'm slipping shoe uh my feet into into shoes without

Bo: any socks on or something. I'm like, Oh, let me check. I don't w I don't want them arachnophobia spiders to be hiding like they did that doctor.

Bo: So uh okay.

Bo: Um where does it fall? Where does arachnophobia fall in the grand scheme of things? Um

Bo: Definitely better than The Cleansing Hour. Like this is a a recommendable film. It's very silly. It's very light, but it does get dark at times and it's got some fun stuff in it.

Bo: Better than Cleansing Hour, better than Infested, let's be honest, despite that Jimmy Buffett song, and that almost makes it uh out of contention entirely for this song.

Bo: But it uh despite that, uh and maybe to the film's credit, it can overcome uh that Jimmy Buffett song to to rise above infested. Um Lee saying that we are still here is is better than arachnophobia.

Bo: Is that the case?

[Silence]

Bo: Unfortunately, the science is not on your side on this one. Here's the problem Lee, scientifically.

Bo: Uh, we are still here uh while it has some really great moments and it and it it like it's Fulci uh uh you know

Bo: inspiration is so on its sleeve. And who doesn't love that? But I'm talking science. I'm not talking about how I feel about a thing. Um there are just stretches of we are still here where I kind of need everyone to get on.

Bo: Uh it it has a better it has a better third act than arachnophobia, but arachnophobia more consistently entertaining than we are still in.

Bo: Um however immaculate greater highs. Again, probably more lows than arachnophobia, but the highs are greater and it is more purely a horror feel.

Bo: um which is uh like distilling the science to uh you know this is ranking of horrors not ranking of uh horror comedy.

Bo: And while arachnophobia has horrific moments, none of them approach what you might uh find in a map.

Bo: Um nor in We Are Still Here to be fair, but but the consistent entertainment that arachnophobia provides, that's that's where the problem uh lies for what So um

Bo: Arachnophobia. Um Your new number 14, uh, we are still here, drops to 15. Um

Bo: Lee, I respect your opinion and in fact we need to uh do a a proper episode soon, but I have to follow the science. Without without the science I am I am Um next up.

Bo: Scientifically speaking, is the movie Vacancy?

Bo: Uh, believe it or not, I had never seen Vacancy until I watched it to do this very list.

Bo: And in fairness, I I would not say that I watched vacant.

Bo: to put it on this list. But I I it was one of those movies of like, hey, this is the right length, i.e. ninety minutes, and I've never seen it. And I kinda like both of these acts.

Bo: So why have I never seen it? And so I watched Vacancy.

Bo: And man, this is the most like two thousands movie that ever 2000.

Bo: It it it has that like, you know, we're about to be hardcore, y'all. But also it's it's kind of a big budget movie with actual stars. So we can't get

Bo: As gnarly as like a hostel or something. And and m one of my complaints with the movie is that

Bo: It it's there's a little too much dicking around. But alright, so what is the premise? Kate Beckinsell, Luke Wilson, um on their way from Kate Beckinsell's mother's birthday.

Bo: Where they did not tell anyone that they are about to get a divorce.

Bo: And uh the divorce is uh fallout from the loss of a child, the death of a child.

Bo: Uh so i is vacancy we hate movies worthy? Probably, yes.

Bo: Uh yeah, I wonder have they done vacancy? Anyway, they should. Vacancy is a good a good

Bo: Uh but well maybe not, because nothing really happens in the movie. That's the problem with the movie.

Bo: Is that once they are stranded, which you know is going to happen as soon as they get lost.

Bo: and an overly helpful garage attendant is like, Hey, I'm wrapping up for the night, but let me look under the hood and yeah, you need to go that way and uh you know, of course, their car stalls a mile away.

Bo: And they're forced to go back to this garage, which has a motel right beside it, and they're forced to get a room for the night because the nearest garage is twenty miles away, and they are already lost by the way.

Bo: So Um into uh this motel that they go and they're kind of arguing one of the problems with the movie is that the first like fifteen twenty minutes of the movie is just Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsell.

Bo: Bitching at each other.

Bo: Just sniping constantly. Always. It just drives me crazy. When a movie can't be bothered to give you a reason to like its character.

Bo: And there is nothing to like about either of them.

Bo: in the upfront. Later on they do so and say some things that make them a little more likable, but by then you're like, dude, I am well on the road of thinking that both of these people just deserve whatever.

Bo: I know they lost a child, but they're shitty people to each other.

Bo: Anyway, while being shitty to each other, Luke Wilson puts on some uh BHS tapes in the room, and uh there they discover snuff films made in the very room where they are are staying.

