The Dark Parade

[Music]

Hey everyone, welcome back to The Heart of Horror. I'm one of your host Bo with me as always the, the lady of letters now, a literary luminary uh a champion of the uh the the authorial underdog. Uh Kay Pollak so, since we last recorded you, have a whole new show you are doing now. Yeah, it hasn't officially

started, social media started, that stuff I'm running, um just, you know, create butts um, you know. Right? Oh god, like yeah, marketing is a fucker. And I'm like trying to do different at least like some sort of output every day, and I'm just like oh no, no time. I mean 'cause I have to do my make-up like every day like full-on, and I have to like even if it's just like the five minutes it takes for me to do like a minute real

there's always so many outtakes where I was like I can't talk kind of thing like um or like I say the title of the book wrong or something like um and then I have to take it all off again because you know it's late and I'm not good and need to go to bed and you know it's just like marketing is just such a such a bane and I feel like unless that is your only thing that you have to do like, that's your job, that's your full-time thing, like I feel like anyone has to self-market, it's just like so sick of it within about two minutes um

it's worthwhile to to see like the interaction and like the feedback and stuff. So you know, we move. But um but yeah no, it's a it's a f a new podcast about um indie authors and their books and basically there'll be like two episodes a month, one'll be a review episode of a book, and then the next one'll be an interview with the author. Um so that's first episode's gonna be dropping in the next sh two weeks. Um so yeah.

Um it's called Kate Orne-Jus book reviews. Um. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be sharing it around. So yeah, and they're like um Orne- orne-ju is my middle name. Um and it rhymes with reviews. So yeah. I w I was wondering uh I I didn't know if that was your middle name or if you had told me I'd forgotten. Uh because it's mine and all the people.

I put like a little explanation up on the Facebook thing, but I don't think anyone like 'cause my my Instagram handle, my personal one, is @kayonjue_ thirty seven anyway. So like I figure anyone who follows me on Instagram like, they'll understand that it's some sort of even if they assume it's my last name, I'm not mad at that because one of the reasons why I have on-jue_ on Instagram and things is to remain a little bit of like have a little bit of um what's the word uh yeah like a non yeah exactly.

and and stuff. So like, you know, I don't I don't really mind. But like for the people on Facebook who know me as Kate Pollack, like you know, they're like, huh, what's what's that about You? just trying to sound Ponzi. Um so I put like a little kind of like thing about it saying, by the way, 'cause uh I there was I sort of m I said like I thought Kate Onju's book reviews sounds better than Kate Pollack's. That's a load of book bollocks. But but apparently everyone

that name, so I guess fuck me right, Yeah. Yeah. Um uh but yeah, just in case anyone is wondering, Angers is spelt like the place in France. So A_N_J_O_U_. Um yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, just in case anyone is wondering Angers is spelt like the place in France. So A_N_J_O_U_. Um yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's it's four stories that are more Twilight zony than they are like outright horror.

Oh, my podcast literally like I have got a bunch of fantasy and horror stuff because I've teamed up with this publication house called Quill and Crow, but I'm not exclusive to them either. And it is open all genres. It just happens to be I know a lot of fantasy and horror authors um and that happens to just be what what I'll be rolling out for the most part, but I am open to any kind of author.

yeah I would uh give her uh a try and see if you like I mean just read the read the book and then uh but I I think she would be somebody that was you know open to that kind of of uh kind of situation of dropping in and having a conversation 'cause um and I think it would be interesting uh as I was reading it it's very it's very female centric like all the stories are about sort of the female experience and and various

areas. And it was really interesting. It was r it was uh um you know I had my favourite like with any anthology right, whether it's book or movie or whatever, there were some that that really land and there are some that don't. But there was one called goblin. That was about an app that you downloaded and it was like this digital goblin that would scold you if you ate too much. And

except in the case of the main character of this story, it was a literal goblin. And the story w was very much about you know the eating disorders and the unrealistic expectations of how women look and you know that that cycle of uh you know being an average build person and feeling too fat or too thin or you know the that sort of thing. Right. And

so it was uh but it was it w it was good, it was like that story in particular I thought uh was really you know fun and interesting and and self-aware and uh yeah so a couple uh not so much but that one in particular I really like. Yeah, I'll um yeah I'll definitely check that out for sure, that sounds really interesting like yeah I'm not normally one for like anthologies but I've picked up on a few lately that have actually been really good so I think like the fact that it's like four stories as opposed to like

I think it's 'cause like the like th okay, so like

uh for example Stephen King's anthologies, like they always have like ten of 'em, ten stories in there, and like it can be like a bit like

I don't know, like sometimes I'd I'd like thou there's like a bunch that I don't even remember because it's just like

I don't know, it's just so like there's so much going on and different stories and different things, whereas if there's only like four or something three or four, then that's like a good number because like you're more it you can kind of still get a lot of story from it as well. So yeah. Yeah.

Right I. w I could tell you something about all four of these stories, but you're right, if I you know read, Night Shift or something from Stephen King, there is going to be something I'm like oh I even remember that that story was in there. Um you know and there is always it when when especially when you're dealing with you know something that collects like fifteen twenty stories, there's always a couple that are like I this is a stinker, like this isn't even just a down note, this is legit bad.

Yeah. Or like it's or it's it's not even really like a complete story, it's more of like a thought process. You know, it's like three pages long or something and I'm like I don't b I don't understand what's just happened and I'm not sure that I care. No, we are not. No, it's probably not. I mean yes, you do. Sorry. It's it's helpful.

nothing I do can be called smart. At best listenable. Well yeah yeah but I don't record that uh which uh thank goodness um oh man yeah yeah like boy we we had a long break the kids come back and they're just knuckleheads. Like they have forgotten how to act like a human being uh around other people and so forth and uh and they're freshmen to begin with they're, barely

as it is. Oh, definitely no, especially the males. Like uh forget about it. They're basically monkeys. I yeah, I had a conversation with a kid the other th uh th like just yesterday where he was talking about how he got in trouble because th the way he put it was somebody snitched because me and another guy were about to fight and somebody told the a teacher. And I was like you understand how dumb it is to get in a fight at school, right?

And he was like well, but what if no one sees you? I was like when in the history of ever has there been a fight at school that did not draw a crowd of other kids looting and hollering and yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. And and this is on the heels of Wednesday there was a fight in the bathroom of

the the boy's bathroom right next to my classroom. So it was one of those things where one of the teachers runs in, it's like there's a fight in the boy's room, and so like I have to truck out of the room and go in there. Yeah. Yeah. Well if a a female teacher for one uh and and also she's just not that big, and a couple of guys if they're actually coming to blows, like she could give her, you know. And but by the time I show

the uh S_R_O_ which is the uh the sort of police officer on campus has already shown up. Oh yeah yeah yeah, we we've got like two or three Look. we live in a world where there's a school shooting in America about once a week, so there are cops with yeah. Yeah. I know I know it's, it's nuts. And anyway, but so the S_R_O_ has already shown up and has sprayed pepper

ray. And so you know right, well, but you know, that's kinda I guess what they're trained to do. I didn't know that was a thing either, but I do know that it'll clean out the sinus is pretty good. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently one kid got it pretty good.

if I was their parent I would be that parent and be like I don't give a shit what they're doing, you do not have to spray my fucking kid. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's w I felt really bad for the kid and also one of the administrators was uh was in there to try to break it up and he r he got a face full as well. And um but and and had gone uh had gone to his office across the hall which had a sink in it and started to you know like

out his eyes because no one had told him like oh that activates the pepper spray so don't do that. Yes. And s and so he's having a bad time of it until somebody finally tells him like no no no you gotta use like baby shampoo and and basically rinse your face and eyes with that to to get the pepper spray off. Oh sure. So I mean the everybody at the end of the day was

fine you know 'cause it's all you know like like pepper spray is a real pain in the ass but it's not it it uh but uh like all of us are coughing on the English hallway and everything because the pepper spray is just in the air and it was it was fucking nuts. I hadn't really talked about it since uh since it happened but yeah that was that was crazy. And we were like our classes were in the theatre for some registration

and so apparently there was another fight in the girls' room later that day and that we totally missed. And I was telling my across the yeah well I I missed that one and then uh I w I was telling my neighbour across the hall the one who had originally run in like call an admin there was a fight in the boys' room. Um but I was like man we we're out of the hallway for a day and it just goes to shit. Like we're the glue holding together the you know we're

a thin blue line between anarchy and and order apparently in the English hallway. Uh. uh it's true. Yeah. Yeah well and that's what I well you're an idiot for getting a black eye, sit the fuck down. But uh-huh. But that's what I told the kid yesterday I was like do you understand

that the only way to have a fight that doesn't involve you getting in trouble is to do it off of campus. Like go go somewhere else and then beat the shit out of each other, who cares. But uh just don't do it in school. Oh well uh I didn't think about that. I'm like yeah I know 'cause you're a fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yes. They're mushy brain kids to begin with be yeah because they're like you said they're

teenagers and their brains are still like the the decision making part of their brains doesn't work for it yet. And and there are some kids who are incredibly mature and together and I l uh I love 'em so much, but yeah, I mean the fully half of them are just like you are th you are doing the dumbest shit. Like all of the kids that are just like well, I'm gonna fail this class and so who cares, it's like you know you don't graduate right, if you don't pass this class in some way, it just

you get to take it again. Yeah like, this isn't you're not winning here that, you're not like sh sticking it to the man Like. there's not there's not any of that. There's just you're fucking yourself over. You get this, right Yeah. but, no but, you're just fucking yourself over. No, if you wanted to fuck around, I wouldn't do it. Yeah exactly, exactly, right Yeah. no, kids are dumb. Kids are so dumb. Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-h

right. Uh we were talking about uh the concept of a p obsession which we'll get to in a moment and the film uh Black Swan. Or be swan as, the kids call it. They don't. No one could They. don't fucking know it exists 'cause they're all fucking watching out all that shit. Yeah, the the kids that I deal with were you know one or two when Black Swan came out. I know right, That. that movie's twenty ten.

uh my friend told me the other day so I so um I think I've probably said it before, I used to work at a cinema and classically the cinema tends to hire teenagers and early twenties peoples. Um and unless you're a manager or something. But I ended up making friends with a bunch of people ten years younger than me um because I apparently have the mentality of a twenty two year old. And um anyway

one of them is like now one of my best mates. And she told me the other day, I literally I almost threw my drink at her, um she told me the other day that she was only seventeen when Ava was born, when my daughter was born she, was seventeen. And to me that seems like last week, you know? So I'm just like Jesus Christ, like I'm like this creepy

'Cause I'm thirty six in February. I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g I g

I oh here's another thing I have to tell you real quick 'cause we could be at old Um. I uh I told uh what uh the kids were complaining about the fact that I was giving 'em you know this quiz. They did we we weren't able to give 'em a mid-term because there was a tornado that hit and et cetera et cetera. Um. It's a c a collection of natural and unnatural disasters all rubbing up against each other.

but in this case we we weren't able to give a full mid-term but I was like hey we're gonna do this little mini mid-term because there's some data I wanna gather, like I wanna know where you are um you know the reason that I give you a mid-term isn't just to punish you and give you a long test, it's so that we know if you're learning shit. And so I gave ma a little bit of that and one of the kids in my first period class says um you know nobody is giving us a quiz on the Monday after we get

back. And I said I c actually that's not true because uh Sarah across the hall is also giving her kids this same quiz. And they said well okay so just the two of you. And I said yeah but that's because we're the coolest. And then to prove me wrong this kid writes an essay about how I am not the coolest teacher. And I gotta tell you Kate,

it was perfect form. It was like here's my topic sentence, here is my evidence uh, and I was like ha ha ha even though you think you're fucking me, you have actually learned how to write an essay properly, and even though you were n yeah. Yeah, and I'm actually going to use it as an example of doing rebuttals and counterclaims yeah, when we when we do some other work. It's gonna be

so mad at you? You said it was you fight? Yeah, he said absolutely. And like we we I tell him all the time that he is my nemesis. And it's it's it's yeah, we have a good time and and uh the other day he was like uh you know I'm I would be so much happier if I had a different

English teacher. And he didn't need it, he was just saying. Yeah. And I said well you have to remember that there can be no Joker without the Batman, sir. And that is our relationship to one another. Yeah. Yeah. Uh but it was so funny because. Mm-hmm. No no no no, I because of the crazy shit I say on the on the podcast, yeah. Right, right. Or

or worse yet like sh yeah right, give it to their parents like, look here's a here's what my English teacher says about abortion. Um so so no no no, I I have mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Right, well the that's true or the the Defoe impression. And yeah, so no, I I I I kind of have a weird work pseudonym where I go by my actual name there as

opposed to Bo, which is a nickname.

