The Dark Parade

Speaker 1: And welcome to Pick Six Movies.

Speaker 1: A podcast about movies.

Speaker 1: That's original, isn't it here?

Speaker 1: Each season, we select a theme and then we curate Six movies all based on that theme.

Speaker 1: This is season 26.

Speaker 1: It is 26, right, okay.

Speaker 1: And our theme this season is Domo Origato, featuring six movies all about robots.

Speaker 1: Now here's how each episode goes down.

Speaker 1: First, we give you about 15 to 20 minutes of history on the movie.

Speaker 1: Don't skip it, it's pretty good stuff.

Speaker 1: We try to address how the movie was made and why the movie was made, and answer the question huh, this movie was made.

Speaker 1: Then, after all that, we give you a full review of the movie, from credits open to credits closed.

Speaker 1: Who is this wee of which I speak?

Speaker 1: Well, it's my lifelong friend, mr Bo Rainsville, and me, chad Cooper.

Speaker 1: This is episode two.

Speaker 1: It is episode two, right, episode two, and we're headed into the black hole.

Speaker 1: This is a movie that gave a whole generation of children nightmares, as it introduced them to the idea of disembowelment on the big screen.

Speaker 1: This movie is notoriously bad, which is another little detail that I left out, because we mostly discuss objectively bad films on this podcast.

Speaker 1: I have it and I'm working very hard to break, among many, many others.

Speaker 1: What say we?

Speaker 1: Get my dear friend and co-host, mr Bo Rainsville, in here to fill our ear holes with some black hole history and I'll meet you on the other side, assuming you stick around to hear us discuss this outer space disaster of a disaster movie.

Speaker 1: Hey Bo, this is the part of the podcast where you start talking.

Speaker 2: Ornarily.

Speaker 2: This is the part of the show where we tell a little story related to the movie.

Speaker 2: We're discussing on this episode and then head into the film itself.

Speaker 2: The problem is, the story of the black hole is just so darn big, so we're going to do something a little different.

Speaker 2: We're just going to talk about the movie, and that, though, is a story of risk, of trying to set out on a new path for a beloved corporation, of car accidents and haircuts and, of course, failure.

Speaker 2: But first a quick look back.

Speaker 2: In 1974, a movie changed the game for studios the Poseidon Adventure.

Speaker 2: It was a simple and effective formula you get a bunch of big name stars, you put them in a movie where things explode, collapse and generally run amok, and you have yourself a recipe for box office gold and the template for the disaster movie.

Speaker 2: In the wake of that film, writers Bob Barbash and Richard Landau had an idea what if you took the Poseidon Adventure and set it in space, as it was initially envisioned?

Speaker 2: It would be a space station with an all-star cast struck by a pulse from a supernova.

Speaker 2: How do you get back to Earth before the whole station explodes and all these big name stars along with it?

Speaker 2: The idea was pitched to Disney, who liked the idea enough to hire Barbash and Landau to flesh it out under the title Space Station One.

Speaker 2: When the more elaborate story pitch is given to Disney, it has an element that wasn't included in the original pitch A black hole.

Speaker 2: The next year the first draft of the script is made with the black hole as even more of a threat than in the story pitch.

Speaker 2: The script is retitled wait for it Probe One.

Speaker 2: Unfortunately, disney felt that the disaster movie trend was beginning to wane and the movie was going to be enormously expensive to produce.

Speaker 2: Plus, the script had problems, so the whole project was shelved.

Speaker 2: Kind of, the House of Mouse was still interested in, well, something in space, so they brought in an artist named Robert McCall to help design some of the ships and setting to provide some possible inspiration.

Speaker 2: Mccall had done work for NASA and for Stanley Kubrick's 2001 as Space Odyssey and gave Disney some visuals to inspire a new set of writers.

Speaker 2: It was McCall who designed the ship that would come to be known as the Cygnus, so named for the constellation where the first black hole was discovered.

Speaker 2: Pretty clever, he also gave the production the original design of Vincent, the hovering robot, wanting to create something more like a hummingbird than the lumbering robots of previous films, something like where things were headed, and brought in veteran director John Hugh to get the movie into production.

Speaker 2: Hugh was reliable, having done Escape to Witch Mountain for them, along with the excellent adaptation of a horror classic called the Legend of Hell House a terrific movie if you haven't seen it.

Speaker 2: And while Hugh tasked another writer with some more cleanup of the script, he ran off to direct a sequel to his earlier hit, a movie called Return to Witch Mountain.

Speaker 2: While more development on Space Station One or Probe One or whatever the hell they were calling it, continued, disney's producer on the film, ron Miller, was even more skeptical of the disaster film Origins and told one of the many screenwriters who delivered a draft of this thing to skew further away from Thatchrope to do something different with the script.

Speaker 2: Still dissatisfied, disney again shelved the whole production, at least until May of 1977.

Speaker 2: It was then that a little movie called Star Wars maybe you've heard of it was released and became the biggest grossing movie of the year as well as a legitimate cultural phenomenon.

Speaker 2: Disney thought, hey, we have a space movie sitting on the shelf.

Speaker 2: Let's dust that off again and see if we have some wars in the stars of our own.

Speaker 2: Still the script issues were many.

Speaker 2: The latest writers scrapped the earlier outline and did a whole new pass on it.

Speaker 2: Frustrated, director John Hugh left the production to go make another movie and Disney grabbed someone else they knew for the director's chair, gary Nelson.

Speaker 2: Nelson mostly worked in television but he had done Freaky Friday for Disney.

Speaker 2: Still, when he was sent the script he passed the script.

Speaker 2: He said just wasn't very good.

Speaker 2: Disney countered with but have you seen the things we can do with special effects these days?

Speaker 2: They convinced Nelson to meet with Peter Ellenshaw, who had come out of retirement, to work on this project.

Speaker 2: Ellenshaw was a genius with matte paintings and his son, harrison, went into the family business too doing work on matte paintings for Star Wars.

Speaker 2: This project would be the first where father and son worked together to do visual effects on matte paintings and miniatures for this movie.

Speaker 2: So Nelson agrees to do the movie based on the stunning work of the Ellenshaws, with the caveat that the script has to be better.

Speaker 2: The latest draft, which Nelson called, and I quote, bullshit, involved the black hole, but a ship with lots of families in danger and the whole thing was a big mess as production was getting underway.

Speaker 2: Nelson was also unhappy with the robot designs and called in George McGinnis, who worked at Disney's theme parks as a designer.

Speaker 2: By this point, it's 1978 and the script still isn't locked, even though some of the effects work is.

Speaker 2: So Nelson brings in a woman named Jerry Day to punch up a script by a guy named Jeb Rosebrook, and only now is the movie officially titled the Black Hole.

Speaker 2: The script is the one we recognize today, with one small exception.

Speaker 2: It ended with the characters going through the black hole, and then, well, they'll figure it out, I guess.

Speaker 2: Despite the lack of an ending, most of the script was agreed on and the effects would be pardon the expression out of this world.

Speaker 2: So the black hole was slated for filming.

Speaker 2: The whole ethos of the project was different than any other Disney film.

Speaker 2: Up to that point, this was largely due to producer Ron Miller, who we mentioned a minute ago.

Speaker 2: He started off as a football player who married Walt Disney's daughter, diane, and quickly climbed the ranks to become a producer in his own right, having served in that role on Freaky Friday and Escape to Witch Mountain and the Shaggy DA and a bunch of other movies.

Speaker 2: What Miller saw, however, was that movies were changing.

Speaker 2: In the 1970s, the blockbusters Jaws and Star Wars was changing the game and Disney was getting left behind.

Speaker 2: A studio that was perceived as merely the company that made stuff for kids, and Miller wanted to change that.

Speaker 2: To make Disney's appeal broader with the film going audience, miller aimed for a PG rating for the movie the Black Hole, the first for Disney production and said quote we're making this one for adults.

Speaker 2: Despite this edict, as production ramped up, they had to settle on designs for the robots, particularly those of Vincent and old Bob.

Speaker 2: The earlier designs for McCall were too utilitarian, less kid-friendly, and Disney wanted to be able to sell some toys, along with their rebranding as a company with a less predictable slate of films.

Speaker 2: The final concept was referred to as the Mercury capsule with googly eyes and was heavily influenced by the look of R2-D2 from Star Wars.

Speaker 2: Maximilian, the scary evil robot of the movie, started off without a head and was going to be a guy in a suit, but as production neared they settled on the all-red design you see in the film, mostly to avoid a black color that might remind viewers of Darth Vader.

Speaker 2: Max was able to float on wires to look even bigger than the 6 foot design when Vincent and Bob are all rounded edges.

Speaker 2: Max is all angles, stark and imposing.

Speaker 2: Due to this rushed timeline, the Century robots had to be guys in suits.

Speaker 2: Notably one is played by Tom McLaughlin.

Speaker 2: That is Captain Star, the black sharpshooting robot you see in the movie, and McLaughlin, who was a world-famous mime, stepped into the suit he had just played a monster in the movie Prophecy, along with the other famous monster in a suit, actor Kevin Peter Hall.

Speaker 2: Interestingly, mclaughlin would go on to become a director directing previous Pic-6 movies episode she's Too Young.

Speaker 2: And Friday the 13th, part 6, jason Lives.

Speaker 2: So now that millions of dollars and several years had already been spent to get this movie made, someone thought, hey, you know, we ought to get some actors to be in this too.

Speaker 2: So director Gary Nelson and producer Ron Miller both wanted Maximilian Shell for the part of Reinhardt, an actor and director who Nelson had been warned could be quite difficult on the set.

Speaker 2: Maximilian Shell was sent the script and he liked it well enough, but he worried that it would be just another science fiction movie where the effects were the stars and the actors were just furniture, stating the only character with any depth in Star Wars was R2-D2, in his opinion.

Speaker 2: As he was in the midst of shooting a movie of his own, he made Gary Nelson fly to Vienna.

Speaker 2: There Shell said he was probably all wrong for the part.

Speaker 2: But have you seen a guy named Jason Robarts who was just in this miniseries that Maximilian Shell really liked?

Speaker 2: The miniseries was called Washington Behind Closed Doors.

Speaker 2: Nelson said seen it?

Speaker 2: I directed it, which was true.

Speaker 2: Gary Nelson had just directed Jason Robarts in the miniseries Washington Behind Closed Doors, reportedly.

Speaker 2: Maximilian Shell then looked shocked, hugged Gary Nelson and said I will do your movie.

Speaker 2: The role of Kate McCrae had a winding path to its start.

Speaker 2: The first up was Sigourney Weaver, who had yet to appear in the film Alien, though that movie was already in the can.

Speaker 2: Producers, including Ron Miller, thought advertising a movie with a lead with a name like Sigourney Weaver would never fly.

Speaker 2: Sigourney Weaver, they said, she'll never be a star.

Speaker 2: So they went with model turned actress Jennifer O'Neill.

Speaker 2: O'neill presented a different kind of problem For the movie.

Speaker 2: They would mimic Zero Gravity and Jennifer O'Neill's long hair which she was known for thanks to some advertising of hair care products in national commercials, would never convincingly float.

Speaker 2: So they had to get her to cut her hair.

Speaker 2: She agreed on a couple of conditions one, if her stylist, bidao Sassoon, would do the haircut himself, which she did, and that O'Neill could have a couple of drinks while this was going down, dampening the pain of losing her long logs, with a lot of wine.

Speaker 2: So they would cut an inch of her hair and she would have a glass of wine.

Speaker 2: Then they would cut another inch and she would have another glass of wine, a lot of wine.

Speaker 2: Like enough that she drove home from that haircut and immediately got in a car accident that landed her in the hospital with a long enough recovery time that the production had to replace her.

Speaker 2: So the role was then given to Avet Mimou, who also agreed to cut her hair in a more wine-less manner.

Speaker 2: She was best known for having been the girl in the future from the time machine Robert Forster.

Speaker 2: Captain Dan in this movie signed on when his agent described the movie as 20,000 leagues under the sea, in space.

Speaker 2: Also, he would get to work with Maximilian Schell and Anthony Perkins, who would play the scientist Alex and Ernest Borgnein, who was a Hollywood legend.

Speaker 2: Roddy McDowell and Slim Pickens would be brought in during post-production as the voices of Vincent and old Bob, respectively, dubbing their parts.

Speaker 2: Well, after shooting was finished, files were built, matte paintings were drawn and in October of 1978, filming was slated to start on the black hole.

Speaker 2: In the lead-up, disney wanted to use the film system Star Wars employed to get their shots incorporating matte paintings and models, but the fees were exorbitantly expensive.

Speaker 2: So producer Ron Miller, who also happened to be a VP of production at Disney, said how about we make our own?

Speaker 2: So they did.

Speaker 2: In just a few short months they had a computer-driven system in place called ACES, a rival to the technology used by Star Wars a couple of years before, and the black hole would mark a lot of firsts for Disney.

Speaker 2: It was the most expensive production they'd ever undertaken, and the effects work surpassed anything the studio had attempted before To make the robots appear like they were floating.

Speaker 2: Dollies were placed beneath them, or wires painted the color of the background were employed above them.

Speaker 2: The actors who were wearing wire harnesses to achieve the zero-G effects were sent to astronaut camp to learn how to move and operate in a place that simulated zero gravity.

Speaker 2: Forster said he loved the effect but that the harnesses were, and I quote, ball-busters.

Speaker 2: As filming began, director Gary Nelson prohibited anyone not involved with the shoot from entering the sound stages where the movie was being made, some of which had been used on 20,000 leaks under the sea.

Speaker 2: We'll get back to that.

Speaker 2: Some believe that Nelson wanted an air of mystery to surround the production, but it's just as likely that the director hung no entry signs all over the place to keep people away because he was concerned the movie they were making just wasn't all that good, what with not having an ending at all.

Speaker 2: Yeah, the movie still didn't have an ending yet.

