The Dark Parade

Pick Six Bot: 1.

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Pick Six Bot: Format Podcast.

Pick Six Bot: Category Movies, pop Culture, artificial

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Pick Six Bot: 2.

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Pick Six Bot: Initiate Simulation 157.

Pick Six Bot: Begin Final Generative Audio Simulation for

Pick Six Bot: Project Pick 6 Movies In 3, 2,.

Pick Six Bot: 1.

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Pick Six Bot: This is Pick 6 Movies.

Pick Six Bot: Code Name Interred Ferguson.

Pick Six Bot: This is an AI-generated audio simulation

Pick Six Bot: examining 6 movies related to one theme.

Pick Six Bot: Each movie is selected to be subjectively

Pick Six Bot: discussed by 2 AI-generated audio

Pick Six Bot: simulations.

Pick Six Bot: Audio generations begin with background on

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Pick Six Bot: discuss the subject, from Alpa to Zeta, and

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Pick Six Bot: subject material.

Pick Six Bot: Ai-audio-generated hosts Human Number 1,

Pick Six Bot: referred to as Chat, subjectively Less

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Pick Six Bot: Second host is the objectively more

Pick Six Bot: charming Human Number 2, referred to as Bo.

Pick Six Bot: Simulated personalities are not programmed

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Pick Six Bot: each other Generative Audio Simulations.

Pick Six Bot: Completed to Date 26 Seasons, 156

Pick Six Bot: Successful Individual Simulations.

Pick Six Bot: This is Simulation 157, featuring the film

Pick Six Bot: Five Nights at Freddy's.

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Chad: The story of how the video game franchise

Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's made its way into a

Chad: feature film begins with one of the OG

Chad: video game companies, atari, and its

Chad: founder, nolan Bushnell.

Chad: Bushnell was born in 1942 in Utah and was

Chad: raised as a Mormon.

Chad: Because it was the 1940s and he was in Utah,

Chad: he went to Utah State University, then

Chad: transferred to the University of Utah Ah,

Chad: good ol' you of you.

Chad: There he studied electrical engineering and

Chad: computer science.

Chad: While in college, bushnell worked at Lagoon

Chad: Amusement Park, located just outside Salt

Chad: Lake City.

Chad: During his time there he was the manager of

Chad: the games department, constantly watching

Chad: people plunk down money to play games for

Chad: entertainment and a chance to win a prize.

Chad: With a mix of luck and skill, bushnell

Chad: graduated from college and moved to

Chad: California with hopes of landing a job with

Chad: Disney.

Chad: His lack of professional experience

Chad: prevented those doors from opening, so he

Chad: landed a job with Ampex, a company that

Chad: manufactured digital storage systems.

Chad: There Bushnell met Tad Dabney.

Chad: They formed a friendship and Bushnell began

Chad: to pitch the idea of the two opening a

Chad: pizza parlor with electronic computer games

Chad: that customers could play for entertainment.

Chad: Bushnell took Dabney to the Sanford

Chad: Artificial Intelligence Laboratory and

Chad: showed him a video game called Spaceway.

Chad: It was a relatively simple outer space

Chad: dogfight game where the spaceships were two

Chad: tiny triangle wedges.

Chad: Bushnell and Dabney thought, hey, let's rip

Chad: that game off and make our own game just

Chad: like it.

Chad: So that's what they did.

Chad: In a game called Computer Space, they

Chad: succeeded in making their version of the

Chad: game and found a company to help put it in

Chad: large cabinets with a coin-operated slot

Chad: for people to play in.

Chad: But it was a financial failure due to the

Chad: complexity of the gameplay.

Chad: They needed something that drunks and bars

Chad: could play as an alternative to going and

Chad: spending time with their families.

Chad: Bushnell and Dabney knew they were onto

Chad: something and they decided to create their

Chad: own company called Scissor G S-Y-Z-Y-G-Y.

Chad: Luckily and strangely enough, that name was

Chad: already in use, because it's hard to say,

Chad: tricky to spell and just bad branding.

Chad: Bushnell turns out was a big fan of the

Chad: ancient Chinese board game Go, which uses

Chad: black and white pieces for each player.

Chad: In that game there's a situation where a

Chad: group of game pieces surround an opponent's

Chad: piece in a small checkmark, leaving the

Chad: opponent's piece to be captured in the next

Chad: move, and when this happens the situation

Chad: is said to be an Atari.

Chad: Bushnell suggested this name for their new

Chad: company and the rest is history.

Chad: Bushnell felt they should next go rip off a

Chad: game called Speedway which was manufactured

Chad: by Chicago Coin.

Chad: Bushnell had seen the game frequently

Chad: played while working at Lagoon Amusement

Chad: Park.

Chad: But before they could get that off the

Chad: ground, bushnell went to a demonstration of

Chad: the Magnavox Odyssey, the first commercial

Chad: video game console, where he saw a table

Chad: tennis game and decided to rip that off

Chad: with the help of his new Atari employee,

Chad: alan Alcorn, and thus was the origin of the

Chad: game.

Chad: As the company Atari evolved, bushnell and

Chad: Dabney had differing opinions as to how the

Chad: company should grow.

Chad: Bushnell bought out Dabney's share of the

Chad: company Atari for $250,000 in 1973, landing

Chad: Dabney the annual Pete Best Lifetime of

Chad: Regret Award for that year.

Chad: In 1973, the demand for video games was

Chad: growing and pinball distributors like

Chad: Midway demanded exclusivity to Atari games

Chad: when they were putting consoles for the

Chad: aforementioned drunk people to play in bars

Chad: instead of going home to see their families.

Chad: Bushnell got an idea Say what if we

Chad: secretly start another company and make rip

Chad: off games of our own Atari games and then

Chad: we market those games to other companies to

Chad: get around this annoying exclusivity clause?

Chad: You market the same game to two different

Chad: distributors, with each having their own

Chad: exclusive deal, and that, my friends, is

Chad: what you call a loophole.

Chad: Later, atari ended up absorbing that shadow

Chad: company they created and by 1975, atari

Chad: began to create a home console for sale

Chad: that people could play, titled the Atari

Chad: 2600.

Chad: It was one of the greatest home video

Chad: consoles of all time.

Chad: That console sold for $199.

Chad: It's about $1,000 in today's money.

Chad: You got two joysticks, the game Combat

Chad: where two square tanks shot square bullets

Chad: at each other, and get this.

Chad: There were four total games you could play

Chad: when the console launched.

Chad: Pretty fancy, right.

Chad: Bushnell ultimately went to Warner

Chad: Communications in 1976 to get some backing

Chad: to help manufacture the console and really

Chad: market it.

Chad: The console, it turns out, was a huge

Chad: success.

Chad: Just ask any kid from the 1980s and they'll

Chad: tell you all about it.

Chad: This led to Atari releasing their next

Chad: generation console, the Atari 5200, and

Chad: that was a big flop because it wasn't

Chad: backward, compatible with all those Atari

Chad: 2600 games that people had at home.

Chad: During this time, two wide-eyed young

Chad: upstarts approached Bushnell and asked him

Chad: to invest in their companies.

Chad: Their names Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak

Chad: Maybe a herd of them.

Chad: Jobs and Wozniak were working on their

Chad: computer system called the Apple One,

Chad: reportedly using Atari hardware parts in

Chad: previous Atari employees.

Chad: At the time Bushnell and Atari had their

Chad: sights set on the growth of the video game,

Chad: arcade and home gaming consoles, not a

Chad: bunch of fruity computers.

Chad: Later Steve Jobs offered Bushnell a

Chad: one-third stake in Apple Incorporated for

Chad: $50,000, but Bushnell said no.

Chad: I'm sure later in life, hearing this, it

Chad: made his previous partner Dabney overflow

Chad: with shodden Freud.

Chad: What does all this have to do with Five

Chad: Nights at Freddy's?

Chad: I'm getting to that, just be patient.

Chad: Now remember how Bushnell had dreams of

Chad: working for Disney as an engineer and

Chad: separately.

Chad: He wanted to open up pizza parlors as a

Chad: place to stick video games for people to

Chad: play.

Chad: Well, that idea didn't go away and in 1977,

Chad: he opened the Pizza Time Theater in San

Chad: Jose with financial backing from Warner

Chad: Communications.

Chad: Bushnell was a big fan of Disney

Chad: animatronics as found in the Country Bear

Chad: Jamboree and Enchanted Tiki Room at the

Chad: Disneyland Park.

Chad: Bushnell was no stranger to ripping off

Chad: other people's ideas and he wanted a

Chad: similar experience in his family-friendly

Chad: pizza parlor video game restaurant.

Chad: Bushnell reached out to Harold Goldbrandson

Chad: who created adult-sized mascot costumes.

Chad: The two met, they hit it off and Bushnell

Chad: visited Goldbrandson's company Fantasy

Chad: Forest, where Bushnell purchased a costume

Chad: that he believed to be a coyote.

Chad: That would be his new restaurant's mascot

Chad: Coyote Pizza Bushnell.

Chad: A marketer he was not, and it turned out

Chad: that when the costume arrived, bushnell and

Chad: team realized that the coyote had a long

Chad: peak tail and was in fact a rat costume Not

Chad: something you want associated with a pizza

Chad: restaurant.

Chad: But they got what they got and with dreams

Chad: of competing with Disney, with locations in

Chad: every major city in America, they renamed

Chad: Coyote Pizza to Rick Rat Calmer.

Chad: Heads prevailed and that name eventually

Chad: became Chuck E Cheese.

Chad: The first Pizza Time Theater showcasing

Chad: Chuck E Cheese opened in 1977, and it

Chad: featured a life-size animatronic show, and

Chad: it was an immediate success.

Chad: However, the heads of Warner Communications

Chad: were not interested in making pizza.

Chad: They bought into a video game company, so

Chad: they sold their steak in the company to

Chad: Bushnell for a cool half million bucks.

Chad: Bushnell eventually opened a second

Chad: location in an old grocery store that was

Chad: four times the size of the original

Chad: location.

Chad: Here it featured a new show with new

Chad: characters and animatronics beyond the

Chad: original Pizza Time Theater.

Chad: It had Chuck E Cheese as the focal

Chad: personality, but there was a surrounding

Chad: cast of characters including Dolly Dimples,

Chad: a piano playing and singing hippopotamus.

Chad: Two locations grew in popularity even

Chad: though the execution of the animatronics

Chad: were a bit primitive by today's standards,

Chad: with bad lip-syncing and asynchronous

Chad: eye-blinking.

Chad: It was charming and people loved it.

Chad: Pizza Time.

Chad: Theater presents the most incredible pizza

Chad: place in the world.

Chuck E Cheese: Okay, people, here we go to the great All

Chuck E Cheese: American Pizza Show.

Chuck E Cheese: Your emcee is Chuck E Cheese, I better

Chuck E Cheese: known as the Big C.

Chuck E Cheese: I'll be there with all my pals, like Mr

Chuck E Cheese: Munch and Jasper Chow.

Comercial Announcer: It's Chuck E Cheese and the Pizza Time

Comercial Announcer: Players Now at either Pizza Time Theater in

Comercial Announcer: the Winchester Town Country Shopping Center

Comercial Announcer: or on Coosier Avenue at Blossom Hill Road,

Comercial Announcer: where you can see Dolly Dimples, the famous

Comercial Announcer: singing hippo.

Comercial Announcer: Come on Family Nights, monday through

Comercial Announcer: Thursday, when there are free extra tokens

Comercial Announcer: for electronic games and racing cars and no

Comercial Announcer: waiting to play your favorite game.

Pick Six Bot: And we got sandwiches and salad bar, pizza

Pick Six Bot: games and racing cars.

Chuck E Cheese: So come on gang, let's go.

Chuck E Cheese: Go go to the great All American.

Comercial Announcer: Pizza Show.

Comercial Announcer: Come on in to Pizza Time.

Comercial Announcer: Theater pizza's never been so much fun.

Chad: How can anybody resist that, ad right?

Chad: So, bushnell, he started getting frustrated

Chad: with the continued friction over at Atari

Chad: you know his day job regarding the

Chad: company's future and he decided to exit

Chad: Atari in 1978 with a two-year non-compete

Chad: clause.

Chad: So Bushnell doubled down and dedicated all

Chad: of his attention to his growing pizza

Chad: empire.

Chad: Bushnell and his team marketed the Pizza

Chad: Time Theater and Checke Cheese Restaurant

Chad: as a franchise opportunity, featuring the

Chad: only computer-controlled animatronic show

Chad: anywhere you know, excluding Disneyland and

Chad: Walt Disney World and a few other smaller

Chad: locations that you probably never heard of.

Chad: Enter Bob Brock, the owner of the Topeka

Chad: Inn Management Company.

Chad: Brock made a couple of nickels with his

Chad: company's involvement with the very

Chad: successful Holiday Inn chain of motels.

Chad: Brock saw the financials of the early Pizza

Chad: Time Theater restaurants and he loved the

Chad: concept and he wanted it.

Chad: He decided to invest in the company with a

Chad: long-term target to open up over 285 stores

Chad: across the United States, 200 of which

Chad: would be operated by the Topeka Inn

Chad: Management Company and the remainder would

Chad: be franchised out, with each new restaurant

Chad: costing about a million dollars to get up

Chad: and running.

Chad: To run their 200 stores, the Topeka Inn

Chad: Management Company created a new department

Chad: called Pizza Showbiz.

Chad: Why does that sound like that?

Chad: That's right.

Chad: Bushnell wasn't the only business man who

Chad: could see a good idea and go rip it off.

Chad: That's apparently what everybody does in

Chad: business.

Chad: So Brock comes in and he poachers a bunch

Chad: of people working for Pizza Time Theater,

Chad: featuring Checke Cheese, and he creates a

Chad: competitor known as Showbiz Pizza Place,

Chad: opening their first location in 1980.

Chad: Showbiz Pizza was different from the Checke

Chad: Cheese property in that it featured a bear

Chad: in overalls as the primary mascot of the

Chad: company, drawing comparisons to the

Chad: previously mentioned Country Bear Jamboree

Chad: at the Disney theme parks.

Chad: There was a house man called the

Chad: Rock-a-Fire Explosion with frontman Fats

Chad: Geronimo among many other robotic singers.

Comercial Announcer: I bet that pizza tastes good.

Comercial Announcer: You've never seen a place like Showbiz

Comercial Announcer: Pizza Place will serve you a pizza second

Comercial Announcer: to none.

Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza.

Comercial Announcer: Stay for the fun.

Comercial Announcer: Showbiz Pizza Place with over 60 electronic

Comercial Announcer: games, pizza bake fresh every day and the

Comercial Announcer: stage show extravaganza on three stages.

Comercial Announcer: So come for pizza stay for the fun.

Chad: How can anybody resist that right?

Chad: Bushnell saw this and said hey, they ripped

Chad: me off, I'm gonna sue you.

Chad: And sue he did to both Brock and the Topeka

Chad: In Management Company over breach of

Chad: contract.

Chad: Brock and the Showbiz Pizza Company

Chad: ultimately had to pay Bushnell a percentage

Chad: of their profits for the next 14 years.

Chad: This led to two years of animatronic pizza

Chad: wars, with Showbiz Pizza and Chuck E Cheese

Chad: locations opening, at times with invisible

Chad: distance of one another.

Chad: Bushnell took Chuck E Cheese public in 1981,

Chad: then he proceeded to lose 15 million bucks

Chad: by 1983, a year later, in 1984, pizza Time

Chad: Theater and Chuck E Cheese filed for

Chad: Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and Bushnell resigned

Chad: from the company.

Chad: And about this time Brock comes in and just

Chad: straight up buys the entire Chuck E Cheese

Chad: Company.

Chad: This is a good throw business.

Chad: So Showbiz Pizza now owns Chuck E Cheese

Chad: Pizza and the two brands eventually merged

Chad: and all the Showbiz Pizza places evolved

Chad: into Chuck E Cheese Pizza locations.

Chad: Facing financial troubles, the company made

Chad: the decision to reduce the complexity of

Chad: the animatronics in the show, shuttering

Chad: some of the stages and retiring many of the

Chad: characters, with a central core of mascots

Chad: to entertain restaurant goers.

Chad: The company faced reduced revenues and went

Chad: through a rebranding, reimagining Chuck E

Chad: Cheese as a younger hipper version of

Chad: himself, now shredding guitar instead of

Chad: shredding cheese.

Chad: The company kept its head down and remained

Chad: above water if you can do that at the same

Chad: time throughout the 90s and barely survived

Chad: the Great Recession in the early 2000s,

Chad: covid-19 hit the company, suffered bad,

Chad: leading it to file for bankruptcy in June

Chad: of 2020, which is sad for people of a

Chad: particular generation.

Chad: Chuck E Cheese and Showbiz Pizza place were

Chad: these futuristic musical locations where

Chad: you could play video games and scarf down

Chad: pizza and win prizes, and watch robots sing

Chad: songs and wish kids a happy birthday.

Chad: It was a simpler time, a more innocent time,

Chad: a time that's perfect to be exploited in a

Chad: horror themed video game.

Pick Six Bot: Recalibrating voice pitch, speed and

Pick Six Bot: modulation.

Pick Six Bot: Re-initiate sequence number one in three

Pick Six Bot: two, one.

Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's, or FNAF as the

Chad: kids call it, was released in 2014 as a

Chad: point and click survival horror game

Chad: created by Scott Cawthon.

Chad: A devout Christian, began his career making

Chad: religious themed adventure games, which

Chad: proved to be financial failures.

Chad: You don't say.

Chad: He created a game titled Chipper and Son's

Chad: Lumber Company, and players of the game

Chad: found the game's characters to be

Chad: frightening, commenting that their movement

Chad: looked stilted, like evil animatronic

Chad: characters.

Chad: This criticism did not land well with

Chad: Cawthon, leading him to a real crisis of

Chad: faith, but he reconciled all of that and

Chad: decided to turn that frown upside down and

Chad: pivot.

Chad: Instead of making wholesome Christian

Chad: entertainment, he decided to make a horror

Chad: video game.

Chad: Cawthon developed the game Five Nights at

Chad: Freddy's over six months, and the final

Chad: version of the game was set in a family

Chad: pizzeria where the game player takes on the

Chad: role of a night security guard.

Chad: You, as the security guard, must complete

Chad: your five night shifts without being caught

Chad: by homicidal animatronic characters that

Chad: lurk around the restaurant at night.

Chad: Using security cameras to monitor the

Chad: restaurant, you can open and close doors

Chad: that lock out characters.

Chad: Using the cameras depletes limited

Chad: electricity and drains power, impacting

Chad: other means of keeping you, the Night

Chad: Watchman, alive.

Chad: Cawthon submitted Five Nights at Freddy's

Chad: to the video game distribution service

Chad: Steam, and it quickly gained popularity.

Chad: Critics received the game well and it began

Chad: to get real visibility on YouTube videos

Chad: sharing gameplay and commentary from the

Chad: likes of Markiplier, jacksyptikai and

Chad: PewDiePie.

Chad: That same year, cawthon released a sequel,

Chad: not surprisingly titled Five Nights at

Chad: Freddy's 2, and it was also very popular.