And s yeah yeah yeah. So yeah that, is not what appears on my birth certificate. Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Well it's

but it's not something that comes up because I don't go by you know my proper name anywhere except school and so if they look me up they don't get any results you know and so uh it's yeah it works out. So yeah I mean uh I've I've I've mentioned that I've had movies made and things like that

they uh they have searched and not found anything so, so far so good. Right, you know and, so and if they if they ever come you know up with something and and technically because I'm not using like school grounds or property or anything like that like, I can't really be vulnerable for anything right, but you know it, would still make life more difficult if they were like hey, I was listening to this podcast you were on and

you were you know saying this crazy shit about you know insert uh incendiary topic here um but yeah so anyway so, Black Swan um before we jump into that though let's talk about uh haunted romance. Right right, so this is so th I decided that I was gonna go you know I sent you that screen

shot I. decided I was gonna go with that because it was nice little follow-up from last episodes where we kind of it's the same show. So last time we talked about um this woman Amethyst Realm um. Yeah. Like li it's just crystal. Um it's action.

Enjoy the Guns N' Roses next up, Amethyst Realm. Yeah. Yeah very, that. Um yeah no, so I um I just happened to come across on Instagram, it was just like literally the screenshot that I sent you, it was just this headline. And I was like oh alright, not not really ghosts, but there is enough weirdness here and

there are a lot of similarities to things like what Amethyst Raum was saying in the way that they communicate and stuff. So this one this one um is about a woman, an American woman, called Emmanuela Rose, who is dating an alien and wants him to propose. So

I've got this here. Well technically the alien's proposing, but apparently he doesn't really understand human customs, so he keeps getting it wrong. Right. I'll get there. So Emmanuela Rose

sorry, it's okay, it's it's making me laugh 'cause you'll find out in a minute. Emmanuela Rose claims she first met her boyfriend when a U_F_O_ appeared outside her window to abduct her. Once on board she met five aliens, one of which began visiting her frequently and has since become her lover. She's been dating him for over a year and is ready t for him to pop the question. It all started with an Instagram post. She's an actor, sus much. She's an actor and posts a lot of reels and things about dating and

want in one of them she said she said she'd rather be abducted than have to go through dating apps again.

And apparently aliens are also on Instagram because that night she got abducted and she says that it was a a very calming experience with this yellow light and she thought I think I'm being abducted by aliens. This must be a dream. But it wasn't. She wasn't scared and she was in this room with the five aliens and immediately saw ready, Immanuel. So she's called

Immanuel and he's called Immanuel. Yeah. Right. Well th she fell immediately in love when she saw him and they'd been together a year. So the similarity in names this, is because right, aliens don't have names. So she n changed her name from Abby to Immanuel which is her middle name and she gave him the male counterpart Immanuel.

Okay. Yeah, this this is Terry. That's how you know it's a different person and not just some shit I made up. Um they've been on dates, but he doesn't really get how they work. But she's been travelling in outer space too. Uh so in outer space too Um. though she can't travel too far as her human form can't take it. So she

go to his own his home planet in the Andromeda galaxy. But they go to the cinema and stuff. She has placed his spirit oh fuck me. She has I I don't know why I I've I forgot about this when this is literally on her lap in the entire interview. She has placed his spirit inside an inflatable alien doll as he doesn't have a physical form on this plane.

Okay, well this combines two things I like, which is people coming up with crazy shit about dating ghosts, and aliens and haunted dolls. I will I like uh everything. Yeah. Yeah. Um so this is where it kind of has a commonality with with like ghosts and stuff. So they speak tele uh telepathically and they are intimate. I know right, Oh the, voice is inside your head. Okay Um. she said direct quote ready.

Once you go alien, you'll forget earth men. It does. Once you go alien, you forget earth men. It's like alien men, I know, but it is. But do you know what, it's just trying so hard with her delivery. It's really sweet. Sash pathetic. Um

she says it's better because she says it's better than s like human sex, because the aliens are made from love and light and um apparently our human forms can't even go all the way that aliens can, because it would kill you.

So

Uh alright but we're

Alright. b uh oh okay. So couple of technical questions your, honor Um. I'll allow it Uh. for one thing, if there is no physical the I mean basically what we're talking about is the elusive hands-free orgasm here. And because no one ever said oh my God her, love is so tight.

S or or you know his light is so big. Uh fair enough fair, enough. Uh you're right, it's a big world and a lot of people have said a lot of things.

But I find it hard uh to imagine a scenario in which l like uh taking it at face value you, know, it's just doing the weird shit that they do in demolition, man, to have sex where they just sit cross-legged across from each other and think at each other or whatever. And not not do as sliced alone paraphrased, the hunka-chunka whi

which as we all know is the most fun thing to do with another person. Other than you know uh uh a rousing game of Settlers of Catan. Yeah. It depends. But yeah I th th all of this seems like obviously the reason we're talking about is because all it seems fucking crazy. But in particular like I have there are so many layers to this, I

have Oh yeah, why not just put 'em in a dildo. I mean yeah, that would make more sense. But ju right so, when they go to the cinema though, she can't take a dildo really with her can't, she? Yeah, but then he won't be able to see the scale. Yeah, but like

Yeah, but you know screen checks.

You get kicked out. Uh. w I mean would you I mean look for for all of America's problems, I don't know that you would get thrown out of a theatre for having a vibrator out. As long as it was turned off, like mm-hmm.

n and you wouldn't know with and I speak from experience, you wouldn't be able to tell necessarily what it was with night-vision goggles. You would just see some protruding looking potential gun looking thing. So you would call your manager and then they'd be like right well, and then the fact that your attention is called to the fact that even though it's not a gun, you're very happy about that. It's still

Yeah.

Right and, depending on the clonliness of the thing, the the spell alone could be

Oh yeah, mm-hmm. And what if it's a kids' spell? You know.

Little little mermaid meet my rabbit.

Yeah, no Mm. gross, thumper. Oh. well, I can still I can s continue.

well. No you, go if you've got a couple of questions.

Yes.

Right.

Um wi uh with him in this stall and I get the dating thing as far as you know looking, at from the alien point of view of like what do you do you, go out and ingest food and somehow that is a bonding experience. Like I get f from an outsider's perspective it all seems kind of strange. And honestly sex, from an outsider's perspective probably seems pretty weird if you're talking about a species that has a evolved beyond the physicality of like you wanna put your what in my what?

Yeah yeah yeah, Yeah. I always reminds me of um you know in Dogma when Alan Rickman's like the faces you people make mid-coitus. And like is what if people have a sex for fun and entertainment. Um yeah. Well yeah, and also as well like you know aliens probably don't eat like they don't need to eat they, don't have like although apparently though they do apparently there are big fans of this morning show called This Morning in the U_K_ um

they uh they find it fascinating 'cause they d they d they cover a lot of topics about the human race and so they find it fascinating to learn about humans from this morning. So yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

If they're wa if they're watching all of this daytime television, how do they avoid the dating stuff? Because that is or at least in here in America there is always that celebrity news segment uh in the daytime television block that is going to give you everything you could ever wanna know about being seen in public in a romantic scenario. Right. I mean they don't I don't think they really have that in morning television

here, they just see people who date ghosts. So I can imagine they're probably a bit skewed. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, more of a cultural Yeah. I I I Right. And. yeah. And honestly good for them for taking a look at the rest of the world and just saying you know what strictly, U_K_? Yeah. I mean I don't know why not Canada or something or

New Zealand, but yeah sure, we'll take it. Yeah. No very ch yeah come on England, we'd say sorry for everything. I'll bump into some I'll like have someone'll bump into me and I'll say sorry. I think that's the thing. Maybe we do have maybe it's the bad chocolate uh to have elite chocolate. Yeah. S do you wanna hear the last last bit? Okay. So

She wants him to propose, but she but he's still learning human customs, as we discussed. And she's pretty traditional and wants a ring. But because he doesn't really understand the concept, when she turned round and said that she wanted a big rock, he brought her some pebbles from the beach. Um he has no worth money, so she's saving for her own ring. Um because if he were to get one from his planet, it would be really obvious that it was an alien ring and she doesn't want to ha him to end up an area

fifty one with the other aliens. But apparently she can go on national television and the internet about it. Um they decided that as a couple that because the show being really popular with aliens, 'cause this was sort of raids on the show lights, so you know you're nervous about being on T_V_ about it then. And they were like they decided as a couple that because the show being popular with aliens that they would come on as a way to gradually accustom Earth to aliens because the aliens want to come and help us as they're worried about us. But

they come on too strong, there's a good chance of war. Um but what is quite LOLs is that we're kind of like the SCUZ planet apparently. Yeah, it attracts. So apparently when they get to send to Earth from their own planet, it's considered like a downgrade. I'm like ew. Do we have to? Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I've like yeah, you know. Yeah. And I'm yeah, like I think this is against the law.

Like w we love you bro, we're here for you. You know we, support you and as long as you're happy but, maybe have a rethink. Yeah. I'm putting you wet and wet.

He's probably like what his buddies give a shit about. He's like look, as soon as I'm done with this rotation, I'm out of here.

And she's like oh, do you know what would be so funny is she's bugging him for like an engagement and he's like what's an engagement wink wink. You know and he's purposely trying to like oh, I don't know your human customs, here's some rocks, actual rocks. And he's just like yeah, I'm just playing her guys like, you know, she's I've got it round round my finger. We'll be off to like planet Zerklok soon and then I'll get some real pussy, you know.

I told her I didn't have earth money ha, ha, ha.

Exactly. Oh my God. Oh my God. But I told her she can't come here because her mere meek human form could not take it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah. Oh my God. We've nailed it. We've got the pussy that's wide open. I should feel free for it.

if you're in a different galaxy. Don't tell my wife. Yeah. Oh mate. What goes on galaxy crusade stays on galaxy crusade. That's right. What can I say? She's a freak. Oh my gosh, honestly. And she's like she dresses like she's out of fucking Xanadu or some shit. She's got like the fucking

mirrored sequin things on her forehead and this bleeped blonde hair and

Oh, it's just some kind of crazy shit.

Um, Anuela is down for whatever.

See uh-ho Yeah. Oh. mm-hmm.

us. She said she's cool with a third.

And like she's like should we bring in a unicorn and he brings an actual unicorn. And she's just like yeah, you know, it still fits. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. the, fact that we have opened up our w weird dating situation to just the universe. You know we're, we're uh you know we're, not close-minded

people. We'll judge the shit out of you. But like you know we we won't we won't not y let you be in our shows though. So

Oh I'll find it. If it's out there, I'll find it. You gotta be right. Mm-hmm.

Fucking internet.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I um I reckon that there could be like shit, what I just literally thought of in the f fucking thing just went up Oh. I reckon there's someone who claims that they're dating like a mermaid or some shit. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, for her. Well, I love her.

She's a great listener she, is.

Oh yeah, the White House uh yeah, exactly. Yeah. Uh well, should we talk about our actual movie? Yeah.

Yeah, I've been talking about fucking like animals and shit, yeah. Yeah, speaking of um so well and obviously we wanna talk a little bit to you about the idea of obsession because that's yeah, you know, this movie ultimately is about a character that is um obsessed with being the perfect dancer and uh along the way realises that or or is told

that being perfect also means being passionate. You know that, that is the thing that she lacks in her life and her dancing. And you know watching it again uh i uh so the the quick s summary of the beginning of this at least is Natalie Portman is a dancer in a company that that's going to launch a new production of Swan Lake. Um the older dancer in the troupe played by Winona Ryder is being

bounced right the fuck out of there for being old. Oh yeah, yeah yeah, but one of my favourite scenes in the movie is when um w when uh Natalie Portman goes to her later to be like I I understand how you feel and she's like get the fuck outta here. Um. Yeah uh. You probably because the you know as we learn um Natalie Portman is is

in this place. Right. Um but yeah I mean so she gets an opportunity like she she has this very uh precise and and um you know like she has a lot of talent but she lacks this sort of yeah you know that that sort of or whatever the the the sense of of uh danger and wildness that portraying the black swan in the in the

lay requires. And she has her mother, as played by Barbara Hershey, who not since no kidding. But I mean not since Piper, Laurie and Carrie has a mother been you know, so in a group. Yeah. And like there's a b yeah, actually, you know what, I've never thought of that comparison before, but fuck yeah, like that whole yeah, like and

and it's and 'cause she takes dancing like a religion.