Bo: Um, and Lee points out that he feels like the movie uh plays it far too safe.

Bo: And that it it feels like one of those updates of a really grimy Seventies classic, like like a a last house on the left update that's even tamer than the last house on the left update.

Bo: Um and that's kind of what it feels like. But there's also just a lot of dicking around with

Bo: You know, how do they get in? Oh there are these tunnels, let's go around in these tunnels and have a conversation. You know, let's go to this other place through the tunnels. It's just a lot of going from here to there to there to here.

Bo: And nothing else really happening. Occasionally somebody shows up and they get killed, blah blah blah.

Bo: There is a moment in the movie where you're like, ugh I think there you know, I don't necessarily agree that this is like an earned turn for the film to take, but it's at least ballsy.

Bo: And as soon as they do that, they very quickly undo it.

Bo: And Um

Bo: Oh yeah, yeah, sorry I missed vacancy. Sorry, I was reading the chat somebody saying like, Hey man, I don't wouldn't call myself a horror fan, but even I've seen Vacancy. To which I would say exactly my point. Horror fans

Bo: Uh were we're like, uh they could sniff this one coming a mile away uh this whole vacancy business. Um

Bo: But yeah, so it it undoes the one thing that feels like a ballsy kind of move. It's not like Frank Whaley is sort of the main villain, and he's kind of fun, but

Bo: Um alright. Let's uh let's rank this guy. Uh vacancy. Where does it fall?

Bo: It is not as good as the cleansing hour. I would I would rather foist the cleansing hour upon someone else.

Bo: Uh enjoy Deep Red, by the way. Deep Red's amazing. Profundo Rossi. Uh it's fun to say like that. Um Is vacancy better than TerrorNet? Oof.

Bo: It might be. Terranet is kinda crappy, but it has some interesting ideas. On the other hand,

Bo: The Exorcist Believer doesn't even have that going for it. Alright, yeah. So it's i again, that quick. Ruthless efficiency today, people. Uh vacancy. Your new number eighteen.

Bo: Alright, three to go. Let's do this.

Bo: Let's get truly stupid and talk about underpaired.

Bo: Uh Under Paris a new film on Netflix speaking of French movies in which infestations happen.

Bo: Um this is a movie that is is truly mind boggling in a lot of ways.

Bo: Uh it is directed by uh Xavier Jeanne, uh who did the movie Frontiers back in the day, you know, one of those uh French new wave kind of films.

Bo: Um and since then has not done a lot that's been all that important.

Bo: So I'm gonna say if this isn't his best movie, it's his second best movie.

Bo: Um, which is not to say that it's good. It'cause Frontiers is a real mess of a movie too, and that's the best he ever did. I just think it's kind of an interesting mess.

Bo: On the other hand, under Paris is a little more structured and way sillier. And like If like Shark NATO G E D.

Bo: And try to clean up its act a little bit. That's kind of where Under Paris lives.

Bo: Uh um I'm sorry, I just like the idea of Sharknado attending classes in a community college at night.

Bo: I I'm re I'm really I need to get this algebra credit. Uh so anyway, under Paris, uh it starts off strong.

Bo: where uh a research team that is shooting uh some underwater footage um around the uh that that you know continent, that small continent of garbage and trash and shit collected in in the ocean.

Bo: Um and they're like tagging a shark, uh but and and looking for how you know this all this pollution and

Bo: plastic and shit is affecting the ecosystem. And apparently for one shark, it made it blow the fuck up into a giant shark. Uh that is also super smart somehow.

Bo: And carries a grudge and knows people and things like that.

Bo: Uh, and it just starts eating people, uh, right and left right at the beginning of the movie.

Bo: Um and it's a pretty good opening and r the one thing you know right away is there's gonna be some CGI that is gonna be questionable in

Bo: Some of it's pretty good, some of it not so much. Um, and it's gonna be deeply stupid.

Bo: And both of those things are true throughout the film.

Bo: Whoa, what I will say is that it is uh y it totally more D blue C. One of the things uh when I w put this on letterbox is that it's way more D blue C than Jaw.

Bo: But also has a bigger scope than Deep Blue Sea. And I think is a better movie. At the end of the day, like remove the Sam Jackson getting eaten bit.

Bo: I pound for pound, under Paris, a better movie than Deep Blue Sea.

Bo: I think it's not a good thing.

Bo: Uh well you know, the science will have to be done one day.

Bo: But right now I can tell you that under Paris.

Bo: um is very silly. It's very stupid. The politics of it are very confusing because at first I was like, oh, it's gonna have this really strong environmental message.