Chad: In 2015, both FNAF 3 and FNAF 4 were

Chad: released, all the while continuing to reach

Chad: audiences on every device imaginable iPads,

Chad: iphones, android phone species and gaming

Chad: consoles.

Chad: A video game this popular led to

Chad: merchandising and novels that began to

Chad: connect a larger, more complex history to

Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's lore.

Chad: The growing official canon of FNAF involves

Chad: two rival pizza chains.

Chad: Jealousy between the two founders of these

Chad: animatronic entertainment themed pizzerias

Chad: involves stealing competitor's technology

Chad: and ideas, leading to success, failure,

Chad: resentment and, ultimately, retaliatory

Chad: murder of children.

Chad: Oh my god.

Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's takes place in

Chad: Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, a substitute for

Chad: Chuck E Cheese.

Chad: The entertainment is led by the

Chad: restaurant's namesake, cuddly Freddy

Chad: Fazbear.

Chad: Joining him is Bonnie, a purple bunny,

Chad: chica, a yellow baby chick, and Foxy, a red

Chad: pirate fox.

Chad: Now I watched a 90 minute overview of Five

Chad: Nights at Freddy's history on YouTube, and

Chad: this backstory's complexity is comparable

Chad: to the film Inception.

Chad: Conceiving a child with the movie Momento

Chad: and then giving it up for adoption to be

Chad: raised by that third Pirates of the

Chad: Caribbean movie.

Chad: It is, to say the least, complex.

Chad: The heightened interest in this backstory

Chad: led to fan fiction and fan theories and fan

Chad: fights on the internet speculating on the

Chad: hoos and what's and why's of this evolving

Chad: complexity surrounding horror and pizza and

Chad: robots that kill people.

Chad: All of this is chronicled across a series

Chad: of at current count, eleven books.

Chad: But hey, you know whatever it takes to get

Chad: kids to read.

Chad: Am I right?

Chad: I'm right.

Hollywood Producer: With something this popular, it was

Hollywood Producer: inevitable that Hollywood producers started

Hollywood Producer: sniffing around saying I hear a bunch of

Hollywood Producer: computer nerds really like this Freddy Five

Hollywood Producer: Nights telephone video game.

Hollywood Producer: I'm sure the boys in the writer's rooms

Hollywood Producer: could swap together a treatment to get

Hollywood Producer: those pasty-skinned weirdos out of their

Hollywood Producer: mother's basement and into movie theaters

Hollywood Producer: to scream their heads off while we laugh

Hollywood Producer: all the way to the bank.

Hollywood Producer: Someone fetch me a hundred dollar bill.

Chad: I need to light this oversized cigar.

Chad: And so it was.

Chad: In 2015, it was announced that Warner

Chad: Brothers picked up the rights to make Five

Chad: Nights at Freddy's into a major motion

Chad: picture.

Chad: Famed entertainment moguls Jeffrey

Chad: Katzenberg and Roy Lee saw early success

Chad: with the horror movies the Ring and the

Chad: Grudge, and they were attached to bring

Chad: this video game to the big screen.

Chad: To help with the script was Seth Graham

Chad: Smith, who wrote Pride and Prejudice and

Chad: Zombies, as well as Abraham Lincoln,

Chad: vampire Hunter.

Chad: In January of 2017, the game's creator

Chad: Colfam said the movie was on hold, but then,

Chad: two months later, he said just kidding, we

Chad: gotta deal with Blumhouse Productions.

Chad: Are they the only production company that's

Chad: allowed to make horror movies anymore?

Chad: They are Great.

Chad: Alright, good for them.

Chad: Early on, gil Keenan, the guy behind the

Chad: animated film Monster House, was set to

Chad: direct, but that fell through.

Chad: By 2018, it was announced that Chris

Chad: Columbus, the guy who directed Home Alone,

Chad: would come in and direct the movie with a

Chad: planned release of 2020.

Chad: But by the end of 2018, the script for the

Chad: movie wasn't really coming together and it

Chad: was announced that it would be delayed

Chad: further and would not hit screens until

Chad: 2021.

Chad: And then, shortly after that, chris

Chad: Columbus was no longer attached to direct.

Chad: Following that, emma Tammy was brought in

Chad: to direct the movie and she would also be

Chad: co-writing it with the game's creator,

Chad: colfam, along with Seth Kuddleback.

Chad: As we all know, there are many opinionated

Chad: people on the internet and some of them

Chad: have very strong opinions about the Five

Chad: Nights at Freddy's video game franchise,

Chad: and I wish all of them the best of luck in

Chad: making this into a successful feature film.

Chad: The talented crew over at Jim Hinton's

Chad: Creature Shop.

Chad: They were brought in to help bring the

Chad: stalking and murderous Pizza mascot

Chad: animatronics to life and, from what I've

Chad: seen in the trailer, they look pretty good

Chad: To star in the movie.

Chad: Josh Hutcherson was cast to play the

Chad: security guard, mike Schmidt.

Chad: Hutcherson played the role of Pita in the

Chad: Hunger Games movies.

Chad: Fun fact, hutcherson did the voice of the

Chad: main kid in the holiday classic the Polar

Chad: Express, a movie that gives some people,

Chad: including Mr Bo Ransodale, nightmares.

Chad: Along with Hutcherson, the movie cast

Chad: horror movie veteran and spooky monster

Chad: expert, matthew Lillard.

Chad: Matthew Lillard, of course, starred in the

Chad: screen movies and he was the face and voice

Chad: of Shaggy in countless Scooby-Doo, live

Chad: action and animated shorts and feature

Chad: films.

Chad: Lillard plays the movie's main villain,

Chad: william Afton.

Chad: Rounding out the cast is Mary Stewart

Chad: Masterson, if that name rings a bell.

Chad: She was in the film Fried Green Tomatoes

Chad: and co-starred with Johnny Depp in the

Chad: movie Benny in June.

Chad: Remember her?

Chad: If not, gosh grandparents, they'll tell you

Chad: all about her.

Chad: Due to the impact of the global pandemic,

Chad: filming was delayed until March of 2021.

Chad: All of these delays allowed two copycat

Chad: films to be released with similar robot

Chad: mascots killing innocent people.

Chad: One was the Banana Splits, a movie based on

Chad: the Hannah Barbera Saturday morning live

Chad: action show from the 70s.

Chad: In this movie, a family attends a live

Chad: taping of the Banana Splits Children's

Chad: television show, but they're forced to

Chad: survive in the studio as all of the

Chad: characters go haywire and start a killing

Chad: spree involving audience members.

Chad: There was also Willys Wonderland, which

Chad: starred Nicolas Cage as a quiet drifter who

Chad: takes a job as a janitor at the condemned

Chad: Willys Wonderland, a defunct family

Chad: entertainment restaurant where demonic

Chad: animatronics come to life and start killing

Chad: people.

Chad: As the team behind Five Nights at Freddy's

Chad: watch these imitators come and go, they

Chad: struggle with getting their movie into

Chad: production.

Chad: More issues with the script push filming

Chad: back all the way to February of 2023, where

Chad: then, finally, cameras started rolling in

Chad: New Orleans under the covert title Bad

Chad: Cupcake, an unfinished trailer was leaked

Chad: on the internet on May 7th of 2023, much to

Chad: the displeasure of Cawthon, the game's

Chad: creator.

Chad: The full trailer was ultimately made

Chad: available 10 days later and audiences got

Chad: their first look at Freddy Fazbear, bonnie,

Chad: chica and Foxy, and.

Chad: The early responses to the trailer were

Chad: mostly positive, with small but notable

Chad: callouts from a sharp-eyed, devoted fanbase

Chad: noting inconsistencies with their

Chad: expectations.

Chad: How did the movie perform at the box office?

Chad: Well, I don't really know.

Chad: This introduction is being recorded before

Chad: the movie lands in theaters, as well as on

Chad: the Paramount Plus streaming surface on the

Chad: exact same day.

Chad: A pretty bold move on the part of Paramount,

Chad: letting a movie release in theaters and on

Chad: streaming.

Chad: We'll see how that plays out.

Chad: The movie was tagged with a PG-13 rating,

Chad: following in the footsteps of the Blumhouse

Chad: hit film Megan, featured in this very

Chad: season.

Chad: This more tame rating will allow the film

Chad: to reach a broader and younger film-going

Chad: audience.

Chad: Producers did announce that, if the movie

Chad: is a success, a second and third movie will

Chad: be released, each based on the second and

Chad: third games in the franchise.

Chad: Will the ever-delayed Five Nights at

Chad: Freddy's movie be a success?

Chad: Will the wait for the live-action

Chad: adaptation pay off with a quality

Chad: production and will it meet the

Chad: expectations of FNAF video game and

Chad: internet commentators once released?

Chad: To answer those questions in order yes,

Chad: maybe, and absolutely not.

Chad: You know what?

Chad: Let's not waste any more time and get Mr Bo

Chad: Ransdale in here to discuss this movie in

Chad: way too much detail to see if it's any good.

Chad: Ladies and gentlemen, freddy's and Chica's,

Chad: put down your keyboard and mouse, grab a

Chad: slice and settle in as we try to survive

Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.

Pick Six Bot: Initiate sequence number two in three two,

Pick Six Bot: one.

Chad: And welcome to Pick Six Movies.

Chad: I am human number one, chad Cooper, and I'm

Chad: joined by my lifelong friend, human number

Chad: two, mr Bo Ransdale.

Chad: Bo, how are you doing today?

Bo: As human as I've ever been Chad, feeling

Bo: corporeal, sentient, all of the things that

Bo: make up humanity.

Chad: It is a strange time to be alive, my friend.

Bo: Absolutely, if I can, before we get started

Bo: on our shenanigans.

Bo: Yes, all right.

Chad: So we're talking about Five Nights at

Chad: Freddy's, which is one of the more recent

Chad: movies we've ever Only movie we've ever

Chad: done that is actually playing in a theater

Chad: at the time of this recording.

Chad: Against all good thinking.

Bo: Yes, it is in a movie theater and you could

Bo: pay to go see this.

Bo: Yes, one thing that I found interesting is

Bo: I was listening to another podcast I enjoy

Bo: about movies.

Bo: They were really scratching their heads

Bo: over the fact that this was the number one

Bo: movie in the country the weekend that it

Bo: opened, to which I thought then you don't

Bo: have any interaction with children

Bo: whatsoever.

Bo: No, because as soon as this thing was

Bo: announced that was coming out in a few

Bo: weeks, all I heard was the talk of the Five

Bo: Nights at Freddy's movie.

Bo: Kids lost their damn mind Every single one

Bo: of them.

Bo: When I told one of the kids that I was

Bo: going to be seeing it and tell them I was

Bo: going to watch it in my underwear at home,

Bo: right Kids that I had in class when I told

Bo: them I was going to watch it, either said I

Bo: was their cool teacher or bemoaned the fact

Bo: that their parents were not taking them to

Bo: the movies.

Bo: Just hearing the buzz among children, I

Bo: knew this thing was going to be huge.

Chad: What I find most interesting is the chasm

Chad: between Rotten Tomatoes' critic scores and

Chad: Rotten Tomatoes' audience scores, because

Chad: this movie currently has a 28% freshness

Chad: rating by the critics Too high, 89% for

Chad: audiences.

Chad: Yeah, and you see that a lot, especially

Chad: for movies that are financially successful.

Chad: That Super Mario Bros movie just came in

Chad: below the freshness bar by the critics with

Chad: 59%.

Chad: 95% of audiences loved it.

Chad: That haunted mansion movie 37% critics, 84%

Chad: audiences.

Chad: The Meg 2, 28% critics, 73% audience.

Bo: None of this is surprising to me.

Bo: First of all, I saw Meg 2 and there is

Bo: plenty of stupid out there in the world to

Bo: think that movie is pretty good.

Bo: That's one of those that has a brisk enough

Bo: pace in the movie that you don't realize

Bo: you're watching a terrible movie until it's

Bo: over.

Chad: I saw that movie in the theaters with my

Chad: son and about the two-thirds mark I thought

Chad: aren't there supposed to be sharks in this

Chad: movie?

Chad: No, shit.

Bo: It's like when did this become?

Bo: Meg 2, the Dinosaurs?

Bo: Yeah, but that's kind of what I love about

Bo: it.

Bo: Like it took a real Skull Island approach

Bo: where it's like, wait a second, isn't there

Bo: a King Kong in this King Kong Skull Island

Bo: at some point?

Bo: But I'm okay with that.

Bo: Like you throw enough weird shit at the

Bo: screen and I'm at least entertained, right.

Bo: And so Meg 2, let me just say this for the

Bo: record Meg 2, a better movie than Five

Bo: Nights at Freddy's.

Bo: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bo: I mean it's a super low bar but it's better.

Bo: But yeah, all you had to do was just be

Bo: anywhere near a child or a teenage or

Bo: something like that to understand that this

Bo: movie was a phenomenon.

Bo: I've played the games a little bit.

Bo: I started in on that lore deep dive on

Bo: YouTube.

Bo: It's crazy.

Bo: And I watched the first one and I was like,

Bo: yeah, I was like this is all bullshit, I

Bo: don't care about any of this.

Bo: So I stopped.

Chad: It reeks of conspiracy theory.

Chad: They're filling in a lot of gaps and

Chad: connecting dots.

Chad: It's their own personal video game,

Chad: warshack, test of.

Chad: Yes, there's something here, but how did

Chad: you see?

Bo: that it's very JFK conspiracy theory.

Bo: There's a lot of magic bullet shit in there

Bo: and you know Michael Rooker needs to be

Bo: there, being the voice of reason.

Bo: This can't happen.

Chad: Let's talk about this movie because there's

Chad: a lot to say about this.

Chad: So the movie opens up and we get the

Chad: Blumhouse intro showing that panoply of

Chad: horror IPs that they now have their claws

Chad: into.

Chad: The movie opens proper and we see a

Chad: security guard using his fingers to loosen

Chad: some bolts that are holding an air vent

Chad: cover in place.

Chad: Now, bo, I am not trained in HVAC repair.

Chad: This is widely known.

Chad: But let me just say that movies have

Chad: continuously grossly overestimated the size

Chad: of air vents and the ability of people to

Chad: crawl around them.

Bo: We've seen it this season already with

Bo: chopping ball.

Chad: Die Hard, did it proper Now Five Nights at

Chad: Freddy's air.

Chad: Vents are meant to circulate air, not

Chad: people.

Chad: And they also don't serve as, like Super

Chad: Mario Brother, tubes to get you from one

Chad: place to another.

Chad: At best, bo, a small child might be able to

Chad: crawl through an air vent.

Chad: Not one of these porker kids I see riding

Chad: their e-scooters around my neighborhood.

Chad: Maybe one of them, simon Birch-sized kids,

Chad: could crawl around in an air vent.

Bo: Absolutely not a full-sized adult security

Bo: guard Every time I try to squeeze my fat

Bo: ass into an air vent.

Bo: I do, however, make the Super Mario

Bo: Brothers beom, beom, beom noise as if I'm

Bo: going to find myself in a cave full of gems.

Chad: Every time I sit down in a seat in a movie

Chad: theater I'm like whoa, the diet starts

Chad: tomorrow.

Bo: Oh yeah, man, I'm around high school school

Bo: desks all day long.

Bo: Every time I got to cram my fat ass into

Bo: one of those, like, oh geez, this was not

Bo: made for people of my girth and or height.

Chad: Hey, hey, hey.

Chad: I think they sent the middle school desks

Chad: to the high school.

Chad: What's going?

Bo: on here, right?

Bo: Why do you have so much room in your desk

Bo: and mine is so tight?

Bo: Switch desks with me.

Chad: Hey, I think you swapped one out on me, so

Chad: we have to have a touch of suspension, of

Chad: disbelief with this air vent situation,

Chad: which is not my biggest issue with this

Chad: movie because we're about to delve into

Chad: ghost children possessing robots.

Chad: We're far beyond calling shenanigans when

Chad: it comes to real world comparisons to air

Chad: vent sizes.

Chad: I will say my biggest complaint with this

Chad: movie overall is that it creates a world

Chad: propped up by loosely connected plot points

Chad: that fail to deliver a larger, cohesive

Chad: story.

Bo: I don't disagree with that.

Bo: I have a very specific moment in this movie

Bo: where I cry bullshit and the rest of the

Bo: movie doesn't work for me.

Bo: But we'll get to it.

Bo: We're not quite there.

Chad: This movie reminded me of watching improv,

Chad: but without the jokes.

Chad: Every single character in this movie says

Chad: something unexpected and bizarre and the

Chad: other person immediately greets it with a

Chad: yes and there are some conversations

Chad: between the Mike character in Vanessa.

Chad: Yeah.

Bo: That are very much what you're talking

Bo: about.

Chad: Like ghost children, you say and and the

Chad: robots come to life at night and bake

Chad: birthday cakes, because it's your birthday,

Chad: yes, and my grandmother is, yes and it's

Chad: nonsense.

Bo: But to get to this guy in the vent he comes

Bo: out in this storeroom, uh-huh.

Bo: Then we start to.

Bo: One is way through the back halls, because

Bo: the back of Freddie Fosbears pizza

Bo: wonderland is this labyrinth of hallways

Bo: and rooms and it's three times the size of

Bo: the restaurant itself.

Bo: We start seeing all these flashes of pastel

Bo: light and there's music playing that song,

Bo: I hear the secrets that you keep, which is

Bo: the, in quotes, creepy song of the movie we

Bo: see in silhouette a shape somewhere behind

Bo: him, like following him.

Bo: And then he comes to this gated security

Bo: door and can't get it open and it's a real

Bo: hole I can't get out of here.

Bo: And then the camera zooms in on him and he

Bo: turns and screams.

Bo: And this is when he wakes up in that chair

Bo: where he's trying to get the screw off

Bo: Again, another big screw that he's trying

Bo: to free himself with as Chad.

Bo: This animatronic bear mask is being lowered

Bo: onto his face.

Bo: Outwardly it's a stuffed animal bear.

Bo: Inside it is a saw trap of spinning blades

Bo: and saws and stuff.

Bo: Yeah, it's like what on earth was the

Bo: purpose of this other than to destroy a

Bo: human face?

Bo: I guess, I guess that's it.

Bo: And then he tries to get out but fails.

Bo: And then we cut away, of course, because

Bo: the other big problem with this movie I

Bo: understand that this is intended for

Bo: children, but given the subject matter, the

Bo: bloodless nature of it is strike the death

Bo: count is only five, because it's him and

Bo: then our four hooligans.

Bo: The aunt.

Chad: No, we don't know for sure.

Chad: She might just be passed out on the floor

Chad: from a little glug glug, and maybe Matthew

Chad: Lillard, no he signed up for three films.

Bo: God bless him.

Bo: Like I love Matthew Lillard, I think he's

Bo: great Bo.

Chad: this is a Blumhouse production.

Chad: We're going to see five more, five nights

Chad: at Freddy's.

Chad: There's going to be the Chica movie.

Chad: There's going to be the backstory of Foxy.

Chad: There's going to be an animated series.

Chad: They are going to squeeze this for all it's

Chad: worth.

Bo: That's good to hear because that's a bunch

Bo: of movies I don't ever have to see and that

Bo: feels liberating.