You almost you know, it's it's like it's you know the way that she is trying to keep her d her daughter

childlike and this is your goal and and her goal's her goal. But then at the same time though like

uh well I say this actually, but thinking about it like Natalie Portman is more maniacal I suppose actually 'cause but she's just very manipulative and she's very like um like emotionally manipulative.

yeah, it like she's supportive until Natalie Portman begins to succeed. And then it's like I gotta tear you down w like I need you wanting to be a great dancer, but I can't have you actually being a great dancer. Right. And her bedroom like one uh again one of those things that uh as I watch it again, you know she's got the bedroom of a child. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Jesus. You know 'cause Natalie Portman is she's such a beautiful person and she and she does have a very young I mean 'cause this is what, two thousand nine two thousand ten? Two thousand ten Yeah. So this is thirteen years ago, you know, so she was probably yeah, about twenty eight or something, but she has such a useness about her. Like if someone told me that she was twenty two, I'd be like yeah, I'd buy that. You know, and like I I've seen this film a number of times, but there's always like a few years in between and it's

a couple of years since I've last watched it, and I'm and I always forget that she's twenty eight in this, and every time I'm like fuck, because like I don't know a single I don't know a single twenty Euro actually actually in saying that my, ex's sister is like thirty five and her bedroom's like that, and she's never moved out. Yeah, she's a fucking mess. Like and because she's a dickhead person too, so I don't mind saying it. Um like mm she's um

like yeah, that you'll go in and she has like a pyramid of Disney plush toys on her bed and like her Christmas list when I used to bother buying her Christmas presents um it read like a child's fucking Christmas list. It was like Disney toys, jigsaws, stuff like this. Yet she was like a manager at a really prestigious bank, and I'm just like I don't understand this, you're thirty five, and like she um lived at lives at home, she's never moved out um and she doesn't do anything.

and like and it's kind of s it's very sad in a way, but like um like the only reason that my ex is as normal as he is and that is not much um is because he moved out at eighteen to go to university and lived with a couple of gay guys. Like and it's the only reason that he is like remotely a normal person because like yeah um their m their mum their dad died when they were really young and their mum is a fucking nut job. And

just like do it just doesn't do anything like she just like is such a crushing type of person, but in this very subtle way. Like I remember when she first howled my kid, she was like

a month old and Ava was crying 'cause she wanted to be fed and I said can you give her to me, she needs to be fed and she just she wouldn't give her to me and then she's like shushing her and I'm like thinking well that's not that's not what she wants um and I'm her mother, give me my fucking kid. But she's like oh we don't like little girls that cry. And I was like excuse fucking you and

know it's just like light bulb moment in th in that's instant where I was just kinda like this explains so much, you know. Like that's the main parental in fact that was the o that was the majority of their childhood was raised by this figure who says to a one month old baby we don't like little girls who cry.

Is that not fucked? Apart from that though, I don't know a single twenty year old who has a bedroom like this.

The fact that you know one is nuts though. Oh wow, but yeah.

And she doesn't. She went on that she got invited on a night out with her co-workers and she's and I was oh how was that 'cause I'd before I knew what an asshole she was, I was always like trying to like encourage her to be a bit more, you know, confident and whatever. And she was just like oh I really didn't like it. All they did was drink and ask me questions.

Yeah, it's like on Friday night drinks Friday night drinks they're gonna be drinking and they wanna have a conversation with you so they will ask you questions and she just did not know what to do with it.

It's fucked up, right? Well. I'm big on breaking them. Right, yeah. Don't set yourself up to fail, just don't bother.

Yeah. S but one of the things I wanted to do this year because I've spent so much time recently and by recently I mean the past like two years, two and a half years, doing nothing but like working to get my license to teach and then starting the job and all that and going to school and so I haven't had time to do anything or go out anywhere or anything like that. And so this year when it when I'm wrapped up with that uh one of my big you know resolutions for myself this year is to

go out and be more social and spend time with people before you know that kind of stuff that I haven't I I just haven't done because I've been so folk focused on other stuff which is you know like look should should there be a better balance? Of course. Am I the kind of uh speaking of obsession right, like I can't it's hard for me to balance like here's the thing that needs to get done with here is just me being able to relax and and be social and and that kind of thing 'cause I'm too

like my brain is still uh I need to do this stuff so that I can do this thing uh which is a real problem for me. My oh oh oh my therapist'll t tell you all about it. Yeah, no no, she can she can give you the run-down of all the the weird like O_C_D_, you know, accomplishment shit uh that I am obsessed with. Yeah Oh. you'll it'll be a good time, you'll like it. Yeah.

if like if my ex-assister wasn't such a an arsehole I'd feel like so like I'd f I'd feel really like sad. Because I'd just be like wow you just weren't given the chance and you know and now you're like you know a fully grown adult but you have this mindset of a very insecure teenager or whatever you know like um but you know she is um a total fucking bigot. Um so yeah so I don't really feel that bad for her because I'm just like but

at the same time we come like well so's your mum so you know like if that's all you you know and she lives in this area that is very like that um and you know so she's I guess it's coming from a place of ignorance as opposed to like real prejudism but still though it's very difficult to keep that in mind when she comes out with some of the stuff that she comes out with and all I wanna do is punch your stupid face in and she has a real punchable face fuck me Jesus Christ.

right anyways, it's fine. It's not my problem. He's an ex. It's fine Oh. honestly, that family triggers me so bad.

Yeah it, it sounds like a real a real mess of a a situation. Right. Right. Right. Right. I'll take a gift card over a visit any day. Yeah. Yeah.

there's only so much I can fucking faint you, know like. Anyways yeah, right. There's obsessive and down-trotting mother. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've I've yeah I really like Barbara Hershey in this as as yeah, that that mother that can't let go and and to the point li you know we talked about the bedroom and so forth, but it's just it's everything like I'm gonna cut your nails because you're scratching your

up again It's. yeah, it's, yeah, that's the

scene that's really like oh the alright we are not dealing with a stable person 'cause she gets the cake for Natalie Portman to celebrate the fact that like she gets the the part in the ballet like she's going to be the the you know white swan and black swan. And Natalie Portman is like I really can't be eating this right now because, you know, I gotta watch my weight and right. Right.

like yeah, but then either way I think probably. I mean in in her own way it's like I you know I appreciate it but, I need to not eat this. And Barbara Hershey's I mean deal he's like oh well fuck me then let's just throw the cake away. And and she's like no no no I don't mean it like that. And you know and that's like Barbara Hershey has two gears in this movie one, is like the doting mother that infantilizes Natalie Portman and the other is

cruel mother that is trying to tear her down and it's and the switch gets flipped on a dime.

Oh, hundred percent, yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's like, you know, when Natalie Portman really stands up to her and stuff and then the next morning she's just sat sullen in this chair like, m waiting for you kind of thing like, I know Natalie Portman's like I don't have time for this shit, you know. Um but like yeah, it's just like that of she's just you can tell that she kind of has this arsenal of emotional manipulation and these like things of like I know what I'll do in this situation, I know how I'll

do with this situation kind of thing, you can tell that she just sort of has this these kind of like

things that she'll do to elicit a particular response from Nina Natalie Portman's character and like, you know, and I think it obviously as it goes on and Natalie Portman sort of moves away from this docile, very submissive daughter, like that's when her behaviour sort of ranks up more and more because she is

she's losing that control over her.

yeah and and does these really petty things like when the night after you know Natalie Portman and Mia Kunis go out you know in in theory to celebrate um Natalie Portman getting the role and and to cut loose a little bit and so forth even though it will get into that relationship in a minute. But uh but when she does the play of like Natalie Portman comes up drunk, goes to

bed, she has the you know what we later learn is this fantasy of having this you know inc incredibly hot session with Mia Kunis and but then lets her oversleep for the audition. And r yeah, not yeah, not the audition. She's already got the part. But yeah, yeah, yeah. And right, it's a not th that's like the last rehearsal as well, like it's the day of and it's they've got all they're on the stage they've

the routine, but like with all the play settings and everything with stage settings and stuff and like you know all of that stuff. So it's m it's like one of the most important rehearsals and she'll know that. She's a dancer. She'll know how important that is. And she's still slept sleeping 'cause she's such a fucking cunt. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

sabotaging the career that she, you know, has professed that she wants Natalie Portman to have.

Oh yeah, you can tell that she's like the main driving force behind her wanting to get into dancing to this level and like and also like the maniacal precision that like Natalie Portman instils in all of her dancing and things, because she's got this maniacal fucking mother behind it all.

Which yeah, I hadn't really thought about it, but just taking that to the extreme uh, you know, the reason she is such a good precise dancer is probably for that very reason that she doesn't necessarily have passion for dance, but she's been doing it for so long, you know, and and has enough natural ability and so forth that it, you know, that that it works, but she doesn't have the passion for dance, which is the whole the rest of the movie is, that

you know she's got this incredible talent and and uh you know precision with her movements but you know when when you first see Mia Kunis uh dancing and you know the head of the company is comparing them uh as played by Vincent Cassel and he's you know saying like look it's it's effortless like y you know her dancing isn't as precise as yours but it th you know she's dancing with

this kind of natural ability that just is compelling and makes you want to look at her and and that sort of thing um. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-h

She's never, you know, sh she's very um

she's like she d she dares to bend the rules, but like to her it's not even like a thing. She's not doing it to be like you know a rebel or anything. She's just doing 'cause like that's what I wanna do. What's the problem here? There's no problem. Like whereas Natalie Portman is just some sleek opposite of that and she can't draw outside the lines no matter what, you know, like and you know there's obviously like a level of

admiration, but also jealousy there. And you can see like why can't like she's sick like you can see on her face like why can't I do that, why can't I be like that, why can't I, you know. Um and it's like such a an interesting dynamic between those two like Minikin is really isn't in it very much at all. Um but when she is, she's always engaged with with Nina and it's almost like to me she's like the little devil on her shoulder. Um and

you know, just sort of like whispering in her ear and like nudging her in certain ways. But like there's a freedom with it as well. Like you know that Nina really wants to be like Louis, you know, she really kind of like wishes she had that freedom to be able to not necessarily do all the things that she does, but just have the ability to do it if she wanted to.

but she's so restricted by like her own psyche and her mother and you know her expectations of herself and what she feels the expectations are from her peers and things like that. You know that she just can't do it until like I mean until it's kind of too late. Yeah well yeah um I I'm just kind of unpacking a lot of the things that you were talking about there because I yeah it Mia Kunis is the you know the black swan version of her that is the

the more free, the more natural, the the one who has right. And you see it like when they uh when they're going to get drinks and immediately you know there's that waiter that's kind of hitty on Mia Kunis and she makes the line about when he's like hey do you need more cheese? And uh you know she's like well I think we've got enough from you. And he's like oh yeah okay, I fucked up, I'll leave now. Um but i

that kind of thing of like oh I can easily dismiss somebody because I know who I am, I know what I want, I am you know like um and and as you said it's it's something that she that Natalie Portman wants to be but also like she's so pent up and she's so reserved that you know if she lets that out it's gonna fucking explode you know it is that that pressure

her, which is you know spoilers, exactly what happens is you know li like when they go out and and she she starts drinking and doing uh the E_ and um you know they're d she's dancing with guys and then she's dancing with Mia Kunis and you know they have the uh are at least imagined as we find out later. Um you know love, seen with each

And when you find out later that it didn't happen, and Mia Kunis' reaction is like oh, you had this Lesbo fantasy about me, was I any good How? was it? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great, fantastic. And and but there's also that element of manipulation from Mia Kunis too, because she clearly is wanting to move up the ladder. And is is

traps for Natalie Portman to fall into. One of them being hey let's go out and get loaded because I know I can handle it and the and you cannot. And and so when you know you don't show up on time I'm there ready to go to be your understudy. So yeah it's uh like all that stuff is real fun. Yeah. And also the what I was gonna say is like I wonder if like

you know this sort of like need for Nina to be you know more free in things, whether that would even occur to her if it weren't for this role and Vincent Cassel um you know Tomah being so like

like to giving her such this like you know urging her to let go and l and you know and things, because like I feel like if she was you know

in another role, if it was a different play that if a different ballet sorry, that he um that he had selected and stuff and there wasn't this dual personality and there wasn't this necessarily like a need for that passion to come through if it was a more precise um performance, like would she like even be um searching for it in that way? Or is she is she is she doing it even her search for passion and even her her need to let go is still

coming from a place of being told what to do. Yeah. I th that's an interesting idea. Um I don't kn I mean I think it's the perfect score. But like probably maybe. But like it just seems interesting that she just it the thought never even occurs to her until Vincent Cassel has her in his office. Mm-hmm. Well and it's you know the this growing desire to break away from her mother which is

really already there. And Vincent Cassel is uh you know without knowing that dynamic is encouraging her to be more rebellious and to be you know more assertive and and live freer and you know like one of uh her homework at one point is like you know go home and touch yourself. Um. Okay. So I've said this on I'm pretty sure Adam is in my other show. Or at

point there is this uh British stand-up comedian called Russell Kane and he does that whole scene on one of his stand-ups and then it first off he absolutely smashes it like it's i it's and I c are I'm not gonna lie it's I don't wanna say it's ruined that scene for me but all I can hear is Russell Kane going like like the blacks want I need to be the blacks want um

letting him know that it's it. 'Cause he sounds ex exactly like Vincent Goustache. But then he then turns round and he's like, can you imagine if this was set in Essex 'cause vin uh 'cause uh uh Russell Kane is from Essex. Like can you imagine if this was set in Essex? Like come on then love send yourself home, pop one off, another couple of sand beakers, yeah? Like it's so fucking funny and like it's so annoying because I know that I've tried to find the clip on it for wherever I fucking

mentioned this at some point in the past before. Um and I can't find it on YouTube anywhere, so I think I might just have to record it off my T_V_ and just put it on 'Cause. it's just it's so fucking good and he's so fucking funny with it. I just I always always always think of that fucking stand-up whenever I've watched that scene. Fuck you Russell Kane.