Speaker 2: So let's get back to some firsts for this movie.

Speaker 2: To shoot the film, over 150 matte paintings were used, almost doubling the previous record set by Mary Poppins, which had 80.

Speaker 2: And to make the titular black hole?

Speaker 2: Well, they took a tank of water six feet deep by six feet wide, filled it with water and then put a propeller at the bottom of the tank.

Speaker 2: They then dumped colored lacquer into the swirling water and the whole thing was lit from beneath by 16 lights.

Speaker 2: 16 lights, as it happens, gets quite hot and the tank ended up exploding, but not before they'd captured the footage they needed of the swirling colors, which would be rear-projected onto the matte paintings during shooting.

Speaker 2: Also fortunate, the studio where the tank exploded was one of the sound stages used for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, so all of that water going everywhere kinda didn't matter.

Speaker 2: Then we come to the big death of the movie.

Speaker 2: It was always in the script that Anthony Perkins character Alex would be murdered by the imposing robot Maximilian a sure way for Disney to secure their PG rating.

Speaker 2: However, the holding up of the book was improvised on set and a great way to show the effect of the whirling blades of Maximilian's arm without a big spray of blood.

Speaker 2: It was still awfully effective thanks to Perkins reaction, and audiences were legitimately taken aback by this implied violence.

Speaker 2: The line that follows where Shell asks to be protected from the robot, was also improvised, but they kept it in because of the ambiguity it lent to the character.

Speaker 2: Was Maximilian Shell actually afraid of the robot Maximilian, or was he just crazy?

Speaker 2: Or was he just goofing?

Speaker 2: You don't know.

Speaker 2: So they shoot every day for 26 weeks, 4 days off for the holidays, from 7am to 7pm, otherwise you were going bell to bell people.

Speaker 2: It's a grueling schedule, but there was a lot to do, a lot of effects, a lot of setups and most of the tricks were done in camera, including the big meteor rolling through the ship, which was done with a 4 foot fiberglass ball rolling through a miniature, while the crew was superimposed, running over the shot and everyone seemed to have a pretty good time during production.

Speaker 2: Perkins would tell stories about Hitchcock.

Speaker 2: Shell loved playing his scenery-chewing villain and people remember Ernest Borgnein being a happy uncle type that was so into the shoot.

Speaker 2: He was occasionally seen helping the crew move props around or sweeping up after a shot.

Speaker 2: Maximilian Shell availed himself of the Disney archives when he wasn't filming, adoring this chance to stroll through and see all these animation cells of movies that he remembered fondly from his childhood.

Speaker 2: John Berry was tapped to do the music, a veteran who had done work on James Bond movies and that 76th version of King Kong, and I would argue his score is one of the most memorable parts of this often tedious movie.

Speaker 2: It was also the very first score recorded entirely on digital another first for this movie.

Speaker 2: When the movie was done, gary Nelson suggested they remove the usual Walt Disney Presents from the movie poster and from the movie itself and instead sub in point of vista productions a subsidiary of Disney.

Speaker 2: So there would be no mistaking this for a kid's film, unless you count the cute robots.

Speaker 2: As a result, disney started to get hate mail.

Speaker 2: Parents were angry that Disney had decided to make a non-kid-friendly movie, even though the black hole only received its PG rating for some dams and hells and some intensity, including that Perkins death.

Speaker 2: Even stockholders were threatening to sue, worried that producer Ron Miller was going to sink the company with his slate of non-kid-friendly movies.

Speaker 2: And now let's get to the conclusion of this movie.

Speaker 2: Anthony Perkins said later that the last 20 pages of the script were kept from the actors, but the truth was they didn't really exist Until a month before shooting wrapped.

Speaker 2: There wasn't an ending and producers and writers were arguing back and forth whether the crew should go through the black hole at the end or maybe they shouldn't.

Speaker 2: The first proposed ending was that we see the ship go through the black hole, which is seen to be the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and Peter Elenshaw actually got permission from the Vatican, traveled to Rome and got shots of the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

Speaker 2: The idea was that the camera would close in on Kate's eye and then pull back on the eye of Adam in the painting.

Speaker 2: Kate would then be revealed as one of the angels behind God in the painting.

Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't quite get it either.

Speaker 2: The cast was brought back to shoot a new ending where Maximilian the Robot and Maximilian Shell as Reinhardt appear to merge and then lord over a hell-like dimension, while the crew of the probe is led by an angel to a new world, or maybe heaven.

Speaker 2: Nelson, the director, suggested it could be an angel or an astral projection of resident psychic Kate leading them to safety.

Speaker 2: He said they could have worked it out in the sequel, had anyone been interested in such a thing.

Speaker 2: But whatever it was, it definitely owed a debt to the Star Child sequence of 2001, only you know, not as good.

Speaker 2: It also had the effect of confusing the hell out of audiences who were not looking for an esoteric ending to this otherwise kind of weirdly dull movie.

Speaker 2: On December 20th 1979, the Black Hole was released, and it was a big disappointment, making only $35 million.

Speaker 2: It didn't help that Star Trek, the Motion Picture, was released two weeks later and would spend five weeks at the number one slot at the box office.

Speaker 2: While that movie is remembered as a disappointment.

Speaker 2: It actually financially did very, very well and sort of buried the other sci-fi movie, the Black Hole, in its wake.

Speaker 2: Critics generally felt that the Black Hole wasn't adult enough to be compelling for that audience, but it was too adult to be appealing to kids, so it ended up satisfying no one Critic.

Speaker 2: Now, beyond the Black Hole, roger Ebert said the movie was nothing you hadn't seen before, and even accused the production of ripping off Darth Vader for the look of Max, which they had taken pains not to do but somehow did anyway.

Speaker 2: Still, it racked up a couple of Oscar nominations for special effects, but it didn't win, thanks to a little movie starring Sigourney Weaver called Alien.

Speaker 2: As recently as 2010, disney was considering a remake from director Joseph Kaczynski, who did that Tron sequel.

Speaker 2: You can even see a poster for the Black Hole in an early shot in that movie, but that was canned when Tron Legacy didn't do so hot at the box office either.

Speaker 2: And then Disney acquired Lucasfilm.

Speaker 2: Why do a remake of a knockoff of Star Wars when you could just make more Star Wars?

Speaker 2: Still, every so often, the title comes up as a potential for a remake, even though in 2014, scientific spoilsport Neil DeGrasse Tyson called the Black Hole, the most scientifically inaccurate movie ever made no way.

Speaker 2: Despite its failure, the Black Hole did pave the way for slightly more adult fare from Disney, including the Watcher in the Woods and Tron and the Black Cauldron and something wicked.

Speaker 2: This way comes a terrific film.

Speaker 2: If you've never seen it, it has a legitimate legacy, even if it's a slightly tarnished one.

Speaker 2: And now that you're an expert on all things Black Hole like me, let's get chatted in here and point this show directly at the event horizon.

Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen.

Speaker 2: Vincent's and Old Bob's, it's 1979's, disney's I mean point of vista productions the Black Hole.

Speaker 2: And hey there, welcome to the post introduction part of the show.

Speaker 2: My name is Bo.

Speaker 1: And I'm Chad, and we're the host of PicSix Movies.

Speaker 2: Wow, this feels very vaudeville, all of a sudden I'm punch drunk.

Speaker 1: Well, you know I'm drunk, Lest the punch Unless you're drinking some sort of spiked punch.

Speaker 1: The crazy thing is that it's like 8.15 AM where I am.

Speaker 2: That's not crazy to me.

Speaker 2: I think we're doing this in celebration of the death of Jimmy Buffett, who once said it's eight o'clock somewhere.

Speaker 1: Well, if I'm known for one thing, it's my controversial hot takes.

Speaker 3: Oh yeah.

Speaker 1: When people listen to this podcast they say I wanna hear Chad's controversial hot takes and I got a hot take, old hot take, chad they call ya.

Speaker 1: I got a hot take on the black hole.

Speaker 1: I think that this movie is worse than Heart Beeps.

Speaker 2: That's the craziest shit I've ever heard.

Speaker 1: It's a hot take.

Speaker 1: It's controversial that's what I'm known for but it is equally void of entertainment value.

Speaker 1: It maxes out on what the hell is happening in this movie.

Speaker 1: There's no clear protagonist.

Speaker 1: It is extremely derivative of other movies of this era, as you pointed out in your introduction, and it is 20 minutes longer than Heart Beeps and the feels like index is way longer.

Speaker 1: It's so artsy-fartsy.

Speaker 2: I don't disagree with that, although I think there is enough going on in the movie that I find it interesting.

Speaker 2: If nothing else, it is a matte painting extravaganza.

Speaker 1: I don't disagree with that, but I think that that was arguably true for Kingdom of the Spiders.

Speaker 2: Well, you know how I feel about Kingdom of the Spiders Chad I do so.

Speaker 2: I have a soft spot for matte paintings and miniature work.

Speaker 2: So, even when the people on screen are saying really boring shit, which is most of the movie, yes, there is an artistry to this movie that a Heart Beeps has a touch of with the Stan Winston makeup.

Speaker 2: But, this is just on such a grand scale of people trying to do effects in a way that had never been done before, in some cases, or effects work that was bigger than had been attempted before, and I find that really interesting and something that captivates me when I watch it.

Speaker 2: And also the ending of the movie is so fucking batshit that I sort of love it.

Speaker 1: Stop apologizing for this movie.

Speaker 2: I'm not apologizing, I'm telling you that this movie is objectively better than Heart Beeps, because Heart Beeps is a movie that defies the very idea of entertainment.

Speaker 1: And it's 20 minutes shorter and it is equally boring and equally un-entertaining.

Speaker 1: The first two minutes and 28 seconds of this movie is just the musical score, playing with a black background, and for every single man, woman and child who watches this movie on a streaming service, they immediately, collectively 100% are thinking is I'm fucked up with this?

Speaker 1: Wait, why is there no picture?

Speaker 1: The audio?

Speaker 1: Let me start it up, Wait what huh?

Speaker 2: This was, unsurprisingly, one of the last movies to ever do this Lawrence of Arabia business, where they just play part of the score at the beginning of the movie into the overture.

Speaker 2: It used to happen a lot and this was one of the last movies to do it, and I don't disagree.

Speaker 1: I didn't think there was anything that I could hate more than opening credits.

Speaker 1: But if you're gonna give me two minutes and 28 seconds of just a black screen with music playing, you know what you can do.

Speaker 2: Bo, you can go fuck yourself At the time this was made.

Speaker 2: This is where people were coveted late.

Speaker 2: All the assholes that show up wanting to miss the credits.

Speaker 1: This movie is like going to see a live band.

Speaker 1: What time's the show?

Speaker 1: At nine, but they got an opening act, then there's gonna be an intermission.

Speaker 1: Then I heard that his buddy's gonna come on stage with her.

Speaker 1: Like, so when do I need to show up?

Speaker 1: Four hours later?

Speaker 1: Okay, then that's when I'll be there.

Speaker 2: I wish that every band that had an opening act had two times listed on the ticket.

Speaker 2: Yeah, and that time is when hey, this is when you can get into the show and this is when we're really going on.

Speaker 2: So if you don't wanna, listen to John Mayer, pluck some acoustic cover of Jeremy or some shit.

Speaker 2: Right, no that you can skip all of that and go straight to what you really came for, which was that Nickelback reunion.

Speaker 1: I'd never seen this movie until watching it for this podcast.

Speaker 1: I'd seen bits and pieces of it and I had a vague memory of the tepid controversy around it being a Disney film and the PG rating.

Speaker 1: But as you know, in the intro it's not really a Disney film at heart, or at least what modern audiences think of a Disney film.

Speaker 1: As you noted, it's certainly more in line with traditional disaster movies or 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in outer space.

Speaker 1: But I do wanna point out Disney did make Old Yeller, where they shot and killed a rabid dog.

Speaker 1: So that's kind of a downer.

Speaker 2: And Rogue One more recently had bit of a less than upbeat ending Touchstone Pictures is all Disney and they did all kinds of outlandish stuff.

Speaker 2: There was a movie prior to this one that Disney released but didn't produce, that was rated PG.

Speaker 4: What was?

Speaker 2: it.

Speaker 2: I don't remember the title.

Speaker 2: Off the top of my head it's a movie that you've never heard of the Kid With the Broken Halo.

Speaker 1: Starring Gary Coleman, Maybe, who knows, it was some bullshit On the right track.

Speaker 2: Starring Gary Coleman.

Speaker 2: I think it was the episode of Differt Strokes with the guy who ran the bicycle shop starring Gary Coleman.

Speaker 1: Hey, here's a season idea Coleman and Coleman, Gary Coleman and Dabney Coleman movies.

Speaker 1: Any excuse to do both Wargames and Cloak and Dagger.

Speaker 2: Nine to five, I genuinely shot.

Speaker 2: Cloak and Dagger has not appeared on this show yet.

Speaker 2: Henry Thomas, what a downfall.

Speaker 2: Huh, he's in those Mike Flanagan horror movies these days.

Speaker 2: Whatever You're like, dr Sleep, which you asked me about the other day he does the Nicholson part in Dr Sleep they talk about peaking early.

Speaker 1: You come out of the gate and you're the biggest thing in the world, and then he's had a bit of a renaissance.

Speaker 2: I mean much more lower key, doing character actor stuff.

Speaker 1: Of course, because nobody cares.

Speaker 2: Well, he was in that awful ET and that launched him into fame.

Speaker 2: I'm shocked that you have such a dislike of ET.

Speaker 2: I think ET is one of the most overrated, bloated, uninteresting movies.

Speaker 2: I would rather watch the black hole that I would watch ET.

Speaker 1: Shame on you, I know Shame on you.

Speaker 2: It's been a long time since I watched it.

Speaker 2: I need to go back and give it another day in court, but the last time I watched ET, I remember thinking this is the last time I will ever watch this movie.

Speaker 1: The last time I watched ET, I choked up at the end.