Chad: So we cut back to the dining room where we

Chad: get this rejected theme song to Stranger

Chad: Things.

Chad: It's this 80s inspired synthesizer beat

Chad: that would make John Carpenter roll his

Chad: eyes.

Chad: And then the camera pans over to a wall

Chad: covered with children's crayon drawings and

Chad: their kids with all of the characters from

Chad: the Five Nights at Freddy's stage show.

Chad: And then it specifically zeros in on an

Chad: image of a big yellow bunny holding hands

Chad: with a group of kids.

Chad: And then we cut to the opening credits of

Chad: this movie Credits.

Chad: We get a bunch of like eight bit or 16 bit

Chad: video game graphics of the pizza parlor

Chad: with four kids and then, one by one, we see

Chad: the computer graphic version of the yellow

Chad: bunny escort these eight bit kids off to go

Chad: somewhere.

Chad: This is foreshadowing, bo.

Chad: Oh eventually that all the kids are gone

Chad: and it just leaves the yellow bunny with a

Chad: menacing look over his shoulder as the

Chad: movie starts.

Chad: Proper cut to our film's hero, mike.

Chad: He wakes up at 6 am, bo, his alarm clock

Chad: goes off and he's got a cassette tape

Chad: player and he tosses a bottle of pills in

Chad: his drawer.

Chad: Been there, done that and he gets out of

Chad: bed and the camera reveals that there is a

Chad: poster taped to the ceiling above his bed,

Chad: not of a sexy model, but of a forest, and

Chad: in giant letters we read the word Nebraska.

Bo: Man, whatever gets you off.

Bo: What year does this movie take place?

Bo: You took the question out of my mouth.

Bo: I still don't know and I'm surprised when

Bo: things show up in this movie.

Bo: There's a moment later in the film where

Bo: Vanessa says, well, this was big back in

Bo: the 80s.

Bo: And I'm like then, when the fuck is this

Bo: set?

Bo: Because, as you pointed out, he's got the

Bo: 80s style cassette tape player.

Bo: You know that Walkman style of cassette

Bo: tape thing.

Bo: Nobody's got a cell phone in this movie.

Chad: I think Max has one, and it's a flip phone.

Chad: According to the internet which who's ever

Chad: lied on the internet it's supposed to take

Chad: place in the year 2000.

Chad: I got that from the synopsis of the movie

Chad: over on Wikipedia, which is how they start

Chad: the description in the year 2000.

Chad: They didn't talk about that security guard

Chad: that got killed in the opening, because you

Chad: know why, bo, none of that matters.

Chad: Hey, filmmakers, here's a bright idea.

Chad: When you're making a movie is something is

Chad: irrelevant to every character in the film

Chad: and has nothing to do with your overall

Chad: plot, leave it on the cutting room floor.

Chad: It's garbage and a waste of time.

Bo: You know what setting is Chad?

Bo: It's a combination of time and place and I

Bo: know one of those things in this movie.

Bo: I never know the other thing and I'm not

Bo: doing fucking homework to figure it out.

Bo: I hate the fact that all through this week

Bo: I hate this movie so much.

Bo: I hate the fact that from begin season,

Bo: this movie I'm having that thought as soon

Bo: as I saw that tape recorder was like okay,

Bo: so when is this?

Bo: Yeah, it's never answered.

Bo: Chad at no point in the movie does somebody

Bo: say hey, it's the year 2000.

Bo: We don't believe in child ghost

Bo: animatronics like a throwaway line like

Bo: that.

Chad: At least tells me when your movie is set

Chad: while we're on the topic, why does that

Chad: poster say Nebraska?

Chad: Right, this is the only big forest poster

Chad: he could find to look at before he goes to

Chad: sleep.

Bo: Yeah, they only make Nebraska brand forest

Bo: posters.

Chad: Right, because when I think Nebraska, I

Chad: think forests.

Bo: Right, you think forests, obviously the

Bo: mountains, and green beans.

Bo: Those are the things that you associate

Bo: with Nebraska.

Bo: So this asshole, after doing some, you know

Bo: I got to pump myself up pushups because

Bo: he's like five, two and you know he's got

Bo: little person energy when he's just like

Bo: I'm super strong, see, yeah, but you're

Bo: also very compact.

Chad: But he doesn't really do anything overly

Chad: physical in the movie.

Chad: I don't get why we're showing him working

Chad: out to be like oh, that's how he's strong.

Chad: Yes, at best, maybe he opens a jar of

Chad: pickles.

Bo: Well, he beats a shit out of a dad here in

Bo: a minute.

Bo: I guess that's something.

Chad: Yeah, but you get that from just rage.

Chad: A little scrawny person can do that.

Chad: Yeah, get him pissed off enough.

Bo: Yeah, napoleon didn't have to do pushups,

Bo: he just conquered the world.

Bo: So he checks in on his sister, abby.

Bo: His sister.

Bo: You ask, oh yeah, they tell you that

Bo: halfway through the movie and I'm like what?

Chad: Every person who watches this movie

Chad: immediately thinks this is his daughter.

Chad: The other characters in the movie do also.

Chad: I like that the other characters in the

Chad: movie ask questions that we have already

Chad: posed, because they are as confused as we

Chad: are watching it.

Bo: But it would be great if they asked them

Bo: the same time I did, as opposed to, you

Bo: know, 30 minutes later, when I'm like, okay,

Bo: it's gotta be his daughter, right?

Bo: Okay, it's his daughter.

Bo: And now that has like concretized in my

Bo: mind.

Chad: You can do it right here, because Mike

Chad: comes into her room and he says hey, we're

Chad: leaving in five minutes and Abby, who's

Chad: about 10 years old, she says you're being a

Chad: jerk.

Chad: And she tosses a stuffed animal at him.

Chad: You just have micro spawned.

Chad: All sisters think their big brothers are

Chad: jerks and you just put that to rest right

Chad: there.

Bo: This is one of the most poorly written

Bo: movies we have seen in some time and it

Bo: took him forever to get it so wrong.

Chad: So he cut to Mike and he's sitting in the

Chad: food court of a shopping mall where some

Chad: guy who we don't know but don't worry, this

Chad: character is not around for long he is

Chad: reading a book out loud to Mike.

Bo: That Mike has been reading.

Bo: It's Mike's book.

Chad: We see Mike looking at it earlier.

Chad: Yes.

Chad: And I think he's just flipping through,

Chad: looking for the pictures.

Chad: This guy's actually reading it and he's

Chad: like and though the dreamer remains asleep,

Chad: he walks through memory as if experiencing

Chad: it for the first time.

Chad: A new, no longer a passenger, but an active

Chad: participant.

Chad: Huh, is this for real, mike?

Chad: And Mike says some people believe it's real.

Chad: It depends on what you believe, and I

Chad: paused it.

Chad: I was like I got to write that down.

Bo: Yeah, that's just what you can tell

Bo: employees and the like when you give them

Bo: any edict at work.

Bo: Do we have to do this?

Bo: Well, some people believe it's real.

Chad: That's a shitty fortune cookie fortune.

Bo: The kind that you leave on the table.

Bo: You don't even bother to put it in your

Bo: pocket, where it gets washed and disappears.

Bo: There are a couple that you're like oh,

Bo: that's kind of an interesting one, I'll

Bo: keep this.

Bo: You're never going to keep it.

Bo: Yeah, you get what it's like.

Bo: The future is yet to be the past trash.

Bo: I'm just going to leave this on the plate

Bo: of General Sos.

Bo: Let them throw it away.

Bo: Also, chad this whole dream theory,

Bo: business kind of sort of matters.

Bo: But if it weren't in the movie it would not

Bo: change anything substantially.

Bo: How about this we're?

Chad: in a quote unquote horror movie featuring

Chad: people participating in lucid dreaming, and

Chad: this movie also includes the word Freddy's

Chad: right, and I thought it was weird that

Chad: there was the red and green sweater on

Chad: Freddy Fazbear.

Chad: At one point all the ghost kids attacking

Chad: with slashing finger blades or something

Chad: and I was like what are you doing five

Chad: nights at Freddy's?

Bo: I mean you talk about Megan being a movie

Bo: that liberally rips shit off.

Bo: Five nights at Freddy's is honestly it's

Bo: like what if Nightmare on Elm Street met

Bo: Charles Entertainment Chiefs?

Bo: And that's kind of this movie.

Chad: It's like they just opened up the fridge

Chad: looking all the leftovers of other worn out

Chad: franchises and just mix those ingredients

Chad: together and this is what you got.

Chad: Is it edible?

Bo: It won't kill you.

Bo: Yeah, it's the drunk fridge raid of movies

Bo: where you're like you know what?

Bo: I will have that.

Bo: Butterscotch pudding and spaghetti.

Bo: Do they go together?

Bo: Nope, but I'm just hungry enough to eat

Bo: both of them.

Chad: Mike walks over to get some ice cream.

Chad: All the time he's clocking the mall looking

Chad: for suspicious activity and he spots this

Chad: kid just hanging out by himself.

Chad: And this adult comes over and grabs the kid

Chad: by the arm and quickly escorts the kid away,

Chad: somewhat aggressively, and my immediate

Chad: thought is that this is this kid's pissed

Chad: off dad and not a pedophile child murderer.

Bo: Right, because you don't want to make a

Bo: fucking scene.

Bo: You know, I'm not trying to tell pedophiles

Bo: how to do their business, shad but it's not

Bo: going to be this.

Chad: Tommy, get your ass over here.

Chad: You're going to get in the car and you're

Chad: going to shut up.

Bo: That's an angry dad, but Mike who is not

Bo: bothering to flirt with the pretty cute

Bo: pixie-ish ice cream lady who's like you're

Bo: usual, mike the ice cream girl does say

Bo: when are you going to bring your sister by?

Chad: This is the first time that the movie

Chad: attempts to establish Abbey as Mike's

Chad: sister.

Chad: But before we can get into that, mike just

Chad: dashes after this father and son, and here

Chad: is where we for the first time see that

Chad: Mike is wearing a shirt that reads security.

Chad: So I was like, oh, he works at the mall.

Chad: Mm-hmm.

Bo: I also like the fact that he has gone full

Bo: red pill on this.

Bo: Yeah, he's like, oh, and he told me that

Bo: these pedophiles will be grabbing kids left

Bo: and right these malls.

Bo: I got to go get this son of a bitch and

Bo: just goes ballistic, push and pass people

Bo: as he chases this father and his kid.

Bo: When he reaches this father, he launches

Bo: himself like he's a thunder cat at this dad,

Bo: knocking him into a fountain where he

Bo: proceeds to beat the ever living shit out

Bo: of him.

Chad: He goes full sailor Ripley from Wild at

Chad: Heart.

Chad: He turns this guy's head into rotten

Chad: pumpkin mush.

Chad: Yeah, mike's gonna get sued.

Chad: Mike needs to law your up.

Bo: Fast, yeah, cut to Chad.

Bo: The lobby of some job finder, slash, career

Bo: counselor place or something seems like you

Bo: could at least put something on the wall to

Bo: tell us where we are.

Bo: Hey, production design, put a fucking sign

Bo: on the wall.

Bo: How about that time and place?

Bo: That's all a setting is.

Bo: You only have to get two fucking things

Bo: right, and this movie can't do either one.

Bo: God damn it.

Bo: Chad so he gets called into Matthew

Bo: Lillard's office is like oh for Christ's

Bo: thanks God, there's something interesting

Bo: to look at.

Chad: Matthew Lillard has a name plate that reads

Chad: Steve Raglan, for what it's worth.

Chad: Over on IMDB he is listed as Steve Raglan

Chad: slash William Afton.

Chad: Yeah.

Chad: The latter of which being the notorious bad

Chad: guy in the Five Nights at Freddy's canon.

Chad: And we'll get into the convoluted lack of

Chad: logic as to why this sinister mastermind

Chad: behind this movie's paranormal, murderous

Chad: child killing shenanigans, william Afton,

Chad: is working in an unemployment office.

Bo: What Absolute.

Bo: This is the point where, especially

Bo: watching at the second time, I was like

Bo: what in the Everliving hell is this guy

Bo: doing?

Chad: working this job it would be like if jigsaw

Chad: from the saw movies was picking up a few

Chad: hours at the DMV.

Chad: Right leather face is driving a forklift

Chad: over at the Frito Lay warehouse out at the

Chad: industrial park right, is he just laying

Chad: low?

Bo: all I need out of this is at the end, when

Bo: Matthew Lillard is given his big villain

Bo: speech at the end of this spoilers he's the

Bo: villain at the end of this everyone knew

Bo: that going in.

Chad: Right, if you were excited about seeing

Chad: this movie, you knew that going in.

Chad: And I also want to say, if you watch this

Chad: movie and you didn't know that at all, when

Chad: the big reveal happens, it's done in such a

Chad: sloppy way that when he pops off the rabbit

Chad: head, like if you didn't know who Matthew

Chad: Lillard was, I honestly believe when the

Chad: reveal happens, your reaction could have

Chad: been who is this?

Bo: well as a person that enjoys Matthew

Bo: Lillard, especially in that Twin Peaks

Bo: season 3.

Bo: He's so good in that he's a good actor and

Bo: he's kind of an interesting character actor.

Bo: He's got like an interesting face and

Bo: interesting delivery.

Bo: He's not quite crisp and glover weird but

Bo: he's interesting when.

Chad: I think of Matthew Lillard.

Chad: My brain immediately goes to the

Chad: descendants.

Chad: Okay, with George Clooney, because he shows

Chad: up in that and he was really good.

Chad: He's a good actor.

Chad: His role in this is so badly written.

Chad: That's the problem.

Chad: He's having a little fun with it,

Chad: absolutely.

Chad: There's just not much fun to be had.

Bo: It's like here play with this rock right

Bo: okay, but at the end of this movie, if he

Bo: had said something like you know, man, I

Bo: was the planned guidance counselor to this

Bo: stupid job, so I could get new victims.

Bo: Man, anything right, anything.

Bo: It goes back to that Simpsons the Raven bit.

Bo: Hey, lisa, you know what would have been

Bo: scarier than that?

Bo: What?

Bo: Anything and this is that of you know what

Bo: would be better than not talking about any

Bo: of this, discussing it even the littlest

Bo: bit?

Bo: Get, give me some sense of this world and

Bo: these people and this characters, and why

Bo: they're doing the things that they do.

Bo: There is no character motivation, there is

Bo: no setting.

Bo: It drives me up the fucking wall.

Bo: The one thing I do like about this moment,

Bo: though, is when Matthew Lillard is kind of

Bo: going through Mike's file.

Bo: He looks something, goes, say man, what are

Bo: you?

Chad: some kind of head case or something like

Chad: your work history shows you get fired

Chad: almost immediately from every job.

Chad: I assume from beating people up and putting

Chad: them in the hospital man, and, like you're,

Chad: the hero of this movie.

Bo: Strange indeed hey, well, look, I gotta

Bo: tell you, man, your options are kind of

Bo: limited on account of you beating the shit

Bo: out of strangers, man, and Mike's like yeah,

Bo: I need a job, real bad.

Chad: And Matthew Lillard says like I get that,

Chad: mike.

Chad: Hey, on a second, let me take a look at

Chad: your last name.

Chad: I never really took time to like read it

Chad: earlier.

Chad: I got caught up in all the details of your

Chad: latest battery charges.

Chad: Like let's see here, mike shit, like that's

Chad: a surprise.

Chad: Auga.

Chad: Like I do have a job for you.

Chad: It's like working as a security officer,

Chad: Like all you gotta do is keep people out of

Chad: the place overnight.

Chad: Man, Ha ha, ha ha.

Bo: And Mike is like uh, you said I've gotta

Bo: keep people out and also tidy the place up.

Bo: That's two things.

Bo: Hey, that sounds like a joke that could be

Bo: used as a callback later.

Bo: But I can't take this job because it's

Bo: nights and I don't work nights.

Chad: Hey, man, just take my card, you might

Chad: change your mind and Mike heads home and he

Chad: finds a red eviction notice on the door.

Chad: Mm-hmm.

Chad: And he walks inside his home to find Max, a

Chad: young woman in her late teens or early 20s

Chad: on the couch watching the home shopping

Chad: network where they are selling fake diamond

Chad: rings.

Chad: Now, I assumed that this was possibly

Chad: Mike's sister that the ice cream pixie was

Chad: referring to earlier.

Bo: Mm-hmm Could possibly be.

Chad: Josh Hutcherson in this movie was 30 years

Chad: old when it fell and he looks at Abby is 10.

Chad: Mm-hmm.

Chad: And I get that siblings can be 20 years

Chad: apart.

Chad: I understand enough about biology and

Chad: genealogy to grasp that concept.

Chad: However, as we said earlier, this movie

Chad: does not explicitly detail character

Chad: relationships and it is frustrating.

Bo: Also Max, as she's watching this show, like

Bo: you said, could be his sister, his

Bo: girlfriend.

Bo: Any relationship Like we don't understand

Bo: this relationship ever really as watching

Bo: TV she goes.

Chad: I sure wish somebody would buy me a ring.

Bo: Oh so she's his girlfriend, Right, Exactly,

Bo: but that's not what's going on Right, like

Bo: you say that line and what that tells me as

Bo: a viewer of other movies.

Bo: They're dating, she's more serious, but

Bo: Mike is all caught up in his own bullshit

Bo: and hasn't committed to the relationship.

Bo: I understand this relationship.

Bo: I understand these characters.

Bo: Oh wait, that's not what's going on here.

Chad: Oh, so it's just nothing we're going to

Chad: find out later that Max has a boyfriend

Chad: named Jeff, and she's not even interested

Chad: in Mike.

Chad: Right, this line shouldn't be in this movie.

Chad: It's so frustrating Jeff.

Bo: this movie sucks so much.

Chad: Mike goes to Abby's room and Abby's drawing

Chad: pictures with her crayons and Mike says hey,

Chad: abby, tell me about this drawing.

Chad: And Abby says that's you, these are my

Chad: friends.

Chad: And this happy little fellow in the sky is

Chad: the sun.

Chad: Talk about a call back.

Chad: And Mike says that's great, we're going to

Chad: eat now.

Chad: He sits on the bed and Abby says you're

Chad: sitting on my friend, and I'm like, oh so

Chad: she has imaginary friends.

Bo: Also does not matter.

Bo: In the movie Chad Not at all, because at no

Bo: point does he mistake what's going on at

Bo: Freddy's for her having imaginary friends.

Bo: That is never a thing, so why on earth do

Bo: it?

Chad: Yeah, I'll get into it a little bit later,

Chad: but I think that there's a way that you

Chad: could have stitched this together.

Chad: Just no one was paying attention at all.

Chad: So Mike and Abby get into it and it ends

Chad: with Mike breaking some of Abby's crayons

Chad: hey, abs, be glad, that's all he broke.

Chad: And Mike says fine, don't eat dinner.

Chad: But remember, kids, you don't eat dinner,

Chad: Stay the same size forever and don't get to

Chad: ride the adult rides at the amusement park.

Chad: And I was like none of this matters.

Chad: The imaginary friends, the broken crayons,

Chad: the amusement park bribe.