I really like how in this movie like liberation and sex are kind of the same thing. You know like like freedom to please yourself is yeah. Yeah. Right yeah, I guess it's just assumed that guys are doing it because look we are um right l look you give us uh you know if we're

b two cars behind in the drive-thru. It's like well I got like six minutes here. That's more than enough time. Right. Right. Yeah. I got a phone that can that can get me to Pornhub. And you know three uninterrupted minutes and that's really all I need. But but yeah it's it is the you know the the

uh you know the l like Natalie Portman is that kind of prim and po proper Virgil. In fact one of the conversations they have is you know i when he's like are you a Virgin? And well then you have nothing to be embarrassed about. And uh that sort of thing. So yeah, it's well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean if she c yeah, you're probably right. You're probably right that

she is lying that, she is in fact a virgin. Because you're gonna have to

Or her mother allowing it.

No no no no no. No she li uh the the version of her that we meet at the beginning, she would a hundred percent marry the the first guy that went down on her. Uh uh uh so yeah. Yeah right.

and and and so the you know as the movie goes on she you know she does make it to the final the final show and there's the confrontation with Mia Kunis and the dressing room um because you know she's uh late and you know uh and or Vincent Cassel is like hey uh you know because of everything that's been going on she's gonna perform tonight and uh and it's the first time that we see Natalie Portman like

standing up for herself where she's like, have you announced it yet? Can you afford to given everything that happened with Winona Ryder? And so, you know, uh yeah. Yeah, well what what was the thing that convinces him at first that she's okay for you that I it's like her s kind of standing up for for herself in some respect because, that's the thing he's he keeps telling her is that like I me you can do the white swan, the

personal perfect character in this ballet. That's the right What. I what we don't know that you can do is doing the, you know, the the dangerous stuff, the stuff that is much more raw and passionate and yeah. Yeah, be the seductress be, the the the the bad yeah, the black swan basically like, you know, be the um the one that w that all breaks the

rules and, you know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's amazing as well, like it's really horrible how she's really cringy and horrible. Uh yeah, she's like got these

scratches on her shoulders, um uh the backs of her shoulder blades and, yeah. Yeah, and uh up to the point where she stabs Mia Kunis in her dressing room, uh or Natalie Portman's dressing room, and finds her toes fusing together as she gets ready for the the big dance, the big r uh the big night.

And as she goes through originally it starts going horribly wrong when she is uh the white swan. And I you know I wonder if that's not to sort of suggest like oh well now things are totally out of balance, now she doesn't have the precision at all anymore. Yeah. Yeah.

she's like she's not actually the perfect white s like the white swan anymore. She she can't deal with that side of herself anymore. Right. It's gotta be the more violent, passionate, sexual manipulative uh version Uh. and once she becomes the black swan like she performs you know this incredible and it really is as you're watching it, you're like oh if you saw this performance, they're like I don't really care that much for ballet, but

you would still be pretty blown away by it, it's it's for example. And she also has that moment where, you know, she's riding the tie off her performance and then she just like sucks Vincent Cassell's face off. And he he he looks so pleased with himself. A couple of words. Yeah. Yeah, and it's just the wings. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Oh, it's so weird looking. I really like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then it's like that ripple. Yeah. Yeah, it's so weird and her eyes start going red like, yeah, it's it's really it's really fucked, but it's so good though. It's yeah, it's really cool. It's it's uh you know y you know this is kind of Aronofsky at his best uh you know coming off of like you know Requiem for a dream and the wrestler and stuff like that into Black

on. Um it's you know uh hard to argue that he is not just crushing it ever and then he does NOAA and it's like what the fuck happened Um. yeah. He did. That was that was his be and and honestly I think NOAA is super interesting as a movie. It's not what you think it is 'cause there's like fucking monsters and stuff roaming around in that movie. Um yeah.

it's really weird and I I don't think it's great but, I think it's really interesting. And you know like it's uh it's a mo it's kind of a bad movie that only a genius could make. Right. Right. Well and I I th I've kind of mm uh ripping that off a little bit from Roger Aver. I I c I think it was

I think he was talking about death to Smoochie. And he said only really talented n people could make a movie that's this much of a mess. And and that notion has always captured my imagination of like if you're gonna take the big swings, sometimes you're gonna whiff. And that's how I felt about Noah was like this is kind of a whiff, but it's a really interesting swing to take. Um and I felt the same way like

Xander Payne doing downsizing I. don't I think that movie is a total mess but, I think it yeah. It's it's not great but, it's not great in a really interesting way. You know like, it it it it it might be it might be like a like a Bowie album where it's not until a decade or more later that that

you're like oh wow, that was really good, I just didn't understand it. Um uh yeah, so but yeah, so she what we realise uh as she's giving this performance is that uh Mia Kunis is alive for, one thing, she is not dead in the dressing room and that she has stabbed herself and so when it comes uh to the end of the the performance when she's giving the big you know crescendo uh bit uh that we s uh yeah.

yeah the literal swan dive in onto a mattress like she falls off the stage uh intentionally but when she does so um they realise like oh she is bleeding out her gut. And you know the she says like oh it was perf I was perfect. And yeah yeah. And and and so that's kind of you know the the thrust of black swan but it's you

just to do our movie review portion of it. Like it's a great fucking movie. It's really it is a phenomenal film. Like every time I watch it, I'm like, God damn it, that is so fucking good. Like it's just I d I d I have no critique on it. Like bad critique, I mean. Like it's just to me it's just it is an absolutely phenomenal film. Like that is one of the rare ones that I give like a ten out of ten on. Yeah. I yeah, uh because every relationship

interesting, um you get like all all the everything that's sort of around um Natalie Portman's character, like everything is there for a reason and it's all uh right and look, d can we please go back to the days where these movies are an hour forty five, which is what this movie is, it's an hour forty eight minutes, it is everything it needs to be.

when I was cracking it on the other night, I was just like, oh God, I swear this is like a two and a half hour film or something. Just because of the type of film it is, like they usually are like. And then I w worked it up and um and I double checked and I was like, hour forty nine? Yeah, alright, I'll take it y, sure, like, you know, like um I always appreciate a short run time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I I understand this, you know, this urge to like people need to get bang for their buck or whatever,

if you if you're taking time out to go to the theatre then it's gotta be a two hour twenty thirty minute epic. But yeah like I watched Barbie recently and realised like oh this movie's like an hour forty and it's perfect. You know th this is exactly what this movie needed to be. Thank God it wasn't two hours and ten minutes long. Uh yeah yeah, a hundred percent agree. I yeah, uh tha that's just me being a

cranky old man shaking like this at the moment. No do, you know what though, I think as I think as well when you watch as many films as you and I do and like especially when like you're a film podcaster, like you have to watch so many films and like not only just for like the shows and stuff you're doing, but you also wanna watch them just for your enjoyment. But then you also have like you know your, life as well and, other commitments and things. So you've got a film and it's like especially if it's film that you're reviewing and things so, it's not like uh maybe I watched this another time and like no, I actually do need to watch it now and then it's like a two and a half or three

hour maybe you're just like oh cool cool cool cool cool you know I I guess I'm watching this then. So it might have to be in Barbara. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, and I usually I I don't watch a movie a day, but pretty close to it. Uh because usually when I wrap up all my work in the evening, what I like to do is I'd like to eat a little dinner and watch a movie, and that's that's kinda how I do my thing. And uh but I also like to have some time to read it th God God damn it. I thi this is the saddest thing I will I will say this entire show. But what I really like to do is I like to eat a little dinner, I like to watch a movie, have a cup of tea, and then read for a little bit

then I go to bed. No, that's not that's amazing. That sounds like that's that that's perfection. It a a I love it. It and most of my nights are like that. And what throws it off is when I sit down to eat, I'm like what movie do I wanna watch Uh. uh you know I, I've been meaning to catch up to Oppenheimer or Killers of a Flower Man, it's like three hours and ten minutes long, what the fuck. Like I can't that's not the kind of life I live. I can't I

can't be watching a movie for three and a half fucking hours? Um the other thing that we w we definitely wanted to touch on because, you know, we're not just talking about obsession in this movie, but we've both got obsession relationship stories. And so you go first because yours are always better and on then I'll just make mine short. Or I'll make one. Okay, alright. So

So this is uh a relatively recent thing. And uh I'm one of those pe uh the uh so uh I went out on uh a couple of dates. And it was uh it was good, you know, we had a good time. Uh it w it was um a lot of fun. And um the and I you know pretty m pretty

up front I was like hey I wanna take things a little bit slow um you know 'cause I'm uh you know at the end of the day still working my way through you know the the the heaviness of the last relationship that I was at the last yeah. And so I was like eh you know I just want it to be kinda casual and then you know if it if if it really humps along then great. Yeah, right. And uh.

Uh it it became I think obvious pretty quickly that the person I was with who was awesome let, me just say this up front. There's nothing about this person that was uh was uh off putting or anything like that. Uh she was great. But she was like I like you I'm into

I'm all in. And I was like I'm not. That is not where I am right now. And but you know it was in the maybe this isn't like a hundred percent obsession, but it was the definitely that thing of like you are into this relationship in a way that I'm not. Right, you're in with both feet. And you know

like the the conversation never went this way, but you could definitely tell. Like it was a lot of hey, I'm I'm talking to my friends about you, you should meet my you know my kids or adults, but you should meet them. Yeah right, and I'm just like they don't know about any of this. Um you know about a month or so. It's

That's still early days 'Cause. he's really like um. It's not like you have to pick her up from like her parents' house or something and like get the low down from her dad or whatever, is it You? know like, yeah. But y you know but, it wa it was sort of like hey, you know, my my uh my son still lives at home, so let's just get that meeting out of the way and so that it's not weird if we're hanging out and he's there. Yeah.

Um. Oh I mean he was. He was but like kind of later teenager. Right. No no no I like I don't think he would give a shit. But it was it was me that was giving the shit. And I was the shit giver in this situation. Um so yeah so you know that was sort of you know it it was r it was really uncomfortable

on a on an intellectual level, I was like all of this is actually very good. You know, because she is really cool, we have a lot in common, you know, she's a stable human being, she's not a lunatic um. Yeah look, it doesn't happen often Uh. so all of that stuff was really positive. So like I said, on an intellectual level I was like all of this should be great, and in fact that was the thing I kept telling myself

I don't know why I'm not responding to this in a positive way because, I should. Right yeah, you're right. Um yeah well I not the damn i I just uh yeah I, don't know. And and and since then I've been like I just don't need anybody for a while 'cause clearly I fucked this up. Um but yeah it, was definitely a situation of like you know like look we've gotta talk and you uh and i

Right, and I felt so back 'cause I was like you are gre like legitimately a great person that on paper if I had sat down to say like here is the kind of person I ought to be dating, it was her. It was her to a T_ and I know but, I was like I am not in a place for this right now. Like I feel wildly uncomfortable. And and it doesn't have

to be a personal thing about that other person, it can literally be like like I've said I say this all the time. So I'm on dating apps, unfortunately I don't have much of a choice because where I live it's not so much of a dating pool, it's more of a dating puddle. Um so I I always sort of pre-face any dates with like hey by the way, like I you could be the best looking guy, the nicest guy on the planet, but if that vibe is not there, nothing that you can

is gonna make me wanna bang you. You know like I I literally I like I went on this date with this guy who was gorgeous. I think like I think I might have said about it actually. Like it was really gorgeous. He was funny. We got on well blah blah blah. And I know it's such a dumb thing. But as soon as I like met him not only 'cause he he was wearing way too much aftershave and it was which is just nah. But also as well I just was

like, nope I. fancy you. And like it's it's not that he didn't like his pictures, it's not like he was a totally different person or anything like that, it was just literally as soon as I meet someone I will either know or I won't. You know, like I either will or I won't sort of thing, you know. And it's it's not personal, so I have to sort of preface that every time I go on a date going by the way, like just because I'm flirting with you now and just because of whatever, that means nothing until we actually meet. Because I will not know whether I actually fancy you in in person or

not until we meet. And it's just some things you can't help, you just can't help it, like it's not because they're a bad person hooked up with this guy before and there was just it was uh it was like a a couple of months ago and I went round and there were so many green flags, like he m he m he met me in the car park of his apartment um like met me at my car so that I wouldn't have to walk up to the flat on myself I. was following him, his hoodie on the back said something like