Bo: And then there's a very strong pro-police message. And I was like, well, that seems strange within the context of the movie, but you know, maybe French politics is just a different kind of thing.

Bo: But then it's like really anti local government.

Bo: And some anti-police, and definitely anti-military, and maybe anti-sports, and also maybe anti-environmentalists.

Bo: And I'm like, I at a certain point I gave up and I was like, I don't think this movie is trying to say anything at all other than pollution bad. I think that's as good as you're gonna get from it.

Bo: Uh but the pollution bad message is made in a way that I found deeply satisfying. And there's a moment where I thought, boy, this movie is gonna fuck up and not do the thing that I want it to do.

Bo: And then mostly does. Um the yeah, the m the movie does kind of hate everyone. It's definitely nihilistic. I will i that I can say with certain.

Bo: But uh with that in mind, where does it fall on the list?

Bo: Um hmm. It's uh it's predictable. I mean when it really goes for it, when it really gets bloody and crazy, which it does, I think.

Bo: You know in a really like piranha 3D kind of way.

Bo: Not the three D, but the Piranha three D. Maybe not quite as bloody as that, but in the ballpark of We're playing in the in that sandbox.

Bo: Uh that said, it do I mean it's it's it's not a great movie.

Bo: It's better than the cleansing app.

Bo: It's more fun than infested. It gets it gets bonkers in a way that Infested does not. Mo. I mean, boy, we keep running up against we are still here.

Bo: Which ha again has become a strange benchmark on our list of not only is it better than entertaining, there's some really memorable stuff.

Bo: Uh and is there memorable stuff in Under Paris? Absolutely. Um We Are Still Here might be better than

Bo: Am I getting a new appreciation for we are still here? Is that what's happening on this list? Cause it's definitely not better than arachnophobia.

Bo: I it just feels weird to stack it on top of infested, but I think under Paris is the better infested with sharks.

Bo: And and goes for it. But We Are Still Here is a more elegant film. It's a little more rooted. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Alright, alright, alright. Speaking though, of um Spiders and apartment buildings.

Bo: Groll uh Lee Russell saying we are still here is the Lake Mungo of Fulci Tributes. You're right.

Bo: It has that family drama quality even. Um yeah, it's I again I'm surprised that it it's like this weird wall that some of these movies slam into. It's like, hey, you are no we're still here, mister.

Bo: Um like like the cleansing hour is a little bit that. We are still here is a little bit that.

Bo: Uh near dark is a little bit that anyway.

Bo: Uh let's talk about Sting. Sting is also about a spider what gets loose in an apartment building. Only in this case it's in South Brooklyn by way of Australia.

Bo: Um okay. So obviously I'm not gonna spoil anything. I don't want to spoil anything in any of these movies that are relatively recent.

Bo: Um you know, like your under Paris, like your infesteds, like your Immaculates, like your Abigailes.

Bo: Uh you should experience the twists and turns for yourself. Um but here's the the long and short. Um some sort of meteor thing shoots into a dollhouse in this apartment building.

Bo: And out of it comes this spider that a girl finds that uh this girl likes to travel in all the ducks and and sneak into people's apartments and spy on'em and uh whatnot. Actually she's just going to steal some stuff from their grandmother's room.

Bo: Um But in in the course of this, she finds this spider, uh, puts it in like a little matchbook and uh takes it with her and and starts feeding it some uh some uh cockroaches and whatnot.

Bo: And it starts to get a little bit bigger, uh, and and then mayhem ensues. Um so it's i another people trapped in a building with this spot.

Bo: Here's the thing that I like about Sting is that it it really is kind of family drama front and center. Um, this is a real mixed family where

Bo: It's uh a mother and her two kids and a new husband. The father is out of the picture and you know, the stepfather is trying to get in good with the kids, and he's a good guy and he's and he's making efforts like It is a really

Bo: nice warm relationship. Although the guy who plays the father, like I'm sure there are other Australian actors in this, but man, he is wrestling that accent something fierce. He is just

Bo: holding on for dear life in some of those scenes. That Australian accent cannot be contained. Um and I did verify he was for sure an Australian.

Bo: But uh but he he's fine, it's just sometimes. Um Okay.

Bo: So you have this family, you have like the neighbor down the hall, you have the weird guy who's into biology experiments.

Bo: uh who, you know, he'll play a role uh just f as soon as you meet him like, uh, spider and science student, gotcha, something's gonna happen there. Um and, you know, um

Bo: Other sundry kinds of things. Uh so

Bo: Um you know, what separates this from, say, uninfested? Well, it's the family drama stuff, which actually kinda works.