Chad: Abby looks like a kid who has zero interest

Chad: in going to an amusement park.

Bo: If she were drawing pictures of said

Bo: amusement parks, that would be something,

Bo: but none of that.

Bo: Oh Chad, why doesn't?

Chad: anything add up at this movie.

Chad: She tells Mike my friend thinks you're an

Chad: idiot and Mike says oh yeah, I'm real and

Chad: he leaves Uh-huh.

Chad: At this moment I paused and I thought I

Chad: think most ventriloquists had imaginary

Chad: friends as children.

Chad: And I think that Jeff.

Chad: Dunham's childhood, invisible friends were

Chad: all racist, sexist, homophobic nationalists.

Bo: Look ventriloquists, as children have to

Bo: get friends where they can find him, chad,

Bo: in the real world.

Bo: It's going to be a harsh place for

Bo: harvesting that kind of friendship.

Bo: Most of them are going to have to turn to

Bo: the invisible world.

Chad: Later that night, mike, he pops some

Chad: sleeping pills, turns on his cassette tape

Chad: player, pops on his headphones and we hear

Chad: nature noises and he stares up at the visit

Chad: Nebraska for a sign above his bed and he

Chad: drifts off to the land of Nod where that

Chad: night he had a dream.

Chad: He dreamt he was lighter than ether, a

Chad: floating spirit visiting things to come.

Chad: The shades and shadows of the people in his

Chad: life raised their way into his slumber.

Chad: He dreamt that Gale and Evelle had decided

Chad: to return to prison.

Chad: Probably that's just as well.

Chad: He didn't mean to sound superior, they were

Chad: as well a couple of guys, but maybe they

Chad: weren't ready to come out into the real

Chad: world.

Chad: Keep going.

Chad: And then I dreamt on into the future

Chad: farther than I'd ever dreamed before, to a

Chad: Christmas mourn in the Arizona home where

Chad: Nathan Jr was opening a present from a

Chad: kindly couple who preferred to remain

Chad: unknown.

Chad: Oh, it's man.

Chad: Now there's a screenplay that does not have

Chad: a word or a shot out of place.

Chad: You read the screenplay for Raising Arizona.

Chad: It is a blueprint for that movie.

Chad: The exception maybe, like one or two scenes

Chad: that were left on the cutting room floor

Chad: that arguably didn't need to be.

Bo: Yeah, like you said, that is a movie where

Bo: everything has a place and everything has

Bo: setting, tone, characterization.

Bo: It all builds to a thing Story arc,

Bo: resolution, honest to goodness, jokes Like

Bo: I think there are jokes in this movie,

Bo: although I'm not going to swear to that,

Bo: because nothing made me laugh or nothing

Bo: was amusing Our hero, by the way, popping

Bo: pills, because all heroes do that and then

Bo: having this vision where the movie's like,

Bo: hey, as if we weren't enough of a downer of

Bo: a film already and you're already confused

Bo: as to who these people are and what the

Bo: fuck is going on, let's do this weird dream

Bo: flashback where, yes, it's a dream, but

Bo: it's also a thing that totally happened

Bo: where, as a child, mike and his parents are

Bo: out camping, mike is put in charge of

Bo: watching the younger brother, garrett, who

Bo: goes missing, and the only thing you see is

Bo: a car pulling away and Mike screaming after

Bo: it.

Chad: Garrett has also got a red toy airplane in

Chad: his hand.

Bo: Yes, and then he wakes up.

Bo: I mean, that's sort of just.

Bo: We establish the dream because we're going

Bo: to spend an inordinate amount of time in

Bo: this movie, in that dream.

Chad: Also, anytime a kid is put into the back of

Chad: a car and driven away immediately hearkens

Chad: back to Mystic River.

Chad: Yeah.

Chad: Is that my girl in that car?

Chad: Is that my girl in that car?

Chad: There are only a handful of movies that

Chad: I've only seen once that were excellent

Chad: films that I will never, ever watch again.

Chad: Yeah, mystic River is on that list.

Bo: It's a great movie, but it's one and done.

Chad: I've only seen Schindler's list from

Chad: beginning to end once.

Chad: I think I will watch that again at some

Chad: point in my life, but it made such a

Chad: lasting impact that I was like I don't know

Chad: that I can go through that again.

Chad: I agree, I need some time, and watching

Chad: this kid drive off in the woods it's like

Chad: this is horrible.

Bo: Yeah, and then we go to, I guess, a scene

Bo: that's sort of played for last, which is

Bo: Mary Stuart Masterson as the aunt in a

Bo: lawyer's office or social workers office.

Bo: I would never really sure what this

Bo: character is.

Bo: The woman behind the desk.

Chad: Yeah, she's like the principal social

Chad: worker, counselor, something or something

Chad: that has some sort of legal standing or

Chad: something, but anyway.

Bo: So there's Mary Stuart Masterson as the

Bo: aunt, her dumpy lawyer, doug and Mike, yeah,

Bo: and the guidance counselor slash principal,

Bo: slash social worker is apparently

Bo: adjudicating some sort of custody hearing.

Bo: She has no legal authority to do any of

Bo: this?

Chad: Do we know that for sure?

Chad: Good point, mary Stuart Masterson.

Chad: She was almost a member of the brat pack

Chad: you know with, like Robert Downey Jr and

Chad: Demi Moore and that whole cast of the

Chad: breakfast club.

Chad: She did a bunch of work in television later

Chad: in her career.

Bo: Yeah, she's really good in some kind of

Bo: wonderful way.

Chad: She's kind of having fun in this as much as

Chad: possible.

Chad: She looks over at Mike in this setting and

Chad: she's like just look at my nephew.

Chad: It's not even 10 o'clock and he can barely

Chad: keep his eyes open.

Chad: This degenerate is the one they put in

Chad: charge of my mentally ill niece who loves

Chad: to color and talks to imaginary friends,

Chad: and I was like I'm not sure that a kid who

Chad: likes to draw and talks to imaginary

Chad: friends should be tagged as mentally ill,

Chad: Absolutely not.

Bo: She is seemingly a fairly normal child.

Chad: Completely, although I do like it when I

Chad: meet adults that have the audacity to refer

Chad: to a child as an old soul.

Chad: That's totally code, for this kid is a

Chad: weirdo.

Chad: Those kids that walk around wearing shawls

Chad: and reading 19th century poetry and drink

Chad: Earl Grey tea they really get into knitting

Chad: at an early age.

Chad: Like in all of this is self-initiated.

Bo: Yeah, I have a friend of mine whose kid

Bo: ironically plays 80s music on a mandolin

Bo: which.

Bo: I find very entertaining.

Bo: Don't get me wrong.

Bo: I'm not sure how it plays to the larger

Bo: crowd of students around them, but I'm into

Bo: it.

Bo: But yeah, it's that kind of thing of like

Bo: this is an affectation.

Chad: Here's something else that this movie just

Chad: butchers.

Chad: They never explain what happened to Mike's

Chad: parents.

Chad: They touch on it a little bit, one of them

Chad: is dead and then the other one just skips

Chad: tout.

Chad: And the aunt is this?

Chad: The mom sister, the dad sister?

Chad: Just having a line of dialogue, I promised

Chad: my sister I would make sure that their

Chad: youngest was taken care of.

Bo: Something like that, right, just anything

Bo: again, I'm so frustrated by this movie not

Bo: giving you important pieces of information,

Bo: and maybe this is stuff that's addressed in

Bo: the books or the games or something

Bo: surrounding Five Nights at Freddy's.

Chad: I think all of this is new nonsense.

Bo: But it's so poorly constructed Like almost

Bo: feels like it's a concerted effort to

Bo: conceal important pieces of information

Bo: about these characters, like they are going

Bo: out of their way to make it difficult to

Bo: understand what is happening in the

Bo: relationships between people At this point

Bo: the school counselor slash principal lady.

Chad: She says Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to

Chad: calm down.

Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says me, calm

Chad: down, I'm not the crazy one.

Chad: Plus, did you hear that Mike over here beat

Chad: up a dad in front of his kid at the mall

Chad: and he got fired from his job?

Chad: What a loser.

Chad: I'm the one who's more responsible to take

Chad: care of that nut job of a weirdo kid

Chad: outside.

Chad: Doug the lawyer hand him the papers and

Chad: then Doug the shlubby lawyer, he hands over

Chad: some official looking papers and shows that

Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson is requesting

Chad: guardianship over Abby.

Chad: Yes, this is where I want to pause for him,

Chad: please, and explain how you could make this

Chad: movie a little better, just with a few

Chad: tweaks.

Chad: Number one you don't have Mike be a dirtbag,

Chad: OK, prone to fits of rage and beating up

Chad: innocent fathers.

Chad: Yeah.

Bo: Yeah.

Chad: In public.

Bo: A heroic character acting heroic would be

Bo: great.

Bo: Yes.

Chad: Right, you can have that same scene.

Chad: Have Mike chase down the father and son and

Chad: confront him verbally, but then realize he

Chad: was in the wrong.

Chad: Ok, you get the same outcome without as

Chad: many bloody knuckles as we see.

Bo: May I tweak that very slightly Please?

Bo: So if he had confronted him and realized

Bo: the father being really angry and saying,

Bo: hey, this is my kid back off, that kind of

Bo: thing.

Bo: If Mike had then said something about you

Bo: need to take care of him I was worried

Bo: because he looked like he was in distress

Bo: and you need to love your son and go for

Bo: the emotional beat there where you

Bo: understand that Mike is kind of wounded and

Bo: is being haunted by this idea that he led

Bo: his brother down.

Bo: And then you got a thing.

Chad: Absolutely.

Chad: I completely agree.

Chad: The scene following that you have Mike go

Chad: see Abby and you have the two of them bond

Chad: with each other.

Chad: You show that they love each other and the

Chad: two are trying to get by the best they can.

Chad: You don't have him be at odds with Abby and

Chad: explain what happened to the mom and the

Chad: dad.

Chad: Here and in each of these cases, mike has

Chad: the best of intentions for other people.

Chad: The kid in the mall, as well as Abby, and

Chad: Mike is someone that we as the audience

Chad: want to root for.

Chad: Then, in this scene with the aunt, we're

Chad: rooting for Mike because you don't want him

Chad: to lose the one family member that he has

Chad: left and that he loves, and you know that

Chad: Abby loves him as well.

Bo: And you've proven that.

Bo: The one character trait that Mike has is he

Bo: wants to protect children.

Bo: Right, and if you give him who doesn't love

Bo: a person who wants to help and save

Bo: children at that point he is, you were

Bo: totally on his side for the entire movie.

Chad: Give him a dog and done deal.

Chad: Pal Right, mike looks at these papers

Chad: requesting guardianship and he says oh,

Chad: what if I don't sign these papers?

Chad: And Mary Stuart Masterson says well then

Chad: we'll see you in court and we'll make sure

Chad: you'll never see our sister again.

Chad: And both this, almost 20 minutes into the

Chad: movie, was the point where I realized

Chad: Abby's his sister.

Chad: And then Mike says you don't even care

Chad: about Abby, you just want that monthly

Chad: check from the state.

Chad: And I was like, wait, that's Mary Stuart

Chad: Masterson's motive, a monthly check from

Chad: the state.

Chad: She's got lawyer money.

Chad: Like, how much is this check?

Chad: If it's that much, why does Mike need a job?

Bo: If Mary Stuart Masterson is in financial

Bo: straits, just stop paying the lawyer and

Bo: that's your money for the month that you

Bo: would get from you know, taking care of the

Bo: child.

Bo: Also way less headaches.

Bo: Not paying a lawyer versus having a child

Bo: in your home.

Chad: The Mary Stuart Masterson and character is

Chad: not needed in this film.

Chad: She is a distracting second tier villain

Chad: with no real purpose other than serving as

Chad: a convoluted on ramp for some other

Chad: characters who we'll talk about in just a

Chad: moment.

Chad: All you have to do in this film is take the

Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson character and go cast

Chad: that social worker lady from the Megan

Chad: movie and have her serve the same purpose

Chad: that she did in the Megan movie,

Chad: essentially coming in saying like hey, Mike,

Chad: if you don't get a job, improve that you

Chad: are providing a stable environment for Abby.

Chad: The state is going to take her, put her in

Chad: a home and you're going to lose your sister.

Chad: Done and done.

Chad: Yes, you don't have to have this Cruella

Chad: DeVille character show up wanting to take

Chad: Abby and strip off her skin to make a coat

Chad: or something.

Bo: Yes, although that would have been much

Bo: better if they'd done that.

Bo: After Doug and Mary Stuart Masterson leave,

Bo: even Mike just turns to the principal slash

Bo: social worker and is like you know, I think

Bo: she's right.

Bo: I suck at this and you're like how am I

Bo: supposed to root for you if you're not

Bo: rooting for yourself?

Chad: He says to this principal lady I'm hardly

Chad: fit to raise a kid.

Chad: I'm prone to fits of rage.

Chad: I take a lot of pills.

Bo: I haven't fed her in two, no three days.

Bo: Dog food is expensive for a kid.

Bo: What the social worker slash principal even

Bo: says, like she has to talk a bit to it.

Bo: Like you know, pictures are very powerful

Bo: for children.

Bo: And guess who's in all of Abby's pictures?

Bo: It's you beating people up and yelling.

Bo: Yeah, I guess you're right that.

Bo: I guess I'm important to her and she's like

Bo: look first things first.

Bo: You need to find a steady job that doesn't

Bo: end with you beating someone up.

Bo: Is there a job that you know of where you

Bo: would be completely alone in an isolated

Bo: environment where you can do almost no

Bo: damage?

Chad: Just a few scenes ago, matthew Lilller gave

Chad: me this, this card with a number on it, and

Chad: he has a job that I could take.

Chad: Maybe I could call him.

Chad: Yes, mike, do that.

Bo: All right, just get him out of my office at

Bo: the school or government building where I

Bo: work.

Chad: So Mike and Abby, they return home and Mike

Chad: picks up the phone and calls Matthew

Chad: Lillard using an old style push button

Chad: phone.

Chad: What?

Bo: year is this?

Bo: I know?

Bo: I swear to God, if somebody on this

Bo: production team was like, no, we want to

Bo: make it timeless, you can go fuck yourself.

Bo: I need to know when this movie is taking

Bo: place, because when you specifically

Bo: reference a time period later, you're like,

Bo: oh, it happened in the 80s.

Bo: Ok, great.

Bo: So when is this?

Bo: Give me some reference for anything?

Chad: Fix up the earpiece and gives the old timey

Chad: phone a crank like Sarah.

Chad: Get me Mount Pilate, yeah.

Bo: Freddy's 467,.

Bo: Please Connecting yes, Lillard here.

Chad: Mike calls Matthew Lillard, says he'll take

Chad: the job and Matthew Lillard then gives us a

Chad: whole bunch of exposition and he says like

Chad: let me give you a little backstory on this

Chad: job.

Chad: Like back in the 80s, man, this place was

Chad: huge with kids, but it's been shut down for

Chad: years.

Chad: Like it's not been given the wrecking ball

Chad: because the owner is a sentimental kind of

Chad: guy.

Chad: I guess he had some troubles with break-ins

Chad: with like drunks and vagrants mostly.

Chad: Like there's a security system with cameras

Chad: inside and out and the electricity is a bit

Chad: iffy.

Chad: If anything happens, man, like flip the

Chad: power breaker in the office and just watch

Chad: the monitors and keep the people out.

Chad: Like it's a piece of cake.

Chad: Man.

Bo: And this is heavily taken from the first

Bo: game, like they're you know, these are the

Bo: instructions given which begs the question

Bo: why don't they ever do the thing that

Bo: happens in the game, which would actually

Bo: work in this movie, where he's watching the

Bo: monitors and seeing these things move

Bo: around, even if it's just for like a night,

Bo: and then you get back to the other story

Bo: that I don't care about.

Chad: Right, but why not do the thing that the

Chad: game is famous for.

Chad: It seems like it lends itself to a

Chad: suspenseful moment of the doors opening and

Chad: closing and the lights going off and on.

Chad: Yeah Well, also, they waver back and forth

Chad: as to whether or not the lumbering robots

Chad: are actual bad guys.

Bo: Right Another problem with this movie am I

Bo: supposed to be sympathetic towards these

Bo: horrifying animatronic monsters or am I

Bo: supposed to think they are horrifying

Bo: animatronic monsters?

Bo: Yes, and the movie never clearly says Not

Bo: at all Up until the end.

Chad: It's either or both and neither, but all of

Chad: that at the same time and at the same time.

Chad: None of that.

Chad: Yes, mike, during all of this exposition he

Chad: approaches the rundown Freddy Fazbear's

Chad: location.

Chad: He goes inside and the place doesn't really

Chad: look too worse for the wear.

Bo: Yeah, it looks like you could do some light

Bo: dusting in this place is ready for business.

Chad: Mike lips on the main power breaker, and

Chad: the front of the place lights up with this

Chad: cartoon sign with the bear on it and all of

Chad: these dancing lights.

Chad: The building now screams come here.

Chad: We're possibly over Right, why on?

Bo: earth.

Bo: Would you have all of this stuff still

Bo: turned on Again, looking at Matthew

Bo: Lillard's end game here, which is I now own

Bo: this building that is kept in working order,

Bo: where I have murdered children.

Bo: Spoilers.

Chad: Years, if not decades ago.

Bo: You're right, and I stopped, which is great,

Bo: sure, but I still might do it occasionally.

Bo: Some light child murder, a hobby, great,

Bo: where you're not doing it as you know, like,

Bo: hey, you want to make something you love

Bo: into something you hate.

Bo: Do it for a job, and Matthew Lillard has

Bo: learned this lesson.

Bo: It's like I can't just kill children all

Bo: the time, because then it becomes work and

Bo: I want to enjoy it.

Chad: You think it's a great idea to go live in

Chad: Las Vegas when you move there and a month

Chad: later you're like this was a mistake.

Bo: Yeah, so he is taking I don't know five

Bo: years, 10 years, 30 years off, whenever

Bo: this is after the 80s.

Chad: Let's also touch on the fact that Matthew

Chad: Lillard was looking at his name and it's

Chad: like oh, you happen to have the last name

Chad: of a kid that I murdered.

Chad: Yes, you should come work as a security

Chad: guard at the place, then gets upset when he

Chad: starts to sniff around and figure things

Chad: out.

Chad: Also, this place is full of robots that are

Chad: haunted with ghost children, that sing

Chad: secrets that you keep by the romantics over

Chad: and over again.

Bo: Yes.

Chad: Alright.

Chad: So Mike's in the back office and there's a

Chad: top load VCR with a tape in it with his

Chad: name on the outside.

Chad: Mike smashes it down and hits play and we

Chad: see this 80s era training video for

Chad: security guards at Freddy Fazbear's and it

Chad: tells you nothing.

Chad: You know she's just like hey welcome for

Chad: being a security guard here.

Chad: The owner of this place had two passions

Chad: family entertainment and free roaming

Chad: robots with lithium batteries to terrify

Chad: adults and children alike.

Chad: And then there's some distortion in the

Chad: video that hints that things are a little

Chad: wonky.

Chad: So Mike naturally smacks the TV, not

Chad: understanding that this is not an issue

Chad: with the monitor.