I can't remember exactly what it was, but it's like to the person reading this behind me, you matter. Um and then like we get up, his apartment's actually, and not just like shit, I've just done a quick rip round clean, he clearly takes care of his flat. I go into his bathroom and he's got the ordinary products, which if you don't know what that is, like that is like I'm pretty sure he's come out of a long-term relationship because I don't know any man who knows about the ordinary products on his own and actually uses them. And like he's like really complimentary, he like you know does all the

right things. The sex is actually pretty good. Um he's making me feel confident. Like you know, he's as I say saying, well I'm doing all the right things. And then for some reason afterwards I just got the ick. And I acted and I ended it with him. And I was like nah. So I like I didn't well I was supposed to stay that night and I all I could I could not get out of that but that fast enough. And I don't know why maybe it was that maybe it was some sort of weird sixth sense like maybe he was actually like too perfect and he's actually got some

body stashed somewhere. And my radar's going off. But yeah, on paper there was literally the guy's fucking great. Good-looking guy. Do you know what I mean? Literally. And I don't know what it was. But as soon as we went to the living room, like we couldn't agree on what we wanted to have as a as a food, like on takeaway. Um we couldn't agree on a film. He doesn't like horror. So that was a red flag. Um you know, like it was just like it was just such a mismatch of energy. And I was just like. Nope. You know. And I was and I said to him

you were a lovely guy. You sa you're a lovely guy. You know, literally like you are a lovely lovely guy, it's nothing to do with you. Trust me, this is like it's I don't wanna say it's not you, it's me, but like it's als it is more me than you though. Like it's just one of those things unfortunately, like but like wish you all the best and you'll be a lovely boyfriend to someone I'm sure, you know. It's weird, isn't it? It's so weird. Yeah, it it it is strange how uh you know like, he said

we're we're just kinda fucked up messy people, not only you and me, but just in general. You know, that's just humanity. Well, you and I in particular sure. Um but yeah, it it is kinda fucked up and I feel I feel bad about it still, like I feel really guilty because I'm like every I sh all of that stuff should have worked. And like if if that didn't work, then what? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

ground the other day where it was just kind of like it was something like oh um my mother who's sixty five just told me that she um she and this guy ended things because he didn't want anything serious so yeah apparently that doesn't go away. Is that Yibo? Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean mm uh currently that's it it wasn't but uh but currently it is. It it's like I don't and and you know part of it is just my schedule and

well. And it you know it sucks because uh you know I do I do love being in you know a long term committed relationship, that is kinda my vibe but, it's uh but also I you know and at this point I'm just like I'm not doing I'm not going out with anybody right now not until I I can feel a little more confident about it that I'm I'm not gonna

uh turtle as soon as it's like oh, this could be serious, you know Like. I I I need to be back in a place where I I can allow for it to be serious and that's not like terrified. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-

here for you, you you like you make me li li all that stuff that you're just like yeah, this is exactly what I wanna hear. This makes me feel like I'm a d a decent human being instead of a piece of shit I know I am. And and um yeah, and and when you're just like well somehow, that doesn't work. Like maybe uh yeah, I need yeah, uh yeah I, don't you know, that that's such a w a weird messy thing about

relationships is that sometimes yeah that like the the people that seem to be best for you in uh like categorically like this is you know these are people that that absolutely um are you know in touch with their emotions and able to express things and right you know like just like emotionally healthy and able to s you know to say here is what I

want and need and I'm interested in knowing what you want and need and uh it'd just be like, this is this feels too good. I should probably get the fuck out of here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So fucked up. Like even when you're just saying that my face is so scrunched up like, mm I think it just it comes on too strong. Which is so fucking stupid. It's so dumb. And anyone listening, don't

we know we're the fucking problem hi, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me. Like I'm not saying it's the other person's fault at all, like not at all. I know that this is fucked. Um and I don't really know what else to do, because like yeah, like this is why I end up with terrible fucking people. Um and like it's just I know it's, just it just like be like be a good good person, like be like a nice person and that, but just like aim it at some t at someone else, not me. Like

be nice to be nice be a nice person, but just don't aim all of it at me. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, maybe yeah, maybe that's it. Um but also ma yeah, I don't know. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, I totally I in in fact that was something uh that was

stuff that I even told her as as like we were ending things, I was like look, you don't even have to say the words I'm already I've the v call is already into my therapist because clearly my brain is broke. Yeah, I have done I have done fucked up. Um yeah, it something's wrong with my noodle. Uh but yeah, that that is really uh uh you know, I i but coming on too strong

like well, is it because isn't that sort of the dream in s in some ways of like you have somebody that's totally passionate about you?

a hundred percent. See this is the thing, this is why I'm really fucked up because the only way I want that energy is when it's like the extreme where it's like I would kill for you. It's like if someone well no, I don't mean it literally, but like that kind of like oh, I do I think I just read too much Darkroom Ants. But like it's just that thing of like don't be in don't be nice when you're being nice to me I. want drama.

Jesus Christ. I feel like these these podcast recordings don't always like therapy sessions in themselves 'cause I just every time I come away I'm like there's a new problem That's. something I can do. Yeah. Yeah. Because we just identify more. Yeah, exactly like that. I love it. All right uh h speaking of being fucked up, let's say this one So. um when when the relationship I had

know like when I was living with my partner and you know we were taking care of her kids and that kind of thing um we so when that ended uh w when I had started my job, that was going on. And then while I was in school like wrapping up the end of the year we broke up. So you know go through the entire summer and then I come back this

uh to back to school. And there's one teacher in particular who's always like um you know I I just told me just yesterday as a matter of fact was like I really admire the fact that you are working hard all day and then going home and doing additional school work and I I can only hope that your family is really supportive. And I just and

she said at things a couple of times where I haven't corrected her because we've been and well it's not I don't think it's too late but at some point I've gotta like make th make time to have that conversation where like look we haven't talked about this because it's it's you know still kind of uncomfortable for me to talk about but here's what's going on uh so f just in the future know

when I go home at night there is no one there but, you know, the dog and the cats. Yeah. But that's all you need. That's the only family you need. They'll never leave you. They'll never abandon you. Um yeah, but they also here's a this god this this really isn't there but, Yeah. Yeah.

That's not bad. I could just say oh they died. Yeah. Yeah. I mean just be for thought. You had more than one option though. Don't touch that by your by your situation. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Is she married? Um no, but she's got uh somebody that I th I think they're going to be married. She's

also like twenty six. Uh uh yeah alright, I mean you know above board and legal and shit, but yeah I get it. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. No. Well which is the Kardashians and shit. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm

no they're, gone and it's great.

It's great.

This is her advice? I don't like her. Oh she's, great She's. I'm great. I I I vote second. Just 'cause that's my vibe. Like when people go like like when people I I see I don't I didn't realise actually until I've just been literally just been thinking about and that's split second, where I'm like actually I do that a lot. So I'll go like the complete thing of like people say like oh um you know, do you get on with

family I'm like well most of them I can't stand and the rest of them are dead. So and the rest live abroad. So it's just me um or like when people say like ah say do you want any more kids and I was like well f do I I'm getting my chief started in a year. You know like you I just I don't and like I don't give any kind of like context or anything. So people just think I'm a terrible terrible person. Um and you know and I'm quite I don't care if they think that 'cause you know the people who know me and who I actually care about their opinion,

know what you know know the situation know, why I make certain choices or why I do certain things or why I feel certain ways and if you don't know me that well then I really don't care what you think. So I'll just go like the most extreme thing of just like yeah, you wanna ask personal questions now? Yeah, fuck off. You know like yeah, that's what so I'm full full full behind the second option of just going like yeah, fucking laughing is fucking great. It's for you and your soccer kid, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a pretty good one Uh. alright, w uh so what uh what about you what g giving you an obsession story uh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think we've discussed this a lo I don't know if we've discussed it on the show, but but yeah, but I can totally see that because oh no, you have to c well no,

I was ju I was just gonna say like I can see you be because you're you're like w sexually liberal and all of the other stuff right, like you're you're attractive, you're smart, you're funny, you're you're interests are you know unique, they're not it's not like you are n a very individual kind of person like they're you are not just a a regular schmaggler person. And so I could see

especially a couple that's like hey we wanna have this you know kind of open relationship with this other person, I could see where that would be like holy shit we have found we have we have done struck gold.

Aww but, oh that's, like

hey don't say too much nice because then I'll have to break up with you. But no sorry anyway I, was interrupting just to tell you that yes I, can totally see that but, please go through. Well I, kind of felt like I struck gold 'cause I um I met up with this guy uh through a dating app and then we were chatting and got on really well and then he was like oh yeah by, the way I'm married. And I was just like and he's like but no no no it's, cool like, she knows it's, fine like, blah blah blah blah blah and I was like okay,

Um 'cause it wasn't it wasn't my first rodeo, you know. Um but I was like as long as everyone's above board, like that's the thing for me in these situations, I'm just like I care more about the other p if the other person's not involved, which i she wasn't at first, if the other person isn't involved, I care more about that person than the person I'm fucking because they're the ones who are like potentially putting something at risk and putting all of their trust and faith in their partner and myself. Um so I'm constantly like checking in hey, how are they doing?

are they okay? Have you chatted about it? What do they know They? ca they can talk to me. They can ask me questions. They can you know as much as little as they want like I'm no I'm an open book to all in whatever it needs for them to be comfortable and secure. Like you know that's like really really important to me. So I'm like you know as long as they know and everything's all above board then okay great cool. If uh like I remember I was messaging this guy and he messaged me saying this is so exciting my wife's sat next to me and she has no idea. And I immediately blocked him. I was

that is not what I'm about, thank you, but no thank you, you're a cunt. So um like it's just my personal opinion, but um but I am right. Um and so anyway, so I was like okay great, and um then me and him hooked up after a little while of messaging there with like she got cold feet about it and so we didn't message for a bit and things and then she came around to it um and so we ended up hooking up and it was great.

real fucking good. And um yeah, and then I said 'cause I had done a bit of Instagram snooping um to see what his wife was like, and she is

like I don't think I've ever met anyone as attractive as her in real life. Like she is like I call her a goddess 'cause she is looks like she has this w like wave of long black curly hair that goes all the way down to her ass. She has got, and speaking of her ass.

bark, she's got these beautiful tattoos, she's pissed, you know what I mean, like she's this real kind of like artsy gorgeous, just uh yeah. Anyway, so I'm like oh hey, so you're Mrs. you know. Um give her my number. And uh and he was like oh that's funny 'cause she was asking about you two, 'cause he'd shown her pictures so she'd asked the same pictures of me. Um and she didn't need to

or or something. Um and he was oh it's kind of funny because like she's actually been saying the same. So like we ended up chatting and me and her just got on really really well. We had actually kind of gone through some similar experiences. We both have ADHD and you know both have very similar kind of attitudes and stuff and within like a few days we were just messaging constantly and um for me it was just very exciting and then I hooked up with them both um a week after me and her started

messaging. Um and we had this threesome, it was great, um woke up the next I stayed woke up the next day and they were like all good, you know like, he was buzzing, she was hung over a shit, but but she was like very happy about it and then me and her little like thing upstairs and then she uh was like saying how I mean she said to me like

know oh yeah we wanna kinda keep seeing you and um she had like we had so much fun last night and she said like oh it's gonna be really sad when you get into a a relationship 'cause when you're in a relationship you're monogamous right, and I was like yeah like I am like when I'm in a relationship like that you know um and she was just like oh what we're gonna do I'm like oh you don't have to worry about it like it's gonna be a while um and um but I was like this is fucking great I get both of my

mail-in mail me needs met, I get to have threesomes, I get to have like you know like it was fucking perfect, you know what I mean And. like they live just far enough away for it to be like not a constant thing if, that makes sense. Like just a oh hey like this weekend's be free kind of whatever, you know. Um not like an like a boot you call it two A_M_ type of job each, you know what I mean. Um which suits me f much better. Um anyway so I get this so I'm feeling very good. I

leave, I'm feeling great about it, you know, it's all good. Um and me and the guy 'cause she was due to come on her period and she was just I'm just feeling okay so maybe you and him should have like the next meet kind of thing. So me and him had had something in the diary books out and then I get this message um from him saying that like oh we've been chatting this is like a few hours later, we've been chatting and actually maybe this is a bit too much too soon, da-da-da-da I'm. like alright good,

this was fucking perf I didn't I wasn't in any kind of need to search anything else out from anyone because I was like these are all my needs met in one situation ideal. And then like um yeah and he was like yeah we kind of like thought that maybe it's a bit too much too soon like and I was just like oh shit is she okay? Because it kind of seemed to be more on her end than his end and I messaged her as well and I was like oh hey like are you okay like I'm really sorry if I did anything wrong or came on too strong or anything. And she was just like no it's just like I just don't

think I'm as okay with seeing someone with my husband as I thought and we just need to take some space and whatever. And I was just like yeah fine, like that's whatever it is, you know like, it's all good, I'm not here to pressure anyone. Um and then like that weekend she called me and she's like I just feel really crappy about like how things left and whatever Anyway. so skip forward and they're getting a divorce. Um and um she's like messaging me again and

um the guy is just completely he like unfollowed me on Insta. He's like, you know, not I mean not not that I was messaging loads, but like he never I never heard from him again. After that I didn't message him. I wasn't about to be like chasing something, but you know, h someone who didn't wanna be chased. So you know, like but he never messaged me again. And then like um yeah, and then sh she's but she's still messaging me and she's going like oh, like I definitely like this has definitely brought out like my bisexuality and it's something that I've not

really got to explore too much before you were like the first person who I really you know had an experience like that with to that extent and you know I'm I really wanna continue that with you and I was just like well I mean as long as everything's okay like you know ethically like then yeah alright and then she was just like oh I don't think actually like he isn't he is okay with it and I'm like well okay so maybe we should not then because that's not cool with me if like you are go you guys are like 'cause they were for a bit trying to

sort out their marriage and stuff, but then like now they are getting a divorce. And then I and then she was like and then she said like oh no actually do you know what I'm, just gonna focus on on myself a little bit, I need to get some like m clear my head and get some space, there's just been a lot of change and a lot of things happening very quickly. I was like yeah, totally respect that, I think that's probably for the best. No worries, here if you ever want me kind of thing, whatever, you know. Very chill. Then I go on holiday to Canada.