Speaker 1: You wanna know why?

Speaker 2: Cause I was sober, the same thing happened to me when I watched Guardians of Galaxy III recently.

Speaker 1: You choked up at the end of that Baby.

Speaker 1: I did Not at the end of the end of the end, really Cause of all the animal stuff.

Speaker 2: It was when the animal friends start getting murdered in front of him.

Speaker 2: Look, I'm a soft touch.

Speaker 3: That's why how do you not like ET?

Speaker 1: You were such a soft touch.

Speaker 1: You cry at public's commercials, or I do.

Speaker 2: When you see old people fall down, when I'm laughing at it, you're like no, no no, this is sad Chad, Because ET looks like a scrotum brought to life and there is nothing charming about that.

Speaker 4: It's just gross.

Speaker 2: Says you and also, I never care about ET in that movie.

Speaker 2: There is nothing about that character that I find endearing.

Speaker 2: I think it looks gross.

Speaker 2: I think the glowing heart is stupid.

Speaker 2: I think that, like his super powers, like he can bring plants back to life, he gives a fuck.

Speaker 2: Anyway, give me a real, honest and goodness mutant that can shoot lasers out of their eyes like Cyclops from the X-Men.

Speaker 2: And when he dies and gets sick and a little boy gets sick alongside him, then I will cry, all right.

Speaker 3: Anyway, let's talk about this movie.

Speaker 2: So we get some opening credits, which I know you love, and it's a real computer-y kind of font.

Speaker 1: X and Y axis.

Speaker 2: Yeah.

Speaker 2: Green, you know kind of checkerboard pattern and we get our first look at the cast, and I would argue this is a stacked cast for the time.

Speaker 1: I agree, you hustle through the cast pretty quick, but then they start bullshitting around with things like production designer Peter Ellenshaw.

Speaker 1: I'm like who cares?

Speaker 2: Did you not listen to the introduction?

Speaker 2: Peter Ellenshaw came out of retirement for this.

Speaker 1: Nobody cares.

Speaker 1: We are four minutes into this movie when it decides to officially start.

Speaker 2: I do like the John Berry music which you get not only in the overture but also in the credits.

Speaker 2: I think that's good stuff.

Speaker 1: He did.

Speaker 1: You know all that James Bond stuff.

Speaker 1: We talked about him during our James Bond season.

Speaker 1: I always think of John Berry with dances with wolves.

Speaker 1: That's my go-to John Berry.

Speaker 1: Yeah, what was the last time you watched that movie?

Speaker 1: Whenever they were selling those VHS tapes at McDonald's.

Speaker 1: You could get one for 99 cents, along with a shake.

Speaker 1: What?

Speaker 1: A fucking insult that was to the filmmakers.

Speaker 1: You went in and bought a value meal and for a buck more you got an Academy Award film.

Speaker 2: I like dances with wolves.

Speaker 2: The first time I saw it when it was called Avatar.

Speaker 1: We then see the expanse of space.

Speaker 1: Yes, and it is pollocked with stars.

Speaker 1: And we hear the unmistakable voice of Roddy McDowell as Vincent the robot, spouting off a bunch of pretentious robot voice directions on how to steer a spaceship that they're flying.

Speaker 1: Did they cast Roddy McDowell cause he sounded like C-3PO?

Speaker 1: Probably a little bit.

Speaker 2: This is a reference that is probably gonna pass by you, but Vincent the robot is the robot equivalent of Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek, the Next Generation.

Speaker 2: You just can't turn around without some Shakespeare or something coming out of his mouth.

Speaker 2: I get it.

Speaker 2: You're smart, all right.

Speaker 2: Right, you don't have to impress the rest of us robot.

Speaker 1: Then we hear all of our movies principal male characters having this back and forth with Vincent about more spaceship nonsense and it's just a bunch of gibber jabber about rotate these degrees and quaysarks and vector units.

Speaker 1: And then we finally see the spaceship the Palomino and I immediately mistook it for the USS Swine Trek from the pigs in space opening on the Muppet Show.

Speaker 2: Huh, when I turned invisible, I look interesting.

Speaker 2: When it happens to you.

Speaker 2: You look weird.

Speaker 3: One of my favorite pigs in space episodes.

Speaker 2: But you're not wrong, the Palomino does look like the SS.

Speaker 4: Swine Trek.

Speaker 2: This also comes from a time in movie history where, in the first three minutes of the movie, everyone had to say each other's name.

Speaker 1: Seven minutes.

Speaker 1: The first four and a half were black backgrounds, and who cares Fair?

Speaker 2: enough, but it's a whole lot of hey, be sure, you've got those coordinates right, dan, you've got it.

Speaker 2: Alex.

Speaker 2: Hey, vincent, the robot's outside, isn't he?

Speaker 2: That's right, charles, and you're like, I get it.

Speaker 2: You're all named white people names.

Speaker 1: If you ever watched the pilot episode of Rick and Morty, it's shocking how much Rick and Morty refer to each other as Rick and Morty, and I don't know if that had to do with some sort of post-pilot survey.

Speaker 1: You know where you had to remember the character's names, but it was like the old Laverne and Shirley of like.

Speaker 1: We don't know who's who here.

Speaker 1: Well then, slap a big L on Laverne's sweater so that everybody knows that's Laverne.

Speaker 2: Although, once you get a look at these people, there's no mistaking them.

Speaker 2: They all look very different, which is good.

Speaker 1: Gun to my head.

Speaker 1: I couldn't name one character in this film.

Speaker 1: Even in my notes I'm calling them by their actor's names or some nickname Squado and Tall Guy and BDIs and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: Buckaroo.

Speaker 2: But yeah, we finally cut inside the ship and we see the Lieutenant on the ship, Charlie, who is played by Timothy Bottoms.

Speaker 1: All right, we're calling him Bottoms, that's right, I got that.

Speaker 1: He's a Lieutenant.

Speaker 2: What does that mean?

Speaker 2: I think that they came up with the titles once the trip had started.

Speaker 2: And it was one of those days where everybody's real edgy and the.

Speaker 2: Captain was like you know what?

Speaker 2: You're a Lieutenant now?

Speaker 2: And he's like, yeah, I am.

Speaker 1: He floats into the scene through this open hatch, and so there's like no gravity, right Well?

Speaker 3: kind of.

Speaker 1: But it kind of looks like you're watching a local production of Peter Pan.

Speaker 1: He's ready to think some happy thoughts and follow that second start to the right and straight on to Neverland.

Speaker 2: The wire work is pretty good for the time.

Speaker 2: In fact, it's probably very good for the time, yes, but now when you're watching it, we live in a world where Apollo 13 happened and they filmed all that stuff on the vomit comet, so everybody was really floating.

Speaker 2: Why are they?

Speaker 1: doing this, beau, nobody in Star Wars or Star Trek was floating around like this.

Speaker 1: Just walk around on the ship.

Speaker 2: I think they wanted this movie to have an air of scientific truth to it even though, as it happened, they got everything wildly wrong.

Speaker 2: But as Bottoms floats up, he's telling Vincent like, say, that's the biggest black hole I ever did see.

Speaker 2: And Vincent's like, yes, I know how about we turn on the fancy holograph.

Speaker 1: Bottoms says hey, don't tell Ernest Borgnein that that's the biggest black hole you've ever seen, or you're gonna get a gander at his butt hole.

Speaker 1: Hey, did somebody say butt hole?

Speaker 2: Oh geez, here he is.

Speaker 2: After he shows up, dr Kate shows up, played by Abette Mimue.

Speaker 2: Okay, she wants to look too at this hologram of the black hole that they've got going on.

Speaker 2: So now it's Bottoms Abette Mimue and Ernest Borgnein and the robot all gathered around looking at this holograph.

Speaker 1: Yeah, Robert Forrester shows up, but he continues using Peter Panwires to go up to another floor.

Speaker 2: I don't want any part of this.

Speaker 1: Whatever's going on in here.

Speaker 2: I'll be upstairs if you need me.

Speaker 2: And it's very silly.

Speaker 2: They're all floating around and you can tell that they're kind of swaying a little bit.

Speaker 2: It's very Star Trek, a ritual series, kind of shit.

Speaker 2: This is the point where Ernest Borgnein says look at that, it's like something out of Dante's Inferno, which is a little bit of hell talk right off the bat, which I like because it's foreshadowing, or it would be if they had known that's where the movie was gonna end.

Speaker 1: Now for those of you who are not English majors, Dante's Inferno details Dante's journey through hell, which includes nine concentric circles of torment located within the earth.

Speaker 1: And the Inferno represented the recognition and rejection of sin in Dante's divine comedy, which, by the way, Bo not very funny.

Speaker 2: Strangely yes, yes, yes, yeah, man.

Speaker 1: It's all about the soul's journey toward God.

Speaker 1: We also get to see Anthony Perkins here.

Speaker 1: He is forever and always.

Speaker 1: Norman Bates and Robert Forrester.

Speaker 1: Is he the captain?

Speaker 1: Yes, Because I didn't know who the main character was in this movie even till now, which welcome back to the podcast.

Speaker 1: We last saw him tracking down an alligator in the sewers back in season 16, episode two.

Speaker 2: Now, is alligator a better movie than the black hole?

Speaker 2: Of course, absolutely.

Speaker 2: No one's gonna make this hard, jesus Christ.

Speaker 2: No, alligator has a giant ass.

Speaker 2: Alligator attacking a car yes, maybe one of the top 10 movies we've ever watched on this show Right.

Speaker 1: And, if you don't know, robert Forrester from alligator, he was also the male lead in Jackie Brown and he was the guy who gave Walter White his chemo treatments in the penultimate episode of that show's final season.

Speaker 1: And Ernest Borgneid, if you don't know, to younger audiences, he was the voice of Mermaid man on SpongeBob SquarePants, and he's also known for telling those three hosts to Fox and Friends on live TV that his secret to long life was that he masturbates a lot.

Speaker 2: Every day is what he said.

Speaker 2: Listen, I make sure I crank one out every morning.

Speaker 2: It's a reason for me to get out of bed.

Speaker 1: You don't give a shit about anything.

Speaker 1: If you were on a television show and you lean in to a stranger and talk to them about how much you're jerking off.

Speaker 2: Ernest Borgneid who.

Speaker 3: I'm in front of had his Oscar for Marty Right.

Speaker 2: He had an Oscar.

Speaker 2: He'd been in movies to one degree or another for what?

Speaker 2: 50 years?

Speaker 2: At that point, what does he give a fuck right?

Speaker 4: I'm surprised he didn't demonstrate, it's better if.

Speaker 3: I show ya.

Speaker 2: I hope you got a real wide lens.

Speaker 1: Here's my technique.

Speaker 1: I turned my hand around and I pretended somebody, I don't know.

Speaker 2: I keep a series of bull's eyes in my bedroom and I can still hit the target sweetie.

Speaker 1: On Thursday nights I put my hand in a bucket of ice water and then when I pull it out, I can't feel anything on the rod or the handle.

Speaker 2: I glued a couple of gloves to my Oscar You'd be surprised how good it feels to get a hand job from a statue.

Speaker 1: Oh, they're looking at this hologram of the black hole.

Speaker 1: Anthony Perkins chimes in yes, a black hole is the most destructive force in the universe.

Speaker 1: And then Yvette, our only female character in the movie.

Speaker 1: She says I had a professor who predicted that black holes would devour the entire universe.

Speaker 1: He also got high with me and some friends and we discussed how the solar system could be like a tiny atom in the fingernail of some giant being and that one tiny atom in my fingernail could be a tiny little universe.

Speaker 2: I ended up having an affair with him, cheating on my boyfriend Otter.

Speaker 1: And then they destroyed the homecoming parade with a giant deathmobile that exploded out of a cake that looked a lot like the crime stopper robot from the movie Heart Beeps.

Speaker 1: Have you seen that film?

Speaker 1: It's much better than the movie we're in, according to 50% of the people who host the podcast fixed-in to the movie.

Speaker 2: That's true, I didn't think about that way.

Speaker 2: But 50% of this podcast is of the crazy opinion that Heart Beeps is a better movie than this one.

Speaker 1: Well, the other 50% thinks that ET is terrible which it isn't but that's why we work together and why we love each other so much.

Speaker 1: So what happens in our movie next year?

Speaker 1: Oh yeah, so Vincent, the robot is like hey, everyone shut up for a second.

Speaker 2: There's a ship really close to this black hole.

Speaker 2: Let me try to place it with a series of pictures that I'm just going to borrow from Wikipedia.

Speaker 2: So that is flashing.

Speaker 2: And that's the point where of Vettememue is like how could something get out here ahead of us, Because we're supposed to be this spaceship on the edge of all we know.

Speaker 2: And that's where Vincent is like oh, my goodness, that's the Cygnus.

Speaker 2: Hey, EVMemue, isn't that the ship that your father was on?

Speaker 1: Oh, yes, it is.

Speaker 1: It disappeared 20 years ago and I'm 30, which means it's been 20 years since I've seen my father.

Speaker 1: I hope this is important to the plot of the film, but it probably won't be.

Speaker 1: Yeah, ernest Borgnein.

Speaker 1: He jumps in and he's like hey, anybody here ever heard of the commander that ship, dr Hans Reinhart, and then Tony Perkins.

Speaker 1: His ears are like tingling.

Speaker 1: Oh my God, yes, he's like Ernest Borgnein.

Speaker 1: Did you ever meet Commander Reinhart?

Speaker 1: Did he smell good?

Speaker 1: I imagine he smelled like sandalwood, with skin that's most simultaneously rough and smooth to touch or so I've heard.

Speaker 1: That guy was a real stuck up asshole Collided with him more like yeah, he was a real piece of shit.

Speaker 1: And Tony Perkins is like whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1: He's like you collided with him.

Speaker 1: Was that in a public restroom or a sauna?

Speaker 1: Tell me everything and don't think out one single detail go.