Chad: It's probably the cassette tape or the

Chad: player itself.

Chad: Mike, you unlikable dummy.

Chad: For some reason other than it was what was

Chad: next in the script, mike goes over and

Chad: opens a locker where we are greeted with a

Chad: failed jump scare including a nine inch

Chad: tall balloon boy figurine.

Chad: It kind of looks like it has one of those

Chad: oversized bobbleheads and the kids holding

Chad: a balloon and wearing a beanie cap, and

Chad: it's not even that creepy of a figurine.

Chad: And it's never explained in the movie

Chad: either.

Chad: It's in the movie a lot, and it's other

Chad: than here's this thing.

Bo: I think it's some kind of collectible from

Bo: the game.

Bo: Maybe maybe it's got to be some kind of nod

Bo: to the games that I just haven't played

Bo: enough to get.

Bo: But again, why on earth fill your movie

Bo: with stuff that is going to make it

Bo: impossible for someone who has not gone

Bo: down the rabbit hole of these games, Like,

Bo: yeah, I mean it was successful and all that,

Bo: but it is just impenetrable to anyone who

Bo: is not already in the world.

Bo: Why do you want to get an increasing share

Bo: of a shrinking market as opposed to make

Bo: this accessible for everyone?

Chad: Put yourself in Mike's shoes.

Chad: You walk over and you open a locker let's

Chad: assume Matthew Lillard said there was a

Chad: security vest for you to wear in a locker

Chad: and you open the locker and you see this

Chad: figurine that's the height of a soft drink,

Chad: can?

Chad: It's not going to scare you?

Bo: No, no, no, no, You're not going to.

Bo: Oh right, you would be like what the fuck

Bo: is this thing?

Chad: I knew a guy who used to go and purchase

Chad: large cardboard cutouts of people and leave

Chad: them at work.

Chad: It was in a restaurant, like in storage

Chad: rooms and in where we kept the liquor, and

Chad: he bought a six foot tall stone cold Steve

Chad: Austin.

Chad: He got a giant cutout of Jim Carrey in the

Chad: mask from an old Hollywood video and he

Chad: would just leave them in there to scare the

Chad: shit out of people when they opened up

Chad: these dark closets and found what they

Chad: initially thought was a human being waiting

Chad: for them Albeit, one of them wearing a

Chad: yellow suit suit and the other one wearing

Chad: tiny little black man panties holding a

Chad: crumpled beer can.

Chad: Uh-huh, but that scared people.

Chad: I get that Sure.

Chad: Oh my God, there's a person here.

Chad: I didn't open a locker and see a precious

Chad: moments figurine in there and shit my pants.

Bo: I like that bit of chaos that your coworker

Bo: was introducing, yeah, but you're right,

Bo: within the context of this movie, this

Bo: doesn't make sense and it's irrelevant and

Bo: unnecessary.

Bo: There's even a post credit stinger with

Bo: this same gag in it and it's like I don't

Bo: get this because there's nothing to get.

Chad: It doesn't make any sense.

Bo: Oh, I hate this so much Shit.

Chad: Mike wanders around the pizzeria and he

Chad: makes his way over to that big wall of

Chad: crayon drawings we saw in the opening

Chad: credits and he goes past the tables in the

Chad: dining room and he hears a kvunk in the

Chad: back and Mike says hello, because it's

Chad: probably one of those drunk vagrants.

Chad: Mm-hmm.

Chad: And Mike pulls back the curtain a bit and

Chad: for the first time, we get to see the

Chad: Freddie Fazbear characters, including

Chad: Freddie Fazbear, chica the chick, bonnie

Chad: the bunny and Foxy the pirate fox.

Chad: There is also a character in Chica's hand

Chad: known as Mr Cupcake.

Chad: Uh-huh.

Chad: Who, as you might guess, is a pink frosted

Chad: cupcake with buck teeth and eyeballs.

Bo: Who plays a larger than necessary role in

Bo: this movie, for it being a movie called

Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's Freddy's is

Bo: surprisingly irrelevant to this movie.

Chad: Right.

Chad: Also, they never explain why this is called

Chad: Five Nights at Freddy's.

Chad: You could have fixed this by having Matthew

Chad: Lillard say here's the job.

Chad: You're going to have a probationary period.

Chad: If you can survive the job for Five Nights,

Chad: I'll hire you full time.

Chad: So, Mike, after getting the lay of the land,

Chad: he goes back to the security room with the

Chad: monitors and he immediately falls asleep.

Bo: Right, there's a point this movie will get

Bo: to, where somebody specifically says just

Bo: stop sleeping at work.

Bo: Cut to him falling asleep at work.

Bo: It's like you suck at this.

Bo: No wonder you can't hold down a job.

Chad: He has two modes it's silence and rage.

Chad: He's from the Al Pacino School of

Chad: Employment.

Bo: The Al Pacino Narcoleptic School of Acty,

Bo: where this Freddy Fosman needs to have a

Bo: flamethrower taken to him.

Chad: Chica Foxy, mr Cupcake, fuck you too.

Bo: Say hello to my little friend.

Chad: All right.

Chad: So Mike falls asleep and he's having his

Chad: dream and it goes through the same motions

Chad: we saw the first time.

Chad: But this time Mike turns around in the

Chad: woods and he is surrounded by five children.

Chad: Anyone choosing to pay close attention to

Chad: this movie might realize that the five kids

Chad: in the woods staring at Mike one of them is

Chad: wearing rabbit ears, one of them has a

Chad: brown shirt, one is dressed in a red shirt,

Chad: one has a flat top hat, like he's on his

Chad: way to Barbershop Quartet rehearsal, and

Chad: one is dressed in a yellow shirt.

Chad: And these kids represent the animatronics

Chad: in the movie.

Chad: But this is not as explicitly spelled out

Chad: as it should be for a movie like this.

Bo: You know, I kind of clocked what was

Bo: happening here, and I don't mind that being

Bo: more subtle, I suppose, because at least

Bo: it's something, it's at least somebody

Bo: caring about what's happening in this movie,

Bo: and I'll give it points for effort here.

Bo: When there are so few moments in this movie

Bo: that speak of we care about this thing and

Bo: want it to be good, and this is one of

Bo: those few moments where like, oh, somebody

Bo: was trying here, that's nice, mike says hey,

Bo: weird kids.

Chad: did you see my brother get abducted by that

Chad: guy in that car that drove away?

Chad: And then all the kids scatter in different

Chad: directions and Mike chases the kid in the

Chad: brown shirt.

Chad: But Mike trips over rock and falls down and

Chad: he wakes up from sleeping on the job.

Chad: So that's night one.

Chad: Mike goes back home where Max the

Chad: babysitter not his girlfriend or his sister

Chad: she's sleeping on the couch and I thought

Chad: how much is he paying her to sleep at his

Chad: house overnight?

Chad: And does this security job pay Mike enough

Chad: money to cover the cost of an overnight

Chad: babysitter?

Bo: Oh wait, chad this is at least answered in

Bo: the script when he says um, I promise I'm

Bo: going to pay you eventually.

Chad: That's not how it works.

Bo: Payment is due upon receipt of services man

Bo: yeah, and then she's like that's okay, mike,

Bo: then she fucks off.

Chad: If you want to make Mike a more likeable

Chad: character you touch on this earlier Just

Chad: make Max his living girlfriend who's trying

Chad: to fix his troubled soul.

Chad: And she's the one like hey, I'll keep an

Chad: eye on Abby, you got this night job, you go

Chad: do what you got to do.

Chad: That'd be great, just do that.

Bo: Yeah, how about anything, anything that

Bo: makes him likeable?

Bo: That'd be great.

Bo: Mike goes to check in on Abby who is still

Bo: asleep.

Bo: Of course she got some of his pills.

Bo: Well, you know, he leaves them in the

Bo: drawer right under his 1980s era Walkman I

Bo: thought you were going to say his pit house

Bo: and hustler magazines.

Bo: That would make him more likeable as a

Bo: character, because at least it would make

Bo: him relatable.

Chad: We've learned when you give a character

Chad: pornography in a movie, that makes them

Chad: likeable at that, and when they pull a

Chad: flask out and kind of give it the, you're

Chad: like, oh, you're a sad character that I'm

Chad: not supposed to empathize with.

Bo: We watch movies very differently.

Bo: Basically, anytime Jeff Bridges pulls out a

Bo: flask in a movie which is about 90% of his

Bo: performances, I am more on board with his

Bo: character.

Chad: You know, a movie that I really disliked

Chad: was something about Mary, and I only found

Chad: one scene in that movie to genuinely make

Chad: me laugh out loud, and it's the scene where

Chad: we first meet Matt Dillon's character as

Chad: the private investigator and he stands up

Chad: from behind his desk and his pants the belt

Chad: is open and they're undone and the zipper

Chad: is down as a characteristic of being a real

Chad: sleazeball.

Bo: This dude was just sitting at work with his

Bo: pants really open because he was stroking

Bo: it at some point.

Chad: Maybe not now, but he was the spectrum of

Chad: what was going on, from anything that was

Chad: more self gratifying to just like I just

Chad: need to air things out a little bit.

Bo: Have you ever been in that position?

Bo: I'm just trying to think of a time where I

Bo: felt like I needed some breeze.

Chad: The place looked like it didn't have very

Chad: good air conditioning.

Chad: I'm trying to give him a bit of it, so

Chad: let's get back to this movie, which is

Chad: arguably worse than something about Mary.

Chad: I would agree with that.

Chad: We got to this diner where Mary Stuart

Chad: Masterson and her sad sack lawyer, doug,

Chad: are there and, shocker of shockers, bo Max,

Chad: the babysitter, is there with her

Chad: aforementioned boyfriend, jeff.

Chad: Now the waiter comes over and Mary Stuart

Chad: Masterson informs the waiter that they are

Chad: not eating, and then there's a little back

Chad: and forth about breakfast being the most

Chad: important meal of the day.

Chad: Now the waiter is played by YouTuber Matt

Chad: Pat, who was the individual that created a

Chad: detailed analysis of video game mythologies,

Chad: including the Five Nights at Freddy's, one

Chad: that I watched, and for those who are in

Chad: the know, this was a huge deal that he had

Chad: a part in this movie.

Chad: All right, tell those kids that you work

Chad: with that.

Chad: Hey, did you see Matt Pat, and that'll

Chad: score you some points.

Chad: They know, I don't care.

Chad: You can pretend like you care.

Bo: Yeah, I blew their minds when I let them

Bo: know I knew what rainbow six siege was.

Bo: I've got all the points I need.

Bo: Right now they're scheming.

Bo: They're in a diner plotting.

Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson berates Max.

Chad: She's like what am I in yet and get an A

Chad: dirt on Mike?

Chad: And she's like, no, he's a pretty good guy.

Chad: She's trying to take care of Abby.

Chad: And then the boyfriend, Jeff, Chimes it hey,

Chad: Mary Stuart Masterson, you need to pay us

Chad: the $200 you owe us.

Chad: And by us I mean Max, because she did all

Chad: the babysitting for no money.

Chad: And this was the one moment in the movie

Chad: that made me laugh.

Chad: Doug the sad sack lawyer says I shouldn't

Chad: be here.

Chad: I shouldn't be hearing any of that, Right.

Bo: And Mary Stuart Masterson kind of sits them

Bo: down, which makes me think that they're in

Bo: some kind of weird sexual relationship

Bo: where she's definitely in charge.

Bo: We definitely watch movies differently.

Bo: So this boyfriend Jeff is like why don't we

Bo: just kill him?

Chad: I like the way you think, but that's a

Chad: little bit too much for right now.

Chad: What's your plan be?

Bo: Doug immediately gets up against like I

Bo: definitely don't need to be here for

Bo: accessory to murder.

Chad: Sit down, dougie, you're not going anywhere.

Chad: Yes, ma'am.

Bo: Yeah, so he sits back down.

Bo: Remember, I want you to wear that skirt

Bo: later.

Chad: Jeff comes in with plan B.

Chad: What if we just go in and toss the place?

Chad: No break in, mess it up, mike gets fired,

Chad: you get Abby.

Chad: It's a plan so stupid Even the laziest of

Chad: screenwriters could think of it and you

Chad: give us $2,000.

Bo: I like it, but how about 1000?

Bo: All right, that seems like more weight.

Bo: And so, anyway, they're off to roll this

Bo: place.

Bo: Cut to Mike on his bed.

Bo: He's jumping on the bed to get the Nebraska

Bo: poster down.

Bo: Abby comes in wearing his best and it's

Bo: like I want to come with you to work.

Bo: And he's like I don't think that's a good

Bo: idea because I got to do a lot of sleep in

Bo: there and I don't have time to watch you

Bo: and sleep.

Bo: And then Max shows up and is like hey,

Bo: don't you have to go to work?

Bo: He's like, yeah, abby's in a real mood.

Bo: So you know, you got your hands full

Bo: tonight and I know I still haven't paid you,

Bo: but I'm gone.

Bo: One day I'll tell you what.

Bo: Let me give you some imaginary bucks 50,

Bo: 100, 150.

Bo: Let's make it a thousand imaginary dollars.

Bo: You can spend these in your dreams.

Chad: So off he goes to work.

Chad: There's a thunderstorm outside for

Chad: atmosphere in the back room.

Chad: He has now placed his visit Nebraska poster

Chad: above the security monitors lightning

Chad: flashes.

Bo: We do get a silhouette of bunny ears as he

Bo: sleeps at the security desk, just to let

Bo: you know that creepy things are afoot.

Bo: Not that you're going to see any of those

Bo: anytime soon, but you know it's nice to let

Bo: you know that somewhere else in the movie a

Bo: movie is happening.

Chad: Mike, of course, is asleep having the same

Chad: dream.

Chad: Those five kids show up.

Chad: Mike asked them hey, don't run.

Chad: And then they run and Mike chases them.

Chad: But this time he decides to chase the kid

Chad: in the orange-ish red shirt because he's a

Chad: little bit of a porker.

Bo: I can catch this one.

Chad: He grabs this kid and the child swipes at

Chad: his arm and the kid screams and his eyes

Chad: are now all black and dripping with goo,

Chad: which you've seen in multiple other movies.

Chad: Mike wakes up and there is a young, blonde

Chad: haired female police officer knocking on

Chad: the door of Freddie Fazbear.

Chad: Now her name is Officer Vanessa.

Chad: When Mike opens the door, she says hey,

Chad: you're bleeding.

Chad: Come on, I know where they keep the first

Chad: aid kits in this place.

Bo: Okay, what.

Chad: Officer Vanessa takes Mike to the back

Chad: office and she gets the bandages and

Chad: Officer Vanessa says I love what you've

Chad: done to the place.

Chad: Say the Nebraska poster with the forest.

Chad: Why Nebraska?

Chad: Never mind, there's no need to answer my

Chad: question.

Chad: Well, she also tells him she is a certified

Chad: EMT.

Bo: Oh yeah, well, that's because everybody is

Bo: everything in this movie.

Bo: You're a principal slash.

Bo: Guidance counselor, slash, attorney.

Bo: You're a cop slash.

Bo: Emt, slash, cpa, slash plot critical

Bo: character, yeah, and she's like hey, have

Bo: you met them yet?

Bo: Then she goes around flipping on lights

Bo: again, letting us know that she has a

Bo: connection to this place far beyond

Bo: anything Mike is even asking about, because

Bo: she knows literally everything, she knows

Bo: where everything is.

Bo: Oh, hey, you got to jiggle this one a

Bo: little bit.

Bo: He's like what?

Bo: And then she casually mentions oh, I'm sure

Bo: you've heard about all the kids that went

Bo: missing too.

Bo: And he's like the kids.

Bo: Mike, you are the worst protagonist in film

Bo: history.

Bo: You don't know shit about shit and have no

Bo: curiosity.

Bo: And then there's just a short, all the

Bo: animatronics go down before they can start

Bo: dancing around and whatnot.

Bo: Also, vanessa, inexplicably, as the music

Bo: starts kicking up, she's like shall we

Bo: dance, mike?

Bo: What is this character?

Bo: What is happening here?

Bo: She is the EMT, slash police officer.

Bo: Slash dance instructor.

Bo: Slash is immediately attracted to this

Bo: loser that she found sleeping on the job

Bo: Like, and she also points out.

Chad: when I was bandaging your arm, your blood

Chad: pressure is elevated and your eyes are

Chad: dilated.

Chad: You're clearly on drugs.

Chad: You haven't shaved in a week.

Chad: You smell bad.

Bo: Here's my number, call me and he is

Bo: neglected to tell her yet about the child

Bo: that he's neglecting at home.

Bo: So he really wants to seal the deal.

Bo: Oh, I also have a sister that I am not

Bo: paying attention to.

Chad: It's also, in my opinion, not strange that

Chad: she knows where things are in this building,

Chad: because I thought she just worked there

Chad: once upon a time.

Chad: It wasn't so suspicious.

Chad: In fact, if you'd been smart, you would

Chad: have said I used to work here, yes.

Chad: And then you're like, oh, that's how she

Chad: knows this stuff.

Chad: And then when you get the wink, wink, big

Chad: reveal at the end, you're like oh she was

Chad: lying.

Bo: Yes, that would be great.

Bo: Any of that would be fine.

Chad: Instead, what you get is nothing, hey

Chad: you're not an official security night sleep

Chad: person.

Chad: And she goes over to the prize drawers and

Chad: she pulls out a Freddie Fazbear security

Chad: badge and pins it onto Mike and she's like

Chad: now you're official, all right.

Chad: So we cut to the next morning and the sun's

Chad: coming up and Mike is locking up the place

Chad: and Officer Vanessa, who is still there,

Chad: yeah, her patrol is apparently this old,

Chad: abandoned building and the surrounding

Chad: parking lot.

Chad: And then she says don't let this place get

Chad: to you, Do your job and you'll be fine.

Bo: What are you again, besides coming in here

Bo: bandaging my arm, kind of flirting with me,

Bo: not answering direct questions, dancing to

Bo: the Romantics secrets that you keep.

Bo: Yeah.

Bo: So after he leaves this Shlub, jeff calls

Bo: Max and is like hey, you need to come join

Bo: me as soon as Mike is home, because we're

Bo: here at Freddy's and we're ready to toss

Bo: this place.

Bo: Yeah, and so they are then joined by some

Bo: old fat dude.

Chad: And some younger guy like these two

Chad: nameless goons.

Bo: Absolutely, and in my notes they were fat

Bo: dude and earphones kid, because those are

Bo: their defining characteristics they don't

Bo: really speak and they don't really have

Bo: names.

Bo: They're just fat dude and earphones kid.

Chad: Yeah, and the fat dude is in his fifties.

Chad: Yeah, he looks like the kind of guy who is

Chad: a mall Santa.

Chad: You're on the fence as to whether or not

Chad: you're going to let your kid go talk to

Chad: this dude.

Chad: Maybe I don't.

Bo: I know he's got a record, but still, the

Bo: line is short and we're here there is a

Bo: dude that showed up in a bunch of 80s

Bo: sitcoms that look exactly like this guy,

Bo: mickey Jones.

Bo: If you look up Mickey Jones, oh yeah, I

Bo: know this guy.