And me and Sabrina, I bought Sabrina uh did I tell you this? Oh please don't tell me I told you this, I've done this whole fucking run-up for this sort of thing we told. Okay, great, good. Okay. So um anyway, so I'm on so I've I've like essentially messaged this woman for a week, slept with her once right, I've slept with her husband twice, you know. So like that's essentially the the extent of our quote unquote relationship, you

know um other than a few haphazard calls and texts otherwise. So I'm on holiday in Canada with Sabrina I. bought Sabrina a really nice sexy corset for her birthday um and I also had like some corset style tops and we just thought it'd be fun to do like a little bit of a like a f a safe photo shoot basically propping her phone up on some books and you know putting a timer

it and like we posted them, tagged each other and it's all kind of a bit suggestive and a bit saucy and a bit of sapphic and whatever, you know. Um we're sort of playing into the like the dom doms submissive mother baby girl type thing, right. It was but it was a bit sexy. Um but like we were just having fun, do you know what I mean? Um but there's always this kind of like are they aren't, they? It's me and uh and which we

play into. It's just very funny to us. Um and anyway so that night after we posted I'm cooking um 'cause Sabrina'd cooked the entire trip so far and it was like my penultimate night and the next night I was we were all going round her dad's the food. So I was like let me fucking cook for you woman you've cooked all all trip let me fucking cook alright sit your ass down fucking stop being such a control freak. So you know so she does that I'm cooking and then my phone goes and it's this woman

And the time difference means that it's about one A_M_ for her. And she has clearly had a couple of drinks. She's not like wasted wasted or anything, but she's a bit tipsy. And she basically starts crying. And she's like, just tell me the truth, are you with her?

I'm like what? And she's just like I saw that post today and I just I just burst into tears and all of this and I'm like.

what? And I'm just like I can't really talk right now, like I'm in the middle of cooking, I'm on holiday, like can I call you when I get home next week, like we can talk about this, this is I don't really understand what this is about. And like and just like just tell me if you're with I'm like I mean no no, but like even if I was that's not really anything to do with you, like w we're not together, like you have ended things twice with me to be fair, um because you were working on things with your husband

And and like I don't really understand why what I do is anything to do with you at this point, like not in a horrible way, but like I don't understand why you're being upset we're, not together. And then she was just like why you being so cold with me? Why are you like and I was just like look, I can't I li actually just cannot talk with right now, not only am I very busy, but also 'cause I was doing risotto, you have to constantly monitor risotto. Um and like but also as well like you're clearly drunk and I'm not having this conversation with you while you're

It's just pointless. There's just no. And then she's like why are you being so cold? And then she's like just just tell me that you don't just tell me that you hate me. And I'm like I don't hate you. I don't I I'm just very confused right now. Yeah. And she's like just tell me that you hate me 'cause it'd just be easier and I can just get over you. And I'm just like I don't why are you getting o there's nothing to get over. We m we messaged for a month for a week and we slept together once. Like I don't really in this I'm so confused right now. I can't really press it. I need to go. And she was just like and she's

just like, okay fine, I'll take I'll take the hint like you hate me and I hands up.

And I'm just like, what the fuck And. Sabrina, put her head around. She's like, what the fuck And. I'm like I don't know. She's like what the fuck And. then she literally blows up my phone all night and to the point where and like message me going call me call me I n like I need to talk to you call, me. And I just literally just turned my phone off 'cause I was just like I cannot I cannot deal with this. Um and then like I get this message the next day which I could have predicted just basically

this big long essay of apology and remorse and like explanation and whatever. And I was just like, look, I'll talk to you when I get home. Anyway, we we met up and like she brought me these um roses and this apology card, which was very sweet and she was like I'm really sorry. And then she was like it's vain that she's going through this whole thing and a lot of like change and she was just latching and all the rest of it um and she apologised. And like we're very kind of like chill now, like we message every now and then, but it's very like very chill. But like there was but for these

you know, however long I was just like

I don't get what's happening. You know, I was just like fucking crazy. You know like I was but I was also kinda like was that that girl? Was it you know like um but no like it's obviously I mean obviously she was going through like a real tough time 'cause they also have a couple of kids and a house and you know all of this kind of stuff and there was all these other but there were all of these other problems as well going on which I'm not gonna talk about but um but like you know there was

clearly just this build up of like a shit storm waiting to happen and I think I was just the catalyst and then she just latched onto me and it was a whole thing but she's doing so much better now and like um I recommended her my old therapist and that's going really well apparently so um yeah um and uh yeah and like she's doing a lot of stuff for herself like that's very productive and things and like focussing on what's best for the kids and all the rest of it and like her and her ex are now very amicable

and and it's all fine. But like yeah there was this period where I was just kind of like

what have I got myself into Like? this is really nothing to do with me. Like I happen to be the the p the person. This would have happened at some point or other though I am pretty sure. Like you know, but like it was just yeah, I think she just like latched on to me because I was that person. But yeah, it was just absolutely bad shi I just I was just so confused the whole fucking time I was like t talking to her and not and not just that night as well, but like there was just like a few messages that went back and forth and I'm like reading them just like I don't

this doesn't make sense. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh man, there is just nothing worse than dealing with you, know, somebody that's just losing their mind. I mean it or or just like gets so caught up in the situation or the drama or whatever that you're just like oh, I can't I can't deal with this at all. Yeah. 'Cause I wasn't like I wasn't aware of any kind

marital issues like, it was for me the way that it was kind of told to me is that they wanted to just expand their s like 'cause they were quite sexually explorative anyway as a couple like um and like they just wanted to expand that out and she wanted to explore her bisexuality and like you know in a safe environment where she was with her husband and it was all very you know I didn't like but if I'd known that there were all these other issues before I probably wouldn't have got involved no, matter how hot they are.

No no. No. But like I mean yeah it's so fucking attractive. But um but like you know just been like are you sure about this because like this is not a way to fix a relationship like at all, like it will do the opposite, you know. Um s you know I but I had no idea if you know you it it's not like you know something that you really ask. I mean although to be fair I might do from now on um if I end up in an

other situation like that. But like I'd I'd you know I'd not been in too many situations like that like and the ones that I had been like they'd been e well one of them was more experi like they were like they'd done it before, it was fine. And then the other one um it wasn't like such an open relationship, it was more like he was open, but she was like fine, but like she had like lost her libido kind of thing, so it was for him to 'cause he's he's pretty

polyamorous anyway, and they were on about getting a third inte involved. But then she just suddenly overnight lost her very otherwise very high sex drive. So she was just like, well, you know, as long as you're coming back to me at night, it's kind of thing. And they're the most solid, fucking amazing and like me and him no longer bang anymore, and like me and her are really good mates now, and we all hang out. And it's fucking hilarious. Like I remember it like I had dinner around theirs and um we were having spaghetti bolognese, and I was like slurping up their spaghetti

if you do. And um if you're eating it properly anyway. And then he turns round and he's just like oh, I've heard that before. Um and then I turn round and I was just just like I was just like yeah it's about as fucking wide as you. And um and we were all laughing and I was like do you know there's not one person in this room that knows that that is not true. And it was just like and it was just like such just a real book really in some weird kind of way very

kind of heart-warming kind of thing. Like the two of them are just so comfortable and confident in their relationship and so loving and trustful and rus and trusting and respectful of each other. Like you can make jokes like that and like it's fine. Um and I'd say like me and her get on really really well. Like in some ways we probably get on better than me and him just 'cause me and her have so much in common. I mean she's a supernatural fan for one thing, so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Already. Yeah. And a horror fan.

Um but yeah like and like they came round last weekend and met my mum Well. actually he had met my mum before and she's about ready to adopt him. I'm like don't make it weird, mum. Just fucking make it weird. Um but like they came round and stuff and then she met my mum for the first time. We had dinner together and like you know everyone knew the situation. My mum knew what w what had been going on and you know but it was just like wholesome. And we had it. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'd never been yeah. But I'd never been like I I I wasn't like I guess like long in the tooth enough to sort of like look out for those sorts of signs or like ask those kinds of questions or think that that would maybe but like I w 'cause to me that's not my business but actually if I start sleeping with you as a couple then maybe it is my business. Yeah. Like maybe I should I should

be okay to ask those things. Like if it's one thing if they don't wanna tell me, but like I think if if that situation arises again, I might just be like hey, how are you guys as a couple, by the way? It's stable? Um 'cause yeah, it can be very very messy. Um but yeah, have you ever been obsessed with someone? W have you done some crazy shit? Have you done some crazy shit though? No. I mean no, this w this isn't crazy shit, but there was um there was a uh

girl and this is like m uh college age I would say. Uh I I was you know like we both were in, fairness Um. and this isn't like well she was college age and I was this was last week Um. but yeah, but it but it was like well um it was the fir it wasn't my first girlfriend or

it was probably my second or third Like. serious girlfriend. And um and she was so fucking cool. She was way cooler a girl than I needed to be dating. But no, I mean like she was a drummer. Right Yeah. I mean it was a real like she was more she was too cool for most people I knew. Um it but she was like she was

funny and she was uh a drummer and um she had a really like very sly sense of humour and yeah, I'd be I'd just I like uh I yeah, uh I mean I fucking loved her I. was uh just immediately after we started dating I was like do like over the moon. And

um uh the yeah I mean at the end of the day like the b the b yeah yeah yeah yeah. And yeah I mean that w that was definitely part of it, of like oh well we'll we'll be together uh f uh you know for the rest of our lives. Um and

uh yeah and so yeah it was a real bummer when when that you know ended up kinda going wrong. Um and it was uh like that w the the problem I had uh w with that I think is that I was it w like again it was the first person I'd I'd been with w that we were like that serious about. And um and and I was that

and yeah and then kind of at the end of the day realise like oh I am uh like like w as as great as the relationship is and as into this person as as I am, I was also like a real hot mess at the time and so she w wisely let me just say this is no reflection uh on her at all she uh was like hey you're kind of a fucking mess and so I am

uh not going to continue dating you. And uh and she was right, she was right. I was a d a total fucking mess. Um but it was still like a really b uh a real bummer and um so I I'm so glad this is like thirty years ago now so I can tell this story Now. it can be told. Um so what happened was uh like I've I ended up seeing

Um.

At like some bar or something with and this is after she had already broken up with me. Um. Weeks not, that one. Y okay. And and so it you know look, uh clearly it was going to be a situation where like

uh she w I don't know that she started dating this guy before we broke up, but you sh she would not have been wrong too. Like um but anyway, regardless, I run into her and and this guy or I just see him at the bar and um I was so pissed off about it that and I didn't li like uh we didn't get in a fight or anything like

that. But I did the real dick move of like I went over and introduced myself to it. Yeah yeah, right. It was yeah I know I know I know. Oh I know oh, trust me I, am aware. Uh mm. I know no, it was it was fucking

awful. Um. And yeah yeah yeah so uh it yeah at the end of the day um it was like I I like even as I'm telling you this now like I feel terrible about this this was one of the dumbest shittiest things that I I am ever engaged in uh of like oh I'm just I'm going to make an ass of myself just because I am I'm feeling hurt by

and so I will I'll show you um yeah oh it was fucking bad oh it was so bad uh but yeah oh I know I know it was oh it was so dumb. Um no no no that that story is over and as well it should be uh but yeah yeah yeah and so I mean anyth any hope that I might have ever had of patching things up was

Oh, I I torched it uh at that point. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I had this crush on this guy in the year above me at primary school. Uh and I mean I can he's got such a fucking generic name and it was like, you know, twenty five years ago I can

his name. It's called Sam Brown. It's important to the story. So, Sam Brown. Love of my life. OBS. At nine. He was ten. We were gonna get married. And uh I there's not many people who know this. Right. So I this is, you know, back in the nineties.