Speaker 2: All I know is that that ship never came back.

Speaker 2: It probably got a vent horizon.

Speaker 2: It's probably haunted as shit right now.

Speaker 1: All right, pause this conversation.

Speaker 2: Yes, please.

Speaker 1: I didn't really put a whole lot of notes down on this, but is this movie essentially a precursor to the film Event Horizon?

Speaker 1: I know that there's a lot of differences between Black Hole and Event Horizon, but as I watched this I kept thinking this just feels like a wet toilet paper version of Event Horizon.

Speaker 2: It's certainly similar because it is that haunted house and space kind of thing, with this ship being populated by robots and whatnot as opposed to demons.

Speaker 2: So there's DNA for sure.

Speaker 2: Okay, is Event Horizon a better movie?

Speaker 3: Probably.

Speaker 1: Yes, it is.

Speaker 1: Is everything a better movie than this?

Speaker 1: Yes, it is, including Heartbeats and ET.

Speaker 1: All right, what's better, Black Hole or ET?

Speaker 2: Sophie's Choice there.

Speaker 2: I mean, I would rather watch Black Hole than ET.

Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say you'd rather watch Sophie's Choice.

Speaker 1: I've never seen Sophie's Choice, I only know what.

Speaker 2: Sophie's Choice was, and I felt like knowing that I didn't need to watch the rest of the movie.

Speaker 2: Fair enough At this point.

Speaker 2: Anthony Perkins says yes, I heard that the ship either refused a request to return to Earth or they never got it.

Speaker 1: Some people don't get messages from other people, because I've sent Reinhardt a letter every day for the last three years and I've never heard from him.

Speaker 1: I'm sure that he just probably never received my handwritten letters and all the pictures I drew of he and I together me combing his hair, a sharing an umbrella or riding a Vespa in Rome on holiday together.

Speaker 2: Hey, put it back in your pants, pal.

Speaker 2: It's not like you're on a talk show.

Speaker 1: You bet Chimesen, can we talk about my dad possibly being on that ship?

Speaker 1: Like that thing just disappeared with my father on it.

Speaker 1: Oh boy, here we go again.

Speaker 1: Bottoms Chimesen.

Speaker 1: If we can get close enough, then Vincent the Robot and I we can get on that ship using tethers.

Speaker 1: Anthony Perkins points out.

Speaker 2: Why the ship hasn't moved at all since we first saw it.

Speaker 2: All right if you get on that ship.

Speaker 1: Could you take this poem that I wrote for Reinhardt with you, If you see him, Delmuth's from me, Anthony Perkins, Tony Perkins, Tony P.

Speaker 1: So I signed my correspondence with him.

Speaker 1: The top of the P is a heart.

Speaker 1: If he pretends not to remember me, he'll remember me he knows.

Speaker 2: And then Robert Forster decides to get into the movie and says Look, it's against my better judgments, but I guess we'll go take a look at this crazy ship.

Speaker 1: And Vincent the Robot gets all preachy.

Speaker 1: To quote Cicero, Rationus is the characteristic of youth, prudence, of mellow age and discretion.

Speaker 1: The better part of valor, what hey?

Speaker 2: how about you start making some sense?

Speaker 2: Oh, we'll use you for extra pots.

Speaker 2: Which button on you makes a margarita?

Speaker 2: Is it near the button that makes you shut off?

Speaker 2: If we could turn you into a McFlurry machine, that would be preferable.

Speaker 1: So they decide they're going to go on for a closer look and this takes about 90 seconds.

Speaker 1: It's so boring and there's a whole lot of like range two, nine, nine, five holding steady gravity rising.

Speaker 1: Boring editor getting into your job.

Speaker 2: But as we get close to the sickness, we get the real look at the ship, which I think is very cool.

Speaker 2: I think it's very interesting design to this ship.

Speaker 1: They splash a big flashlight on it and they're flying around underneath it, and then gravity comes on, whatever the hell that means.

Speaker 2: And the, the Palomino starts to tumble towards the black hole and we get a scene that nobody wanted or needed in this movie, where it looks like they're going to fall into the black hole and then they don't.

Speaker 2: Yeah, although this does have the first introduction, because Vincent has to go out and repair some shit on the Palomino to fix it so that it can escape the black hole.

Speaker 2: And there's a point where Robert Forster says hey event, mim, you, would you mind using your ESP to tell Vincent some shit?

Speaker 2: And you're like what now?

Speaker 1: She has ESP with a robot, uh-huh.

Speaker 2: But it's not just her Apparently.

Speaker 2: This is a thing, because it comes up later where they talk about other people who use ESP.

Speaker 2: It's like oh, I guess that's just something that humans evolved.

Speaker 3: Question mark.

Speaker 1: You already touched on the terribleness of this script and the slap dash way it was put together.

Speaker 1: That was just something that they forgot to white out.

Speaker 2: She's in possession of a very new power, or a very old one, she goes into this trance and she says Vincent has a stupid quote for us.

Speaker 1: There are old pilots and bold pilots, but few old bold pilots.

Speaker 1: How fun, wait, hold on.

Speaker 1: Now he's telling me a limerick.

Speaker 1: It's about a man from Mantecote and oh my God, I can't say that.

Speaker 1: I'm not sure how any of that helps, does it?

Speaker 1: So Vincent closes or opens a hatch or something and the tether attaching him to the ship snaps.

Speaker 1: Who cares?

Speaker 1: But he has like a magnet on a backup tether, so no worries.

Speaker 1: So they stabilize their ship after about 10 minutes of boring space stuff and they drift by the larger ship and then the big ship turns on its lights, blah, and then they capture a little ring doorbell footage of who's nosing around their property up on the ship and Yvette looks out and she's like hey, I see people on that ship, I know it, I feel it.

Speaker 2: You remember I have ESP with robots whatever Bottoms apologizes to Robert Forster for getting up in his grill about possibly leaving Vincent behind when they were close to the black hole.

Speaker 2: Robert Forster says hey, don't worry about it, pally, we all have a soft spot for the little guy, which leads me to believe that he has fucked this robot Absolutely.

Speaker 2: I think he has bottoms, has artists Borgneid definitely has.

Speaker 1: So they land the ship, the small ship on the big ship, and again, at this point I'm real unclear as to who's the captain, engineer, navigator, cook, ship psychic.

Speaker 1: Well, I'm pretty sure that's Yvette but everything else is up for the crews reunited with Vincent, the robot who says out of the frying pan and hopefully not into the fire.

Speaker 1: But I wish this robot would be quiet.

Speaker 1: Jesus Christ, it's like listening to a metallic fortune cookie.

Speaker 1: 24, seven, are we?

Speaker 2: sure we can turn his vocal back off.

Speaker 2: Hey, and if he tells you something with ESP, tell him to shut it.

Speaker 1: The crew gets on the big ship and Captain Robert Forster says hey, bottoms, you stay on the ship and make sure nothing interesting happens while we're gone.

Speaker 1: He's like yes, sir.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent the robot says yes, bottoms, some people must serve by standing around and doing nothing.

Speaker 1: That's you.

Speaker 1: You are useless.

Speaker 1: I was programmed to educate and remind you of how much of a useless tool you are.

Speaker 2: It's a real prissy comment because Bottoms says you know, vincent, were you here just to annoy me?

Speaker 2: And that's where Vincent the robot says no, to educate you.

Speaker 1: And you're like, yeah, I'm going to shoot this fucking robot because the filmmakers don't know how to edit this movie or write their way out of the scene.

Speaker 1: It just ends with Bottoms saying like I never thought I'd be playing straight man to a tin can.

Speaker 1: Then Bottoms walks a few paces away and then he spins around like a gunslinger with his laser blaster and he just stares into the camera awkwardly Mm.

Speaker 2: Hmm, you might be surprised, or that was improv.

Speaker 1: I'm not surprised by that at all.

Speaker 2: I don't know that for sure, but I mean it has to be right, because in the script if it says and then he does this really dumb twirly thing with his gun and looks right at the camera, someone should have been fired.

Speaker 2: Well, I think several people were.

Speaker 1: So our other four crew members and Vincent the robot.

Speaker 1: They go on to the sickness spaceship and Vincent the robot is immediately shot with a laser blaster.

Speaker 1: And Ernest Borgnein says so much for the friendly theory, these assholes are killing robots.

Speaker 2: Left them right, and it shoots a gun out of Robert Forster's hand too.

Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, correct shot.

Speaker 1: And Anthony Birkin says they could have killed us if they wanted to, but they didn't.

Speaker 1: Because Dr Hans Reinhardt is a gentleman and a scholar, and a father, a mother, a lover, shoulder to cry on, he's everything I've, you've, you've ever dreamed of, and he's so much more.

Speaker 1: Can you see the sweat stains in my pits?

Speaker 1: I sweat a lot when I'm nervous and sexually aroused, I mean when I wanted a spaceship.

Speaker 1: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.

Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm going to meet him.

Speaker 2: I don't know if any of you have heard the legend of his lap, but I hear it's the most comfortable place in the universe to put your face and take a nap.

Speaker 2: They're led through a series of doors that are opening, so they go through them.

Speaker 1: Yeah, that's some good filmmaking.

Speaker 2: Sure, and then we see these red rubets with these twin blasters march through the room that they were just in.

Speaker 1: They look like cherry flavored stormtroopers from Star Wars, not from Nazi Germany.

Speaker 1: Sure, lest anyone be confused.

Speaker 1: Sorry, leave it to Nazis to ruin another good name, like stormtroopers jerks.

Speaker 2: So, our heroes are sort of funneled to this four seat sled that looks like a ride that Disney World never quite opened as they're gliding along.

Speaker 1: Yvette says I wonder if my father, who I thought was dead for 20 years, will be on this spaceship and I'll get some closure.

Speaker 2: Vincent, of course, chimes in because he can't shut up in this whole movie and he's basically saying oh boy, more robots sent into black holes trying to communicate via ESP.

Speaker 2: And Ernest Borgnein says don't worry about it, that's ancient history.

Speaker 1: This movie tells you nothing about these characters, because Ernest Borgnein is wearing this small turtleneck and there's a little metal rectangle on it and at first I thought maybe he's a priest.

Speaker 1: So I went over to Wikipedia, the most trusted source of everything everywhere, and I was like wait, he's a journalist.

Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2: I thought he was the mechanic.

Speaker 1: No, because they talk about him writing articles later.

Speaker 1: If you're barely paying attention, I still don't know what Anthony Perkins' role is on this trip, except for being love struck middle aged white guy.

Speaker 2: I thought he was the scientist, but now that you told me that, ernest, Borgnein was supposed to be, a journalist.

Speaker 2: I mean, anything could have happened Like a vet.

Speaker 2: Maybe you could have been the captain, robert Forster could have been a robot, I don't know.

Speaker 1: So they make their way up to this control tower on the Cygnus, and the movie wants to show off more of Beau's favorite matte paintings.

Speaker 1: And we get this cutting edge set design, according to the set designers who made the set designs for this movie.

Speaker 1: Once we're up in the control tower, there are these shadowy figures that are moving around keeping the ship working.

Speaker 1: You hear that they're robots, according to Vincent the robot, and these figures are dressed in these dark cloaks with face shields and they're all sitting at these 70s era control panels full of buttons, beat-bop, boop in their way.

Speaker 2: And then here, beau, here we meet our movie's robotic villain Maximilian, which is also a red robot, but it's much taller.

Speaker 2: It looks like a middle aged father because it's real top heavy and has real toothpick legs.

Speaker 1: It looks like Calculon from Future Wama.

Speaker 2: That's probably where they got it, as a matter of fact, it's got the same little antenna sticking up.

Speaker 1: Yes, that's a show that never really found its footing.

Speaker 1: If that was a show, that could be great or just dull.

Speaker 2: There are definitely great episodes of it, but it wasn't consistently great, yeah, although that episode with the dog is fantastic.

Speaker 1: Did you ever see the film that they did that addressed that episode?

Speaker 1: No, it's pretty good.

Speaker 1: They came back and they resolved the issue with the dog, because people were very upset about that dog.

Speaker 2: I feel like you should just leave well enough alone.

Speaker 2: Let people be upset about the dog, the way that they do.

Speaker 1: it's pretty clever.

Speaker 1: The show finds a way to not make it feel forced.

Speaker 1: But for people such as my wife that watched it and were just really distraught about the dog, the fact that the dog found resolution it's well.

Speaker 1: But anyway, that's, go watch Future Wama, don't watch the black hole.

Speaker 1: Oh, we also didn't mention that when they see Maximilian Vincent, the robot says identify yourself.

Speaker 1: And this robot whips out these two arms with these spinning ginsu knives of just death.

Speaker 1: You could definitely cut a tin can with those.

Speaker 1: And Robert Forster says hey boy, oh, this is the story to end all stories and the band and ship run by robots, with this red robot in charge of the other robots.

Speaker 1: There's definitely no human robots on this ship, it's just robots.

Speaker 2: You'll say so, but guess who it is what, and around spins Maximilian shell as Reinhardt.

Speaker 4: Not quite.

Speaker 4: Robert Forster.

Speaker 4: Allow me to introduce myself.

Speaker 4: My name is Reinhardt, pronounced with an Einhardt.

Speaker 4: Don't get too close or I might break your heart.

Speaker 1: And then Anthony Perkins just passes out.

Speaker 2: You see, they all work at my command.

Speaker 2: I know who you are.

Speaker 2: I've been scanning you.

Speaker 4: We have monitored you since you boarded the ship.

Speaker 4: You've had to come closer.

Speaker 4: I'm sure you want to know if your father is still in the ship and if he is still alive.

Speaker 4: I shall answer the second question first, and then I shall answer the first question second.

Speaker 4: No and no.

Speaker 2: And it's Ernest Borgnein who first says Reinhardt, you mean Dr Hans Reinhardt, the guy that just a few minutes ago I would say was a total piece of shit.

Speaker 1: Tony Perkins.