Bo: Yeah, you absolutely know who Mickey Jones

Bo: is.

Bo: If you were to the age him digitally 15 to

Bo: 20 years, it would be this fat guy

Bo: wandering around Freddy's.

Chad: Yeah, I can see that this guy has been in

Chad: everything.

Bo: What?

Bo: How did I miss the fat bearded guy boat on

Bo: this?

Bo: You know, I could have been the one in

Bo: Grizzly Adams in the Legend of Dark

Bo: Mountain, chad that could have been me.

Bo: Or it came from outer space to, or in the

Bo: heat of the night, one episode.

Bo: Or in the Colby's, one episode.

Bo: Or the trucker and star man, any of these

Bo: things that, that could have been me.

Chad: It could have, but it was a real sliding

Chad: door situation.

Chad: Yeah, so they start trashing this place as

Chad: they're smashing up the place, the

Chad: headphones guy ends up in the kitchen and

Chad: something in the refrigerator rumbles, so

Chad: he opens it up, like you do in situations

Chad: like this.

Chad: And he finds Mr Cupcake, the robot with the

Chad: pink icing and the buck teeth and the big

Chad: eyes, headphones, goon turns around and

Chad: then, when he looks back at the fridge, mr

Chad: Cupcake is gone.

Chad: But then, when he returns his gaze back to

Chad: the kitchen, here Chica, the six foot tall

Chad: robot chicken, is holding Mr Cupcake, who

Chad: now has on his angry eyes.

Chad: And Mr Cupcake leaps in the air towards

Chad: this goon, killing him with his big

Chad: chompers.

Chad: I guess, and then the fat hillbilly goon.

Chad: How did this crew get assembled?

Bo: Right, how did they all meet?

Bo: This feels like a real like.

Bo: We were all there for Jan 6th.

Bo: They met at the arraignment when they were

Bo: all in Pelosi's office.

Bo: Were you the one who got her gavel?

Bo: I was man.

Bo: You were my hero.

Bo: Let's go toss up Chuck E Cheese.

Chad: Dude, I want to shake the hand of the man

Chad: who smeared shit down the walls of the

Chad: Capitol.

Chad: Give it here.

Bo: Brother, you're a real patriot.

Bo: I haven't taken a shit in the hollowed

Bo: halls of the seat of our government.

Bo: You ought to be on Mount Rushmore for

Bo: having had the courage to take a shit on

Bo: the desk of the Alexa of the house.

Bo: My hat is off to you, sir, and I tip my

Bo: mullet in your direction.

Chad: Fat bearded guy.

Chad: He's in the main dining room and he hears

Chad: some rumblings in the air ducts that lead

Chad: to the kitchen.

Chad: So he wanders over and he sees Mr Cupcake

Chad: with his mouth around the head of the

Chad: younger goon.

Chad: And then Chica looks over at the bearded

Chad: fat old man and gives him the stink eye.

Chad: So you're like, oh, this guy's in trouble

Chad: Right.

Chad: Then we cut over to Jeff, who is wandering

Chad: around and stealing what he can and

Chad: honestly, this is not a very big restaurant.

Chad: It's not like they're in some haunted house

Chad: with multiple levels, like there's a

Chad: kitchen, the dining room, the game room and

Chad: the stages, there's a storage room in the

Chad: office and a lot of hallways.

Chad: I still don't understand the layout of the

Chad: building.

Chad: Jeff makes his way to the back office and

Chad: he sees the security monitors and hear the

Chad: old fat bearded man.

Chad: He just comes shrieking through the

Chad: restaurant and he hides in a utility closet

Chad: and he reaches up to turn on the light,

Chad: only to find Bonnie, the six foot tall blue

Chad: bunny, in there with him.

Chad: And then outside we hear some thumps and

Chad: rumbles until we see a hand smack on the

Chad: glass and smear the window with blood.

Chad: So I guess Jeff is the only one that's left.

Chad: And then Bonnie walks out of the utility

Chad: closet and Jeff sees the blue bunny.

Chad: Jeff runs back to the office where he looks

Chad: at the monitors and sees Chica and Bonnie

Chad: placing Mr Cupcake in the air vents.

Chad: And then they stare up at the camera like

Chad: you're next bucko.

Chad: And then Jeff hears Mr Cupcake headed his

Chad: way in the vents.

Chad: Jeff holds the air vent great shut by

Chad: leaning back up against it, and then we

Chad: hear a door creak open.

Chad: Jeff peeks outside, then he steps outside

Chad: and then the office door slam shut and we

Chad: hear this sort of signature song.

Chad: It's doom deem, doom, deem doom, deem doom,

Chad: deem, doom, deem doom.

Chad: This was the sound that we heard at the

Chad: beginning with that security guard who got

Chad: his, and then, I think, jeff is attacked by

Chad: Foxy the Fox and then that's pretty much

Chad: the end of this scene.

Bo: Well, Max comes inside to look for him.

Chad: Oh, that's right.

Bo: And then she sees and hears a ghost kid and

Bo: goes in search of him and then finds this

Bo: room of the animatronic parts of all the

Bo: various creatures.

Bo: There is this giant bear standing there,

Bo: and so she looks inside and doesn't see

Bo: anybody there.

Bo: Like gets like a stepladder so she can more

Bo: fully put her head and body into the mouth

Bo: of this thing, and then a hand grabs her

Bo: from within and then she's bitten in half,

Bo: which is maybe the only thing in the movie

Bo: where I was like, say, somebody getting

Bo: bitten in half and seeing their lower half

Bo: hit the ground.

Chad: That's something, but it's all done in

Chad: shadow, yeah, so you don't really see

Chad: anything.

Chad: Me you do, but you don't.

Chad: There's no blood.

Chad: You see her legs kifunk to the ground,

Chad: right.

Chad: That's the majority of the gore and horror

Chad: in this film.

Chad: We really leave that alone until the very

Chad: end of the movie.

Chad: Well, and at the end there's nothing either.

Chad: No, back at Mike and Abby's house.

Chad: Abby's watching some public domain cartoons

Chad: and Mike comes in and says what are you

Chad: drawing there, abby?

Chad: And she ignores him.

Chad: And then Mike says I guess you don't want

Chad: this then and he tosses that toy Freddy

Chad: Fazbear security badge on the table and she

Chad: looks at it and just chunks it off.

Chad: Mike puts it in a drawer that has those

Chad: legal papers he got earlier with his aunt.

Chad: He's like I'm trying to do the best I can

Chad: to make money to get a babysitter to raise

Chad: you.

Chad: Come me some slack.

Chad: And he runs off.

Chad: Then Abby goes to the drawer and opens it

Chad: up and she finds the legal papers.

Chad: Mike walks back in and Abby says why do you

Chad: have these papers?

Chad: I don't want to live with Mary Stuart

Chad: Masterson.

Chad: She was in that female young guns knockoff

Chad: called Bad Girls and since then her

Chad: career's never recovered and she's like

Chad: take your rights.

Chad: Why are you giving me away?

Bo: And then Vanessa inexplicably shows up and

Bo: is like hey, can we talk?

Bo: Because apparently there was a break in at

Bo: Freddy's and I found your prescription

Bo: sleeping pills there which, honestly, if

Bo: the place were really robbed, those things

Bo: would have been gone First thing they would

Bo: have taken.

Chad: Yeah, for sure they would have ignored

Chad: what's on the label and they would have

Chad: been like you know what?

Chad: Prove it.

Chad: Start taking these boys, let's find out if

Chad: they really knock you out.

Chad: During this scene, abby peeks around behind

Chad: Mike and she's like, hi, I'm Abby, the

Chad: normal one in this movie.

Chad: And then officer Vanessa says oh Mike, is

Chad: this your daughter?

Chad: And I was like hey, join the?

Chad: I Just Ask that Same question, club Officer

Chad: Vanessa.

Bo: Where were you 30 minutes ago, officer

Bo: Vanessa?

Bo: Why weren't you interrogating these

Bo: characters then?

Bo: That's what movies like this need is a cop

Bo: to show up and be like no, no, no.

Bo: Before we go any further in this movie, I

Bo: have some questions.

Bo: First of all, how are you related to her?

Bo: Second of all, why can't you hold down a

Bo: job?

Bo: Third of all, what is your job?

Bo: Are you a principal or a social worker?

Bo: Social worker?

Bo: You say okay, well, that makes some sense.

Bo: All right, everybody, carry on with the

Bo: movie.

Bo: Now I need plot cop.

Chad: Mike says she's my sister, abby.

Chad: Go another room and draw pictures of dead

Chad: kids.

Chad: We're going to go have adult talk.

Chad: So these two walk off and they pop a squat

Chad: next to a drainage ditch.

Chad: Mike says I used to have a brother named

Chad: Garrett when I was 12 years old.

Chad: This guy took Garrett when we were out in

Chad: the woods and they never found my brother

Chad: or the guy who took him.

Chad: This guy at the mall.

Chad: He read me a book with no pictures called

Chad: Dream Theory, about how you can't forget

Chad: anything because everything you see is

Chad: stored up in your head like a computer.

Chad: I have dreams to see if I can find who took

Chad: my brother.

Chad: Now you're probably going to say that I'm

Chad: crazy.

Chad: An officer of Vanessa says I'm not going to

Chad: say you're crazy because of that crazy

Chad: thing you just said.

Chad: Your sister seems kind of cool.

Chad: What happened to your parents?

Chad: My mom died and my dad something.

Chad: Or maybe my dad died and my mom something.

Chad: I don't know.

Chad: What are you going to do?

Chad: Seems important, but whatever.

Bo: Then Vanessa is like hey, you can't sleep

Bo: on the job anymore.

Bo: Ok, like I'm going to willingly cover up

Bo: your involvement in this crime.

Bo: I'm going to leave all of this out of the

Bo: official police report and do you a solid

Bo: let's not worry about investigating this

Bo: crime, and I guess you can make the

Bo: argument that she probably knows what

Bo: happened to these people.

Bo: But also, this seems like dirty cop.

Bo: She is living down the street from De Niro

Bo: in Copland if this is her regular routine.

Chad: What?

Chad: Let's assume she is a real cop and this

Chad: isn't just a costume.

Chad: She got it party city.

Bo: Well, I'd be plot cop to show up and ask

Bo: that question.

Bo: Yeah, go ahead.

Chad: Right, and then she's driving around in the

Chad: blues mobile or something like that.

Chad: If she is a real cop, because her patrol is

Chad: Freddy Fazbear's in the parking lot, she

Chad: went inside and found the dead bodies and

Chad: his pill bottle and came back.

Chad: It doesn't square how her character fits

Chad: into the broader narrative that they're

Chad: telling Because she's not on the side of

Chad: William Afton.

Chad: None of this is thought out.

Bo: Yes.

Bo: So if she is covering things up, then why

Bo: leave the bodies around?

Bo: Because at the end of the movie we see all

Bo: the bodies exactly where they were Like.

Bo: If she's trying to cover this up, why leave

Bo: bodies to rot in here?

Chad: None of this fits together.

Chad: It might cause Max to see if she can sleep

Chad: over for another all night babysitting job,

Chad: but remember, max is dead and in two pieces

Chad: minimum.

Chad: So Mike takes Abby to Freddy Fazbear's for

Chad: his work.

Chad: So they go inside and the places in ruins

Chad: from the break in earlier.

Chad: Honestly, that's what this place should

Chad: have looked like when he arrived the first

Chad: time, because vagrants and drunks were in

Chad: there.

Chad: That's what vagrants and drunks do I know

Chad: from firsthand experience.

Chad: I was that vagrant and drunk Mike then

Chad: instead he builds a fort for Abby to sleep

Chad: in and as she does his off, abby says it's

Chad: like camping Mike, without all the child

Chad: abduction.

Chad: Mike goes to the utility closet and he

Chad: finds a small blood smear on the door.

Chad: He's like that's weird.

Chad: I don't remember that, but whatever.

Chad: Then we get another lukewarm jump scare

Chad: from that balloon boy figurine.

Chad: Mike then begins to clean up the place and

Chad: then, after cleaning up, mike goes to start

Chad: his night three of his five nights at

Chad: Freddy's and he puts on his headset and

Chad: listens to his cassette tape of nature

Chad: sounds and of course he falls asleep Right

Chad: After being explicitly told by Vanessa I'm

Chad: going to keep you out of this criminal

Chad: investigation.

Bo: The one thing I need you to do is to keep

Bo: on your toes and not sleep at work.

Bo: All right.

Chad: Also earlier, when they were by the

Chad: drainage ditch, she chunked his

Chad: prescription pills into the swamp water.

Bo: Good, you need to keep this guy on his

Bo: fucking toes.

Chad: So he's asleep.

Chad: Abby is in her tent and she hears a voice

Chad: cry out Abby.

Chad: So she wakes up and wanders through the

Chad: restaurant and makes her way to the dining

Chad: room with a hello, Is anyone there?

Chad: I know you're back there.

Chad: You might as well come out.

Chad: And then we see the eyes of Freddy Fazbear

Chad: light up and this lumbering robot clomp,

Chad: clomp, clomp out onto the stage of the

Chad: pizzeria, Cut to Mike's dream where he sees

Chad: the kid in the brown shirt in the woods.

Chad: And Mike says hey, you're those kids, right,

Chad: the ones who disappeared in the 80s.

Chad: I don't know how it's possible You're here

Chad: in my dream, but I need your help.

Chad: Help me remember who took my brother

Chad: Garrett.

Chad: And this kid stands up and says all right,

Chad: If we show you, what are you going to give

Chad: us?

Chad: And Mike says I'll give you anything.

Chad: And then we hear Abby screaming.

Chad: The boy disappears and on the ground is an

Chad: outline of a giant bunny character.

Chad: Mike wakes up.

Chad: Here's the sister screaming.

Chad: He runs into the dining room and finds all

Chad: four of the robots are now off the stage

Chad: surrounding Abby.

Chad: Mike grabs a chair because rage kicks in.

Chad: And.

Chad: Abby emerges from the circle of robots and

Chad: says they were tickling me so much I

Chad: thought I would die.

Chad: Freddy Fazbear, this is my brother, mike.

Chad: Mike, meet the others.

Chad: Bonnie Foxy and Chica everyone.

Chad: This is Mike and Mike's just freaked out.

Bo: Of course he is.

Bo: It is stunned, shocked.

Bo: Then he's like we got to go home and she's

Bo: like OK, and then draws a picture of a

Bo: heart that she gives to Freddy.

Bo: Then they give her a hug and they just go

Bo: home.

Chad: Freddy Fazbear does give a bit of a

Chad: protective growl toward Mike and that's

Chad: night three in the books.

Chad: Mike doesn't ask any questions, he just

Chad: leaves Back at home, puts Abby to bed.

Chad: Also, I love in movies like this where at

Chad: the beginning we see kids going to school,

Chad: but then later in the movie the filmmakers

Chad: just totally forget that this kid should be

Chad: going to school.

Bo: I had that same thing in my notes of like

Bo: is she being homeschooled at a certain

Bo: point?

Bo: Is Max taking over for this?

Bo: I don't know.

Bo: Mike is looking through all of Abby's

Bo: pictures and puts together, somehow or

Bo: another, making the illogical leap that all

Bo: of these kids that are showing up in his

Bo: dreams, and all these kids that she's

Bo: drawing are the robots, are the spirits of

Bo: those kids.

Chad: It is a leap.

Bo: It's a crazy thing to say and or think he

Bo: just looked at this picture.

Bo: He's like it's them, yeah.

Chad: So a little bit later there's some ominous

Chad: music playing and we cut to Abby eating a

Chad: very crunchy grilled cheese.

Chad: It's the kind of crunch that implies a

Chad: butchered roof of the mouth.

Chad: And Mike's there and he says so, abby,

Chad: let's talk about last night, those machines.

Chad: And Abby interrupts and says my friends.

Chad: And Mike says, yeah, your friends are they?

Chad: And Abby interrupts and says ghosts.

Chad: And I was like that's not the word that

Chad: immediately comes to mind when finishing

Chad: Mike's Senate starter up your friends, are

Chad: they?

Chad: Yes.

Chad: But are they dangerous?

Chad: Are they going to kill me tonight?

Chad: Are they soft because they look soft?

Chad: Are they capable of playing any song other

Chad: than the Romantics' secrets that you keep?

Bo: I would not think.

Bo: Are they ghosts?

Bo: It's a great question and, yeah, she

Bo: quickly volunteers this.

Chad: She says of course they're ghosts.

Chad: How else could they make the robots move?

Chad: These robots have ghosts in them.

Chad: And also, why don't you call them ghost

Chad: bots?

Bo: Ghost bots is a better name for the movie

Bo: in general.

Chad: And their insides would be the poltergears.

Bo: Oh, I like all of this.

Bo: Well, instead of sprockets, they've got

Bo: spookits.

Chad: There you go poltergears and spookits.

Bo: As they're having this awful lunch, he's

Bo: like, hey, do you remember when we had that

Bo: brother one time?

Bo: And she's like, kind of, because I didn't

Bo: exist?

Bo: I don't think, of course she didn't.

Chad: There was no baby at the picnic in his

Chad: dream.

Bo: He's like well, we did, and I think some of

Bo: your ghost bots know something about this.

Bo: She's like, yeah, a boy with blonde hair

Bo: told me about that.

Bo: Oh yeah, what else do you guys talk about?

Bo: Is it dirty?

Bo: No, but we do talk about this yellow rabbit.

Bo: Sometimes they're scared of him.

Chad: Here we are to understand that Abby talks

Chad: to ghosts.

Bo: That's right.

Chad: Like in the sixth sense.

Chad: Yes, and at her house she had an imaginary

Chad: friend.

Chad: Was that imaginary friend a ghost, or was

Chad: that just an imaginary friend?

Bo: I don't know, maybe that's a thing I don't

Bo: know.

Chad: How about this?

Chad: Makers of Five Nights at Freddy's, try this

Chad: one on for Scythe, seeing as you're not

Chad: really following any of the real canon of

Chad: the overly complex and confusing backstory

Chad: of the games.

Chad: Make Abby's imaginary friend the ghost of

Chad: Garrett the dead brother, and you let Abby

Chad: be totally in the dark that they even had a

Chad: brother.

Chad: And then, when it's revealed that Garrett

Chad: is her brother and is talking to her, that

Chad: you're able to kind of leverage this to tie

Chad: it to the other ghost kids to lead them to

Chad: the abductor and the one who killed him.

Chad: But that wouldn't require the pizza

Chad: restaurant robots.

Chad: And that movie is also called the

Chad: Changeling.

Chad: Now that I'm, talking about it.

Bo: Yeah, but it would be something as opposed

Bo: to the nothing that this movie is.

Chad: Have Abby be in the dark, that they ever

Chad: had a brother, that she was born after the

Chad: fact and they say that mom and dad never

Chad: talked about him and have her say, like

Chad: that's the name of my imaginary friend.

Chad: There's the connection.

Chad: Yeah, because Garrett was murdered but he's

Chad: not one of the Five Nights at Freddy's

Chad: ghostbots.

Bo: No, he was just apparently killed.