So like we didn't have the internet, not really. We didn't we s sure as hell didn't have social media or or anything like that. We didn't have mobile phones. So you know we had to do the horrifically cringe thing of like calling the house phone. If you if you wanted to speak to someone you'd call the house phone and be on hold with their parents. However the fuck long until your friend got on the phone and

Uh-huh.

Anyway, so I wanted to be I mean this is just so on fucking brand for me like, like there was no there was no there was no moment in my life that made me the way I am. Apparently I was, as Ga Ga says, just fucking born this way. I decided I wanted to do some like gesture of love by sending him an anonymous secret admirer of Valentine's Day

Right? So. as I said before, he has a very generic name and I did not know where he lived. But I could not do it at school No. no, because he could not possibly know who it was from and it would have been very obvious who it was from had I handed it to him at school. And I couldn't just slip it in anywhere 'cause we weren't in the same class. So it's not like I wa I could go to his like drawer or something and just like crack it in, you know 'cause, I didn't have access to his class room. So I

went through the phone book and called every single brown in the Bristol area, which is the fourth biggest city in in England,

until when the parents answered the phone and I said hi, is Sam there? And they were like Sam, hung up, knew I got the right one. Um I then, to be on the safe side 'cause he has a he had a younger brother called Jack phoned up a different day that same number a and asked for Jack just to make sure because Sam is a pretty common name, as is Jack, but to have Sam and Jack Brown in both the same household as

m maybe unlikely. So I went all through that to get his address. I then every was I was I nine or was I eight? 'Cause I did this for three years in a row. I sent him Valentine's Day cards with poems inside. And on the last ju oh yeah, no, that was it 'cause I did it I did it even after he left

like he'd moved on to secondary school and I was still in year six, and I remember that last year I stopped because his brother, the younger brother Jack, came up to me and was like, you send in my brother Valentine's Day cards. I'm like no, ugh. Yes it was me. And I vehemently denied it, but it was weird 'cause after that the Valentine's Day card stopped.

But yeah, I was I was proper obsessed by this guy. Like I don't I I'm like all or nothing. Like this is the thing with me. I'm either like ew don't touch me or I'm like spit in my mouth. You know like there's no in between. Um so yeah um Sam Brown broke my heart. Fucking Sam Brown. It's probably ugly now anyway. Need a bit of a pancake face. Like he was a

fortunate. Well you I mean you know you know like you know like when you look back and you just uh you know you're dumb like younger teenagers and you're just kinda like well that's fuck 'cause I have suss with you. You know Like. what why did you like stand out to me over anybody else? Like yeah I from what I remember he was just very kind of generic floppy-haired blonde-haired w w kind of lanky kid with just this very kind of like

face. Like literally literally all I remember him being. And I've tried to look him up since just 'cause like out of curiosity. Like I've done it for like several people like who I had questions on at school and stuff and I can't find him anywhere or anyone who I think could be him. So I've not no idea what he looks like now, but he's probably ugly 'cause he rejected me.

That's what I like to believe anyway. But yeah, so that was my proba that was probably my most neurotic, psychotic level of at least that I can remember anyway. Like anything that I've acted out on anyway, I've definitely had like some pretty extreme emotions since then, but like checked myself enough to not like really act on them so much. Although when my first proper boyfriend when I was like I was like sixteen,

Yeah sixteen. Uh this is the one who um had a girlfriend but she was a lesbian and was in love with me and just using him as a cover-up for her sexuality. I know I've definitely spoken about this one. Um anyways, he was my boyfriend for a bit and stuff, but I was like obsessed, like obsessed, spent every single day with him and th and then like six months later whatever, he broke up with me 'cause he said he needed space and I just did not understand what he meant by that. And it turns

when you spend every single second of your day that you're not at college or school with someone they, can get a bit bored of you. Who fucking knew? Yeah. Um who yeah, exactly Who. knew Who. would have thought? Yeah. Especially at the age of seventeen and of being a boy and sometimes he just wants to hang out with his mates with those girls from being there all the time. All the time. All the time. Every day. All the time. And like and um well I remember I remember one time I remember one time

we had this like uh like one of the mates to house that we always hung out in and they were on about moving to like across town. Um before they were walkable from my house, whereas that would not have really been walkable, like it would have been like I mean it would have been walkable, but not what sixteen wants to do Sixteen. odd so wants to do. So um I remember he'd come over my house and w I was like talking with my mum like we were sat down altogether and I was talking to my mum I was like

mum are you gonna be able to give me a lift every day and he was like every day and I was just like yes every day and he just li and I was just like I don't get it what do you mean not every day you don't wanna see me every day why don't you see me every day and I literally had no concept I would literally be in class counting down the minutes until school ended so I could go around and see him like literally like fall on blown of zazz and then I wondered why he broke up with me 'cause he needs space but guess who came calling back two months later saying you missed me so yeah.

So well so th and I assume at that point you just rubbed his face in it.

Oh sure.

Um but then over a couple of months later we both broke up with each other. Can't it was about being able to make a ball 'cause I was just like it's just not what it was, is it? And he's like nah I was like alright then see you later. We're still mates now. We all know each other's Facebook and stuff, he is a wreck of a person.

Well I guess that's good though that you you know you have s found some sort of piece I guess.

Oh okay.

Um no no, especially seeing him deteriorate as a person constantly doing night shifts at a s uh fluorescent light supermarket for the last twenty years, yeah. Yeah, he's a vampire. Um but still as a wicked sense of humour, um we were chatting for we met up actually a few years ago for drinks and I was just like oh I'm really glad that I did not stay with you Didn't. say that to him obviously, he'll never listen to this either, so it's fine. Yeah, it's fine. Well yeah, those are my main

Oh, and Josh record at school as well. But I didn't really do anything psychotic. I was actually pretty chill about that. It's just I just told everyone. But I didn't do anything. Like I didn't do anything outrageous. I just just the entire fucking year knew. But he was so nice. He was so nice to me. That's not why I fancied him. But it was just like he could have been a real asshole and been like, oh, this bitch, you know, whatever. But he wasn't He. was always so nice to me. He sat next to me in design class and he was lovely.

Mm-hmm Anyway. Sorry. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm-

So David says ask me a question and I'll answer it. Please don't be mentally unstable bipolar or a troll with troll emoji. Seem to meet everyone but normally sorry. Seem to meet everyone but normal mentally stable people. Please just be normal and chatty. What happened to normal chatty woman? What happened to normal chatty woman? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't I don't get it. Yeah. But this is complete like prejudice against like there's so many I get like okay I do get especially after our recent discussion, I do get not wanting someone who is like mentally unstable and stuff, but I just feel like

I don't know, I just feel like the people who are mentally unstable nine times out of ten don't realise they're being mentally unstable, so putting it as part of your bio is unnecessary, kind of useless and also puts people like me off because I'm just like you're just a bit of a prejudice arsehole. And also I'm unstable, so yeah. So. alright, so David is just going to be like

like uh I I I kind of get where his head's at with some of this.

He's definitely speaking from experience. I mean apart from the fact he said seem to meet everyone, but but like he's he's clearly had some trauma. I think to be honest I'm mostly just upset by his lack of grammar.

Oh yeah, yeah yeah yeah, tha I mean that's the big problem right, It's. just that he's not you know.

done this. Seem to right, so no capitals. Um oh no, there are. He put a capital U_ for unstable, but he doesn't know how to use commas at all. Um when he's listing unstable bipolar, he didn't put a this is me being so nitpicky, but he didn't put a space after the comma. And then when he said seem to meet everyone, but he put the space before the comma.

And then he ended it with a question mark, but he wasn't answering or asking a question. So

Okay. Yeah, alright. So now i yeah, it that I mean that's not great. Um what okay, so let's we'll put put him on the shelf for now. Yeah. So mm-hmm. Oh, I like the sound of this already.

right. It is just lols, it is just funny. Um can I eat right, so hang on wait, do you know what froubs are? Do you have froubs in America? Yeah, they're like the yoga in a in a t plastic tube and you just kinda squish the yoga out into your mouth. It's like a kid's thing. I. I mean that sounds like go-gurt. It's probably yeah, probably s similar. I don't know what that is, but it's that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

uh yes, I think it is a U_K_ thing, but yes, I I am familiar with this as a concept. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I eat fruits off your boobs? If yes, swipe right. I am a dad, I know, still amazes me, someone let me come in them, and can land a backflip on a trampoline. If it looked familiar, it's because I'm in the man of your dreams, just got a way smaller penis, I wish

I was lying. It's a lot It's. a lot.

Can I eat froobs off your boobs? If yes, right. I am a dad, I know, still amazes me someone, let me come inside them and can land a back flip on a trampoline.

That's what I look for when I'm a partner. If if I look familiar, it's 'cause I'm the man of your dreams, just got a way smaller penis, I wish I was lying.

Oh, alright. Uh that none of that's great Um.

Oh.

So what what it what it what's the picture look like? What it like i is he uh what is it?

Oh, it's annoying 'cause his location has kind of covered his face on the screenshot, but I'm pretty sure he is

think he's black?

And he's quite um I say sporty looking, I mean sporty chaff, so he's wearing like those clean white trainers with like the stra the straight slightly baggy jeans. They're dark jeans. They are nice jeans actually. It does actually, you know, if you like that style, he actually is dressed quite well. Um and he's got like a white T_ shirt with like what I call the grandad jacket, you know, like the with like the little collar and it's like got a zip-up and it's like that kind of

grandad jacket. And it's like a sort of a tan colour. And he's wearing a baseball cap with some sort of motif on it, and I can't see what it is. Um but yeah, he's got some yeah some white clean lace-up sneakers, blue jeans, white T_ shirt, tan jacket, baseball cap.

And he's six one.

And he's just sort of standing quite like he's got like a bit of a a power stance going on in his like feet. And then he's got his hands in his pockets, like of his jacket pocket. And he's just sort of looking down the camera in his back garden like, yeah, what. Is that Christmas 'cause they got Christmas decorations up in the window.

Um.

Alright Uh.

yeah, yeah, I mean that's rough. Uh alright, so what uh what what does our third one look like if that's number two? Usually the third one's always the worst.

Yeah. So

This guy called Bobby.

COVID-19 quote unquote vaccine was an intelligence test to see how many people would shorten their lives to help the rest of us manage our numbers. If you took that, then you definitely won't like me. So just keep shopping for your beta males. There's plenty of them on here, and they'll be delighted to chat to a sheep woman like you.

Uh well, you know, sheep is always nice. Uh

A sheep woman? Oh, that's totally different than what I heard.

Yeah. Uh. I mean uh all of this is just terrible Um. okay, okay, alright. I mean look Dave uh David our our first guy is he's f f I mean yes, the grammar's bad, it's it's a little bit

Yeah, it's quite insensitive. But it's especially someone who has got a mental disorder that, to me is a bit of a red flag. Sure, sure, like l look I'm t look I'm not trying to defend this guy. Um but in terms of what we're dealing with here. Yeah. Sure. Yeah, I mean the uh uh

uh all things being equal, this is better than most. Um. Mm-hmm. Okay well, yeah I, mean I I get I'm not I'm not crazy about any of this. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. If if if if if if you gotta

this is this is where we land Um. okay, and then it's really like who is the worst between two and three? I might mm I might say it's number two in this case. Uh with all the uh I mean the froobs on the boobs and do you can you believe somebody let me come in them like uh look, that just reeks of low class to me. You

Like I both of them are terrible. You don't want anything to do with any of these people. But between two and three, that's the thing whi like I am just thinking this is um I ju uh uh I I th I think that I yeah, it's got it yes, absolutely. Yes, I'm I'm going all in on this. I

Yeah, number two is the worst. The more I think about it, the more I I I I yes. What what do you th do you are are you saying that our third option is uh why so? What it what it what is it about number three? Like again don't don't

it's just that rigidity of like narrow mi like not ha even being open to a discussion. He's just like no, like if you took a vaccine, you'll immediately trash, you know, like and yeah. Also he's an investment manager. But um the g middle guy, he is not my top, he is my second, because at least he's n he I don't know. First off, his grammar is actually n like is not too bad.

Okay. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

can I I can't you, know. Like so if he hadn't said that, he'd probably be my top. Is that really bad? But he seems like you know sexually, adventurous. He wants to eat boobs off on boobs. I've never been asked that before. You know, and like he's a dad, so we got things in common. Not that I'm a dad, but with you know parents. And I mean I sure as hell can't land a backflip on the trampoline. Oh, today I went to an air hop. Do you know what that is? They have those over there.