Bo: Uh not not always, you know, they like it it it feels kind of rote, but it comes from a really heartwarming place.

Bo: And and so that stuff was good. Uh the spider is done by Waita FX, the the Peter Jackson

Bo: you know, Splinter House, they're off doing their own thing now. But uh there's practical effects, there's some CGI, the CGI is pretty good overall. Um

Bo: you know, uh pointing out in in chat the Exterminator was the best character. He's really fun. Uh and and it has one of those structures of like

Bo: you know, hey, here's some business going down and then we're gonna do four days earlier and you're gonna get some uh fill in of what you've seen. Um

Bo: And so his arc through that is really fun. He's a good character. I l I really like the the stepdad in it a lot. I think the little girl is

Bo: you know, uh occasionally falls into that prego precocious child uh category, but for the most part is good. Um, it was fun. It was like it's a it's a good time. It's not It's not silly and freewheeling the way that

Bo: Abigail is, it it's not quite that level. Um it's very Peter Jackson in a lot of ways. It's kind of gooey, and there's a lot of like extreme zooms and you know, extreme angles and and

Bo: you know, the cameras your uh your eyes as you go through ducks and around corners and you know, it's a real dynamic kind of direction, which is good. W uh it it makes the movie uh fun. Uh it You know, i it's not gory the way that like Infested might be the gorier film.

Bo: Uh maybe. This one this one gets there. But yeah, Sting is good. It's good fun. Uh I I would recommend it. Um it's a a mostly good time.

Bo: Uh and and a good spider. That's a good it's a good spider. Uh so where does it fall on the list?

Bo: Where does our spider fit?

Bo: Um, okay, so definitely we are we are over cleansing our territory. Um we're over infested. We're over under Paris. Um

Bo: Are we over we are still here? Do we get over this hump?

Bo: Um yeah, yeah, I think we do. I think the pace of it's a little bit brisker. Um

Bo: Is Sting better than arachnophobia? You know what? I I think that's where it's gonna stall here. Arachnophobia is is

Bo: Like leaving the iconic part of it aside, it's just a little bit more dynamic a movie. Um, despite all the whip pans of Sting.

Bo: I don't think it I don't think it gets over the arachnophobia, huh? Um, which is weird'cause most of our films today

Bo: uh feel like they have fallen in here, but uh perhaps not. Perhaps not. Um all right, last movie, you guys, as we round out our top thirty. Um

Bo: Man, this is one I wanted to go back and watch because I remembered it a certain way, and I want to go back and verify my memory of the film. This has no creepies, no crawlies. It is a Psychological psychedelic horror film called Yellow Brick Road.

Bo: Uh I remember seeing this. I got a screener of this. Back in the early days, the w the woolly and wild days of internet horror websites when uh we were doing the last blog on the left.

Bo: And would get some screeners. And so I got a screener of Yellow Brick Road and uh um watched it and thought, huh Uh I don't think that's very good.

Bo: And but, you know, th there's been a weird reappraisal of it in some circles, or I've seen champions of this movie certainly. And I thought, you know, I I'm a more mature

Bo: uh a more thoughtful fella these days and I'm I'm willing to give this uh a day in court. And so I did. I watched it.

Bo: And Yellowbrick Road would be a perfectly fine

Bo: you know, Twilight Zone episode or in an an anthology story. The th here's the basic premise of Yellow Brick Road.

Bo: Um so this smalled community in the nineteen forties.

Bo: uh just decides one day to up and start walking into the woods near the town. And most of them are uh found dead, some are never seen again.

Bo: Um you know, but b there are there are few people who stay behind.

Bo: And so it's, you know, uh sort of a Mary Celeste ghost town sort of mystery and the ideas that these uh a team of researchers uh boy how that trope appears again and again.

Bo: But you know, it's uh researchers wanting to study the phenomenon and try to understand what happened, why did these people walk into the woods? What happened to them? Why did they never return? Um perfectly good found footage premise. This is not found footage.

Bo: Um instead this is a a ponderous story as a bunch of characters that are mostly okay. Um Um the not no one that you can really hang your hat on, but mostly fine characters.

Bo: Um some that, you know, mm approach three dimensions.

Bo: Uh the problem is that this story of them like going down this path and losing them themselves in the woods.

Bo: Uh very Blair Witch, but in broad daylight o and more than that, it's it's more folk horror than that.

Bo: of like, oh, we we keep hearing this music and these sounds and they're kind of driving us crazy and some people are getting violent, some people are getting obsessed. And on paper, all of that sounds great.

Bo: But the way first of all, the way it ends is is stupid uh and frustrating.