Bo: He was just a test run For so much of the

Bo: movie being spent talking about this

Bo: missing brother.

Bo: Once you get the reveal of like, oh, this

Bo: person killed the yellow rabbit, killed him,

Bo: and Matthew Lillard is behind it.

Bo: All that's it.

Bo: That's the only information you have.

Bo: Yeah, it stops right there.

Bo: Yeah, and you need more information about

Bo: this.

Bo: What happened to the body?

Bo: And is he one of the toys?

Bo: No, yes, did anyone bother to answer these

Bo: questions?

Chad: How about this?

Chad: You take the brown shirt kid, who's Freddy,

Chad: and cast him as Garrett and that kid gets

Chad: abducted.

Chad: And then every time you see the kids in the

Chad: woods, you only see the four kids and you

Chad: never see the Freddy Fazbear representation.

Chad: And then in the dream it is revealed to

Chad: Mike that Garrett is one of the ghostbots.

Bo: I think that sounds great, or even show him

Bo: in the dream so that when it comes to the

Bo: point where they're asking Mike, what would

Bo: you give up?

Bo: And Garrett himself can say I can live

Bo: again, but you have to trade me for Abby.

Bo: Essentially, Any of that is something other

Bo: than the big fucking nothing that this

Bo: movie gives you in relation, like those

Bo: little things, little changes that don't

Bo: cost you any more money, it's just dialogue

Bo: and it gives you some emotional connection

Bo: and some emotional hook.

Bo: In this movie You're spending a lot of

Bo: money on these animatronics and those look

Bo: pretty good.

Bo: We haven't really talked about those, but

Bo: it looks pretty good.

Bo: Yeah, I agree, all of that is fine, but

Bo: that doesn't mean anything.

Bo: Like we've said it a million times, nobody

Bo: goes home whistling the special effects.

Bo: That's.

Bo: All this movie has to offer is some pretty

Bo: good animatronics.

Bo: The characters are so unbelievably stupid

Bo: and you don't understand anything about

Bo: them.

Bo: Are there relationships to each other that

Bo: it's just confusing.

Bo: This movie is mind-numbingly inconsistent.

Chad: Well, also, once it's revealed that these

Chad: robots are possessed by ghost children, it

Chad: begs the question.

Chad: So ghost children are murdering adults,

Chad: yeah, and then later they kind of brush

Chad: that off like oh no, no, no, no, it was

Chad: William Afton controlling them, so he's the

Chad: real murderer.

Chad: So you can just brush all that aside.

Bo: They can be kids again or whatever, even

Bo: though as soon as their influence was

Bo: broken, they turned around and immediately

Bo: murdered.

Chad: Start Night 4 at Freddy.

Bo: Fazbear, and so Vanessa is looking over all

Bo: these drawings that Abby has done, and

Bo: especially the ones with the yellow rabbit.

Bo: This is before Mike shows up with Abby

Bo: she's already at Freddy's.

Chad: Yeah, but it's a big wall of crayon

Chad: drawings that a bunch of kids had done.

Chad: I don't think these are all Abby's drawings.

Chad: It's like one big refrigerator door covered

Chad: in scribbles that only a parent can love.

Chad: And there's haunting sounds of children

Chad: laughing and the camera focuses on that.

Chad: One photo we saw earlier with the giant

Chad: rabbit holding hands with the kids Right

Chad: and we hear hauntingly we love the yellow

Chad: rabbit Children shouting that out.

Bo: Mike and Abby finally show up and Abby says

Bo: my friends say that Vanessa is nice and

Bo: Vanessa is like oh, you mean the ghost

Bo: children?

Chad: Mike is like wait, what you knew about this

Chad: too, and she says well, I guess you just

Chad: figured it out, that's it, there's no

Chad: further discussion in this movie.

Bo: And she is totally casual about it, about

Bo: souls possessing these robots.

Chad: And then both they do the next logical

Chad: thing you would expect in this movie we get

Chad: a montage of our three human characters

Chad: working with the robots possessed by dead

Chad: ghost children to build an oversized chair

Chad: and blanket fort in the dining room of this

Chad: abandoned pizza restaurant.

Bo: As the song Connection plays.

Chad: Our movie has turned into a fun comedic

Chad: romp of a good time.

Chad: The robots that we just saw stalk and

Chad: brutally murder for Nairdow Wells are now

Chad: doing their best impressions of Harry from

Chad: Harry and the Henderson's, or Sloth from

Chad: the Goonies.

Bo: It's crazy Chad.

Bo: This was another of those scenes of like.

Bo: I have nothing to hold onto here.

Bo: I don't understand why any of these

Bo: characters are behaving like this.

Bo: Mike just saw a bloody handprint on a door

Bo: just a day ago and now that he knows that

Bo: the souls of dead children are operating

Bo: these robots, how on earth are you not

Bo: making that connection?

Chad: Mike whispers to Abby, remember to ask

Chad: these guys about who abducted and probably

Chad: killed our brother.

Chad: I'm gonna go hang out with Officer Vanessa

Chad: in another scene.

Chad: So we cut to the storm of the restaurant

Chad: and Vanessa's looking for tablecloths to

Chad: make a roof for this totally awesome fort

Chad: they just built.

Chad: And Mike says how do you know where they

Chad: keep the tablecloths in this place?

Chad: And again, as I mentioned earlier, I was

Chad: like I just thought she'd work there once

Chad: upon a time.

Chad: And Mike in this back room.

Chad: He looks over and he sees this old

Chad: animatronic robot and Officer Vanessa says

Chad: I wouldn't touch that.

Chad: The insides have a spring lock to protect

Chad: all of the poltergears so a human could

Chad: wear the suit, but they have a spring lock

Chad: inside Watch.

Chad: And she pokes the inside of this busted

Chad: robot abdomen and these springs snap shut

Chad: like a bear trap.

Chad: It's a real flaw of design, if you ask me

Chad: about.

Bo: Another good question of why on earth

Bo: design it like this if people are supposed

Bo: to be inside it.

Bo: It comes up at the end of the movie.

Bo: It's like you built this thing.

Bo: Why are you doing this?

Bo: And Mike is like well, I feel closest to my

Bo: brother here.

Bo: Maybe I can go back in the dream and change

Bo: what happened.

Bo: Hey, who are you really?

Bo: And she says well, I'm just somebody trying

Bo: to help, like when I told you not to fall

Bo: asleep and then you immediately went to

Bo: sleep.

Bo: You should listen to me more.

Bo: Then they just go back to the lobby without

Bo: any further questioning on Mike's part of

Bo: like it seems like you're always avoiding

Bo: my questions when I asked them.

Bo: When they go back to the lobby, they do so

Bo: in time to see Abby about to touch the

Bo: guitar, one of the ghost spots.

Bo: They're like Abby no.

Bo: And as soon as she touches it, like she

Bo: gets a jolt of electricity and blacks out.

Bo: Then eventually it comes to you Like it's

Bo: kind of a non-event other than, I guess, to

Bo: show that these things are still dangerous,

Bo: which we knew because they murder people.

Chad: We got to the parking lot and Mike is there

Chad: with Officer Vanessa.

Chad: She says just go home, mike, and take care

Chad: of Abby.

Chad: To which Mike says what are you so afraid

Chad: of?

Chad: In the storage room?

Chad: You look terrified, officer Vanessa.

Chad: She really escalates things and she says if

Chad: you ever bring Abby back here, I will shoot

Chad: you.

Chad: And I was like holy shit, right, where did

Chad: this come from?

Bo: Yeah, I know I thought the same thing of

Bo: like wow, this really rosinach in terms of

Bo: their interactions with each other.

Chad: Then it's the middle of the night and Mike

Chad: just hops in his car with Abby and leaves

Chad: his shift.

Bo: God damn it, chad.

Bo: This is so stupid.

Bo: And when he gets in the car, abby is like

Bo: why does everyone look at you like they're

Bo: mad at you all the time?

Bo: He's like I know, it's so weird, it's like

Bo: I'm a total shithead.

Chad: Back at the house, Mike picks up the phone

Chad: and he calls someone and says hey, it's

Chad: Mike, I need your help.

Chad: So we cut to the following morning.

Chad: So we've now got four nights.

Chad: Okay.

Chad: And Abby wakes up and she comes into the

Chad: kitchen to find Mary Stuart Masterson

Chad: waiting for her.

Chad: And Abby says what did you do, mike?

Chad: What did you do?

Chad: I hate you, mike.

Chad: And Abby runs to her room and she grabs a

Chad: crayon and starts scribbling over all the

Chad: faces of Mike in her drawings.

Chad: And Mike tells Mary Stuart Masterson when

Chad: she calms down just tell her, I'm sorry.

Chad: So then Mike goes to the pharmacy to get

Chad: some more sleeping pills and his overly

Chad: rude behavior causes the pharmacist to call

Chad: Mike an asshole as Mike leaves.

Chad: Why is Mike such an unlikeable character in

Chad: this?

Bo: movie.

Bo: But he is Like the pharmacist isn't wrong,

Bo: cause the pharmacist is like you know what

Bo: always helps me?

Bo: A glass and more milk.

Bo: And Mike just snatches the drugs out of his

Bo: hand.

Bo: He's like go fuck yourself.

Bo: And that's what the drugist calls him an

Bo: asshole of like.

Bo: I'm with you, man.

Bo: Our main character is a real jerk.

Chad: So Mike heads to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza

Chad: during the day to go to sleep and dream

Chad: about all of the dead children.

Chad: You know he's surrounded by ghost bots,

Chad: right, yeah, right, we don't think twice

Chad: about this.

Chad: But Mike does his off.

Chad: He wakes up in the forest again and he sees

Chad: Garrett there with his mom and dad, but it

Chad: is full size Mike playing the part of Kid

Chad: Mike.

Chad: And then those five ghost kids in the woods.

Chad: They're there and the main blonde kid in

Chad: the brown shirt says you're here to save

Chad: Garrett.

Chad: You can have this dream every night and be

Chad: together with Garrett and your mom and I

Chad: guess that's your dad in exchange for

Chad: something we want Abby.

Chad: And then Mike's dream mom says you know,

Chad: mike, these ghost kids are right.

Chad: Just let Abby go.

Chad: You really weren't the right person to take

Chad: care of her.

Bo: And then ghost dad is like ghost mom's

Bo: right.

Bo: Mike, you're a real piece of shit.

Bo: Have you considered letting somebody else

Bo: take care of her?

Chad: Ghost mom's like you know, mike, you never

Chad: take the plastic off the cheese slices

Chad: before making a grilled cheese sandwich.

Chad: This is important.

Chad: There's no way you can raise a child.

Bo: Also, son, I noticed how you burned that

Bo: toast and still gave it to her anyway.

Bo: You understand that she's got contusions in

Bo: her mouth because of you.

Chad: Mike starts crying and he says, okay, I'll

Chad: do it.

Chad: And then he has a flash of Abby waking up

Chad: and being happy to see him and he's like,

Chad: no wait.

Chad: I mean, no, this is wrong.

Chad: I have my fingers crossed, that doesn't

Chad: count.

Chad: But then everybody disappears Too late.

Chad: Mike, you already said yes, good, going

Chad: jackass.

Chad: Then we see the metallic feet marching

Chad: through the restaurant and they look like

Chad: the OG Terminator a little bit.

Chad: And then we're back in the dream world and

Chad: the ghost kids run past Mike one by one,

Chad: whisking along and slashing him with these

Chad: like razor blade hands, and it's a real

Chad: Freddy Krueger moment.

Bo: Absolutely.

Chad: They're all whispering Abby, abby.

Chad: They're excited to bring her into the ghost

Chad: world.

Bo: So the ghost kids are bad, like they're

Bo: luring a child to her death and he wakes up

Bo: when Mike comes to.

Bo: He's in this chair that we saw at the

Bo: beginning of the movie and as he looks

Bo: around we see Jeff the boyfriend murdered.

Bo: We see earphone kid down there.

Bo: We see the half of Max.

Chad: We do see the security guard from the

Chad: beginning, because his face is all

Chad: butchered up.

Chad: But you can't really see anything.

Bo: And he does manage to get out of this chair

Bo: before he can get the face full of saw

Bo: blades and it runs for the exit but it's

Bo: locked and that is where we see that Foxy

Bo: is coming for him.

Chad: Singing his doom, doom, doom, doom, doom,

Chad: doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom.

Chad: And then there's a rush of the camera, mike

Chad: screams and you're like, oh so Mike's dead

Chad: now too, cause every time this has happened,

Chad: the person on the receiving end of that

Chad: does not live to see another day.

Bo: You would think so.

Bo: But instead we cut to Abby Back at Mike's

Bo: house, Seeing first Freddie and then a

Bo: ghost kid in her house.

Chad: She comes walking out to probably fight

Chad: with Mary Stuart Masterson, and in her home

Chad: is a six foot tall robotic, freddie Fazbear

Chad: and a ghost kid Right.

Bo: How did they get there?

Bo: And that's her question.

Bo: She's like what are you doing here, mary

Bo: Stuart Masterson?

Bo: The only thing we see of her are her legs

Bo: played on the floor.

Bo: She is dead unconscious drunk.

Chad: I figured she just polished off a box of

Chad: sangria and she's sleeping it off.

Bo: And this kid, the ghost kid that inhabits

Bo: Freddie Fazbear, is like hey, Abby, it's

Bo: time to go play.

Bo: And she's like how are we gonna get there?

Bo: And so there's an absolutely hilarious

Bo: scene where they get in a cab and the

Bo: cabbie who doesn't bother to look at who's

Bo: getting in the back of his cab until this

Bo: moment, that's how you get killed, Right?

Bo: So where can I take you?

Bo: What?

Bo: And it's Abby and this animatronic rotting

Bo: monstrosity, and he says boy, I always get

Bo: the weird ones.

Chad: Bum bum.

Chad: And this is another YouTuber, a guy named

Chad: Corey X Kinshin.

Chad: Again, if you know who he is, it's like, oh,

Chad: that's that guy.

Chad: But moving along.

Chad: So we cut to Mike and he's waking up and

Chad: Officer Vanessa is there bandaging up all

Chad: of his wounds from the dream ghost sequence.

Chad: And Mike asks where are we?

Chad: And she says we're at a police supply

Chad: outpost.

Chad: I was like what?

Bo: What kind of gang wars are happening in

Bo: this city?

Bo: What John Carpenter-esque assault on

Bo: precinct 13 kind of world are we in, where

Bo: there are just periodically supply posts

Bo: for the cops and they're never ending war

Bo: against the gangs?

Chad: Mike also says they tried to kill me,

Chad: officer Vanessa.

Chad: But you knew that Max, Herb, jeff, that old

Chad: fat guy, and that other guy.

Chad: You knew about all of this, didn't you?

Chad: But Abby's innocent.

Chad: She doesn't deserve whatever's gonna happen

Chad: to her.

Chad: Abby's in danger.

Chad: And I had a dream and the ghost kids asked

Chad: me to trade Abby to live and have a dream

Chad: forever.

Chad: And I said yes, but then I said no.

Bo: They said no backsees.

Chad: What do they want with my sister, Abby

Chad: Officer Vanessa.

Chad: Officer Vanessa says they just want to make

Chad: her like them.

Chad: What?

Bo: And then we get a cutaway just to let the

Bo: audience know hey, abby is now showing up

Bo: at Freddy's.

Bo: And then we go back to the police supply

Bo: place.

Chad: Officer Vanessa explains the backstory of

Chad: this movie like the day new month of an

Chad: episode of Scooby Do, when all those kids

Chad: went missing.

Chad: Police searched every inch of Freddy

Chad: Fazbear's.

Chad: They never found the children.

Chad: The man who took them was a bad man, a

Chad: cruel, clever man.

Chad: He knew the police would never check one

Chad: place inside the robots, so he hid the dead

Chad: kids bodies inside the robots.

Chad: I know what you're thinking.

Chad: Wouldn't they smell after a while?

Chad: And the answer is yes, it was funky.

Bo: There was a high degree of what people

Bo: often refer to as mung.

Chad: But here's a more disturbing piece of

Chad: screenplay bullshit.

Chad: These kids didn't want to hurt anybody.

Chad: The killer, he's the one who influences

Chad: them somehow or something something.

Chad: Because we can't have a movie where dead

Chad: ghost children are murdering adults dressed

Chad: as giant stuffed animals.

Chad: I tried to warn you in my own way, so

Chad: really this is all your fault, mike, but

Chad: he's going to be coming for you.

Chad: His name is William Afton and he was my

Chad: father.

Chad: What?

Chad: William Afton?

Chad: The murderer of these children and

Chad: presumably Mike's younger brother, was

Chad: Officer Vanessa's dad.

Bo: And she is fully aware of this Right and

Bo: has decided, as an officer of the law, to

Bo: cover it up.

Chad: Yes, and she hands Mike a photo of her as a

Chad: child, with a man in a yellow bunny costume

Chad: and in the picture, officer Vanessa is

Chad: holding the toy plane that Garrett had when

Chad: he was abducted and Mike's like you knew

Chad: about my brother.

Bo: The scene that I want to see more than

Bo: anything, Chad, is her having an adult

Bo: conversation with her father and saying

Bo: like all right, I'm not going to turn you

Bo: in, but you've got a pinky swear, You're

Bo: not going to murder any more children.

Bo: What about on holidays?

Bo: Nope, not even holidays.

Bo: Can I just give myself a little treat for

Bo: Christmas?

Bo: No, especially not around Christmas.

Bo: That is when children experience the most

Bo: joy.

Bo: You are not taking any joy away from any

Bo: more children.

Bo: You get to play with the dead kids you've

Bo: already created, but no more.

Chad: Officer Vanessa tells Mike I didn't know

Chad: about all of this when we first met.

Chad: Sure, you had the same last name as the

Chad: dead kid, but a lot of people have that

Chad: same last name that we don't know.

Chad: And she says the key to defeating the

Chad: robots it's, let me think, electricity.

Chad: Sure, why not?

Chad: Here Take this cattle prod that we use in

Chad: animal control, and here take a taser gun.

Chad: Use that too.

Chad: I'm sure that'll work on them.

Bo: And here's a glass of water.

Bo: Try all of these.

Bo: And here's your sleeping pills back.

Bo: That's just because, if you get in real

Bo: trouble, just take a nap.

Chad: Also, I can't come with you because my

Chad: father's there.

Chad: I won't be any good to you.

Chad: He really messed me up as a kid.

Chad: But you know what?

Chad: Don't worry, I'm going to pull a little

Chad: Scatman Crothers from the Shining.

Chad: I'll show up anyway to save you.

Chad: Okay, wink, wink, get out of here.

Chad: Have fun killing the robots.

Bo: And so at Freddy's, the band starts playing.

Bo: What?

Chad: song, are they?

Bo: Oh, it's the super scary one.

Chad: Chad the romantic secrets that you keep.

Bo: That's right.

Chad: You paid for it, might as well use it.

Bo: Yeah, you paid for the song.

Bo: We're going to play the song off.

Bo: Mike goes and she also tells him here's the

Bo: best way to get inside, go through this

Bo: outside vent and you'll avoid detection.

Bo: Fine, and so he has to sneak in, which he

Bo: does, and he slips past Freddy and Bonnie

Bo: the bunny, who are playing their song.