Uh d describe it. It does.

Oh okay, yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

There's a birthday party that we went to. And I figured but bunch of moms kids can go off. Kids are being taken around by the people who work there. We'll just sit and have a coffee and have a natter, right. I turn up and they're like oh, get your socks. And I'm like I'm sorry, are you fucking what? And like and they were like getting involved and like well, they didn't after a bit 'cause one of them literally told me that she felt like she was gonna wet herself every time she bounced off it. She was like my cervix is not what it what it used to be. I was like oh, okay. Yeah.

exist at what it used to be is the bumper sticker I have on my car. Right. Well I was just like just like yeah get yourself some I was just like no. I was like I did not wear the bra or top for this. Absolutely not. I will hold your bags. You know like oh yeah so I absolutely cannot land a backflip on a trampoline so he's got that one up on me. Yeah honestly like in terms of I mean you know I'm not sniping around on this guy even if he did say the biggest dick in the world. But

on a spectrum. This guy's like I'm getting a vibe off this guy. Then the first one David, because uh the asshole in me would like to like blame that I'm completely normal and then just completely A_D_H_D_ out in front of him. Just to be a prick. And then Bobby I just can't deal with anyone who is just like I'm not saying you, know, that.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

this guy seems to be thinking that it's very black and white, and I need to be able to have like chat with someone like if we disagree on something, there needs to be room for a discussion. Or like at least like a good healthy debate, whereas this guy just sort of seems like one of those people which are just like

so rooted in their belief that they can even have like a healthy discussion about it. Not necessarily to change each other's minds, but just be able to have like that healthy conversation. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Where I just feel like I just feel like mate you're just such such a fucking tool. And then he'd just be there going you're such a fucking sheeple and I'll be like fuck off mate and it'll be like fuck off mate and it'll be like right fuck you then bye. And that's literally how that would go.

Well that seems harsh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I don't wanna this is what I mean I'm, just I'll just step away from that situation entirely. Like I don't want none of that tone. I don't need that negativity in my life. Whereas David at, least I can have a bit of fun with him. And Liam, I might get fruits eaten off my boobs. That's yeah-ho, fucking great. Uh-huh. Yeah.

Yeah. Even if he's not got much to snuck on, he brings fruits. He knows his strengths. Can you believe the problem with me? It was very class.

Um uh that strikes me as just being the absolute worst in terms of ju I mean it's just it's rude and yeah. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Okay.

Someone let me come and s I come inside them and like produce that.

Home origin.

Uh I ju yeah. You know I mean i I it would be like uh if uh you know I had a tender profile that was like all about how uh you know like I can't believe anyone has ever accepted my semen in any of their orifices. And we gi I that's the point I'm trying to make. You're right.

A hundred percent correct. It you sound like a psychopath.

Yeah. Right. But uh yeah I mean I don't think it's substantially better if you're using you know uh uh like more slang. I think it's still awful.

Uh uh anyway I ju look it, you know, it ju it just blows my mind. I can't believe it.

look yeah hey look who doesn't like I would you know look uh when you are ejaculating into people's orifices then I you know th look that's just a good time. Everybody's having a good time. Um you would think hopefully yeah and I mean look I assuming it's all consensual and uh you're not

surprising anybody with it and so forth. Um. I was meant like that you have skill at least not, like it was wasn't consensual. Yeah. Yeah, like yeah, but you're you're actually moving your hips some uh that it's not just you know, I'm going I uh I I can't remember w where I picked

of or who said it first, but there is a difference between having sex with someone and then just masturbating into someone. You know, and a l a lot of guys do the latter and you know you gotta you gotta make sure that everybody's ev everybody's there and having a good time. That's my motto. Like who's who's uh like you know l like let's make sure that everyb all parties are uh

themselves, because otherwise otherwise what's the point? Yeah, a hundred percent. Like are you gonna feel good about it afterwards if knowing that the other person isn't? Like you know, like my I mean I'm a very in bed anyway, I'm a very egotistical competitive person. So like yes. Wait, are you shocked? Wait, is that shocked by yourself or what? I mean I I'm competitive, I just never thought of it as like oh, it's a sport.

No, like one time someone said that I was like the second best blow job he'd ever had. I was like are you fucking kidding? And like proved him wrong.

But that's all you have to say is that I'm not the best you've ever had and I will be like you fucking want fucking get back in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like alright. So

I was with one of I'm gonna s say nameless um but one of the f f properly open E_ and M_ what ethical, non-monogamous kind of

situations I was in. The guy stopped himself

from almost saying that I was better than his girlfriend. Yeah, I was just like what and he was like nothing.

And I was like uh-huh. And he was just like now like you're like the second best. And I was just like mm-hmm. I was like your girlfriend gets passed. The only time they get a pass with that is when it's their is when it's their partner because I'm like well, it's just a bit mean to try and be better. But like he said um but yeah he, was just like oh, I th he's like I think that's the best second best. And then I was just like oh. So I was quite tough with that. But yeah, I get like quite competitive in that. So like

Yeah, like I need to know that you have had a really good time. But I need to have had a good time too. I don't think you really could have had a good time without you both at least meeting in the middle somewhere. But like the worst thing, unless it's one of those situations where I actually can't move, because either you're just like a f like I was fucking this guy who was like ex-army ex-rugby fucking a tank of a

like it was quite intimidating. Um and I just could not move. Just physically could not move 'cause of the weight of him. Um or if you're just so like restrained such that you just can't move right, Unless you're in like a situation like that, like the worst thing that I can ever think of as being one of those people that just lie there. You know, like it needs to be like a two way.

Yeah. Uh yeah, I've definitely dated uh some people that uh one in particular when I think about that, there is one person in particular I think of that was like she really just did not participate in a way and, you know, maybe that was my fault, but uh ma ma maybe I did not inspire her or something, but uh yeah.

like that, yeah, it's not I'm not saying that's the situation here, but like the only times where I have been that where it's been like you're given nothing to work with.

Like and I'm just like just get it done.

Like that's the only time I've ever just been like not participating much. Yeah. Yeah. Just get it done. That is yeah. That's not what I'd thing is to have them there though. I don't know what happened there. Yeah. No. It's not. It was a high and now we're we're on a down road again. No no no no. But I I feel like we have uh successfully navigated uh once more

um uh uh uh the the ins and outs, the the foibles of of love and obsession. La pasion. Um yeah yeah, for, sure I. think that um b look uh obsession is is rub like sometimes it can be kinda decent like you v you know your, last story of obsession was

fine. Um so that's you know something, but uh yeah it could it could definitely get out of hand. It's it's definitely one of those things that like man, and uh i if you were not careful uh then obsession could b could really become just uh you know the the worst thing in your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But also I just don't think that I mean I think when you actually get into levels where it's

it just never ends well 'cause even if you're obsessed with each other it's always some sort of like Bonnie and Clyde type fucking natural born killer sort of you know thing Not. that I'm saying everyone who's obsessed with each other turns criminal, but just like it it burns out, there's got to be there's some sort of destruction there like in some way shape or form, it's gonna it can't last and it can't it's it's gonna be destructive because to be that s m like you know

what wha um wrapped up um in someone else like that, to the point where it's obsession and it's like goes beyond your own needs and your own kind of once in life, like and the other person's doing the same thing, they're putting everything into that other person. Like that's just that can never be good. I mean like y you know I think the moral of the story kind of is you just have to be able to

maintain yourself and your own needs and your own uh you know, just like the like you ju you just gotta keep a head on your shoulders. And and understand that like just because you are deep into someone doesn't mean that the same is going to be true, you know. Like you've gotta you've you've gotta b allow for someone to just uh have their own life and and understand that maybe they are not into you the way that you are into them. And that's

thing. Like that just that shit happens. That's just life. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Right. Right. Why on earth would you want to uh close the barn door? And uh you know what uh I'm trying to think of the how does the like the the

of that go. Um you know. Like well uh you know you like you wanna be free, you wanna be able to run free. You know, that's where I was headed with it but, it was just a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a

something. Uh but anyway um next time we're gonna be talking about obsession, we'll probably talk about uh something else but, what ne uh well actually next month is February. It's Valentine's. So we'll have to talk about love. Oh yeah. So what are you gonna be, twenty three, twenty four? You know. Uh thirty six ain't bad. Thirty six ain't

is in your prime. It's not bad. I got I_D_ for alcohol the other day as well. Under twenty five. Yeah well. But you've got a pretty young look. Oh. Yeah, I do. It's 'cause I fucking dress like a teenager still. So. Yeah. Well I I mean I w I w I w s not specifically about that, but like you, know, being being someone who is uh young looking, like you've got a face that you could be twenty four or

you could be thirty five, you know. Uh yeah yeah yeah, I mean no, that is b the look it is that's not a complaint, you know. Uh if it weren't honestly if it were not for the grey of my hair at this point, I could probably still get away like somebody was surprised uh when I told him I was fifty. Yeah, that does th it yeah, it w if I didn't already know it, like that would surprise me also. Yeah. 'Cause I got I got the baby face, I got, you know,

I look I can't I can't stop these good looks. You can't yeah look it's a juggernaut. You get on board or you get out of the way. That's just the thing. Mm-hmm I. you look you sometimes you gotta throw the barn door open. As as many important people have noted. Alright uh w look this show's almost two and a half hours long. We're gonna get out of here Um. and uh look thanks for joining us. Uh Kate where, can people find more of you?

well um there's eternal darkness of not so spotless minds, which I do with my co-host Matt, and we do reviews of movies from pre-2000s and another one from post-2000s and talk shenanigans and bullshit and that just shoot the shit. We also have lately occasionally done a few interviews. There's one recently with Jenna Kanell, Star of Terrifier and the upcoming Faceless After Dark, which if you haven't seen yet, check it out, it's fucking awesome. Um and then we also did the Addams

of deep you dig and how vendor fame and uh chat to them about their new film called where the devil roams which is on T_V_ now um and is fucking sick if um yeah again if you haven't checked it out do, so um and then yeah hopefully we've got some exciting stuff coming up we might be moving over to YouTube if we can get our tech in gear. When I say our tech I mean Matt's laptop has been broken for the last six months but yeah uh so that's really cool and then yeah as we said at the beginning I've got an upcoming show called Kate Orange

book reviews, which again will hopefully be on YouTube, but it will also be in your usual download places as an audio podcast. Uh so yeah, that's about it really.

Awesome. Uh alright everybody uh you can listen to more of me on The Dark Parade uh also uh starting as of the time you hear this uh about the same time um over on Dunkin' and Bo come correct we will be doing um a return as true detective return. We're gonna be we're gonna be talking about true detective.

I'm actually more excited about Duncan an Bo come correct, doing s detective. I am. And that's not to say I'm not as excited about true detective 'cause I am really excited about it. But I love you guys chatting about it. I probably love it. I'm I'm so excited. I'm I I am as well um I'm I'm excited. And th also it's being developed by Iso Lopez from uh Tigers Are Not Afraid. Yeah. Sick. I did not know

that, that's fucking awesome. Right. Like th everything on paper, and we know how well that goes uh based on the conversation we've had, but everything on paper for this sounds like it is going to be exactly the true detective that we want. I just feel if they've taken a break after this time, they're only gonna come back with something awesome. I it sure seems like it, right. Especially given like the critique it's had for seasons, especially season three. You know, like it

to become it needs to be coming back more like I mean I still love seasons two and three I, don't I think they're great, but like season one true detective is just and it needs to be not necessarily okay, season one true detective is top top tier, but like if it can just be like even if it's just like skirt in its tails a little bit like, that's sort of then I'll be happy. Yeah. As long as it's in the ballpark of and I really enjoyed season three,

a whole lot as well. But I feel like they're not gonna give in the critique of like the criticism that season three especially got. I don't think that they're gonna come back unless it's like nearer on par with season one. I just don't think they would.

Uh yeah, I agree. I mean I think it's gonna be

I I hope I think it's going to be good. Um and uh the early reviews have been very good as well and just I like everything about it. I'm hey it's tomorrow night, you know. I get to I get to see new true detective with Jody fucking Foster. I know. And she's not gonna come on to something unless it's good. That's that yeah, that's kinda what I'm thinking as well. And so yeah. She doesn't need to. She's fucking she's doing loads of shit. She doesn't need to do it.

And that is good. Yeah. So I've yes, I'm very excited about all of this. Uh and yeah, so that'll probably drop uh a week after this will drop as we're recording this ne a week from today. And then the first true detective episode will drop a week after that. So um yes, so keep an eye out for Duncan and Bo come correct. That'll be back. And Kate, as always, thank you so much for doing this. Oh, of course. I love it. Thank you

much for for being a f a fantastic co-host. And for leaving the barn door open. Leaving the barn door open. And uh yeah, and we'll be back in a month with more uh heart of horror, so see you then. Yeah, bye. Bye.

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