Speaker 1: Ain't that the name you got scribbled all over you?

Speaker 1: Trap Keeper Perkins comes to.

Speaker 1: He just stares at Reinhardt with the intensity of somewhat of the front row of a Taylor Swift concert, considering the real world consequences of murdering her.

Speaker 2: This is where Evette Mimue steps forward and is like I have to ask you about my father, but let me stop you there.

Speaker 2: Your father is quite dead.

Speaker 1: Oh well, I had that 10 minutes.

Speaker 1: Oh so I'll relish that forever.

Speaker 1: Let's talk about what Reinhardt looks like in this movie, because most people haven't seen it, because at my note say he looks like a modern day stunt double for Mandy Patinkin.

Speaker 2: Oh, that's pretty good.

Speaker 2: The beard is really there.

Speaker 1: Or Chris Pine, after five years of being blacklisted in Hollywood Jack Black if he went on a radical diet.

Speaker 2: Bizarro Bob Ross the Unabomber after a good buffet.

Speaker 1: The face you see in the woods before you're murdered.

Speaker 2: Yeah for sure, I especially like it.

Speaker 2: We'll get to it.

Speaker 2: But there's a moment later in the movie where he like super ages all of a sudden, and it's quite funny.

Speaker 2: But Reinhardt seemed surprised when they tell him like hey, we never heard what happened to you.

Speaker 2: And he goes what do you mean?

Speaker 2: The crew never made it back to earth.

Speaker 4: Let me come up with an amusing story that's complete bullshit.

Speaker 4: During our mission, we encountered some meteorites and we were disabled.

Speaker 4: That sounds plausible.

Speaker 1: Communications were smashed by the aforementioned meteorites.

Speaker 4: I told the crew it's an abandoned ship.

Speaker 4: Return home to your loved ones and families.

Speaker 4: I stayed on board because I am the captain.

Speaker 4: Yvette's father stayed with me, but I mentioned he is dead.

Speaker 1: And I've been here for 20 years and I made all these companion robots to keep me company because, what can I say?

Speaker 1: I am a romantic.

Speaker 2: It was the lasers that shot your gun onto your robot, but that is because my robots thought you were aggressive, and since you are not, it's fine.

Speaker 2: But don't have any more guns and don't wander around the ship, because if you do, then, I don't know, maybe things don't go so good for you.

Speaker 2: That's all.

Speaker 1: I can say Anthony Perkins jumps in Us.

Speaker 1: Sir, no act of aggression was intended.

Speaker 1: I am not aggressive at all, unless you're into that kind of thing.

Speaker 1: I can be aggressive or passive, I can be whatever you want me to be.

Speaker 1: Ron Archis, Hit the words.

Speaker 2: Before you start soiling yourself on the front side over here, how about you let us repair our ship?

Speaker 2: And, oh, by the by, we can offer you a ride home if you need one.

Speaker 2: Uh, oh, why would I ever want to go home?

Speaker 4: You are my guests.

Speaker 4: I have no desire to go back to earth.

Speaker 4: I have developed anti-gravity forces to prevent us from going into the black hole.

Speaker 4: I heard your cries for help, but I'm the movie's villain, so you can see that that puts me in a real pickle.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent the robot has this standoff with Maximilian and Reinhardt says what does this remind me of?

Speaker 4: Oh, yes, that famous story from that book I forget the name of it David Ungalaya classic confrontation on his.

Speaker 1: This time David is outmatched.

Speaker 1: I was like that's not David Ungalaya, that's the story of someone small defeating someone mighty.

Speaker 1: I don't think you're using this in the appropriate way, sir.

Speaker 2: Also a bit Mimiu is like we don't call the Mexican standoffs anymore.

Speaker 2: That is probably you miss that, being out here on the edge of a black hole for a while, but that's considered a little, a little racist.

Speaker 1: That sounds completely retarded.

Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, you can't say that, sir.

Speaker 2: What A conce retada.

Speaker 2: Well, that's gay.

Speaker 1: No, oh no, this is ridiculous.

Speaker 1: You know what, if I needed eloquence, or language lessons.

Speaker 4: I would talk to your little metal midget over here.

Speaker 2: Oh, that's it.

Speaker 2: If only I were in position to buy a social media company that could serve as a sort of town square, and perhaps anyone could say anything they wanted.

Speaker 2: I would rebrand it in a way that made it repulsive to advertisers.

Speaker 1: Whatever its name was, I would name it triple X.

Speaker 2: What sounds like something that no right thinking person would ever advertise on.

Speaker 2: What if it's just called fuck no.

Speaker 2: No, that is offensive and kind of beautiful.

Speaker 3: How about X.

Speaker 3: All right where are we.

Speaker 2: He also tells Max million, Max million, my beautiful robot that I have never once touched inappropriately, take these people to repair their ship.

Speaker 1: And Ernest Borgnein asks.

Speaker 1: So I heard you know your ship here.

Speaker 1: It doesn't appear to be crippled Like whoa.

Speaker 2: I thought you just told me I can't say the Mexican standoff and you say cripple.

Speaker 1: You know I'm from a different generation.

Speaker 1: I used to piss in troughs at sporting stadiums.

Speaker 1: There was no vanity wall between us.

Speaker 1: You just whipped at your cock and you pissed on a wall.

Speaker 1: If you were lucky, there was water dribbling down it.

Speaker 2: Could I interest you on a spot nine in a verified account for my new social media approaches there you can say anything you want.

Speaker 2: You can cause the ship crippled.

Speaker 2: I don't mind.

Speaker 2: Is it town square event of you and Anthony Perkins are going to stay behind and hang out with Reinhardt to get lots of and I quote data, while Vincent the robot and Max million face off a little bit.

Speaker 2: And finally rubber forester has to be like how about you get your big red robot to back off a little bit?

Speaker 2: Yeah, Vincent's annoying.

Speaker 2: If he could maybe cut out his vocal center, we got a deal.

Speaker 1: We get a series of shots where max million are rotating hand switch, playing thug robot.

Speaker 1: He's escorting bottoms, the captain forester and Vincent the robot to somewhere I don't know where, and then they wander off and as they're hustling along they run into this robot that looks a lot like Vincent, but he's kind of melted and busted up, and max million, the big thug robot.

Speaker 1: He just smacks this robot in the head.

Speaker 2: It's a real.

Speaker 2: You want a fresh one, kind of smack.

Speaker 2: It's pretty good.

Speaker 1: And then bottoms grows a spine and he goes over to max million and he's like hey pal, you're supposed to take us to get the parts to fix our ship.

Speaker 1: And then max million gets kind of pissed off at this, but he agrees to do it.

Speaker 1: Vincent goes over to this busted up robot that kind of looks like him only just beating all the hell, and Vincent chats with this robot for a little bit about their make and model and then the other robot hobbles away all scared and there's a cutaway scene where Reinhardt is showing event menu and Anthony Perkins this big power source that he's invented.

Speaker 2: This could power everything in the world.

Speaker 1: Anthony Perkins is, like you, will be remembered as one of the greatest space scientists of all time.

Speaker 2: Oh, you're saying so.

Speaker 2: I think he's possible, I don't know.

Speaker 1: One of the greatest space scientists.

Speaker 1: What about one of just the greatest scientists?

Speaker 4: Why does that have to be qualified?

Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: No space scientists.

Speaker 2: I just meant because we're in space right now, but no matter where you go, you're going to be the best person there and the cutest.

Speaker 2: Did I say cutest?

Speaker 2: I meant smartest.

Speaker 4: Reinhardt says I will never return to enjoy the glory of my success.

Speaker 4: There's too much at stake for me to pull back.

Speaker 1: I am going forward.

Speaker 1: I am not pulling back, going forward deeper, faster and harder oh and then he just passes, yeah, meanwhile Ernest.

Speaker 2: Borgnein kind of ducks off this impromptu tour.

Speaker 3: Hey, I got to take a shit.

Speaker 2: Look, I assume that even though you got all these robots around, you got a couple of turrets around here, don't you Do the robots shit?

Speaker 2: Never mind, don't tell me that part, just tell me where I can find the head.

Speaker 1: So we come back to that little transport ride, because they use that a lot in this movie and Captain Robert Forster.

Speaker 1: He sees a group of six robots carrying another robot in what looks like a casket down below and he wanders off to go find some German expressionism film set design where I guess people once lived in very small space apartments with trapezoid shape doors, but it's all empty now there's no people, just leftover clothes and photos.

Speaker 2: How sad, which is kind of important, at least from a detective Robert Forster point of view.

Speaker 2: Sure, because if Reinhardt said all these people, they took off in escape pods, I don't know where they went.

Speaker 2: And you open up the closets and hey, here are all their clothes.

Speaker 2: Then something's a little fishy, something's rotten in Denmark, and he goes through this other door and this is where he sees those six robots carrying the coffin from before and it's a straight up robot funeral.

Speaker 1: Yeah, they just fire this thing off into space.

Speaker 1: It's the end of Star Trek 2.

Speaker 1: Or it's the end of Osama bin Laden's life in space, instead of the ocean unceremoniously dumped.

Speaker 2: You think they really?

Speaker 1: chunked him in the ocean.

Speaker 1: I'm not a fan of conspiracy theories.

Speaker 1: I was like, really I thought they would have just hung him up and let people punch him for a dollar.

Speaker 2: Well, probably, but after that, like I don't think he made it to the mainland, we got to get rid of him.

Speaker 2: We can't show people what we have done to this body.

Speaker 1: It's just covered in cuts and bruises and come and shit, yeah, and there's a lot of suckhole or Sharpie markers around his mouth and They've decorated him like a blow up doll and used animal.

Speaker 1: Somebody on the back, just drew a picture and it has an arrow pointed at it and it says the Prophet Muhammad oh my God.

Speaker 2: And so Maximilian appears behind Robert Forster all of a sudden.

Speaker 3: And Robert Forster is like oh ain't that belly?

Speaker 3: I must have made a wrong turn.

Speaker 1: I will say that Maximilian in this movie emotes more than any of the human actors.

Speaker 2: Certainly more than a vet, Mim you.

Speaker 1: Ernest Borgnein wanders past the door looking for the crapper and instead he finds this cloak figure at a control panel next to a greenhouse.

Speaker 1: And Ernest Borgnein says it's quite the layout here.

Speaker 1: You guys got into a plumbing on this ship.

Speaker 1: Can you speak?

Speaker 1: I got a shit.

Speaker 1: Where's the head?

Speaker 1: El?

Speaker 2: Toiletto Do?

Speaker 2: People come through here a lot.

Speaker 2: Can I just use the corner?

Speaker 1: That Reinhardt.

Speaker 1: He loves to play.

Speaker 1: God, I wish he played fucking Plumbermore often.

Speaker 1: Oh God, I gotta fucking pitch one off.

Speaker 2: What is this in this other room?

Speaker 2: A whole greenhouse.

Speaker 2: I'm gonna plant a couple of potatoes of my own.

Speaker 1: He peeks through this window and sees a large greenhouse full of all kinds of growing vegetables and it's like a football field long, if not more.

Speaker 2: It's giant.

Speaker 1: And then the cloak figure leaves and Ernest Borgnein follows him but immediately loses him because Ernest Borgnein has to walk with his cheeks pinched together.

Speaker 1: It's a lot of left foot right, foot, left, foot right foot.

Speaker 2: Also, he notices that this robot has a limp when it walks back on the Palomina that Robert Forster is telling the rest of the crew about the funeral that he saw.

Speaker 1: Hey, I saw a funeral with robots.

Speaker 1: They fired another robot out in the space.

Speaker 2: It was fucking crazy, I suggest we get out of here as quick as we can.

Speaker 2: Something fucked up is happening around here.

Speaker 1: Vincent, the robot says a wolf is a wolf even if it doesn't eat your sheep and Bottoms is like will you please shut up?

Speaker 1: What the fuck?

Speaker 2: are you talking about?

Speaker 1: Just repair the ship.

Speaker 1: You loudmouth jackass.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent the robot says I'm doing the best I can.

Speaker 1: A pint cannot hold a quart.

Speaker 1: If the pint is doing the best that it can and Bottoms is like oh my God, will you shut up Quick?

Speaker 1: Give us these half-baked analogies and metaphors.

Speaker 1: Who programmed you?

Speaker 1: Henry Wadsworth?

Speaker 2: long fellow.

Speaker 2: Listen, captain Robert Forster.

Speaker 2: I don't know how well this thing can hear, but as soon as we get this ship fixed, can we shoot this thing into space?

Speaker 2: Because I cannot.

Speaker 2: We've got a long way back.

Speaker 1: Find out where that funeral room was and we're going to load this son of a bitch up and thunk him out like a potato kid.

Speaker 1: We just say that that Maximilian thing killed it.

Speaker 1: Nobody's going to miss him.

Speaker 2: Nobody cares these things come off a production line, nobody gives a shit.

Speaker 1: This is just he's garbage.

Speaker 1: Once he fixes the ship, then we'll murder him and we'll get that old melted one.

Speaker 1: He probably knows how to do the same job.

Speaker 1: Plus, we can fuck that one.

Speaker 2: I'm tired of fucking this one.

Speaker 2: Yeah, he's old and busted, but there's something about that that kind of turns me on.

Speaker 1: Back in the command room of the movie, reinhardt walks over to Anthony Perkins who is staring out these like floor-to-ceiling windows into space, pretending to play hard to get.

Speaker 1: And then Reinhardt walks over and he asks Anthony Perkins let me ask you are you interested in black holes?

Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I mean wait, what did you mean?

Speaker 1: I've waited my whole life to be asked this question.

Speaker 2: The answer is always yes.

Speaker 2: It doesn't matter which black hole you're talking about.

Speaker 1: And then Yvette shows up and she says well, you know they're long tunnels to nowhere.

Speaker 1: And Perkins is like or somewhere, maybe they go somewhere.

Speaker 1: These are places to be explored.