Bo: Um and and I guess I guess the movie earns it here th like

Bo: One problem with the movie is the way it ends. Another problem with the movie is it's an hour and forty minutes long, and way too much of this movie is just wandering around in the woods. Now you can argue, well, Blair Witch did that too, but Man, Blair Witch had at least.

Bo: Characters, even if you didn't like'em, you were on board with them and there were only three and not like eight

Bo: The way there are in this one. They're legitimately like seven or eight characters wandering through the woods. And at a certain point I was just like, I need a couple of you die just so I can keep everybody sh to you know, straight. Um

Bo: But that never really pans out for anybody. And by the time things actually start happening in the movie, like the PC of this movie is so glacial.

Bo: there is just nothing about it that is fun or interesting and it it it's got something to say about small town life and why people might do this and and It uh b but it feels like bullshit existentialism

Bo: It's just bad and more than anything, it just wastes your time. That's the thing that really ticks me off watching this movie, is that it just wastes everybody's time. Like there is a story wasted.

Bo: everyone's time. There is a story to be told here. But

Bo: Not like this. Not like not with an hour and forty minutes worth of film and and with this little that happens. Uh I found that to be not just frustrating. I found that to be a little insulting.

Bo: And the science bears it out that you just don't have enough content for your 100-minute movie. There is no shame in an 85-minute movie that has uh a real pace to it.

Bo: This just is this feels like a dare. This movie feels like a dare. Um All right, enough of that.

Bo: Um where does it fall on the list?

[Silence]

Bo: Where does Yellow Brick Road fall on our our our list here? Uh it is below the cleansing hour.

Bo: It is below vacancy. It is below Terranet.

Bo: Ooh, is it below the Exorcist Believer? The Exorcist Believer has a decent front end, which is a terrible tease.

Bo: Um and then but then a second half that's just nonsense and and and and I would not say it's sullies

Bo: uh a franchise because, you know, the Exorcist too. But it doesn't do any it any favors.

Bo: In many ways it's similar to Ghost Ship in that there's kind of a good premise that is purely wasteful.

Bo: Um it's uh is it better than chasing the devil? I mean, I feel like we're in this territory.

Bo: I think I think Terranet is better. Because at l at least it's got that fun performance.

Bo: Excuse me. Is it better or worse than the Exorcist Believer? This is the question I'm avoiding. Production value and a little bit of promise are all that the Exorcist.

Bo: I think Yellowbrick Road I'm seeing if this Ghost Ship thing will help me out.'Cause I think it is yellow yellow brick road better or worse than ghost ship.

Bo: It's worse. It's worse. Cause at least this has decent acting and Yeah, yeah.

Bo: Uh what about the devil inside?

Bo: Uh is it better or worse than that? It's worse than that. Is it better or worse than Blackwater Abyss? Kinda the same sense. Both of these movies are just boring as all get out.

Bo: Um and Yellowbrick Road at least approaches something like an idea.

Bo: Where this is just cashing in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's where Yellow Brick Road belongs.

Bo: Yeah, down here at the bottom, in the bottom five.

Bo: All right. Uh so uh Joseph, don't pull the trigger on Yellowbrick Road. It's awful. Uh so our top three as of right now.

Bo: The Haunting from nineteen sixty three, The Omen, and Bug are top three horror films of all time. Lost Voyage, Gods of the Deep, Unknown Visitor, uh round out the bottom three.

Bo: Excuse me again. Alright. Uh folks, we have work to do. That is only the top thirty.

Bo: Um we will be back soon.

Bo: I continue to watch movies almost on the daily. My plan is uh to be back doing this in about two weeks.

Bo: In the meantime, please Check out the new Heart of Horror on the Dark Parade.

Bo: Uh be sure that you are supporting Legion Podcasts over on uh Patreon.com/LegionPodcasts where this video will be archived uh once uh we are done here.

Bo: But uh most of all, hey, uh thanks very much for hanging out. Thanks for doing some science with me. Uh we'll be back soon to do more science, more uh dark parade stuff on the way, including more Richard Glenn Schmidt.

Bo: Uh we are gonna reunite. We're not done with Japanese horror just yet. Uh you guys have a great rest of the weekend. Uh and if you uh if you get a wild hair, uh I'm probably gonna be streaming Uh some of that new li uh like a dragon infinite wealth game uh on Twitch

Bo: uh at uh the dark parade. Uh so look up the dark parade on Twitch. I'll be there playing some games. Um all right guys. Uh have a great rest of the weekend. Talk to you soon and uh until next time, keep it spooky out there folks

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