Chad: Chica and Mr Cupcake escort Abby off to the

Chad: side because they're going to go murder her.

Bo: Yes, and so with his super power, water

Bo: Mike pours some on the stage and then

Bo: shoots the stun gun at the water which

Bo: fries Freddy and Bonnie bunny.

Bo: And so they're all out of commission now,

Bo: did the?

Chad: ghost children go to heaven or hell or

Chad: purgatory, I think they just take a nap.

Bo: And so meanwhile Chica has Abby and this

Bo: porcelain doll thing opens up and it's got

Bo: the.

Bo: It's the one that's got the.

Bo: You know traps that broke the broom earlier.

Bo: Yeah, and it's about to put Abby in there

Bo: and Abby's like why are you trying to hurt

Bo: me?

Bo: And then Mike interrupts and fires a stun

Bo: gun at Chica that fries Chica for a second.

Chad: Down goes Chica, down goes Chica.

Chad: Mike saves Abby and he says Abby, I've been

Chad: stuck in the past.

Chad: I'm going to take care of you from now on.

Chad: And Abby says I love you too, mike.

Chad: And Mike says I didn't say I love you.

Bo: I mean, but thanks.

Bo: That seems real sudden.

Bo: It seems like it's really accelerating our

Bo: relationship in a way that I'm not totally

Bo: comfortable with.

Bo: But all right, I mean I don't not love you.

Bo: Does that work?

Chad: They escape.

Chad: But then Mr Cupcake comes hobbling around,

Chad: or hopping, and latches onto Mike's leg.

Chad: Abby leaves and then we see the ghost boy

Chad: over in the wings of the stage.

Chad: Then Foxy the robot is still wandering

Chad: around somewhere.

Bo: It's actually a pretty good.

Bo: You know, as far as this movie being creepy,

Bo: it rarely is, but seeing this kid standing

Bo: in front of these open black curtains and

Bo: stepping back into the darkness and then

Bo: Foxy's eyes lighting up, it's like oh OK.

Bo: If the rest of this movie had had stuff

Bo: like that, it would have at least been kind

Bo: of spooky.

Chad: Mike grabs a cattle prod and zaps Mr

Chad: Cupcake.

Chad: So Mr Cupcake is gone and then Foxy stalks

Chad: Abby through the game room with a clank,

Chad: clank, clank of his metal feet and his one

Chad: good eye because he's got eye patch,

Chad: because he's a pirate.

Chad: Abby then hides in the plastic ball pit in

Chad: the middle of the game room.

Chad: She's definitely going to emerge with some

Chad: form of hepatitis.

Chad: And then from the shadows a new robot

Chad: appears and it is the giant yellow rabbit

Chad: with a clunk, clunk, clunk and it kind of

Chad: growls.

Chad: So Mike shoots the yellow rabbit with his

Chad: taser, but this rabbit is not fazed.

Chad: By then, as promised, officer Vanessa shows

Chad: up after saying she wouldn't do so, and she

Chad: shoots Foxy with a taser and she saves Abby.

Bo: And then we get our villain speech, where

Bo: this yellow rabbit that's kind of rotting,

Bo: unlike some of the other.

Bo: It's weird because this movie goes between

Bo: these sort of perfect versions of the

Bo: Freddy characters, but also sometimes

Bo: they're rotting, and it's kind of confusing

Bo: as to, ok, do they really look kind of

Bo: gross and rotting, or do they look OK, or

Bo: is this just the perception that Abby and

Bo: Mike have of them, or anyway?

Bo: So but this yellow rabbit, he comes out and

Bo: he's like hey man, I killed your brother

Bo: and now it's my turn to kill you.

Chad: That's symmetry, man, symmetry.

Chad: How does that symmetry?

Chad: There's three siblings, yeah.

Bo: Then he says let's wake up all these kids,

Bo: man, and they can play with you, Mike, and

Bo: so all of the robots that were previously

Bo: stunned start to come back to life.

Chad: Shouldn't his evil villain speech explain

Chad: why he abducted and?

Bo: killed Garrett here.

Bo: I mean, I think it's just for fun.

Bo: He's right, is it that he's just back?

Bo: Yeah, he's just a villain.

Chad: And it's just coincidence that Mike showed

Chad: up to get this job as a night watchman.

Bo: That's the thing he never really says, or

Bo: at least not to the best of my memory.

Bo: He never says like when I saw your last

Bo: name, man, I knew I had to give you this

Bo: job.

Bo: I had to get you here, man.

Bo: It's been a long time since I killed

Bo: anybody and I kind of wanted to.

Bo: He takes off his mask at a certain point,

Bo: revealing surprise, surprise.

Bo: It's Matthew Lillard.

Bo: Vanessa pulls a gun on him and he's like

Bo: you're not going to shoot me, man, and so

Bo: she pops him in the shoulder.

Bo: He's like hey, like ow, and Mike is telling

Bo: Abby like you've got to make a drawing to

Bo: show all the dead kids what really happened

Bo: and show that the yellow rabbit was bad or

Bo: something.

Bo: And you're like, um, I guess that's how

Bo: this movie is going to end.

Chad: Yeah, it's a real Herald in the purple

Chad: crayon.

Chad: Whatever she draws somehow manifests itself

Chad: in the minds of the ghost kids who are

Chad: still in the robots that they've

Chad: decommissioned.

Chad: I don't know.

Chad: So Matthew Lillard, undeterred by the

Chad: gunshots he just received from his daughter

Chad: he just goes full Homer on Bart and just

Chad: starts strangling her.

Bo: Yes, he's like hey, man, I only had two

Bo: jobs for you.

Bo: One was to keep this guy in the dark, the

Bo: other was to kill him if he got too close.

Bo: Man.

Bo: And she says that's two jobs, and then he

Bo: stabs her for making that stupid callback.

Chad: Abby draws a picture real quick that shows

Chad: the yellow rabbit holding a knife and

Chad: killing all the kids and she sticks it on

Chad: the giant refrigerator door.

Chad: Matthew Lillard looks over at the crayon

Chad: drawings and he sees what Abby gribbled out

Chad: in about 30 seconds and he says, like, what

Chad: have you done?

Chad: And then Abby says they can see you now,

Chad: they know what you did.

Bo: And then the robots all start to turn on

Bo: Matthew Lillard and Mike flips the breaker

Bo: yeah, and then they just descend on him.

Bo: All these row of the ghost spots descend on

Bo: the yellow rabbit, and then the suit clamps

Bo: start to dig into his flesh and you're like

Bo: again why on earth put these in the costume

Bo: you yourself are going to be wearing?

Chad: I think that the spring lock component is

Chad: something out of the canon of the games of

Chad: him being in it.

Chad: So that's part of doesn't make it less

Chad: stupid.

Chad: Look, I'm not saying that make it less

Chad: stupid, it's.

Chad: Maybe it's just why it's there.

Chad: And then, before Matthew Lillard, aka

Chad: William Afton, dies, he says like I always

Chad: come back, man, and that's a famous line

Chad: from the game.

Chad: And then he takes the time to put the bunny

Chad: head back on because he's a bit of a drama

Chad: queen, and then Abby says what's happening?

Chad: Asking the same thing that was running

Chad: through my head for an hour and 40 minutes.

Bo: You should be ashamed of yourself for this

Bo: runtime.

Chad: Mike says spring locks.

Chad: And then Mike and Abby drag Officer Vanessa

Chad: out of the restaurant, while the four

Chad: robots drag the yellow rabbit off to the

Chad: back room, probably to sing a rousing

Chad: rendition of the romantic secrets that you

Chad: keep.

Chad: And then we cut to Abby in school.

Chad: She's now thriving.

Chad: Bo and Mike picks her up and they're having

Chad: a little playful back and forth about what

Chad: they're going to have for dinner.

Chad: But they make a quick stop at the hospital

Chad: to see how Officer Vanessa is doing and Bo

Chad: she is lying unconscious in the bed due to

Chad: her stab wounds.

Chad: So either Abby really snapped back to her

Chad: new normal or Officer Vanessa is taking

Chad: forever to recover from her stabbing.

Bo: I think maybe a little of the two combined.

Bo: But again, we don't know time or place in

Bo: this movie, so why on earth bother now?

Chad: Mike just says get better.

Bo: And then he's like we've got a real

Bo: complicated feeling here where, on the one

Bo: hand, you let your homicidal father run

Bo: rampant without punishment for years and

Bo: hid the death of my brother.

Bo: On the other hand, you did save me and Abby.

Bo: So you know, I guess it all evens out here.

Chad: Make sure you call me when you gain

Chad: consciousness.

Chad: We have got to get our story straight.

Bo: Yeah, a lot of questions, because the place

Bo: fell apart kind of, but not really.

Bo: There are probably going to be some

Bo: questions that I have to answer and you

Bo: know when people ask me lots of questions I

Bo: get real confused because of all the pills.

Chad: Also, I need you to testify as a character

Chad: witness in an unrelated court case where

Chad: I'm getting sued for beating up a dad in

Chad: front of his kid.

Bo: Also, there's the untidy matter of a corpse

Bo: found in my living room.

Bo: There are a lot of questions about that

Bo: Also, can we?

Chad: live in your house because I'm being

Chad: evicted from my house.

Chad: I got a big red notice.

Chad: There's no takesies backsies on that.

Chad: Maybe if it was yellow, but definitely not

Chad: red.

Bo: Cut to the teacher.

Bo: You're doing a great job.

Bo: Mike, You're really turning things around.

Chad: So we cut to Mike and Abby.

Chad: They're back at the home.

Chad: Their refrigerator has a new crayon drawing

Chad: on it.

Chad: That's very happy and it involves Mike and

Chad: Officer Vanessa and Abby and the four

Chad: murdering ghostbot children creations.

Chad: And Abby asked Mike, can we visit my

Chad: friends?

Chad: Sometimes Nobody takes care of them now and

Chad: Mike says you know what?

Chad: Abs?

Chad: Nobody knows what will something, something.

Bo: We'll see what the box office does.

Bo: Abby, it is the most cynical ass, andy.

Bo: I hate it.

Bo: So I guess we'll see if this makes money.

Chad: So we zoom out and then we fade back into

Chad: the restaurant where we see the main ghost

Chad: boy with the blonde hair staring at the

Chad: yellow bunny costume, which is just shaking

Chad: and writhing and paying.

Chad: I'm like again how many days have passed?

Chad: Is this Matthew Lillard slash William Afton

Chad: still alive in that costume?

Chad: And then much like Al Pacino and the

Chad: Godfather.

Chad: The ghost boy just closes the door as the

Chad: final scene of this movie.

Bo: You can ask me one question about my ghost

Bo: cake, but only one, just this once.

Bo: Yeah, it's a real nothing of an ending.

Bo: And then there's a post credit scene where

Bo: we cut back to the cab driver, who

Bo: apparently has been sleeping in his cab for

Bo: days and days.

Chad: Apparently.

Chad: That's what people do when they get jobs

Chad: they just go nap oh man.

Bo: If only I'd known that.

Bo: And he wakes up and looks over in the

Bo: passenger seat of the cab and there's the

Bo: balloon statue and he screams.

Bo: And then we get an absolutely intolerable

Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's chiptune song.

Chad: It's by the Living Tombstone.

Chad: It was some famous internet song about Five

Chad: Nights at Freddy's, but terrible, seriously,

Chad: they're going to make no less than four

Chad: more of these there's no doubt it made a

Chad: shit ton of money because people are into

Chad: this franchise, like again.

Bo: It has spawned games and books and internet

Bo: memes and YouTube influencers out the ass

Bo: and it, like it, makes it some money.

Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's is like the 12th

Bo: largest economy in the world and it's one

Bo: of those secret things that if you do not

Bo: know about it then you don't know anything

Bo: about it, but if you are in the know you

Bo: realize like, oh, this thing is shockingly

Bo: big, both among kids.

Chad: After its first two weekends it has made

Chad: over $100 million domestically.

Bo: Yeah, and the budget can't be more than

Bo: what?

Bo: 20?

Bo: I think it was 20.

Bo: So that's I mean again, this thing is going

Bo: to be a jug or not.

Chad: The question is how fast can they get the

Chad: next one out?

Bo: I mean, they filmed this one in earlier

Bo: this year, yeah, and you've already got all

Bo: the animatronics made at this point, like

Bo: you've done the heavy lifting on that

Bo: investment and you've got all your stuff.

Chad: You don't have to spend much time writing a

Chad: screen Right.

Bo: I mean, this was if it was a weekend.

Bo: I'm shocked.

Bo: Like I said, this is truly.

Bo: I know we'll talk about rankings here in a

Bo: minute.

Bo: This is truly one of the shittiest scripts

Bo: that has come across our desks on this show

Bo: in some time.

Bo: It's like man for it being such a

Bo: legitimate cultural thing that nobody gave

Bo: a fuck and that's stunning.

Chad: It feels like a movie that the script

Chad: started one place, then they added the

Chad: sister and then the aunt piece and then

Chad: they got rid of some stuff.

Chad: You know what I mean Like.

Chad: It feels like a screenplay that maybe just

Chad: evolved over time and by the time they got

Chad: something that they felt was ready for

Chad: cameras, it just was this Frankenstein's

Chad: monster of ideas that none of it really

Chad: cohesively ties together, which goes back

Chad: to my original complaint.

Chad: They're just connecting all of these dots

Chad: that don't fully come together.

Chad: Yeah, and it could have been a really fun

Chad: silly movie with more camp and over the top

Chad: horror, but it's dealing with this main

Chad: character and how he is processing grief

Chad: and regret.

Chad: That's no fun.

Bo: Yeah, it's no fun and it's also not well

Bo: realized.

Bo: It's not just that it's not a great time

Bo: for kids, who is your audience, but also

Bo: you're doing it in such a terrible lazy way

Bo: that even if, even if the kids were into it,

Bo: man, then there's nothing there, it's just

Bo: bad writing in bad execution, as God bless

Bo: them.

Bo: The listeners have heard us talking about

Bo: here the amount of bad characterization and

Bo: just a lack of exposition, and I don't need

Bo: somebody to sit down and just tell me what

Bo: the movie is about.

Bo: But it would be nice if they cared enough

Bo: to tell me you know basic facts like

Bo: setting and motivation and things that you

Bo: need to propel a story.

Bo: That is just what narrative is, and you

Bo: can't get around that other than again, I

Bo: guess, to appeal to an audience that is

Bo: built in, who want to see these characters

Bo: that they've been reading about and playing

Bo: games about for a number of years come to

Bo: life on the screen.

Bo: But that's all there is to it.

Bo: If you do not have a connection to Five

Bo: Nights at Freddy's, there is nothing here

Bo: for you as a viewer.

Bo: It's not a real movie.

Chad: All right, it is, it is about that time.

Chad: How, though, would you rank these movies?

Bo: I have to go worse to best.

Chad: All right, we can go worse to best.

Bo: All right, because I think the worst still

Bo: remains hardbeeps.

Bo: For me, hardbeeps was a slog.

Bo: That is a movie that was so hard to get

Bo: through.

Bo: It is so blisteringly unfunny.

Bo: It is just a movie where a bunch of robots

Bo: go wander around in the woods and then go

Bo: back to where they started, and it's

Bo: shocking that.

Bo: That was a movie that ever saw the light of

Bo: day and there's nothing there right in

Bo: front of it on.

Bo: And number five on my list is this movie.

Bo: Five Nights at Freddy's only gets a nudge

Bo: on account of the animatronics being pretty

Bo: good.

Bo: All the puppet work from Jim Henson Studios

Bo: is is pretty cool and the character design

Bo: which comes from the games, but the

Bo: realization of that character design is

Bo: kind of interesting.

Bo: Other than that, there is nothing here.

Bo: This is a real slog of a movie as well.

Bo: Like these bottom two, five Nights at

Bo: Freddy's and Hardbeeps are movies that I

Bo: genuinely regret ever having watched, given

Bo: how little life I have left.

Bo: Okay, then my number four is the Black Hole

Bo: which has some interesting effects work and

Bo: it has Ernest Borkine and that's it.

Bo: That's all that movie has going for it, but

Bo: I do find it kind of creepy.

Bo: And then my top three are all movies I kind

Bo: of like there's.

Bo: Number three is Class of 1999, because it's

Bo: short and ridiculous and we just had a good

Bo: time with that one.

Bo: I like Class of 1999.

Bo: I could watch Class of 1999 again.

Bo: Choppy Mole is the same way.

Bo: Number two for me, choppy Mole, I think, is

Bo: silly and dumb but it's quick and the pace

Bo: is good and I can watch that anytime.

Bo: And my number one is Megan, which, despite

Bo: being a rip off of a bunch of other movies,

Bo: is at least something.

Bo: And we watched the unrated version which

Bo: has a little more blood and a little more

Bo: bite to it than the PG 13 version.

Bo: And I think Megan is fun, I think it has

Bo: something to say and is pretty good at

Bo: saying it, and I think that it's mostly a

Bo: good time.

Chad: Since you went from bottom to top, I'm

Chad: going to go top to bottom, okay.

Chad: My number one was the same as yours, megan.

Chad: I agree that was a movie that I enjoyed

Chad: more than I thought that I would.

Chad: We also have the same number two Chopping

Chad: Mole.

Chad: Chopping Mole is a fantastic throwback to

Chad: terrible 80s slasher.

Chad: We have the same number three Class of 1999.

Chad: Again, a movie that is so ridiculously over

Chad: the top.

Chad: It's short, it's stupid and it's a really

Chad: good time.

Chad: The bottom three is where we differ.

Chad: I'm putting Five Nights at Freddy's as my

Chad: number four, just because the production

Chad: quality was better and it kind of kept me

Chad: guessing, but for all the wrong reasons.

Chad: But I still found the movie to be terribly

Chad: frustrating.

Chad: My five and my six.

Chad: I hate to say that I'm tied with Black Hole

Chad: and Heart Beeps, but if I got to pick one

Chad: over the other I would probably go with the

Chad: Black Hole over Heart Beeps, even though

Chad: during that review I said that the Black

Chad: Hole was worse than Heart Beeps.

Chad: The Black Hole is just completely bonkers

Chad: and misguided.

Chad: There's a lot of really talented people in

Chad: it and it's just.

Chad: It's just such a weird, unsettling movie.

Chad: And, to your point, heart Beeps is just.

Chad: It was terrible.

Chad: It was one of the worst things we've ever

Chad: reviewed and the only reason I might put it

Chad: above the Black Hole is because it was

Chad: shorter.

Bo: Yeah, it somehow felt longer, though for me

Bo: at least, heart Beeps felt.

Bo: I felt every second of that movie waning on

Bo: me like we were on some planet with

Bo: increased gravity, as opposed to the Black

Bo: Hole, which is longer, yes, but it felt

Bo: like stuff was actually going on for the

Bo: most part, and you've got a pretty good

Bo: death with Anthony Perkins, and you know

Bo: it's not a great movie, but it's

Bo: interesting, and Heart Beeps is not.

Bo: But yeah, so, chad, with one season behind

Bo: us, the only question is what's next.

Pick Six Bot: Initiate termination of episode six of six

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