Speaker 2: Yvette, maybe we should just send something into it and see what happens.

Speaker 2: Maybe into it and then back out of it and then into it again, like he was talking about with the power source.

Speaker 4: Reinhardt says Anthony Perkins you are a man who longs for a sense of his own greatness, but he's not found his two directions and Perkins says perhaps I could find it here if you're in no hurry for us to leave.

Speaker 1: And then Tony Perkins darts his eyes and Yvette, with this, beat it.

Speaker 2: Look, I found my special purpose.

Speaker 2: I found my special purpose.

Speaker 1: And then Reinhardt says perhaps we could discuss this over dinner and Perkins says I was thinking over breakfast in bed.

Speaker 1: Too much dinner is fine Baby brunch.

Speaker 2: Do you want me to call you or shake you?

Speaker 1: Got the bottoms, robert Forrester and Vincent.

Speaker 1: They're walking back to the main plot of our movie and Robert Forrester says, hey, we're going to dinner.

Speaker 1: And Vincent says I should be there in case that brute Maximilian shows up with his Guinsoo fist of death.

Speaker 1: And Bottom says here we go again.

Speaker 1: Vincent thinks he can handle everything and Vincent says there are three types of people the wills, the wounds and the cans.

Speaker 1: The wills do everything, the won't suppose everything and the cans won't try.

Speaker 1: And Bottom says you know what?

Speaker 1: There's a fourth type to assholes, and that's you by the way they pass this shooting range, and immediately they're like hey, vincent, how about you stay here?

Speaker 1: These robots and they're practicing their skeet shooting with lasers.

Speaker 2: If everything goes right, maybe you'll get accidentally shot.

Speaker 1: All the robots in there are red, except for this one sharp shooter that's all dressed in black.

Speaker 1: And here we meet that melted old robot, bob.

Speaker 1: He's that busted up version of Vincent, and naturally Vincent goes into this room to see what's happening, because he's just an asshole.

Speaker 1: I'm sure he's going to drop a little two birds, one stone type wisdom on him.

Speaker 1: Maybe start talking about free milk and a cow, bottoms and Forester.

Speaker 1: They're just like hey boy, oh, we'll catch up with you later, or maybe not, if we're lucky.

Speaker 2: And after they take off, we finally get a little bit of information from Bob, who speaks for the first time in the film.

Speaker 1: Vincent asks Bob so who is the sharp shooter?

Speaker 1: The one in black, His?

Speaker 3: name is Star, spelled S, a, then a T and then a, a.

Speaker 3: Go on and then you can hurry and then.

Speaker 3: And then are those letters stand for special, a T, something, and then a word and then a regiment.

Speaker 3: I think I'm good to dinner with the others.

Speaker 3: He's a prototype.

Speaker 3: He's a bad home break.

Speaker 3: I beat him one time and he did things to me I don't even like to think about like robot buggery.

Speaker 1: He says that.

Speaker 1: He says he beat this guy in robot space shooting and that robot did things he doesn't even want to think about, let alone talk about.

Speaker 2: That's right.

Speaker 1: And also this is the voice of Bob is by actor Slim Pickens, who wrote that bomb and Dr Strangelove, and he was Taggart and blazing saddles and this movie sounds like he's sucking and helium between each day.

Speaker 1: This is squeaky redneck accent.

Speaker 2: They tune up Roddy McDowell's voice to like they're both at a higher pitch.

Speaker 2: We cut over to dinner, where Reinhardt is at the head of the table, and so I hear that all of you decide to go on a little unaccompanied excursion.

Speaker 2: Perhaps I suggest that you don't do it again.

Speaker 2: Oh, who wants some mushroom soup from my very own garden?

Speaker 2: And Reinhardt says it's very small.

Speaker 2: Now Zeke's gotten of mine, but it gets me by and immediately, or as organized, like both of them, sorry about got a little something in my throat there.

Speaker 1: Reinhardt, robert Forster, chimes, and so, boy, oh, about our ship.

Speaker 1: We made some modifications and we're going to be able to blast off pretty soon, and Anthony Perkins jumps and speak for yourself.

Speaker 1: I've got a lot to learn from Dr Reinhardt, like what's his favorite movie in his favorite color, and what does he think about before he goes to sleep, and what is he about when he wakes up?

Speaker 1: And is he ticklish?

Speaker 1: And if so, where does he know?

Speaker 1: I'm ticklish and it's on the back of my knees.

Speaker 1: Oh my God.

Speaker 1: There's so much for me to learn for him to perhaps a toast to your good health and safe journey.

Speaker 2: Oh, if I could, I would like to toast you, reinhardt, for being so cool and smart and sexy I mean, did I say smart and for hosting us and giving us this delicious mushroom soup, and also for having a really cool robot and for saying that I was cool.

Speaker 4: I never said that you were cool.

Speaker 2: Oh, I thought you sort of implied it.

Speaker 4: No, it wasn't implied.

Speaker 4: You may have inferred that, but it was incorrect.

Speaker 2: Do you think I'm interesting?

Speaker 2: Because I think you're very interesting.

Speaker 4: Let's put a pin in that, okay.

Speaker 2: Oh, I love putting pins and things.

Speaker 2: Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: Also, I plan to travel into and through the black hole.

Speaker 1: Excuse me Question question Is that into my black hole or the black hole?

Speaker 2: This is becoming transparent and embarrassing.

Speaker 2: The answer is the black hole, not yours.

Speaker 1: Am I trying too hard.

Speaker 2: Yes, I think the kids call it a try hard.

Speaker 2: You are what they call sesty.

Speaker 2: They call it being the NPC.

Speaker 2: Well, you are not a hero, but more of a character like in the video games.

Speaker 1: We cut back to Vincent and Bob the old robot, the cool kid robots are ignoring them while they smoke robot cigarettes and drink robot booze and they should be playing robot pool or something.

Speaker 2: It's that kind of place.

Speaker 1: Star the robot walks over and he gives this four finger word egging motion like come and get it to Bob, like for a rematch, and they start shooting into space.

Speaker 1: So it's Bob the robot, who's old and busted and melted, and star the robot, the one in black, and as they're blasting these laser skeet star bumps into or kind of hip, checks Bob to make him lose.

Speaker 1: And at the end of the star the robot showboats, he spins his space lasers and gives it a blow on the tip and keep in mind this is the person that directed probably the 13th part, six.

Speaker 1: Yes, it is, which I adore, and she's too young.

Speaker 1: I was so happy to hear that he was making a return to this in one way or the other.

Speaker 1: She's too young.

Speaker 1: If you haven't listened to that episode, that's a lifetime movie about teenagers getting was syphilis.

Speaker 1: Her no, no, no, it was gonorrhea.

Speaker 2: I think it's gonorrhea.

Speaker 2: Chlamydia one of the two.

Speaker 2: It was something with a painful drip.

Speaker 2: All the kids in school got beaty.

Speaker 2: That was a good time, or accused of having it, which was almost as good.

Speaker 2: But yeah, star gives him the little twirl and Bob says, oh, I missed on purpose.

Speaker 1: I'm a real piece of shit.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent the robot steps in and says hey asshole, why don't you pick on someone who wasn't a melted robot, that got molested by you for beating you in a contest earlier?

Speaker 3: Well, I never said that directly.

Speaker 1: I guess it was implied.

Speaker 1: Yeah, so then we cut away from that scene, which was getting interesting.

Speaker 1: Back to dinner, which isn't.

Speaker 1: And Robert Forrester says hey boy, oh, how will your ship get around the gravity of the event horizon of a black hole?

Speaker 1: That's unlike science.

Speaker 1: And then Reinhardt says yes, it will involve math.

Speaker 4: Void vortexes, we will make the jump to jargon speech and slingshot into the black hole.

Speaker 4: Do not say anything, mr.

Speaker 1: Perkins, we know what's on your mind.

Speaker 2: Keep it there, he basically says is you just have to know how to do it.

Speaker 2: It's complicated science.

Speaker 2: I could explain it, but you wouldn't understand and it would be a waste of my time.

Speaker 2: Is there only a person who would understand?

Speaker 2: That is Anthony Perkins.

Speaker 2: And let's face it, he's already on the hook.

Speaker 1: So we cut back to star and Vincent and they're going to have this laser outer space skeet shooting battle.

Speaker 1: And star really put some English on his shooting by blasting first from behind his back with one hand over his other hand.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent says nice shooting, simple but nice.

Speaker 1: Now watch this, you simpleton.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent blast some targets.

Speaker 1: Then star one ups him by turning his back and shooting over his shoulder like with a mirror.

Speaker 1: When did this become a trick shooting contest?

Speaker 1: And then Vincent says my grandmother would be impressed by that.

Speaker 1: Watch this, you jerk off.

Speaker 1: And then Vincent spins around like a ferris wheel as he shoots his targets, but one of his lasers bow bounces off the wall and kills star, the robot that's robot murder, yes, yes, or maybe robot manslaughter Robot slaughter Something like that.

Speaker 2: Yeah, vincent is just a straight up murderer in this movie.

Speaker 2: Of course, when this happens, captain star gets so pissed off that he like shape and shorts out.

Speaker 1: Well, he got shot in the chest, he's dying, he's a death rattle.

Speaker 1: And then Bob the old melted robot walks over and he says made me over and parked story.

Speaker 1: We cut to this probe ship.

Speaker 1: That apparently is a thing in our movie heading back to the Cygnus, and apparently it has data on it to confirm Reinhardt's hypothesis of going into and out of a black hole.

Speaker 2: And Anthony Perkins sniffs out here what Reinhardt might need them for, which is, I guess you need the Palomino to monitor you while you search for the, and I quote ultimate knowledge.

Speaker 1: Oh my God, I've got goosebumps Just saying that.

Speaker 2: And Maximilian comes in and tells Reinhardt through, I guess, esp about the probe returning.

Speaker 1: I don't know.

Speaker 1: Reinhardt says to Anthony Perkins I need you to go with me to another place.

Speaker 4: in another time, I will have the possibility to find what we call the ultimate knowledge.

Speaker 2: I promise you you will have the time of your life and you will never feel this way before.

Speaker 1: Maximilian the big red thug robot shows up and Reinhardt says Maximilian, the probe ship is about to dock Continue everyone here eat your meal of mushroom soup and whatever bugs are floating around in it, reinhardt and Maximilian.

Speaker 1: They leave and as they do so Maximilian rotates his head and kind of gives the members of our movie the steak eye with his horizontal red laser light hole.

Speaker 1: I kind of liked it as he was leaving like this.

Speaker 2: Brrrrrr, assholes.

Speaker 2: We cut over to Vincent and Bob, and Bob is just a oh Vincent this is a death ship For what it's worth.

Speaker 3: My name's Bob.

Speaker 3: That stands for Biosanitation Battalion Biosanitation we handle people's pee-pees and poo-poo.

Speaker 2: Yes, I thought I recognized that scent.

Speaker 2: Yes, robots can smell, or at least advance ones like me, some shit like you.

Speaker 3: Now listen.

Speaker 3: I couldn't speak freely earlier, but I got a yarn to spend for it.

Speaker 3: If Max Billion knew you were here, it'd be the death of us both.

Speaker 3: I can permanently rearm your lasers if you want, but you need to know your friends are in grave danger.

Speaker 3: This is a death ship.

Speaker 3: This is gonna be the biggest news you've heard.

Speaker 2: All movie.

Speaker 2: Just hold on to your robot parts, cut to another scene.

Speaker 2: That isn't nearly as interesting.

Speaker 1: We head back to the dinner party.

Speaker 2: Yeah where Ernest Burgdye is, like hey guys, now that he's gone, I gotta tell you this that small garden thing, bullshit.

Speaker 2: I don't know if you heard that when I did the coffin thing earlier, but I gotta tell you over near the Romaine lettuce.

Speaker 1: It's extra fertilized, also helpful.

Speaker 1: Hit pro tip Don't eat the Romaine lettuce.

Speaker 1: Somebody shit over there All the mushrooms.

Speaker 1: It wasn't me just kidding, it was me twice, okay, three times, by the way, is this mushroom soup?

Speaker 2: running through any of you guys.

Speaker 2: I gave it a real Zoe Deschanel, if you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: Robert Forster brings up the funeral again like hey, if you think all that shit in the garden stuff is weird wait till you hear about this funeral.

Speaker 2: I saw what.

Speaker 3: Anthony.

Speaker 2: Perkins is like hey, everyone.

Speaker 2: I think maybe we need to give that cutie pie the benefit of the doubt.

Speaker 2: Ernest Burgdye is like did I tell you about the robot that had the limp?

Speaker 2: That was fucked up too.

Speaker 2: How about we just grab Reinhardt, throw him on the Palomino, chuck that fucker into the black hole and then we take the Cygnus home, the big ship we get the hell outta here.

Speaker 2: We could go on that piece of shit, brus bucket, palomino, or did you look around this place?

Speaker 2: It's pretty sweet.

Speaker 2: They got a whole robot shooting gallery.

Speaker 2: Also, did you see all the places to shit?

Speaker 1: So we cut to a room where these three large lazy Susans with four insets that are the size and shape of a normal human body.

Speaker 1: They're slowly rotating and these person-shaped holes are getting zapped in the head with blue laser beams.

Speaker 1: More on that later.

Speaker 1: Then we come back to Bob and Vincent the robots, and Bob shows up and says, yeah, these poor sons of bitches are what's left of the crew.

Speaker 3: They've been kept alive by means I don't understand.

Speaker 3: Remember, I pick up poo-poos and pee-pees from people.

Speaker 3: I'm not that smart.

Speaker 2: Yes, yes, you're very stupid.

Speaker 3: That's what they tell me, but I do know that those humans are more robot than people.

Speaker 3: Now, hey, let's get out of here before we're discovered.

Speaker 2: And we see some of those red-century robots showing up and then Vincent, because he has had a taste of blood at this point.

Speaker 1: just smokes them, yeah he kills these Crimson Daft Punk robots, yeah.

Speaker 1: And then Bob's like, hey, we got to hide the evidence.

Speaker 1: And then, because Bob is a real ride-or-die partner and he's doing one of the good ones, they just grab these dead robot parts and just chunk them behind a work console.

Speaker 1: It's a terrible hiding spot.

Speaker 1: It's like a kid putting peas under their dinner plate.

Speaker 2: Not since the last playthrough I did of the game, hitman was a body so poorly hidden this silver-suited robot comes out of the probe as Maximilian and Reinhardt are checking it out, and Reinhardt kind of shoves this robot out of the way.

Speaker 2: He's like get out of here, you stupid thing.

Speaker 2: I need to check the probe, I need to check the computers.

Speaker 2: We cut back to dinner, where Anthony Perkins is still on the.

Speaker 2: I'm trying to explain to all of you why Reinhardt couldn't possibly be trying to kill us thing.

Speaker 1: Yeah, he's constantly making excuses for Reinhardt Right, so he neglected his duty to his country for a higher ideal.

Speaker 2: So what?

Speaker 2: It's kind of sexy.

Speaker 2: I'll tell you a story of another man who neglected his duty to his country for higher ideals, a little person named George Washington ever heard of him.

Speaker 2: He said oh my God, Vincent, just bring me up on the ESP line.

Speaker 1: Does anyone remember that I have ESP with robots?

Speaker 1: Well, I do.

Speaker 1: He says we got to get back to the Palomino stat.

Speaker 1: He also said don't look behind the console.

Speaker 1: In sector 7G Somebody killed some robots and dumped their bodies there and Vincent and his pal Bob have no idea who did it.

Speaker 1: But if anybody asks, vincent says it was Bob who acted alone.

Speaker 2: Also, he said to stay clear of the greenhouse because it smells like shit.

Speaker 2: For whatever reason, though, I bet that you and Anthony Perkins stay behind to, I guess, keep up appearances.

Speaker 1: I guess Because Robert Forrester, bottoms and Ernest Borgman, they all leave and Perkins is there with Yvette.

Speaker 2: And on their way back to the Palomino they see Max Millian and this silver robot, yeah, and then there's a scene where a vet mem, you is talking to Anthony Perkins and she says you know, I don't know if I mentioned that I have ESP, but I do, and I get the sense that you might want to go with Reinhardt.

Speaker 1: I do, I do, a thousand times I do, and so Reinhardt rolls in he looks like Nicholson from the third act of the shining Right.

Speaker 2: God looked over the face of the waters and knew it was good.

Speaker 2: And Reinhardt just hands Anthony Perkins some papers and he says I'm going to give you my formula and I want you to write my journey into the black hole.

Speaker 2: How do you feel about that?

Speaker 2: Yes, I knew you would like it.

Speaker 2: Also, I'm kind of thinking that maybe when I get to the other side maybe I live forever.

Speaker 2: Wouldn't that be fun with me?

Speaker 2: I live with you a little while Not forever, it seems like a long time.

Speaker 2: Me, max Millian and I have a very complicated relationship.

Speaker 2: I'll take anything I can get.

Speaker 2: Look, forever is a long time and I'm sure I'm going to get around to it.

Speaker 1: In this scene in the movie.

Speaker 1: I was really shocked that the two of them did kiss.

Speaker 1: The sexual tension between these two reaches its apex right here, yeah.

Speaker 2: It was sexy, I liked it.

Speaker 2: Meanwhile, bob is waiting for the crew on the Palomino with Vincent and he says oh, you know that story I was going to tell Vincent.

Speaker 2: Well, here's the whole skinny.

Speaker 2: It turns out that your dad, kate, died trying to mutiny and then Reinhardt turned the rest of the crew into them robots.

Speaker 2: You see all over the ship.

Speaker 2: And this is where Ernest Borgnein is like you know what I said about taking the sickness?

Speaker 2: Fuck that, fuck them, let's get out of here.

Speaker 2: We got to wait for a vet menu and Anthony Perkins like shit we do.

Speaker 2: I say we get the hell out of here, forget this whole risk and mutiny bullshit and becoming one of them robots.

Speaker 2: Yeah, and I also like that.

Speaker 2: Bob here is like by the way, if you see any of those robots, kill them bitches.

Speaker 2: Death is their only release.

Speaker 2: Murder them all.

Speaker 2: Vincent is like by the way, those busted ass robots that we definitely didn't kill are being searched for.

Speaker 2: And that's where Robert Forcer is like all right, start a countdown, we're getting out of here.

Speaker 2: By the way, tell Kate to get Anthony Perkins back to the ship.

Speaker 1: We've got an uncanny plan that we need to put into action Basically tells Vincent be sure you tell her why That'll fuck her up.

Speaker 1: We cut to Reinhardt, Anthony Perkins and Yvette and they're going into the master control room or whatever Max millions there.

Speaker 1: This is the big holodeck to make the ship fly.

Speaker 1: And Yvette says, um, hey, Anthony Perkins, we need to get back to our ship because they're going to blast off right away.

Speaker 1: And then Reinhardt looks real pissed off and Anthony Perkins says well, I'm not going, I want to stay here and I want to get into that black hole.

Speaker 1: I want to explore it and I want to experience it.

Speaker 1: And this is where Vincent sends some ESPD Yvette and tells her hey, we got, we got to leave that.

Speaker 1: The robots are people, Right?

Speaker 2: Yvette Mim, you looks stunned by this news as one would imagine Is one of them my dad.

Speaker 2: Is he not really dead?

Speaker 2: Ernest Borgnein is starting to get a little antsy and a pansy where he's like we need to go Tic-tac.

Speaker 1: There's a black hole out there.

Speaker 2: See above regarding fuck these people.

Speaker 2: I don't want to be a robot.

Speaker 2: And meanwhile Yvette Mim you calls Anthony Perkins over and is trying to fill him in on the down low about the whole robot situation and Reinhardt kind of stalks up.

Speaker 4: What is wrong?

Speaker 1: You bet you look ill.

Speaker 4: Are you going to stay?

Speaker 2: with us and while he is kind of cornering of that, mim you.

Speaker 2: Anthony Perkins goes over to one of the robots and removes one of the masks and surprise, surprise, it's actually director Gary Nelson under the mask, looking as stunned as he probably did when the reviews for this thing came in.

Speaker 1: It's all sunken and hollow.

Speaker 1: It looks like a mummy face.

Speaker 2: Right, and Reinhardt is like sorry, I know this looks bad, but this was the only way to keep you back.

Speaker 1: Yvette throws up in her mouth a little bit, she's like, yeah, she is.

Speaker 1: Just swallow it Right.

Speaker 2: You have done something against the good taste of God and man, and Maximilian, by the way, is kind of clocking all this as it's going on Like I might have to step in here because things are starting to get a little out of hand.

Speaker 1: He's nice until it's time to not be nice, right this?

Speaker 2: is really the roadhouse of science fiction movies.

Speaker 1: Well, he goes a little too far.

Speaker 2: Anthony Perkins starts to kind of hustle of that Mim you out towards this elevator that will take him down, and Reinhardt closes the elevator and then down comes Maximilian, kind of floating down at them with his worldly blades going and one of the best scenes of the movie, I would argue, but are certainly one of the best moments is Anthony Perkins holds up this book as if to block the side blade and it just choose through it.

Speaker 2: And then Anthony Perkins gives an A plus level.

Speaker 2: Hey, my guts are bent torn out by a worldly blade expression.

Speaker 2: It's really good.

Speaker 2: And then he gets gutted and falls into this reactor where he's also electric, which is a pretty sweet double death with no blood.

Speaker 2: Well, of course.

Speaker 1: I mean.

Speaker 2: I get it.

Speaker 2: The fact that we got somebody chewed up in the guts from a robot arm is good.

Speaker 1: It terrified my wife so much she slept in her parents room for weeks at the foot of their bed because of that scene.

Speaker 2: The one to punch of.

Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, these robots are people.

Speaker 2: Here's the face of one, and if you're a child, keep in mind.

Speaker 2: Seeing this kind of haunted, empty, vanket face of somebody whose brain has been gutted out, immediately followed by this death, is a pretty good one to punch to fuck up a kid, I agree.

Speaker 1: Reinhardt comes over and he says oh my you silly Billy Maximilian Anthony Perkins, he was a good man.

Speaker 1: He had a crush on me.

Speaker 1: Do you know how rare that is for a man of my stature and age?

Speaker 1: He did not deserve to die.

Speaker 1: He leans in and he kind of whispers.

Speaker 2: It's a super weird line, but he whispers to a vet Mimmy, protect me from Maximilian, get me the hell out of here.

Speaker 1: What is wrong with you people?

Speaker 1: I was joking, don't you know a joke?

Speaker 1: When you hear one, open that goddamn door, I'll kick your head in Mommy.

Speaker 2: Um, hey, handsome.

Speaker 2: Yes, I mean you back to video.

Speaker 2: This is a good boy.

Speaker 3: Oh man, what a wonderful scene that is.

Speaker 2: But anyway.

Speaker 2: So a bunch of these red centuries open the elevator doors, they grab a vet menu and Reinhardt says take her to the hospital.

Speaker 2: And by hospital I mean is in place where they've run the blades.

Speaker 4: Uh, sort of like that thing from the movie where.

Speaker 2: Mel Brooks is going to zap, come as a frog.

Speaker 2: Have you seen that?

Speaker 2: He's a classic movie.

Speaker 2: No, he's good.

Speaker 2: You should watch it before you take her to the hospital.

Speaker 2: Take her to the theater so she can see the movie.

Speaker 2: She doesn't have to watch the whole thing, she can stop watching as soon as you see Mel Brooks and the deputy.

Speaker 2: At the end he says ribbit, ribbit in these, because he's crazy, because he had the brain zap.

Speaker 2: You can take her to the hospital after that and you know what?

Speaker 2: Let her watch the whole thing because animal becomes super big and he's beating drums.

Speaker 2: It's crazy.

Speaker 2: It's a crazy movie.

Speaker 2: But then take her to the hospital and we fry her brain.

Speaker 2: Then when you put her in the thing, she's going to think oh, mel Brooks, did these just coming to the frog, right before her brain gets zapped.

Speaker 4: and then she Do me a favor, pick up the phone and call me if she says a little bit, a little bit after we zap her brain, make a video.

Speaker 1: Send me the video because I've got to see that.

Speaker 1: Do you have the TikTok?

Speaker 2: Can you TikTok her saying ribbit, ribbit, it's golden.

Speaker 2: Viral is what happened?

Speaker 2: Maximilian, go down there, make sure they films on the TikTok.

Speaker 2: I'll be fine.

Speaker 2: I'm just going to sit here and watch the black hole.

Speaker 2: Look, muppet movie.

Speaker 2: Only 90 minutes.

Speaker 2: I can wait 90 minutes before I get to the mortality, especially for the Muppet movie.

Speaker 2: It's quite funny.

Speaker 2: Paul Williams music is very.

Speaker 1: The whole crew leaves to go save Yvette.

Speaker 1: I don't remember how they know that she's there.

Speaker 1: I'm sure ESP is involved, except for bottoms.

Speaker 1: He stays behind because that's kind of his job to be useless on the ship.

Speaker 1: And then Ernest Borgman, I'm going to stick around too.

Speaker 1: My stomach's not feeling quite right.

Speaker 1: You know what I mean.

Speaker 1: All that mushroom soup.

Speaker 1: I'm afraid I might have a blowout at 86 miles per hour.

Speaker 2: One small step back.

Speaker 2: Reinhardt calls down and is like Robert Forster yes, your friend Yvette Mimuel.

Speaker 2: And Anthony Perkins, surprise, surprise, wants to stay with me.

Speaker 2: And that's the point where Vincent's like Robert Forster.

Speaker 2: That's all bullshit.

Speaker 2: Anthony Perkins is dead from Maximilian and they're taking Yvette Mimuel to the hospital, but first they're taking her to see the Muppet movie.

Speaker 3: I think we have time.

Speaker 2: They just got to the part, with Harry chasing them in the used car lot.

Speaker 1: Yes, we have time, but so they head to the hospital, with old Bob leading the charge and they stuck Yvette into one of those little human shaped holes on this giant lazy Susan for ribbit, ribbit reprogramming.

Speaker 2: And while this is all going on, the Cygnus is firing up its engines in his position to go through the black hole.

Speaker 2: So we have what some people like to call multiple layered into related action.

Speaker 1: About this time, a century robot finds those poorly hidden robot parts.

Speaker 1: And then Reinhardt is shown on a video transmitter and he says they've bought.

Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, it is time to liquidate our guests.

Speaker 1: And then alarm start blaring and the Cygnus is now blasting into the black hole.

Speaker 1: And we know this because Ernest Borgnein says hey, that man's headed us straight into the black hole.

Speaker 2: And everyone applauds because they said the title of the movie for the 15th time.

Speaker 1: Robert Forster leaps into action.

Speaker 1: He fires off some laser blasters to save Yvette before her brain gets turned into oatmeal Dude she is in the silver sleeping bag with, honest to goodness, tin foil on her head.

Speaker 1: Yeah, it's real conspiracy theory.

Speaker 1: It's not tin foil.

Speaker 2: Not since the weird Al song foil has tin foil on the head been so prominent.

Speaker 2: I loved it.

Speaker 2: Robert Forster wrestles with one of the robots and gets its face under the robot laser and it blows up.

Speaker 2: And then a couple of more red robot show up and they handle those.

Speaker 2: And then a vet menu and Robert Forster dress up like the people robots and Reinhardt sees this over his video cameras so he says, excuse me, attention to all the robots, Just kidding, you think humanoid between the hospital and the panel?

Speaker 2: You know, I know it's maybe an overreaction, but you know you've got to break a few eggs to make.

Speaker 1: Say I like that one.

Speaker 1: That sounds good.

Speaker 1: Shut up.

Speaker 1: You gave us away, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 1: And then this all ends with a lot of pew, pew, bing, bong, and then robots are shooting at our heroes.

Speaker 1: There's a laser gun blast.

Speaker 1: I mean, it looks terrible, even for the time in which it was made.

Speaker 1: It all looks cheap.

Speaker 2: It's a little dull too, because it's basically hey, we got pinned down.

Speaker 2: Oh, those robots on our side saved the day.

Speaker 2: Now let's get moving.

Speaker 1: When the good guys shoot the bad guy robots, they just fall off the ledge like poorly stabilized, cheap department store mannequins.

Speaker 2: It would be a hundred times better if, every time one of them fell off, you heard a good old fashioned will help scream.

Speaker 1: Bob gets shot but nobody cares and you think he's going to die.

Speaker 1: The convincing flies down and catches Bob before he crashes and Bob says first fight I've done in 20 years.

Speaker 3: I just wish it was Ryan hard to make some million in that battle.

Speaker 3: I want to kill both of those goddamn sons of bitches.

Speaker 3: Can we just fly?

Speaker 2: over and kill some of them human robots just to make me feel a little bad.

Speaker 1: I'm still not sure the protagonist in our movie is.

Speaker 2: It's a little muddle, one would assume it's a forester, but it's really kind of been some of the robot.

Speaker 1: I don't know, ryan hard gets so upset by all of this, he just smacks himself in the head repeatedly.

Speaker 1: And then Ryan hard tells his robots to just let him fly away out of the sky.

Speaker 1: Captain Robert Forrester calls back and he says hey, bottoms, ernest Borgnein, you got a blast off without us.

Speaker 1: And instead these two go back to the main ship.

Speaker 1: Once they arrive, some more red robot show up and there's more battles.

Speaker 1: Then Ernest Borgnein does something pretty sweet, as he does this old man stunt move, and he falls down the way old people do and he's like Ah shit, I hurt my leg or something, old war wound of football something.

Speaker 1: And bottoms like you look pretty hurt, old man, why don't you just stay here and I'll go find the other crew members?

Speaker 1: So bottoms leaves and then Ernest Borgnein goes.

Speaker 1: That dumb son of a bitch I'm leaving by myself.

Speaker 1: When did he becomes a just self serving asshole?

Speaker 2: He just doubles back to the Palomino.

Speaker 2: I guess he became a self serving asshole right around the time that he was like Fuck everybody else, let's take off.

Speaker 1: He was still all for one, one for all when it comes to the good guys.

Speaker 1: He didn't care about the robots or Reinhardt.

Speaker 1: Now he's just like I'm looking out for number one and I'm trying not to step in number two, If you know what I mean.

Speaker 1: I'm talking about my shits.

Speaker 2: He seemed pretty okay with leaving a couple of people behind like, hey, we've got the lion's share of us, and that's me.

Speaker 2: He decides he's going to take off, which is what he does, and then blows up.

Speaker 2: Yeah they shoot him out of the sky.

Speaker 2: So at this point Vincent says I've got a great idea.

Speaker 2: I got it from Anthony Perkins before he died.

Speaker 2: How about we take that probe right into the hole instead?

Speaker 1: I don't think that's exactly what he was talking about, but you know, inspiration comes from the most surprising places and he put in a storm.

Speaker 2: That's what he said.

Speaker 2: And then meteorites and quotes which are just glowing paper Michelle balls started hitting the ship, which are being dragged in by the black hole.

Speaker 2: There's this roller coaster ride on a sled which really leads me to believe that somebody in Disney was like this is going to be a ride.

Speaker 2: Quite possibly, once this thing takes off, we are going to make this ride.

Speaker 1: Our heroes run through the main corridor wherever that is, and they find themselves eventually back on the set that they use for the greenhouse earlier, because that's where they end up.

Speaker 1: And then Centurions show up and they chase them around.

Speaker 1: There's more laser blasts, Then a hole gets punched in the greenhouse by a meteorite and you think everybody's head would explode or they would just violently get sucked into space.

Speaker 1: But none of that happens.

Speaker 1: Everything just ends up covered in dust and our heroes gently fly upward towards the hole in the ceiling like they just shotgun a can of fizzy lifting drink.

Speaker 2: I do like the shot when they're going across that big main corridor and you see the meteor rolling through the ship.

Speaker 2: I think that still looks pretty cool.

Speaker 1: I'll give you that, but I'm not much more.

Speaker 2: I mean it's nonsense but it looks good.

Speaker 1: Back in the control room, right heart screams maximum power, we're going to the black hole.

Speaker 1: And then the whole ship is just creaking and bending outside their explosions all over the place.

Speaker 1: No one watching this movie is thinking, oh, this ship's going to make it through a black hole.

Speaker 2: Right heart speaking of gets trapped under this big sheet of metal or something that falls as this place is coming aboard at the seams and Maximilian is like see, you wouldn't want to be you.

Speaker 2: It gets on an elevator and it's just all.

Speaker 1: Maximilian, help me.

Speaker 1: Drones, someone help, I'm in the pickle now.

Speaker 2: And, of course, the irony is that these robots that he has created do nothing to help him, because they were just mindless automatons.

Speaker 2: Now and then Maximilian finds our heroes and they shoot back and forth a little bit and then outcome the blades.

Speaker 1: First he just unceremoniously shoots Bob the robot.

Speaker 3: He's like I'll take care of this tall drink of water.

Speaker 1: Blamo, maybe not oh you got me Maximilian and Vincent go mono and mono and Vincent rushes Maximilian and kind of head butts him and then the two of them start hug wrestling.

Speaker 2: And then Vincent gives him a taste of his own medicine, drills him right in the belly.

Speaker 1: Maximilian kicks Vincent in the dick with his robot leg and then there's sparks.

Speaker 1: My Reno is that Vincent extended his robot penis and stabbed Maximilian in his crotch.

Speaker 2: This was supposed to be for Bob.

Speaker 2: That's for you, you big red asshole.

Speaker 2: So he flies off into the black hole.

Speaker 1: Maximilian and not Vincent.

Speaker 2: Maximilian does and Vincent goes to find Bob and he gives him the whole.

Speaker 3: I ain't gonna make it.

Speaker 3: You're gonna have to go home without me.

Speaker 3: Carry on the tradition.

Speaker 3: Remember, we're the best.

Speaker 1: Well, like the tradition of what Killing other robots.

Speaker 2: I remember I'm the best.

Speaker 2: I also remember that you pick up shit.

Speaker 1: Back at the probe ship bottoms, he gets knocked off into space, but Vincent immediately saves him.

Speaker 1: Whew, that was a close one that no one needed to see in this movie.

Speaker 2: By the time you realize what's going on, he's fine again.

Speaker 2: You're like oh okay, I guess that was exciting.

Speaker 1: The Cygnus continues to rip apart as it enters the Black Hole.

Speaker 1: And then our heroes blast off on their probe ship.

Speaker 1: And then the big ship gets sucked into the Black Hole and Vincent says Captain, this probe ship was programmed to go into the Black Hole.

Speaker 2: And then it just becomes Succadelia for a minute.

Speaker 2: It's the sort of that scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory in the Tuttle.

Speaker 2: But they also do this echoey thing with their voices of like oh, we're going into the Black Hole, the Black Hole, the Black Hole.

Speaker 2: Dental plan Lisa needs praises Dental plan Reinhardt murdered my father.

Speaker 3: Lisa needs praises, father, father.

Speaker 2: While that's happening with them, we cut over to Reinhardt, who has apparently gone through the Black Hole question mark and now has long hair and a beard.

Speaker 1: Longer hair and a longer beard.

Speaker 1: It looks like an intergalactic hobo.

Speaker 2: He falls into Maximilian Maximilian's floating around in there too.

Speaker 2: And they sort of embrace and then they become one entity where it's Maximilian's shell but it's Reinhardt looking out of it, and they're standing on top of this rocky outcropping on a fiery surface of a planet or something that is probably hell, and we see a lot of hooded figures of the damned question mark walking beneath them, and the, I guess meaning of this is that they have somehow become the new rulers of hell in this dimension.

Speaker 3: They are one person, they are two.

Speaker 1: They are three.

Speaker 1: It's super weird, they are four.

Speaker 1: It defies explanation.

Speaker 2: But that's what I kind of love about it is that even though it's real tacked on and slapdash and thrown together.

Speaker 2: It's such a weird creepy visual and for a movie, even though they don't say Walt Disney presents, it is still a Walt Disney production and for the end of this Walt Disney film being, I guess they go to hell and they're the devil now maybe.

Speaker 1: Well, Mr Toad's Wild Ride was a theme park attraction where you went to hell.

Speaker 2: Right, right, and they took that shit out.

Speaker 2: Unfortunately, the park's the worst for it, if you ask me.

Speaker 1: It's still at Disneyland.

Speaker 2: Oh, is it still in California?

Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, I need to go to California.

Speaker 1: They also have legal weed there, so I've heard Mmm I don't want me to go to California.

Speaker 1: Well then, the movie goes from hell and we fade into this crystal arched tunnel where we see a woman in white with blonde hair leading the camera somewhere like the other side of this tunnel, and then the probe ship exits and everybody's okay, and then we see a planet that is Earth or something.

Speaker 2: Maybe.

Speaker 2: I mean, I think that it's supposed to be, or originally it was certainly intended to be, but they also backlight it so much that you can't really tell the end.

Speaker 2: The music swells and they're safe, or they're in heaven or something.

Speaker 2: That's it and that's the end of the life of-.

Speaker 1: I just like this movie so much.

Speaker 1: As I said at the beginning, it's boring, it's pointless.

Speaker 1: There were moments that were somewhat interesting to look at.

Speaker 1: With the matte paintings it's not good.

Speaker 2: I like it more after having talked about it, and I liked it pretty well already.

Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a very weird movie.

Speaker 3: That you should never watch.

Speaker 2: It's technically really interesting.

Speaker 2: The acting is okay.

Speaker 2: The story is nonsense.

Speaker 2: I kind of love Maximilian Shell in it because he's having a ball as Reinhardt and I like the visuals.

Speaker 2: I think it's visually interesting.

Speaker 2: It feels like a cult movie, like.

Speaker 2: This is a movie that I could see being a midnight movie and people really getting into it If Disney allowed such a thing, or maybe they do and maybe just people aren't interested in it.

Speaker 2: I think it's the latter, not the former, you're probably right, but I would love to go see this at a midnight screening with a bunch of nerds that were into it, because I think there is something to this movie.

Speaker 2: I think the ending is bonkers in the best possible way.

Speaker 2: That hell imagery stuck with me for years and years and years and years, almost as much as Anthony Perkins getting drilled by Maximilian the Robot.

Speaker 2: There are certain things about it that are just stuck in my brain, and if you've never seen the black hole, I know you are going to disagree and say don't ever see the black hole.

Speaker 3: No, I agree with that statement.

Speaker 2: I would say, if you've never seen it, I am going to say the counter to that, which is, if you've never seen the black hole, you should probably watch it at least once.

Speaker 2: If you find 70 sci-fi interesting, because it's a great example of that, because it's sort of esoteric and trippy and weird and technically interesting.

Speaker 1: I don't disagree with that, but I will say that you should never watch this movie.

Speaker 1: But for the next episode, I want to let you know yes, we've watched some real trash from like the 1980s, 70s, whatever.

Speaker 1: It's time to get into some modern day filmmaking.

Speaker 1: Not too long ago, we reviewed that remake of Child's Play that I quite enjoyed.

Speaker 1: Surprisingly, and about the time that movie came out, there was a trailer for a film that I thought hey, this looks like Child's Play, but with a girl robot, and that girl robot's name was Megan.

Speaker 1: Well, that's what we have on tap for two weeks from now's episode the movie Megan, about a girl who meets a girl robot and they become friends and they avoid a lawsuit from the people who remade Child's Play.

Speaker 2: This was a bit of a cultural phenomenon, yeah, and I am interested to revisit it because I saw it in the theater.

Speaker 2: I now want to go back and watch it in the unrated version, which I'm curious about.

Speaker 2: We'll see how it goes from there we will see.

Speaker 1: I mean, the movie is shameless in how it rips off about a dozen other movies and just doesn't care, Absolutely it doesn't care.

Speaker 2: It's a blue mouse felt, which is one of the greatest things about it.

Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.

Speaker 2: It doesn't care.

Speaker 2: In all the best ways it's got kind of a mean spirit to it, which I like.

Speaker 1: It tries to do a whole lot of things and fails on every single front.

Speaker 1: So come back and see us in two weeks time.

Speaker 1: If you want like rate review.

Speaker 1: If you have recommendations for this season, send them in.

Speaker 1: We'll consider it.

Speaker 1: Will we do it?

Speaker 1: Maybe, who knows?

Speaker 1: Or maybe you get lucky and you're going to pick something we're already going to do.

Speaker 1: You can email us and say, hey, why don't you do, megan?

Speaker 1: And then, when it comes out, you could say you know what I did, that I'll give you credit for it.

Speaker 1: I don't care, I'll mention you by name.

Speaker 1: Also, you send me an email at picksixmovies at gmail.com.

Speaker 1: So, hey, do Megan.

Speaker 1: I will mention you on the next podcast that it was inspired by you random stranger who listens to us rattle on about movies.

Speaker 1: But any final thoughts that you have when it comes to the Black Hole?

Speaker 2: Oh, I mean, I just think that the level is quite attractive for me and that Prince Dude.

Speaker 2: I was just wondering maybe then how that we're in the Black Hole.

Speaker 2: Are you interested in entering the other Black Hole, Mr Devil?

Speaker 4: Whatever you say, that's only Perkins.

Speaker 4: Wait a minute, your mother is here.

Speaker 4: Oh god, mother.

Speaker 1: Mother oh god the blood.

Speaker 1: We'll see you in two weeks' time, everybody.